A/N: This piece is a complete comdey idea that has been swimming around in my head. My fiction "Living in the Lion's Mouth" has me watching the movie several times over for character purposes and well... this showed up. Set right after Charlie rejects Mr. Wonka's offer... and... well, you'll see. xD
The doors opened in the instant that the elevator reached the door to his bedchamber, and Willy Wonka stormed out of the glass box before it could even fully shut down. He slid his shoes off by the door and then stepped inside, tossing his coat, cane, and glasses on the scarlet carpet. He threw his hat on top of the pile, just to add to the twisted beauty of it. The Chocolatier sighed heavily and looked himself over in the mirror.
"A beastly day…" He mumbled, reaching in a drawer for his pajamas and robe. An Oompa-Loompa appeared at the door, and upon seeing its small reflection Willy jumped a foot off the ground and then growled angrily. "Thank you!" He said hotly, taking the pot of tea that was being held by the diligent worker. "Sorry, thank you…" He said again when he saw that the man was not leaving; he sipped the smooth chocolate mint drink from the cup provided.
Now he expected to see the man walk away; to see him dismiss himself, apparently that wasn't going to happen. The Oompa-Loompa looked at Wonka curiously. "Oh don't even get me started!" Wonka said finally, releasing a long breath and then looking up at the ceiling.
"A Beastly Day! I mean… I knew that five children running around in my factory would be... terrible but... this was above all. I honestly don't think it could have gotten any worse. They were all so... ew! And who can even imagine the damage they've done... especially that Augustus kid..." Wonka shivered and then continued.
"That woman wanted me to save her son… I wanted her to save my chocolate. Honestly! The disgusting brute. Can you imagine where his hands have been, because frankly I don't even want to! He ate his ticket! How can you do that? Doesn't he look at something before he puts it in his mouth, or is he just that stupid?" Wonka closed his eyes, lost completely in his day.
"And that… that… gum chewer. Utterly appalling. Had she won I would have drown myself and then have the place burnt. The gall! To…" The man grimaced and then shuddered. "Physical contact! Poppycock! And if that wasn't bad enough, I had to look at her darling mother half the day. The cow wasn't happy enough with her own pasture that she had to go and steal the calf's grass, apparently! Another minute with her and I would have certainly…" The squeak of rubber could be heard as he clinched his fist, but Wonka merely released another breath and sipped his drink.
"Oh and don't even ask about the nut man and his daughter. Ew! She honestly thought she owned everything. Wanted everything… Disgusting. Terrible… sad part is it wasn't her fault. It's her blasted… p… p… you know!! She 'wanted' a golden ticket… she got one! She still wasn't happy, you know why? Because she wasn't the first! Can you even imagine how much chocolate that man wasted to find his darling little girl her golden ticket? It makes me sick, seriously! Completely ridiculous. By the time I saw her on the television I was beginning to think this was a bad idea… no… but it couldn't end there, could it?
"NO! Of course not! I had to get the eleven year old with the anger issues who liked to kill people virtually. Yeah… And he hated chocolate. Good thing he won a trip to chocolate factory! Just wanted to prove to everyone that he was smart enough. Well now he can go prove to everyone how he can fit through a paper shredder, because I really don't care what he does with his stretchy, bossy, icky, skinny, disugsting, chocolate-hating self. And… that man! I couldn't have asked for a man more bland if I wanted to. Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of high school Geography…" Wonka mocked this last part, moving his hand in a childish, talking fashion. "I bet he doesn't have trouble getting those kids to behave, he bores them all to death! Where does the world come up with these people?! Talk about wanting to lose your lunch, having to choose from those four…"
"And then I got Charlie…" Wonka stood up and began pacing back and forth, his hands working in gestures at his side. "He had real potential that kid! Soft spoken… sweet… smarts… never a bad thing to say about this factory, about me… about anyone! But no! He had to go off and be all sentimental on me! Family! What good has that ever done anyone? I got Charlie… I had hope in Charlie… but what did I get? I got a hit in the face with a big stick… a big familial stick!"
Wonka glared and then laughed almost insanely. "You know, and to top it all off I kept having these horrendous flashbacks. And just because of the state of things at the moment, I'm going to blame them on Charlie. I have absolutely nothing bad to say about him except that. And even that I really can't say about him, it wasn't his fault." He stopped momentarily and then nodded. "But it certainly makes sense that way… if he had accepted, I probably would have spent the rest of my future in my past, and that's just nuts. You can't be living in the past in your future. Completely paradoxical, insane…"
The Chocolatier looked at the doorway, expecting to see the Oompa-Loompa standing there, but… well to put it quite frankly he had left about the time Wonka started talking. The door way was empty. Down the hallway he could hear the patter of small feet, of the workers retiring to their rooms.
"Insane!" Wonka said a little louder, slamming the door shut and then mumbling. "And heaven knows we can't have any insanity in this place."
Love it, hate it, insanely indifferent? Whatever you are, please review!