"Well, according to this, Colonel Attison is dead," Jack said, frowning in frustration. As soon as they got the full story from Sam they had tried to use her information to find something useful. Jack had Myra Attison's file now. It revealed that she had indeed worked for the NID but she had died a couple of years ago in a car accident. Sam insisted, however, that the photo matched the person she spoke to.
"So either she is purposefully disguising herself as this Attison person to deceive us, or she suddenly decided to come out of hiding," Jack continued while the file was passed around, "Why would she give her real name to Major Carter?"
"A warrior who is in a position of stealth would not reveal himself, unless stealth is to be abandoned," Teal'c said, "Perhaps this person no longer feels the need to hide."
"Sir, she did seem kind of full of herself," Sam said, her voice holding just the slightest bit of hesitancy. She still felt awkward, knowing she had betrayed them and that she was the reason they were having this meeting. She wondered if this was how the men felt after coming off of Hathor's drug. Trying hard to be like normal, Sam continued her explanation. "The Colonel Attison I saw seemed to enjoy power. She didn't seem the type to not share her achievements. Frankly, I think she wanted you to know who she was. She must think that her name alone wouldn't be enough to give you any leads."
"Well so far, she's been right," Jack said, careful not to snap in Sam's direction. He knew he had no reason to be angry with her for being brainwashed, no matter how much he wanted someone to be angry at. And she hadn't succeeded in killing Daniel, like she had planned. Sam had said they needed Daniel for something, so they wouldn't kill him.
The atmosphere around the table was strained. Sam was holding herself together for this meeting, determined to fix her mistakes, but it was a struggle. With her mind and her feelings back to normal, she found it hard to comprehend what she had tried to do. How she had plotted, how many people she had hurt and manipulated just to get at one person, a person who she loved like a brother.
Physically, there was nothing wrong with her now, but she was still being watched closely. People reacted to her differently now. Jack avoided her while Teal'c hardly left her side, his concern obvious. In fact, Jack wouldn't stay in the same room as her until she had specifically requested an audience. That had been an awkward moment, too reminiscent of their meeting in the holding cell.
"I just wanted to say…I'm sorry, sir," Sam started, trying to explain.
"I know," Jack answered, his voice tight.
"And…about you and Daniel," Sam continued nervously, "Just…I don't have a problem really…with you being friends. Good friends. And I wanted to say…I do love you. And Daniel. Just not…in love with you. That was all the mind thing."
"Oh," Jack answered, blinking, "Well that's good to know." Sam nodded, and then Jack had fled to continue the search and she hadn't seen him again until this meeting.
"Major Carter," Teal'c said, "Did Colonel Attison speak nothing of her intentions for Daniel Jackson?" He had asked her that same question many times before in different ways, as though he hoped that a change in his wording would suddenly awaken memories Sam had forgotten.
"Just what I told you," Sam insisted, "I asked her to…kill him. She said she needed him for something else. I assumed she meant a translation."
"I thought you said you never intended to give up Stargate secrets," General Hammond said, frowning.
"No sir," Sam answered, her eyes downcast.
"Then why would you give them a civilian with this same knowledge, knowing the NID intended to learn from him?" Hammond asked, "Isn't that the same as giving away classified information?" His question sounded harsh but his voice was gentle; he truly wanted to understand how her mind was working when she was under the alien influence, and he did need to know how far his base had been compromised.
"Because…I may have hated him, but I knew Daniel," Sam explained, still looking down at the table, "I knew he wouldn't tell them anything. And…that he would suffer. That's why I gave them Daniel. Because he would be gone and…because I wanted him to suffer." Then her brave air force front shattered and she couldn't hold back her pain. It was bad enough when Daniel got hurt, went missing or dead, but when she was the one who caused it, she didn't think she could deal with it.
"It was not you Major Carter," Teal'c insisted, concerned by her sudden tears. She had been like this ever since the alien influence had been removed, sometimes almost like her old self but at other times deeply distraught and unable to hold back her emotions. She had told him in private that it felt almost like she had been a Goa'uld, as though some disgusting creature had used her against her will.
Jack turned his head away. A part of him wanted nothing more than to comfort her, to remind her that it wasn't her fault. But his heart was filled with a cold, desperate pain and he had no room left to worry for her. Somewhere out there, someone had Daniel, and for the moment there was nothing he could do.