A/N: Ok, I know this is a big jump, and I'm not sure people are going to like it, but I already had this whole story planned out in my head, and as much as I've tried to change it, it just doesn't work. I'm sorry if this makes the story less enjoyable for people.

Chapter Four

One Year Later

"Sara, I don't see why this is such a big deal. We don't need a piece of paper to prove we love each other. What we've already overcome is enough proof."
"So why not just make it official?"
"It's official enough as it is. I love you, you love me, and we both know that. What else matters?"
"If you loved me so much, you'd want to marry me."

And with that, she grabs her keys and storms out of the front door.
Today is our one year anniversary, and I was worried that yesterday would have cast a shadow over it.
After all, it was the anniversary of her father's death.
In fact, Sara was fine.
She was completely focussed at work, and although I gave her every opportunity to open up if she was upset, she didn't seem to need to.
And, this morning just before we fell asleep, she explained why.

"Sometimes, when I'm lying here with you, I'm still amazed that this is real. I know it sounds corny, but you really have changed my life. A year ago, some days I didn't even want to get out of bed, it just didn't seem worth it. Now though, just a smile from you is enough to keep me going through the whole day. I know you've been worried about me, but I promise, I'm fine. Obviously it still hurts, but knowing I've got you to help me through it takes so much of the pain away. I know we've only been together a year, but I can't imagine my life without you. I love you so much Catherine."

By the end of that speech, I was in tears. She voiced pretty much everything that I feel for her.

"What the hell am I supposed to say now Sidle? Anything I could possibly say isn't going to top that."
"Don't say anything. Plus, there's something I need to ask you. It's an official proposal or anything but I was wondering..."

She sounded nervous, so I didn't want to rush her, but I was as curious as hell. The word proposal should have given it away.

"You were wondering…?"
"Would you like, um…wouldyoueverconsidermarryingme?"

I was speechless again, and before I could say anything, she was talking again.

"Look, lets not talk about this now. I shouldn't have asked you now because you're obviously really tired, but it just seemed like the right time and…"

She was babbling so I cut her off by giving her a kiss.

"We'll talk about this later ok honey?"

She nodded and wrapped her arms round me, then almost immediately fell asleep.
Unsurprisingly, I barely got any sleep at all.

It's not that I don't love Sara enough to marry her, god, before Sara I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I love her, but as stupid as it sounds I don't associate the word 'marriage' with the word 'love'. If anything, I associate it with 'divorce'. I know that's stupid, but all I can think about is my marriage to Eddie and how horribly wrong it went. I know it's highly unlikely that being married to Sara would be anything like being married to Eddie, but I'm scared. I feel like getting married is the point where everything in a relationship goes wrong. Besides, I don't see why me and Sara need to get married. We live together, we're completely in love, and everyone knows it. I love Sara with everything that I am. I don't need a fancy ceremony and a piece of paper to prove that.

But, it seems Sara does.
When I tried to explain that to her later on the day, she took it the complete wrong way.

"Those are completely stupid reasons Catherine, and you know it. Why don't you just come out straight and say it? You don't want to marry me."
"It's not that I don't want to marry you personally, I just don't want to get married full stop. I've been married once before, and look at how awful that was. I don't want that for us."
"So you think I'm like Eddie."
"Sara, that's ridiculous, I love you more than I ever loved Eddie. You're wonderful, and nothing like him whatsoever, it's just that I've never been able to see marriage as a good thing."
"If I'm so wonderful, and you love me so much, why won't you marry me?"
"Sara-"
"No Catherine, just don't."

We continued in a similar vein all day, up until a minute ago, when she left.I don't know what to do, or what to say.
I can't believe she thinks it's because I don't love her. That has to be the most ridiculous thing I've heard all year.
Me and Sara both have tonight off (which happens once in a blue moon, but tonight Grissom fixed it for us) so we were planning on going out, but I doubt we will now. I think I'll have a glass of wine and a hot bath, and then go to bed.
We'll talk tomorrow.

I'm awoken later by the incessant ringing of my cell.
Sara isn't back yet, but I'm not worried. I guess she went into work
I check the clock and see that it's 3am.
God, work must be really busy tonight if they need both of us.
Hold on, why is Brass calling me.

"Jim? What's wrong?"
"Catherine, you need to get to Desert Palms right away. Sara's been involved in a car accident. I'm sorry Cath, but it's not looking good."

This can't be happening. This just can't be happening.

What an evil cliff-hanger. Bet you all hate me now, don't you?