When they arrived, Jiraiya was already there outside Tsunade's door, uncertain of whether to knock or not.
"Someone go in and wake up Tsunade..." mumbled Naruto, rubbing his eyes. "It's barely dawn and I want to know what she woke us up for..."
No-one moved.
"Hey, did anyone hear me?" asked Naruto.
"We all heard you," replied Neji. "We just all don't want to pummel to earth when Tsunade wakes up from her dream of beating Jiraiya to a bloody pulp."
"E-excuse me?" Jiraiya said, eye twitching. "Since when has Tsunade dreamed of beating me to a bloody heap?"
"Since when you called her a flat-chested bitch," replied Shikamaru, rubbing his head. "Someone give me a helmet. I'm going to do it this time. I think it's my turn..."
Kiba grinned. "Thanks for taking my turn, Shikamaru. Here. I've got a helmet." he smirked, pulling a helmet out from nowhere. Akamaru barked, causing Kiba to cringe as a rather wide-eyed Shikamaru reluctantly put on the helmet. "Akamaru! I am not a stupid coward!"
Akamaru barked again.
"No! I AM NOT A COWARD! I AM NOT!"
Bark! Bark!
"Am not!"
Bark! Bark!
"He volunteered, damnit!"
Shikamaru smirked a little as he saw the angry Godaime come rushing outside, screaming at Kiba for interrupting her 'beauty sleep', (like heck she needs it) and proceeded to hitting him pretty damn hard.
"Knew this would work... free helmet and protection while Kiba gets the crap beaten out of him..." Shikamaru whispered to Chouji.
Chouji munched his chips worriedly.
"Shouldn't we... you know... save him?" asked Chouji.
Shikamaru glanced back at the cowering Kiba and Akamaru.
"Right about now, yeah, before my eardrums break. These don't come with earmuffs you know..." muttered Shikamaru, stepping up to restore peace between the enraged Godaime and the frightened ANBU. Funny how one could be brave enough to mindlessly assasinate an enemy, but then cower in the presence of an angered friend...
When all was calm again, (although a very bruised Kiba kept glaring at Shikamaru, and Shikamaru pretended not to notice while edging farther and farther away from the ANBU member) Tsunade turned to the ninjas assembled.
"This, is a very peculiar mission," she started. "Leaf and Sand have made an alliance through Gaara, Temari and Kankurou, but we have yet to create alliances with other countries."
"So... what's this? Are we supposed to be all buddy-buddy with Orochimaru?" Neji asked.
Tsunade glared at him. "Not Orochimaru, specifically. However, we are all assigned... people... whom we hate, and we are to make peace with and form alliances with their countries."
"And these people are?" asked Asuma, cringing at the thought of spending time with some nemisis still unknown to him.
Tsunade pulled a list out of absolutely NOWHERE and began reading from it.
"Kakashi," she began. "to settle some conflicts from your youth, you shall be spending a month with Deidara, who is formerly from Boulder/Stone, and-"
Tsunade didn't even get to finish her sentence.
"WTF? NOOOO!" yelped Kakashi. "I'LL NEVER FORGIVE THOSE BOULDER/STONE BASTARDS! THEY KILLED OBITO! NEVER!"
Tsunade sighed. "I wasn't finished. In addition to Deidara, Hoshigaki Kisame and Uchiha Itachi will be joining you as well."
"WHY COULDN'T I GET ANIKI?" yelled Sasuke, steam coming out of his ears, acting very OOC. "I WANT TO KILL HIM!"
Kakashi, at this point, was acting completely OOC as well, jumping up and down like a maniac, screaming at the Godaime that he would not accept this mission no matter what, steam coming out HIS ears, the look on what little you can see of his face telling you he was ready to kill. This shocked Sasuke so much he stopped throwing a fit.
Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Jiraiya, Neji, Shikamaru and Naruto instantly rushed fowards to calm Kakashi down. This, however, proved to be very difficult, if not impossible. Finally, Tsunade used her super-human strength to knock Kakashi out, anime tears were still flowing down Kakashi's mask and face.
Naruto then noticed something the others failed to.
"Hey!" screeched Naruto, pointing at Kakashi-sensei. "He's defenceless, and won't notice a thing, right?"
The senseis, Neji, Shino,and Shikamaru instantly caught onto what Naruto was saying. (I guess Sasuke would catch on too, but he's still kinda shocked at Kakashi's weird behaviour)
"No, Naruto," said Neji. "He's unconcious. It's not proper."
"...no," Shino.
"You have to make everything so troublesome, don't you?"sighed Shikamaru.
"Awww... c'mon! We'll put it back on! Just a little peek!" whined Naruto.
"Naruto," said Asuma strictly, "how would you like it if someone took away... I dunno... your pajamas or something while you slept, just because they wanted to see something you wouldn't like to reveal, like a birthmark or something?"
Naruto thought hard on this one.
"I probably wouldn't notice when I get up," he finally said.
Everyone that knew what Naruto, Neji, Shino, Shikamaru and Asuma were going on about slapped their foreheads. Everyone else was like 'wtf?'
"That's because you're a total DOBE, Naruto!" Jiraiya said, pointing an accusing finger at Naruto. "Peeking at women is natural for men, but Kakashi is a male! You're not saying you're GAY, are you, Naruto?"
Everyone who knew what Naruto was talking about's eye started twitching. Everyone that didn't was extremely confused. Apparently, Jiraiya DIDN'T know what Naruto was going on about, gotten seriously perverted thoughts in his head, and had taken this the wrong way.
"Jiraiya, are you sure you even know what Naruto is talking about?" asked Kurenai exasperately.
"Yes! He wants to strip his own teacher!"
More slaps to the forehead and lots of gasps and giggles from the feminine lot.
"NO, you idiot!" Tsunade said. "Naruto wants to see his FACE, moron!"
Jiraiya blinked. "He does?" Jiraiya asked. "You mean, Naruto doesn't want to..." he looked a little embarrassed. "Hehe... what was I thinking? Naruto isn't gay!"
"You thought Naruto was gay?" asked a voice.
They all turned to see Kakashi rubbing his eye, looking groggily up at them. "Damn, Tsunade... that's going to hurt tomorrow..." he muttered.
"No, Jiraiya did," said Ino. Just because she had to get SOME dialogue in this chapter.
"That's sick!" said Kakashi.
"Apparently, Naruto wanted to see your face when you were unconcious," explained Sakura. Hey. Sakura's got to have something to say too! "All the senseis except for Jiraiya clearly understood what he meant when Naruto said that you were defenceless and couldn't feel a thing."
"Shikamaru, Neji and Shino understood too," piped up Chouji.
"Jiraiya THOUGHT he understood what Naruto meant, but he DIDN'T," continued Tenten, because I've just noticed SHE hasn't said anything EITHER in this chapter.
"And he thought that Naruto was thinking of stripping you! My sensei's eternal rival!" gushed Lee. I've just noticed Lee doesn't do anything EITHER.
"Then Tsunade explained that Naruto just wanted to see your youthful face!" Gai finished. "The end!"
"Oh, Gai-sensei!" said Lee with stars in his eyes. "That was such a beautiful ending!"
And because I'd be seriously demented or anti-Naruto NOT to put this in...
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
"LEE!"
"GAI-SENSEI!"
Sexy music in the background, wonderful sunset and waves... you know, the classic Rock Lee-Maito Gai embrace...
Everyone sweatdropped, and Neji, feeling that he had had his share from the Department of Wacky Events today, kicked them apart.
There was a pause as Gai and Lee were embedded in each side of the hallway, complete with messy hair and the swirly eyes.
"Oookkkk..." said Tsunade. "I know we should be used to that by now, but..."
"It just doesn't really fit in 'normal'?" offered Shikamaru helpfully.
"Yup."
"P-please, Tsunade-sama, could-d you g-give us the r-rest of ou-our m-mission now?" stuttered Hinata. (again, she has done nothing in this chapter yet)
"Alright, what Hinata said. So..."
SO! Who gets paired up with whom? Will Sasuke ever get his revenge? Will Kakashi ever accept this mission? Will Lee and Gai be knocked out forever? Will Iruka finally get a line in the next chapter? Will Neji be getting more wacky events from the wacky department that doesn't exist and that I made up for no apparent reasons? Will the authoress keep on bugging all of you with pointless questions that are starting to get on your nerves?
You'll see. You'll see. You'll see. I wish. Maybe. Probably. No.
R&R