A/N: Part two of Sam's little revenge plot.

A/N2: Thanks to the five who reviewed the last chapter: Briar Elwood, Karma-k2, Natters, blvdgirl,and VisualIDentificationZeta - sorry I didn't reply guys, but the server's still being slightly funky so it didn't tell me you reviewed . . . grrr . . . thanks all for the positive inputs!

A/N3: I hear nothing, I know nothing, I own nothing!

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I decide to be grumpy all morning.

During the entire drive to my house I stay silent and sullen. Colonel O'Neill keeps trying to get me to talk, but after receiving only grunts and shrugs in return he shuts up.

We stop at my house, I glare at him, and he says, "I . . . think I'll wait here."

I nod and mutter, "Smart choice," before getting out of the truck.

On my way up the front walk I hear him shout, "And don't go runnin' out the back, Carter, if you're not out here in fifteen minutes I'll send in the dogs!" I can hear him chuckling as I growl an obscenity and let myself in, slamming the door behind me. It's not fair he can tell what I'm going to do, I mean seriously, it's . . . ungh.

I throw some clothes into a duffel bag and grab some toiletries from the bathroom. As I turn off the lights in the living room I look longingly towards the back door. I sigh in annoyance. He's probably serious about sending the dogs after me, damn him, so I might as well just make this as painful as possible for him so he'll send me home sooner.

Hey. Painful. Hmm. Many possibilities there. . . . I check my watch. Still five minutes before he gets mad. I drop my gear in the front hall and run into my library/study. I go up to the bookshelf and look at the covers of the books. A Brief History of Time . . . right . . . brief is totally the word that comes to mind . . . Lord of the Rings . . . Hitchhiker's Guide . . . dammit why didn't I alphabetize this like I said I was going to last year?

Ah, there it is, The Secret Garden. I pull the book halfway off the shelf and a section of the wall behind me squeaks open. I really should oil that hidden door. I shove the book back into its original position and open the secret door fully.

Inside is a closet about two meters deep and one across, where I keep all my valuables and stuff I don't want people to know about. My favorite teddy bear from when I was five, my security blanket, pictures of my mom, the remnants of my first chemistry set, and . . . ahhah. My practical joke kit. There will be pain. Oh yes. There will be pain.

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After closing my secret lair back up and tucking the . . . ahem . . . new items in my duffel bag, I leave the house and lock the door. I put a bounce in my step as I walk towards the green truck, and throw my stuff in the back with a smile. I get in the passenger's side, buckle my seat belt, and am choosing a CD to listen to before the Colonel realizes I'm back.

"Oh! There you are! I was about to come lookin' for ya, I thought somethin' had happened." Poor schmuck, he has no idea what he's in for.

"Nope, nothing happened, so what're you waiting for, let's go!" I say cheerfully. He glances at me out of the corner of his eye.

"What, did you just have some chocolate or coffee or something?"

I shake my head happily. "No, why do you ask?"

He looks at me with his mouth hanging open for a minute, then shakes himself, closes it, and turns the ignition key. "No reason . . ."

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The flight is unremarkable, although I have to fight the urge to grin like an idiot every five seconds. Colonel O'Neill still hasn't figured out what's made me so damn excited to go fishing. I keep catching him looking at me and the expression on his face is to die for. His eyebrows are slightly up and he's got these crinkles on his forehead like he does whenever he's trying to listen to Daniel give a report, and his mouth is slightly open, like a fish out of water. Sigh. Poor guy. I wonder how long he'll last.

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Two hours later, we're in a rental car driving up this incredibly bumpy road to the "secret cabin" and it's actually getting easier to pretend I'm having a good time! Hunh. Anyway, we're here now and we're unloading our stuff. Well, my stuff. Colonel O'Neill didn't bring anything. I guess all he needs is already in the cabin.

I guess I was right, because when we go in the door, I see a well-furnished room, with a nice fireplace and a comfy-looking sofa, and fishing rods on a rack on the wall. Colonel O'Neill shows me my room - it's nice and spacey, big bed, fluffy rug, good view, the works. His is down the hall, same layout plus pictures on the bedstand, one of our team and one of Charlie.

I unload my stuff and go out to the kitchen, where the Colonel is checking supplies. I know where his room is, and I know where his clothes are. Now all I have to do is wait for my chance . . .

"Hey Carter I think I'm gonna go up to the rangers station, tell 'em we're here. Last time I forgot to and they came bustin' in with guns, I guess they figured somebody broke in and was squattin'."

"Okay sir, I'll just be reading or something."

"I said to have fun Carter."

"Yes sir."

And I think opportunity just bashed down the door.

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A/N: Tune in next time for the beginning of the fun!