Caranril: Gomen, gomen, gomen nasai! For anyone who's been awaiting one of my faithful updates, my apologies! I had haunted house stuff all this week and then we opened it last night. I really should be studying but I've felt this guilt for shirking my duties as an author. Well, the haunted house went fabulously. Because of that and because I feel bad, I'm giving up two chappies tonight. Yay!

Legolas: Commisar of the Books is our happy friend. We like our Sasuke too.

Caranril: Honestly, half the time in the anime I wanna slap him silly.

disCLAIMER: While I do not own Naruto nor any affiliated subjects therein, Kishimoto-sama does and therefore he owns my soul.

Chapter 4: Stabbed With a Spoon

Kakashi waited at the edge of the forest, resting comfortably against a tree. He'd been training Kaori for over a month now, and he couldn't resist the feeling of pride as he watched her battle Sasuke. He had her working with short swords now, but in this latest spar Sasuke had already broken one of them. She definitely preferred the short swords, but she needed something more than a summoned pair. But that would come at a later time.

Someone landed lightly behind the tree.

"Have something for me, Neji?" Kakashi asked casually.

"Yes. The Chakra control exercises you've been going through have helped to balance her hemorrhaging of her supply. If you haven't noticed, her stamina has increased as well."

"I noticed."

"Also, that thing I thought I saw a month ago, it hasn't resurfaced. I won't worry about it anymore. But," Neji stepped closer to Kakashi, "do you realize time is running out?"

"Yes. I just need to go through one more thing with her, and then I'll declare her entry."

"So, you're positive she'll make it?"

"If not, at least she'll learn something."

"Of course." Neji disappeared.

Kakashi stepped forward to join his team, who had stopped battling when the other sword was shattered. Kaori held her left arm weakly, panting heavily. Sasuke wasn't breathing all too easily either.

"I think that it's time to move on," Kakashi said cheerfully. Kaori managed a smile before sinking to her knees. Sasuke placed his hands on his knees and bent over.

"At least you seem to be getting along again," he continued, examining the broken short sword. "We'll call it a day. I need to find something better for you to fight with, eh?"

"I hope so. That last one hurt when it broke." Kaori held up her left arm.

"Still hurting your teammates, Sasuke?"

Sasuke smirked. "She can handle it."

"Just you wait until I get really good swords," Kaori leered. "I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Keep dreaming Akumako."

Kaori tried to look angry, but she gave up with a short laugh. She was too damn tired.

"You two clean up and meet me at Ichiraku Ramen in an hour. My treat."

They nodded and Kakashi left them in silence. Kaori tried to flex her hand but found it achy and numb. Hopefully it would be okay in the morning.

"How's your arm?"

"Eh, I can't really feel it," Kaori grunted.

"Let me see." Sasuke knelt beside her and took her arm. Kaori didn't want him touching her, but he didn't give her another choice. He felt along the arm, kneading here and there. He paid special attention to the tendons in her wrist. With his other hand he rubbed the arm vigorously, making the skin flush from the friction. Kaori stifled a sigh. It felt quite nice. He continued for several more minutes, massaging and rubbing her forearm.

"Okay." Sasuke stood. "Heat for a while and then ice it. It shouldn't be more than a little sore in the morning."

"Heat?"

"It increases your circulation. Soak in a bath for half an hour. Use some sea salt in the water for the muscles."

"I don't have a bath. Would a shower work?"

"Not for the salt."

"Oh." Kaori thought a moment. "Naruto's still not back, is he?"

"No."

"I know Iruka has a bath." Kaori shook her head. "Geez, that'll be awkward knocking on his door and asking to use his bath. What do you say to that?"

"Sure."

"Eh?"

"Sure, you can use my bath. It's quite large and very comfortable."

"I didn't...you'd really...okay." Kaori stood. "I'd ask Iruka."

"Don't bother him. You can use my bath."

"Do you have salt?"

"All the time."

"Oh. Okay." Kaori followed Sasuke from the field. He seemed cheerful, though only those who knew him could tell the difference between cheerful and irritated. As he started swinging his katana casually, Kaori knew something was up.

"You're different today," she commented.

"Hm?" Sasuke glanced at her. "Really?"

"Yeah. Did something happen?"

"Maybe."

"Fine. I can guess." Kaori thought a moment. "You kicked my ass?"

"Not really, because you fought back well."

"Why thank you. I mean, darn. Okay...how about...you got laid!"

Sasuke raised a brow and stared at her. Kaori held up her right hand.

"Okay, not that then. Um, you have a secret admirer? Hell, that's no secret who admires you."

"As far as I know," Sasuke said, giving Kaori a side-long glance.

"Then maybe it's a guy that-huh?" Kaori shot him a look. But Sasuke looked away and continued walking ahead. She scratched her head, then caught up. "Maybe you have a secret admirer who's a guy!"

"I don't go for men."

"But you don't go for women either. Uchiha, is there something you're not telling the rest of us?"

Sasuke stopped and turned in a flash, gripping her injured arm in a most painful way. Kaori whimpered as he twisted.

"Want to run that by me again?"

Kaori squinted her eyes. "Are you keeping a secret from the Sasuke fanclub?" She cried out as he gripped and twisted harder.

"Ah, so it is a touchy subject," she gasped out, trying to smile through the pain. Sasuke's eyes flashed, then he shoved her away. Kaori cuddled the arm, which felt worse than it had when he first injured it.

"Why do you do that?"

Kaori looked at him questioningly, keeping her distance.

"Why do you try your best to piss me off?"

"I don't have to try hard," she said through teeth gritted in pain.

"You must like pain."

"It helps."

Sasuke growled something like "masochist" and walked briskly. Kaori caught up, careful not to jar her arm.

"Can I still use your bath?"

Sasuke glanced at her. "Yes."

They were both silent on the way to his apartment. Sasuke was polite enough to hold open the door for her and set up the bath.

"Have any bubbles?"

Sasuke gave her a look.

"Hey, it has nothing to do with the gay thing! I just wanted to know."

"No bubbles."

"All right." Kaori tested the water with her hand as Sasuke shut the bathroom door. She reached around to take off her belt, only to yipe at the position she put her arm in. She tried to twist the belt so the buckle could be more easily reached, but her fingers wouldn't cooperate. She growled in frustration and kicked the sink. Fine, you stupid arm.

She swung open the bathroom door and stormed out, searching for Sasuke. She heard water running in the kitchen. She stepped through the doorway and then, "Oh."

Sasuke was stripped down to his boxers, his shoulders and hair frothy with lather as he washed in the sink. Sasuke straightened quickly at her noise, flinging foam around. He closed an eye as soap dripped down.

"Sorry Uchiha," Kaori said, recovering quickly. She hadn't expected him to be sans clothing, but she definitely hadn't expected him to look good. "I need..." she trailed off as her eyes had minds of their own, tracing the contours of his pale skin. She blinked and looked back at his face, which held no expression.

"Ahem. I can't get my belt off. It holds my pack to my waist so I can't just slide it off, and," she tried to raise her limp arm, but it was already very stiff.

"One second." Sasuke stuck his head back under the faucet to rinse. Kaori felt a twinge of guilt as her eyes caressed his ass. Stupid, stupid eyes! Look away! She managed to distract herself as Sasuke came back up with a towel on his head. He rubbed vigorously, then draped it over his shoulders. When Kaori looked back, she snorted at the very wild rooster hair.

"What?"

"Just...nice hair."

Sasuke ran his fingers through his black locks, making them stick out even more. "Feels nice too."

Bet it does. Oh shit. Kaori mentally slapped herself for wanting to say that. What was wrong with her all of a sudden?

"The belt?" she said instead. Sasuke came closer, tilting his head to the side.

"What'd you do with the buckle?"

"Eh?" Kaori looked down. Sasuke reached for the belt and twisted it around, bringing the belt to the front. Kaori was far from ticklish, but his hands on her stomach made her want to giggle like a school girl. What...the...hell...

The belt was unclasped in seconds. Sasuke pulled it off and held it up for her.

"Thanks." She grabbed it and spun around to return to the safety of the bathroom.

"You don't need help with anything else, do you?"

Kaori tripped over the rug in front of the stove. "Ha, no! I'm...I'm fine!"

She slammed the door shut and locked it. Bath. Focus on the bath. Why on earth was she acting so funky? She dropped the belt and pack and unzipped her outfit.

"Ow. Ow. Owwwww," she whined as she tried to pull her left arm out of the sleeve. "Geez." Sasuke better be right about it being just a little sore in the morning. She managed fairly well undressing with the one arm, though reaching around to the seam of the bandages around her breasts was difficult. But she would not need Sasuke's help with that! The last thing to go was her scarf and hair, which was quite yucky. This bath would have to be more than a soak.

The water hadn't cooled off at all, which had been perfectly hot in the first place. As Kaori sank into the water, she couldn't stifle her moans. She'd heard about hot springs around Konoha and decided next time she'd had a hard day of training, she would splurge a bit of money and visit. Just the bath was completely heavenly.

She sighed, submerging her left arm while her right washed her hair with Sasuke's shampoo. Hooray for cleanliness.

0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

"Ow. Ow. Owwwww. Geez."

Sasuke tried not to laugh at Kaori's whines. She was very frustrated with the arm injury, which made it all the more fun to irritate her. However, Sasuke hadn't expected her to come out and ask for help undressing. He'd figured he could wash up in the kitchen sink and change into clean clothes in that half an hour, but she'd been a bit a of a surprise. He could tell by her face that she hadn't expected him to be...in that position. It wasn't embarrassing, just awkward. Especially when he could feel her eyes on his body. She was quite out of it herself, for he'd never seen her blush like that. It was...cute.

Oh, kami-sama. He thought an embarrassed Kaori was cute. He really needed to get a good night's sleep. His sanity was truly slipping.

It didn't help at all when Kaori moaned. He could hear the water slosh as she got into the bath, but those moans were...provocative. Was she really just taking a bath? Was she...relaxing? Sasuke gave his head a thump with his palm. He really doubted Kaori would do something like that at someone else's house. Particularly his. She moaned again, then sighed. Shit. Sasuke left his spot on the couch and headed for his room, where he couldn't hear those sounds. They were innocent enough sounds, but Sasuke's mind was elsewhere that evening. He found a book to bury himself in and hopefully lose those thoughts that wouldn't stop forming. It would do absolutely no good for him to be horny when a guest was bathing in his house.

"Enough!" Sasuke said loudly. He forced his eyes to focus on the book. Despite his focus, he kept checking the clock for the half an hour. And just when he thought he couldn't stand it anymore, he lost track of the minute hand. The next time he checked, it was after five o'clock.

Shit. Sasuke was up immediately and went to the bathroom door. He couldn't hear a sound. He knocked on the door.

"Kaori? Is everything all right?" When no answer came, he pounded. A noise. "Kaori?"

He heard a "geez!" and then "what?".

"Is everything all right?" he repeated.

She laughed. He could hear the bathtub draining. "Yeah. I just fell asleep is all. How long have I been in here?"

"Almost an hour."

"I'm a prune," she said. "Heh."

Satisfied that she was okay, Sasuke returned to his room to find some clean clothes she could throw on. Kaori wasn't much like other girls he knew, but he figured like any human being she'd like something fresh to wear after cleaning. She was quite a bit shorter than he was, not too mention smaller in frame. He settled on a pair of sweats that had shrunk in the wash and one of his old shirts. He knew they were clean; dirty laundry always went into the bin he kept by his bedroom door.

"Kaori?" he said to the door. "I've got some-"

She swung open the door, her hair swaddled inside one towel, her body wrapped in another. "What?"

"I, uh, have some clean clothes you could borrow. Unless the towels suit you."

Kaori made a face and snatched the clothes from his hands. "I would have settled on towels, but since you made your generous offer, I'm afraid I can't refuse." She closed the door.

When the teapot was full and on a hot burner, Kaori came out of the bathroom. She gently ran her fingers along her arm, which felt funny after soaking in the hot water for so long. Sasuke could see the strings from his sweatpants just below the hem of the large shirt. Kaori noticed him looking and looked herself.

"They don't fit so well," she said.

"But they're clean."

"Yup." She plopped on the couch, mindful of her arm. "Do I ice now?"

"In a minute. First..." Sasuke gestured for her to hold her arm out to him as he sat next to her. She eyed him warily.

"Last time you touched my arm it hurt," she reminded him.

"I'm not in the mood to hurt," Sasuke promised.

"So could we talk about that gay thing now?"

Sasuke stopped reaching for her arm. "Why are you so obsessed with the idea that I'm gay?"

"Because you hate girls."

"I don't hate girls. I just hate...girls."

"Didn't I just say-"

"But I don't hate women," Sasuke added quickly. "Girls are annoying, immature, quarrelsome, and, in the words of Shikamaru, troublesome. I don't know any girls that don't have one of those problems."

"Not even Sakura?"

"She's annoying. Well, not so much now, but still...The point is...well what is my point? Maybe I'm still waiting for the right one. Or maybe I'll never continue the Uchiha line. Who knows? I've been all over this nation, and all the girls are the same." Sasuke rubbed his temples. "First they think: hot guy! Then when they find out I'm the Uchiha, they're all beating each other off trying to get me. Like the first one who latches onto my arm is gonna be my wife."

Kaori was trying not to show her amusement. She'd heard her 'mates talk of women troubles, but Sasuke had them all beat. They could never get enough women, and here Sasuke was complaining of too many. Ah, she should sympathize with him. It wasn't like he asked to be the last of a bloodline.

"Maybe what you should do is get yourself a wife," Kaori said simply. When Sasuke gave her a look, she added, "Or you could start with a girlfriend. Even if she's not 'the one' like you want, at least you'll have the rest of them get off your back while you keep looking. Strategy." Kaori tapped her head. "Hey, and maybe the girl you decide to date will end up being your true love and you'll live happily ever after."

Sasuke glared at her sarcasm. "I'm being serious here."

"So am I. Well, until that last part. You've got to stop running, Uchiha. That's all there is to it."

"I'm turning eighteen years old in a few months. It's not like I'm running out of time. Look at Kakashi: he's thirty-two and women still fall all over him. And he's not even dating!"

"Kakashi is a pervert who is married to his books," Kaori retorted. "And we're not talking about him."

"I was hoping that you could give me advice since you're a girl, but now I see that really you are just a guy in a girl's body. You don't know anything about relationships!"

Kaori went rigid. Her grey eyes went cold and her face expressionless. Sasuke didn't care if she was mad, but her reaction was one he hadn't seen before. It gave him shivers. She stood abruptly and headed straight for the door.

"Wait! Kaori! What..." his hand gripped her left arm, which caused her to jolt. He let go instantly, but she still turned to him with that strange look on her face. "Are you mad because I said you were a guy in a girl's body? Because I was kind of exaggerating."

She didn't say anything. She only stared at him with those eyes. Sasuke felt an involuntary shiver go down his back.

"Kaori..." he tried again. She stepped away from the door. She disappeared into the bathroom and emerged with her dirty clothes and pack. She grabbed her sandals and returned to the front door, which Sasuke guarded.

"Tell me what's wrong," he pleaded. He couldn't believe he was begging her to stay. But he felt that glare deep in his bones and knew he'd said something very bad. Worse than anything else he'd said before.

Kaori placed her palm on his chest, then sent a huge pulse of Chakra into it. Sasuke went flying and crashed into the wall. He sank to the floor, desperate for breath. His sternum was wracking from pain with every breath. Kaori stared at him emotionlessly, grey eyes still cold. Then she left, calmly clicking the door closed.

Sasuke clutched at his chest, angry and hurt and confused. He was desperate to figure out what it was that he'd said, but his mind was so muddled by pain that all he could think of was breathing. In and out. He felt like he'd been stabbed with a spoon. As the throbbing subsided to a constant pain, Sasuke was able to stand and stagger to his bed. He could hear the teapot whistling, but he doubted he could make it to the kitchen at the moment. As breathing became less forced, the anger rose to take its place. He'd put up with enough of her shit. She had the hugest roller coaster of emotions of all the girls he'd met, and he had met a lot. He thought she was somewhat reliable because she was usually irritating and ornery. But no. She had to go and pull another mood swing. At least this time she wasn't desperate to kill him.

To hell with girls. Maybe it would be better if he was gay.