Chapter 20. Bad Things Happen

She was gone the next morning when Jack woke up, the sheets tossed back haphazardly like she hadn't wanted to risk waking him by making the bed. If she was trying not to disturb him, she was probably still mad at him then, he concluded, wondering if he should bother going to the diner to see her, or just wait until she came back. If she did.

Her stuff, he noticed with relief, was still there, the clothes she'd slept in last night piled in a heap at the foot of the bed. Even if she planned on leaving now that things were so tense between them, she'd have to come back for it eventually.

It was only just after eight, and for the first time since he'd gone on leave, Jack didn't have anywhere to be, so he decided to wallow for a while, crawling into the bed she'd vacated recently enough to leave it still warm. The sheets still smelled like her, so, since this was probably as close to her as he was ever going to get again, he decided to make the most of it, burying his face in the pillow and going back to sleep.

He woke up again at eleven, decided he'd slept in long enough, and got up in search of food. Normally he'd go to the diner for breakfast, but since he didn't think Kate would appreciate him confronting her at work, he wandered down Main Street until he found a gas station that also served fast food. Ordering a fairly disgusting looking burger, he sat at one of the outdoor tables, reading the newspaper, and poking his food pensively, until he was tired of hearing about community theatre groups, and exceptional animals, and all of the other pointless news items small town reporters seemed to dredge up.

Kate had made this place bearable, he realised, when they were kids, and over the past few days. He lacked her spirit, her imagination; without her, it was just another small town.

But it wasn't just this place that had no meaning without her. For the past twenty years, he'd just existed, waiting for a day that never came. He'd built his career, but that was all; he'd never married, never had children, never dated a woman for more than six months. Kate may have been the one who'd stayed in the same place, but she wasn't the only one standing still.

He couldn't just sit here waiting for the ball to drop, for her to walk out of his life again because he was afraid of what would happen if he let himself love her. If there was a chance that this was it, that she really was what he'd been waiting for his whole life, then he owed it to both of them to find out.

Jack tossed the newspaper in the bin, along with the rest of his burger, heading towards the diner. He didn't care if she was at work; he couldn't wait another six hours to see her, to tell her that he should have kissed her when he had the chance, because it was all he'd been able to think about since the night she came to his motel.

She was in the kitchen, talking to the cook; he didn't wait for her to finish, excusing them, and taking her hand gently but firmly as he dragged her towards the freezer.

"What are you doing, Jack? It's freezing in here," she protested as he shut the door behind them to give them some privacy.

"I wanted to talk to you. Alone," he explained, crossing his arms over his chest as he blocked her escape.

She looked at her watch impatiently, as if to remind him that she was still on the clock. "Can't this wait until tonight?"

"No, Kate, it can't," he said, holding strong, despite the fact that he was shivering, and his teeth were beginning to chatter. "I tried to do this last night, at dinner, but you wouldn't let me finish."

She sighed, crossing her own arms, half to show him that she wasn't impressed, and half to keep warm. "This isn't funny, Jack. I have to get back to work. You can't hold me hostage in a freezer all day."

"Yes, I can." Jack leaned back against the door to show her that he wasn't going anywhere. If he could just make it through the next few moments without passing out, then maybe he'd be able to get her to stop being so evasive.

"You'll make us both sick."

"Good," he said realising how immature he sounded, though she was the one acting like a petulant child, despite being locked in a freezer. "If we're both bedridden, then you'll have to listen to me."

"Fine," she said, her expression haughty, when she realised that she was arguing in vain. "I'm listening. What do you want, Jack? Keeping in mind that we're risking hypothermia here."

Jack softened his tone now that he had her attention. "I just want you to tell me what happened last night. Why did you storm out of here like that?"

Her expression tightened, her eyes avoiding his, and Jack could practically see the gears turning in her head. She was thinking about lying, she just had to find something plausible to blame her behaviour on.

Something like James, he thought bitterly, waiting for her to try to take the focus off the real issue here.

She didn't, surprising him as she turned back to him, asking, "Why didn't you kiss me?" her eyes pained. "I was right there in front of you, practically throwing myself at you, and you pulled back."

Jack sighed, realising that he'd hit the nail on the head last night. She wasn't upset with him because they'd almost kissed. She was upset because they didn't. "I know, Kate, and I'm sorry," he said, wishing he could go back and do things differently. He'd been trying so hard not to ruin things, that he had anyway, by making her feel unwanted. "But it's complicated," he tried to explain, feebly. "You only just broke up with James—"

"So?" she spat, more offended than hurt now. "It didn't take him long to move on."

Jack forgot his guilt for a moment, as a sickening thought occurred to him. "Is that what this is, Kate? A revenge thing?" He wasn't sure he really to know the answer. "He cheated on you, so you're using me to get him back?"

"No." Her voice was firm, leaving no room for doubt. In fact, Jack thought she even sounded a little horrified by the idea.

"Then why are you trying to rush things?" he couldn't help asking, desperate to know why this was so important to her. He'd been in town less than a week. Why did he have to kiss her to prove that he had feelings for her, when he'd already asked her to move to L.A.?

She turned away from him, and Jack could see the guards going up, as she tried to avoid saying whatever it was she really wanted to say. "I just don't understand you, that's all," she answered lamely, though her voice grew in anger as she added, "One minute you're looking at me like you can't wait to see me naked, the next, you're acting like I'm diseased or something."

They'd gotten to the real issue here; Jack could see it in her eyes as she choked out, "Is that it? Is it because of what I told you about… about…?"

She broke down, sobbing so hard that she barely seemed to notice when he took her into his arms, stroking her hair gently as he said, "No. God no." He felt a pang of remorse, denying this when he knew that it was at least a factor, but he didn't think she could handle hearing that right now. What she was saying wasn't true anyway. It wasn't that he was afraid that there was something wrong with her; it was that he was afraid that there was something wrong with him.

"That wasn't your fault," he said, his heart breaking for her for thinking that he would ever believe otherwise. "I would never punish you for that, so don't even think about it, okay? It's just… complicated. I don't want to hurt you."

She pulled away from where her face was buried in his chest, lifting her chin so that she could meet his eyes with her own teary ones. "But you did."

She didn't have to say anymore, because he understood then. By pushing her away, he'd reopened the wounds that she'd been trying to heal for the past sixteen years. He'd made her feel like she didn't deserve him, when he knew she probably deserved a whole lot better.

"I'm so sorry, Kate," he said, feeling his own eyes tear up. "I never meant to make you feel like I didn't want you. I was just trying to protect you."

"Well, I don't need protecting, okay?" she said, settling herself against him again, her head resting on his shoulder. "If I get hurt, I get hurt. We both do." Her warm breath tickled his neck as she went on. "Bad things happen, but you can't let them keep you from living your life."

Jack looked down at her, surprised. "That's a good advice," he said.

She grinned up at him, the tears already drying on her cheeks as she said, "I'm glad you think so, because I got it from you."

Jack smiled back at her, pushing a stray curl from her temple, and leaning down to kiss it gently, but before he could work his way up to anything more passionate, she squirmed in his grasp, adding, "Now, can you please let me out of here, before we both freeze to death?"

I know -- I'm evil. But when we finally get to the kiss, you'll see why I saved it...