A/N: hooray for updating and three day weekends!!

How Long Is Never?

Chapter 3

"What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do."

--"What Hurts the Most", Rascal Flatts/Jo O'Meara

If anything, Starfire was exceedingly grateful that Cyborg had insisted that they all take the T-Car—Robin included, who was not nearly as relieved as she, since he preferred his R-Cycle. But she was merely glad; well, not glad. She wasn't happy, in any sense, and that was the root of this entire problem and her…her relief. Hadn't she told Raven that one time that flight required unbridled joy or something to that effect? And at the moment there was nothing she felt less than unbridled joy. Not even bridled joy. Just…something.

She frowned slightly to herself, her pout reflecting in the window as she leaned her forehead against the cool glass, staring out at the rain. When had it started raining, anyway? Or had it been raining all day and she simply hadn't noticed it? A small sigh escaped her, and a little patch of moisture formed on the window. She stared at it for a second before she wiped it away.

"Star, are you okay?"

She blinked, dragged from her dismal thoughts, and turned her head to face Beast Boy, who had asked her the question. He was watching her with some concern, and she felt a twinge of gratitude. At least someone noticed her enough to realize that not all was right. She glanced into the side mirror, catching Robin's reflection, but with his ever-present mask, she couldn't tell if he were remotely interested in Beast Boy's comment or her condition. He probably wasn't. Stoic and silent and taciturn and reticent and every other synonym for those: that was the Boy Wonder. Yes, Starfire though, it was a wonder that the black and white mask he wore over his eyes was poor in quality compared to the one he wore over the rest of him. He let nothing in and he let nothing out. X'Hal knew she wondered about him enough.

But she forced a smile for Beast Boy's sake and tried to think of something happy, like kittens and pudding. She felt her lips stretch in accordance with the desired expression, but she knew, knew, knew that the smile never reached her somber emerald eyes.

"I am fine, friend Beast Boy. Why do you require such knowledge?" she asked in a characteristically cheery and naïve accent.

"I dunno, Star. You're just all…quiet. And you don't tend to be quiet. Heck, you being quiet is practically as weird as me being quiet," he joked, chuckling at himself.

"Perhaps equally as weird but a great deal less desirable," Raven intoned from Beast Boy's other side, her own gaze fixed obstinately on the blurred pavement.

"Yeah, right…" Beast Boy agreed with a grin that slowly faded as the truth of her words dawned upon him. "Hey…did you just insult me? Raven, that's not nice!"

"Since when am I 'nice', Beast Boy?" she muttered, violet eyes never moving from their position.

"Oh, good point," the changeling agreed, forgetting all about Starfire and his previous questions, his usual infinitesimal attention span well used up.

The T-Car skidded to a halt then, and the Tamaranian princess glanced at the dark skies before she opened the door and stepped into the downpour. She was instantly drenched to the skin, her bangs hanging limp in front of her eyes, but she made no move to warm herself or dry off. The rest of the Titans piled out behind her, Cyborg taking extra care to ensure the safety of his beloved vehicle. When he had finished with every conceivable security device, he turned to the de facto leader, raising his one eyebrow.

"So where's the baddie, Rob?" he asked, wiping rain from his robotic eye.

"Please say you didn't just have a sudden desire to get us all soaking wet," Raven grumbled from beneath the sanctuary of her hood, her cloak pulled tight about her small figure.

Robin shook his head, pushing a gloved hand through his now un-spiked hair and moving it away from his face. "Of course not. Bank robbery at the Ninth-Seventh Bank." He pointed his finger at the building a few dozen feet away and on the opposite side of the street.

Beast Boy's face crumpled in confusion. "Are you serious? In the middle of the day? Who does that?"

"Clearly someone who does not observe the proper protocol for the thieving," Starfire observed with as much as her usual innocence as she could muster. But she had known that today was not going to be a good day to save the world, much less stop some petty robber, and she could not find cheer in the prospect of administering justice.

"Apparently so," Robin agreed, not so much as glancing at her. "Titans, go!" he yelled, and the five teens surged into action, Robin in the lead, drawing his bo staff. Cyborg kicked down the bank's door and Beast Boy leapt in, a very wet and snarling green tiger, fangs bared in a bestial grin. Starfire and Raven took to the skies, or at least nearer the ceiling than the rest, starbolts and dark energy summoned. Cyborg readied his sonic cannon and Robin struck an attacker's pose with his staff.

If there had been crickets, they would have chirped at precisely that moment.

"Um…can I help you?" said the confused and somewhat terrified-looking teller who stood rather uncertainly behind the counter. The few people waiting within the red velvet ropes all had roughly the same expression, and they certainly did not appear to be hostages or in the process of being mugged.

The Titans all relaxed, Starfire and Raven landing and Beast Boy transforming into a human again. Robin collapsed his bo staff as Cyborg's cannon turned into his arm, and the leader mouthed soundlessly for a moment before he managed, "What d'ya mean, 'can I help you'? We were supposed to be helping you! Where're the robbers?"

The teller glanced around nervously, as if expecting ex-cons to jump from behind the strategically placed potted plants bearing revolvers and canvas bags stamped with dollar signs. "Robbers, sir?"

Now Robin just looked angry, clearly infuriated with this miscommunication. "I got a distress call from the Ninth-Seventh Bank on Fairway Avenue! This is the Ninth-Seventh Bank, and this is Fairway Avenue! So where the hell did we get our signals crossed?"

The teller shrugged his ignorance. "I don't know. I didn't place a call to you guys. Perhaps it was a prank call by some immature kid. Your number's not exactly top-secret, if you know what I mean."

Robin had to admit that the teller had a point. 1-800-TEEN-TITANS wasn't too difficult to guess, although he couldn't imagine why the Titans would be prank-called with such specific information. As there didn't seem to be a problem, though, he saw no choice but to call the team off.

Raven quirked her eyebrow again. "Don't tell me that you really did just want to get us all wet."

Starfire studied their leader, whose shoulders slumped slightly. He didn't seem too enthused with the way things had turned out. It was just as well, she thought. She hadn't wanted to save the world anyway. "We are returning to the Tower, then, yes?"

He mumbled something to himself but nodded, trying to fluff his flattened hair and failing miserably at making it look much better. She watched him stalk past her, back into the rain, and contained her sigh. Perhaps, once they had arrived at the Tower again, he would be in a better mood and she could attempt to initiate some sort of lighthearted conversation. Elicit some sort of encouraging reaction from him. She almost laughed to herself—almost. She was not quite that bitter yet. Not quite.

The other Titans had already filed out, and she followed after them, trudging along slowly, dragging her feet through the puddles. Her sodden bangs were impeding her vision, and right when she was pushing them aside, she heard a loud, sharp noise, somewhat akin to thunder. But it was too short, too concentrated, and the next thing she knew, she was staggering to one side and slumping to her knees and experiencing a sudden, pervasive pain in her side. She saw the others looking around, apparently trying to discern the source of the mysterious noise, and then she saw Robin's head turn in her direction. She saw him start in shock and run toward her, and she vaguely wondered why. It felt like she had been bitten by a Tamaranian Glorgl-snake, which possessed one very long fang, and she looked down at her side. She stared at the blood for a long moment before anything at all registered.

Two more sharp sounds rang in the wet air, but before she could begin to understand exactly what had just happened, Robin was pushing her down and sweeping his titanium-alloy cape around them both and deflecting the bullets.

Bullets? Oh. The sounds had been gunshots, then. And the blood was from…

The pain came in a wave then, an overpowering rush that nearly caused her to retch, and her breathing became erratic and heavy and quick as she stared at her life seeping far too rapidly from the deep hole in her side. She had been shot, she had been shot…X'Hal, she had been shot…

"R-R-Robin…" she gasped out, tugging on his cape with one hand, the other clamping over her injury. She felt the warm blood welling inexorably between her slim fingers and running down her stomach, and the reality slowly began to sink in. Shot. Bleeding. Dying?

"Star, are you—oh…shit…" Robin began to say when he noticed all the red, and he trailed off before exploding. "Damn it, I wasn't fast enough! God, we have to…we have to…here…" he rambled indecisively before he tore his cape off and wrapped it tightly around her middle. He scooped her up easily in his arms and ran as quickly as he could to the T-Car, arriving just as Beast Boy landed; he had morphed into a bird in an attempt to locate the would-be assassin.

"Wha—" the changeling began, but Robin cut him off, sounding almost panicked.

"What're you standing here for, you idiots? Get in the damn car and let's go! Go, go, go!" he ordered, scrambling into the back seat with Starfire, still supporting her and now holding her in his lap. She felt terribly dizzy, and the world was starting to ease in and out of focus. At first she would have thought to blame the rain, but when Robin's face lost all clarity, she knew that it had nothing to do with the inclement weather. His voice faded along with his image, and the last few words she caught were his yelling at Cyborg to drive faster and faster and then some hurried whispers to her that she would be alright.

TTTTT

There was a pillow beneath her head. When did she ever sleep with a pillow like that? Her brow furrowed, and then her eyes slowly opened, allowing her to identify her unusual surroundings. Several machines, one of them beeping steadily, were to either side of the plain white bed, and she had a tube stuck in one arm and bandages secured around her waist. A sheet was drawn up to the bandages, and it was as she was trying to tug it up higher that she noticed Robin.

He was sitting—sort of—at her bedside, his head on the mattress, his hand loosely cradling hers. He was clearly asleep, provoking Starfire to wonder what on the Tamaran the time was. Of all the machines, there had to be a clock somewhere…there it was, small red numbers glowing in the dark.

3:46 am.

Well, then, that explained that. She settled back into the pillow, smiling at the sleeping hero. He was here; he was waiting for her to wake up; he was holding her hand. He had to care, then, didn't he? He just had to…whatever pain medications were dripping into her IV were inducing exhaustion, and a faint trace of her smile remained on her face as she slipped unconscious again, her fingers interweaving with his.

TTTTT

Tamaranians are fast healers, and when Starfire woke the second time at 2:21 the following afternoon, she was allowed to leave the infirmary and able to maneuver reasonably well. And in any event, she was in much better spirits. Despite the fact that Robin had disappeared by the time she came around, she was convinced that he had been drawn away by something essential, like eating or another mission, and that he truly did care. After all, her leader had fallen asleep at her bedside; that alone had to speak volumes of his affection.

With as much spring in her step as she could muster, Starfire scoured the Tower for Robin, but he was no where to be found. At last she considered that he might be on the roof, and with some difficulty, she scaled the stairs to the roof, lamenting that the elevator did not reach, for whatever odd reason. By the time she pushed open the heavy door at the top, she was considerably weary but completely overjoyed at spying Robin lounging near the edge.

He heard her approaching, and he seemed entirely surprised to see her up and about. He hurried over to help her walk, draping his arm carefully about her and allowing her to lean on him as he led her back to where he had been gazing out over the shimmering ocean.

"Thank you, Robin," Starfire murmured as she eased herself down, trying her best to mask the sharp intake of breath as she bent right at her injury.

"Oh…no problem," he insisted, leaning back on his hands and resuming his observation of the sea. "It's good that you're awake; you must be doing better."

"I believe I am, though I fear I still have a hole in me," she said rather lightly, given the circumstances, and laughed—but only a little, as it brought quite a bit of pain—at his brief horrified expression.

"Don't say things like that. Don't take it so jokingly," he told her sternly. "This is a very serious matter."

"I know, Robin, I know," she reassured him, shifting to a bit more of a comfortable position. They had sat in companionable silence for some time before she ventured, "So do you know who did this? The shooting or the prank call."

"I hardly think I would've troubled myself with a prank call when someone had tried to murder you," Robin said, causing Starfire to glow inwardly. He was merely trying to protect her, of course, but it was still her that he was trying to protect. "I have no leads," he continued. "All I know is that you were targeted specifically, since the assassin clearly waited for you to emerge. But why you, and why now…I don't know." He let out an exasperated sigh.

Starfire's small eyebrows ran together. It was very unlike Robin to be sitting and doing nothing when there was a potential killer on the loose. Usually he would be wrapped up in his research so much that physical removal would be required by the other Titans. Was it because this concerned her and only her that he was acting differently? Had he expected her to come to the roof and see him? Was he planning something wonderful? Now she knew she was taking massive leaps in logic and concluding conclusions that defied even massive leaps in logic, but she couldn't help herself. Having her life saved by Robin and then waking up to find him with her was too much for her long-contained, long-held feelings. So she cleared her throat and took a stab at bravery.

"Uh, Robin…I was…I was…"

"Mm?" he made a sound of acknowledgment, glancing sidelong at her.

"I was…" she trailed off yet again and forced herself to marshal her feelings and rally. She couldn't give up now. They were the best of friends, so this couldn't, couldn't be that much of a stretch. "I was wondering about…us."

"Us?" he echoed, his gaze dropping to the concrete of the roof, pretending to be preoccupied.

"Yes, 'us'," she agreed, feeling much braver now that she could string two words together. "We are such good, good friends, Robin, and I had thought that perhaps…perhaps you and I could…er, what I mean to say is that, perhaps we could be…more." There, she had said it. If he couldn't pick up on that, she would have to seriously reconsider falling for him.

"More," he repeated, although this time it wasn't a question. More like a resignation. "Star…" he began, but then stopped, and ran his fingers through his hair, at a momentary loss. "I…you…no, we can't. We just can't."

She persisted. She had to. She had said too much to back down now simply because he seemed reluctant. "Perhaps not now, friend Robin, but someday, surely. Correct?"

He shook his head determinedly, still not looking at her. "No, Star. Not now, not ever. Never."

"Never? But…but how long is this 'never' of which you speak?" She was confused. He could not be asserting that he would never feel for her. How could anyone be so sure of their future feelings? And to pretend that he felt nothing now? Then why had he stayed at her bedside? Why?

"Long enough, Star. Long enough to be forever," he whispered, looking away completely, his head turned in the opposite direction.

Starfire stared at the back of his head. He could not be serious. He could not be flat-out rejecting her. He could not…he could not… "Forever? You cannot mean that. I will hope that you—"

He rose heavily to his feet, brushing imaginary dust from his pants. "Don't hope. All hope gets you is a chance to be disappointed and hurt. And I don't want you hurt more than you already are." He shook his head. "There is no 'us'. There has never been one, and there will never be one." He paused and then shook his head again before he turned on his heel and disappeared down the stairwell into the Tower.

Starfire sat where he had left her, trying to fathom why she felt nothing. She thought that tears would well in her eyes, that her throat would close off, that her heart would physically shatter and that she would not be able to breathe. But she felt none of those things. She felt nothing at all. She felt numb. Empty and numb. Empty and numb and left with a promise of a future equally bleak.

She did not know how long she had sat there, staring unseeingly at the ocean, before she finally broke down and cried. And she did not know how long she cried before she managed to limp back into the Tower and seek the nonexistent solace of her bedroom, curled up and helpless on her bed and drenched in the darkness of the night.

The never-ending night.