And I bet you thought I'd never update. It's a long story but I managed it finally.

How could I ever forget poor ole Lizzy?

Red light, green light…

Monday, February 3; post-coffee time. Is there any other?

I have little to no faith left in the world any more.

I'm not even kidding. How can people just run around as completely horrible human beings and still look themselves in the mirror every night.

So there I am sitting in the mandatory post-school traffic and this big-bitch girl in her big-ass truck just decides that the laws of the road definitely don't apply to her as she jumps the median and drives on down the sidewalk to get past the rest of the student body. How come people can get away with shitty things like that? Is karma a complete joke?

Obviously, the joke's on me.

Despite the minimum amount of communication Darcy and I still managed to get an A on our lab which is apparently a big thing because Darcy decided he wanted to take me out for coffee to celebrate.

Of course I agreed because it's cold and I never turn down free coffee.

So he shows up at my house and I felt bad after leaving him in my kitchen with only Bridget for entertainment and I have to admit I was very relieved to find that even though I'd left him alone with her he, unlike some people I once knew, managed to not make out with her.

That's at least something that could be said in his favor… or possibly Bridget's.

"Can I confess that I was pretty psyched that you actually agreed to this little outing?" Darcy asked as I finally got out the door and tried to warm my hands from their horrible frostbite.

I pressed my fingers to his cheek and he squirmed for me to remove them. "They get really cold," I muttered grinning evilly.

"So that's it then? We just forget the fact that we haven't spoken to each other in a month and go back to being friends?" he asked examining me with his eyebrows raised.

I shrugged. "I don't see why not."

"I'm not going to complain," he said defensively, "but you have more personalities than I know what to do with."

"I know. Keeps you from getting bored, doesn't it?"

"Oh yeah."

"So are you buying this aforementioned coffee?" I asked blinking quickly and innocently.

"A promise is a promise."

"That's a silly phrase," I replied clearly. "A promise is really only a promise if it's kept."

"I suppose." He didn't take his eyes off the road but his profile seemed to be thinking about something else. "Have you been breaking a lot of promises lately?

"I don't make promises," I confessed casually. "Promises lead to expectations."

"I think you should know that people have expectations no matter what you do," he replied glancing at me quickly.

"This is true," I said in return, "but a promise is a consented expectation. If you make a promise excuses no longer matter. You can always just tell someone they had a wrong expectation, but with a promise you just signed your own death warrant."

He nodded as if he understood. "I get it. My mother expects me to take my father's role in the business but as long as I don't make the promise I can always just say that she expected wrong."

"Right. As soon as you promise you might as well pick your corner office."

"You have very low expectations of people Lizzy."

"And yet some still manage to never live up to them," I replied with out thinking but Darcy seemed somewhat hurt as if I was referring to him being a let down. "And others surpass them completely," I amended.

The rest of the afternoon passed in total civility and, even if I didn't want them to be, things are back to exactly how they were before I had my freak out.

It's not like I was expecting a change. Besides there's nothing I'd want to change any way.

Right?

I hate that I've become unsure. I was always positive and now I'm a "greater than or equal to" symbol. That stupid "equal to" crap. Always confusing very simple matters.

A Literally frozen "Ice-Queen"…

Thursday, February 6; I wouldn't know what time because it's so cold I believe my watch has frozen

It's rather cold which is ridiculous because it completely negates the entire reason people move to Florida.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE WARM!

Anyways it's definitely back to the norm with the Darcinator. He had the brilliant idea last night of going down to the beach to see how cold the water is.

The thing is I never got to see how cold the water is because I never removed a single layer to reveal even a sliver of skin because it was so cold.

Of course he took it to be his job to make fun of me after the whole way home just because I ended up hugging his heater after only five minutes outside.

So instead we spent most of the night watching John Stewart re-runs (we honestly got into a fight over John Stewart versus Stephen Colbert!) in his palace… I mean house.

Which is technically more of a palace. It's rather eerie how big it is.

They have twelve T.V.'s; most of which are bigger than my entire room.

In fact his house is so big that even though Jo was there we didn't run into her once. We couldn't find her. I need such a house for avoiding Bridgey. The stupid cow keeps moaning about how she hasn't kissed any one since New Years.

I maintain that I'm adopted.

Batter up…

Monday, February 10; after practice… Darcy's not mine.

'Tis baseball season.

No I don't play baseball but apparently Darcy does. He's trying out and here I have to wait a full three hours until after he finishes practice just for him to stop by and take me out for ice cream, even though I'll just get hot chocolate to help warn my poor frostbitten hands.

I hate winter and I hate baseball season.

I don't see why he'd rather run around in the freezing cold with a silly bat and a glove than come play me in a game of battleship. I mean the board game… not some sort of sexual innuendo.

Grr you have a sick mind you naughty person.

I do NOT think of Darcy that way… even though Fitz makes fun of me almost everyday for it.

Post hot chocolate time…

Darcy finally showed and made up for making me wait by paying (even though I was planning on making him pay any way).

Conversation on the way to the TCBY was pretty standard, me asking questions about tryouts and trying to be supportive even though I secretly didn't want him to make it. Turns out he was on Varsity, which I didn't know (even though I did and just pretended I didn't) so he's not all that worried about the whole ordeal.

It was when we got to the place that things got kind of weird.

"So Whatcha doing Friday?" he asked casually scooping ice cream (in February… weirdo) into his mouth.

I shrugged and looked at him confused. "Friday?"

"What kind of girl are you?" he asked staring at me as if I was an alien. "No girl forgets Valentines day."

I rolled my eyes and groaned. "You mean the fake holiday. I have a secret confession to make," I whispered leaning in conspiratorially, "girls secretly hate Valentines day."

"I have it on good authority that they don't."

"No they do I swear."

"Maybe single girls do…"

I looked at him slightly appalled. "Listen, if a girl is single obviously she spends the night moaning about her awesome state of singledom but if a girl is in a relationship then everything her guy does is that much less romantic because it's expected. It's mandatory so it means nothing."

"I don't get it," he said placing his empty cup on the table and leaning back in his flimsy chair.

"Okay say you have a girlfriend-"

"Oh what's her name?"

I looked at him condescendingly. "Oh shut up. She doesn't have a name."

"I refuse to date her if she doesn't have a name."

I smacked him on the shoulder across the table and spilled some of my hot choco on the table. "Shut up, it's a hypothetical. Ok so you have a girlfriend-"

"Named Angie?"

"Angie?"

He waved his hand dismissively. "Just go with it."

"Okay so you're dating Angie and Valentines Day rolls around the corner. You're thereby force to send her flowers of a teddy bear or chocolates or whatever. But say it's just your average Thursday, you bring that girl a teddy bear and she'll love your forever. It's just not thoughtful on Valentines day."

He shrugged. "Okay then. So what are you doing Friday?" he leaned back forward again and put his elbow on the table.

"Well laying about and moaning about my singledom of course," I replied quickly taking another sip of the now warn hot chocolate.

"Well as fun as that sounds, you wanna hang out?"

I looked at him skeptically. "You sure you don't have a date lined up?"

He shrugged casually. "Nope."

"No one-on-one time with Angie?" I asked sarcastically.

"I'm pretty sure she's cheating on me," he replied grinning.

I gasped and covered my mouth in mock horror. "How could she cheat on the great Will Darcy?"

"I know," he nodded solemnly, "this will seriously damage her reputation around school."

I looked at him suddenly seriously after I laughed for a second. "You sure you don't have plans with Janie or something?"

He shook his head and kind of winced. "I never liked Janie that way. She liked Fitz. Didn't you hear that they're together now?"

"As in dating?"

He nodded and started chewing on his spoon. "As in she's his Angie."

"Did not see that one coming," I replied slightly floored. "Where have I been?"

"Working and ignoring me, remember?"

I smiled. "Oh right… good times… good times."

"Yeah," he paused, "not so much."

"So Friday? Yes or no?" he asked again and I wondered why he was so persistent about this Valentines Day thing.

"Sure we can share our mutual dateless-ness. Whatcha wanna do?" I asked draining my chocolate.

"Dinner?"

"Too crowded."

"Movie?"

"Seriously icky making out."

"Beach again?"

"Don't go there Willy-boy," I scowled feeling my hands tingle just from the memory.

"I got it," he smiled obviously having had a serious epiphany. "St. Augustine. They still have their holiday lights up."

I considered it. How did he know my secret love of St. Aug.? "It'll be cold outside though."

He shrugged. "We'll layer and walk a lot. I'm sure we can stay warm."

"Speak for yourself. I'm practically cold blooded."

"That's why you're beginning to look like a lizard."

I blushed and scowled, giving him a pathetic face. "The cold dries out my skin," I growled trying to keep my bottom lip from protruding and revealing any weakness.

He smiled. "I know. I was just kidding."

He grabbed his keys as I slid on my puffy ski jacket, my scarf, and fuzzy mittens as he laughed at me muttering about being only two seconds from the car.

"So I'll pick you up at seven?" he asked as we pulled into my driveway.

"It's a date… except not so much," I replied smiling as I pulled my hair out of my jacket and opened my door.

He smiled weakly as I jumped from the car. "You sure you'll make it back from practice by then."

He rolled his eyes and shifted into reverse. "It's dark by then. You can't practice in the dark."

So question: I didn't consent to an actual date with Darcy? Did I?

You don't think, do you...?

Tuesday, February 11; according to Einstein time is relative… so what's it really matter what time it is?

Interesting, although completely misguided, convo with Erin today on the phone:

Erin: "Whatcha doin' Friday?"

Me: "What's it matter?"

Erin: "Well Eddie and I came to the mutual understanding that if you weren't busy you should come watch movies with us so you're not all alone."

Me: "E, why on earth would I want to be your third wheel on any day, yet alone Valentines Day?"

Erin: "But I don't want you to be all alone."

Me: "Maybe I have plans."

Erin: "You do?"

Me: "I said maybe."

Erin: "So you don't?"

Me: "No I do."

Erin: "What! With who?"

Me: "Don't sound so shocked."

Erin: "Who is it?"

Me: "It's not a date per say."

Erin: "You have a non-date, Valentines date?"

Me: "It's just with Darcy."

Erin: "On Valentines day?"

Me: "Yes. Why do you say that like it's weird?"

Erin: (most likely shrugging on her line) "Nothing is 'just hanging out' on Valentines Day."

Me: "Says the girl who just asked me to hang out with her boyfriend and her on said day."

Erin: "I'm just saying it's obvious the boy likes you, and a boy who has confessed to liking you doesn't ask you to 'hang out' on Valentines Day for no reason."

Me: "So are you saying I consented to a date-date rather than a nondate-date?"

Erin: "I'm saying who knows what he expects of the night."

Me: "Valid theory except that Darce doesn't feel like that toward me any more."

Erin: "Oh he doesn't, does he?"

Me: "Yes."

Erin: "And you know this how?"

Me: "He's completely casual with me. He would have made a move on me if he still had feelings for me."

Erin: "Isn't that what you two fought about?"

Me: "No we fought because I'm an intense over reactor."

Erin: "Oh really? Are you sure it wasn't jealousy or repressed sexual tension?"

Me: (rolling my eyes) "It's not a date. Trust me on this. There were never any moves made and I honestly feel as though he doesn't like me any more."

Erin: "How do you know he wasn't planning that night to make his move?"

Me: "I'm not as socially retarded as you think."

Erin: "You're right. You're obviously even more so."

Me: "Ha. Funny."

Erin: "He's gonna make a move, take my word for it. But the real question is: are you secretly hoping he will?"

Tonight we hit the town…

Thursday, February 14; too confused/dazed to check a clock

I suppose I'll start at the beginning of the much anticipated (or possibly dreaded) night, shall I?

"What are we listening to?" Darcy asked me as I slipped my new CD into his player when I jumped in his car. (By the way he was late. It was 7:10. Let's just let the record show. Stupid baseball practice.)

"New CD my dad mailed me for Valentines day. Eric Clapton is the love of my life."

"Eric Clapton? Who knew your dad had taste?"

"How do you think he produced such a lovely daughter?" I asked back grinning.

"I think you severely overestimate yourself." He glanced at me real quick before he pulled out of my driveway. "What's in the box?"

I held up my slightly wonky looking box. "I figured I could at least be a polite non-date so I made you cookies. Try one," I supplied handing him a cookie.

He took a bite then tried not to visibly gag. "Oh… it's good."

I grinned evilly. "No it's not stop lying. I accidentally put lemon extract in them instead of vanilla extract."

"Great…"

"Didn't I ever tell you I'm a horrible cook? I've never been good at that kind of rubbish."

Darcy smiled and grabbed another cookie and honestly ate it.

"What are you doing?" I asked watching in minor horror.

He shrugged. "They're actually kind of good in a really unusual kind of way."

I scowled at him. "I've tasted them. I know that to be a lie."

"No I really kind of like them."

"Bridget cried after I made her try one," I supplied as he grabbed the box from my lap.

"Well I like them. Can I have the rest?"

I shoved the rest of the box at him as he put it on the back seat. "All yours."

We finally got to downtown St. Augustine and walked around mostly just looking at the lights. Eventually I reached my hand up and touched his cheek so he could feel their level of iciness.

"How do you get so cold so easily?" he asked quickly jumping from my touch as I giggled.

"You know it's funny because my whole family is always hot. It's just me that's so cold."

"Here," he said pulling off his glove and holding his hand out to me.

I just stared at his hand confused about what he wanted.

"Let me see your hand," he ordered.

I hesitated as I put my icy hand in his. "How come yours are so warm?" I asked grumpily as he rubbed my hand to warm it.

"Because I'm not the Ice Queen."

"Hah. Fun-ny."

He dropped my hand and grabbed the other one. "How is it even possible that you get this cold? It can't be healthy."

"It's cold out here."

"It's only in the 50s."

"That's cold," I muttered shivering.

"You're so sad," he muttered smiling and beginning to walk which caused me to have to walk too since he was still holding my hand.

"What's the point of living in Florida if it still gets cold?" I asked looking at him pointedly.

He switched to my other hand again to warm it back up. "It gets cold for a total of a month. We'll be back on the beach by March."

"Maybe you will psycho winter dude. I'll be wrapped in a wooly blanket next to a raging fire with a cup of hot chocolate."

He looked at me and smile. "Oh that sounds nice; maybe we should have done that tonight."

I glared. "No I like the lights."

He looked back at me smiling faintly. "So you're having fun despite the cold."

"I'm not that cold."

"Says the girl with frozen hands."

"They're warmer now."

"That's good because yours seem to have made mine cold."

I smiled gratefully. "You're too good to me Will."

"I need a warm cup of something in my hands before they fall off," he replied rubbing his hands together to warm them back up.

"I'll pay."

"Honestly?"

"It's the least I can do for my little hand warmer," I said grinning back.

"I'm hardly little."

I smiled even bigger. "I was talking about my cup of coffee."

We were fairly reserved for most of out little escapade. We watched the old little couples giggle like teenagers in the little coffee shop and he laughed at me as I demonstrated my future profession as a dancer to the jazz music on the street.

All was well… perfect with zero awkwardness and zero moves being made that is until the car ride.

We were so close to being back at my house when he turns to me suddenly all nervous and fidgety. "Did you have fun tonight Lizzy?"

"Did I seem like I did?"

He shrugged. "One can never really tell for sure with you Lizzy."

I tried not to seem perplexed by his statement. "Well I did have fun. We always seem to have fun though, don't we?"

"We do, don't we?"

I nodded once.

"So would you possibly want to do it again?"

I looked at him for a moment trying to decide how I should interpret that question. "Well that might be difficult since Valentines only comes once a year."

"Well I mean we could hang out any time… like just because it's Thursday."

I leaned closer to him and whispered, "Will, we do hang out on Thursdays."

"That's my point."

"I'm obviously missing your point."

"My point is that we hang out."

I looked at him confused. "You don't want to hang out any more?"

"No I don't," he said as if that solved everything.

I looked at him slightly hurt, slightly confused. "So we'd stop talking again?"

He jumped. "What? No."

"Then what are you getting at?"

"I'm saying I don't want to be friends."

"Huh?"

He jumped again. "No I mean I don't want to be just friends."

"You want to be…"

"More than that."

"Oh," I said slowly looking down at my once-again frozen hands and remembered how good it actually felt when he held them for me even if it was just for a moment.

"I know this sounds silly and probably cliché and I know you hate to be cliché but I like you no matter what I try. I really like to hang out with you. I even like that the guys on the baseball team make fun of me for how much I like you. I like that you cook horrible cookies and that you seem to have an opinion on everything as well as an answer to everything. I like that you can put me in my place with a single look and you don't put up with my bull shit."

I looked at him not really knowing what to think.

"All I really want to say is it's not because it's Valentines Day that I'm saying this; it's because you're the type of girl that great songs are written about. And because if I don't at lest put myself out there on this one, I'll regret it forever."

I bit my lip. The "type of girl that great songs are written about." How does a person say no to that? But he was also right about the clichés. In fact I believe at least half of the speech was from "When Harry Met Sally."

I looked at him with a wistful smile because no matter how much I wanted it, (which I can finally admit) I wasn't ready for him yet.

"Will," I said softly as we pulled into my driveway, "I like you too."

He smiled excitedly.

"But I'm not ready for a relationship yet. Do you get it? I'm a commitment-a-phoebe at a very young age and I need a little while to y'know come to terms with finally admitting that I like you."

He looked slightly confused but I didn't know how better to describe it for him. "Can I say that I'm just not ready and not be able to supply a solid reason?"

He nodded slowly still not saying anything.

"Will you know I really like you and I wouldn't go out with anyone but you, if I was to go out with anyone, but can we just be friends until something more develops? I promise that as soon as I'm ready it'll only be you."

He looked at me blankly. "I thought you didn't make promises."

I smiled slightly and leaned over to kiss him briefly on the lips. "For you I'll make an exception."

He still seemed to be in a bit of shock from the kiss as I slowly climbed from the car and closed the door. I ran back to the house with my hands shoved inside my pockets and the cold nipping at my heels.

Is it wrong for me to make him wait for me? Is it weird that I just turned down a guy I really, really like.

Is it wrong that I'm still thinking about his warm hands and really soft lips?

No. Any sane (or even slightly insane) girl would still be thinking about those too.

Psychobabble…

Saturday, February 15; noon time lunchtime

Eddie alert this morning.

"Movie?" he asked holding up a copy of Wimbledon (the boy sure does have a thing for chick-flicks) and waving it in my face.

"Darcy send you?" I asked opening the door to let him through.

"After a rough explanation of the events of last night. Rejected him twice? 'Tis a tough thing for a guy's ego."

"He should know by now that I'm 100 ego free, and I didn't reject him. I just put it on pause."

He looked at me appraisingly. "He seems to have taken it as a rejection."

I scowled. "Then he obviously wasn't listening to me."

"Well I am. So explain."

I rolled my eyes and led him to my living room. "Okay here's the thing. I like Darcy. I mean I like really like him, and for some reason that scares the bejesus out of me. Is that wrong?" I asked looking at him desperately hoping he could answer such a question.

"For you? No," he said relaxing into my couch.

I looked at him silently asking for clarification.

"Okay you've never felt about any one the way you do about Darcy and that scares you because you've never needed any one and you're scared you might develop a codependent relationship."

I looked at him oddly. "You watch far too many chick-flicks."

He cocked his head smiling. "I'm right aren't I?"

"Thus far. Keep going."

"Okay. You saw your mother get her heartbroken when you were a very young and impressionable child and ever since you've sworn that love only exists as a form of suffering. You think that if you don't fall in love then you won't need any one and therefore will never get hurt."

"That's kind of scary that you can do that."

He shrugged. "I have a twin sister."

"Jackie hardly counts as a girl."

He laughed for a second. "Oh yeah and you also hide behind your sarcasm and use witty replies as your defense system."

"You can stop now," I replied scowling.

He leaned forward ignoring me. "But here's the thing. You're so very wrong. By liking Will, even if you get hurt in the whole ordeal, you can only become stronger. If you can endure heartbreak then the rest of your life is a breeze. This won't break you down but merely reaffirm your own strength."

"'What won't kill me will only make me stronger?'"

He nodded once. "You don't have to need Will to be with him. You just have to want him."

I chuckled as a kind of sigh and leaned back against my sofa. "So are we watching this movie or what?"

Who knew that Eddie would turn out to be the most logical person I know.

Time Alone in Will's bedroom…

Monday, February 17; post-dinner- Which means like 10:00 in my family

I called Will when I knew he'd be home from practice.

"Hello Willy boy. How was practice?"

"Better now that it's over."

"Does that mean it was bad?" I asked.

"It means I don't believe I'll ever be capable of getting off my bed again. I'm that sore."

"Sweet because I just bought the new Dane Cook DVD and now I can come watch it with you! Did I just make your day?"

He groaned. "I hate Dane Cook."

"No one hates Dane Cook; they just don't really listen to him."

"I hate Dane Cook."

"Well too bad because I'm coming over with my DVD and you're too sore to get out of your bed and turn it off."

"I have a remote."

"I'm coming over and taking your batteries."

I showed up and made him watch it with me.

He laughed. I knew he secretly liked Dane Cook.

Every one likes Dane Cook.

Hmm…

Friday, February 21; um a time… wait no the time. It's FRIDAY!

Only a week left in February. I love short months.

How is it honestly this close to March? Where's the time go?

Jo's got a new boyfriend. It was fun Will and I drove them on their first date tonight (to a movie how cliché is that) and watched a movie ourselves. It was fun I got to hit Will every time he tried to threaten the poor boy.

Other than that I've hardly seen Will all week because he's had baseball and they have their first game on Monday so he's all nervous about getting a starting position.

I honestly don't even pretend to understand his love of the boring bat game but I can relate to his competitive spirit.

I also think the world should know that I beat him in battleship. Apparently he's complete rubbish at board games. (I wouldn't know about those other kinds of games.)

Anyway I played with E yesterday and we watched some of the music videos we used to make during middle school. Now that's something that should be burned.

Diamond Dolls…

Monday, February 24; time to be frustrated

I went to Will's baseball game tonight. (He did start by the way. Short stop and a pretty damn hot one at that.)

Did you know that Baseball has even sluttier versions of cheerleaders called Diamond Dolls? I mean why don't they just hire some strippers? I'm wrapped up in like three blankets and their walking around in belly shirts. Whores.

We won the game though and even though I didn't understand it and spent the whole time asking Damien questions that he mostly responding to by pointing out another hot player.

So after the game Will's talking to the stupid "Diamond Doll" girls and they were even like touching his arm and stuff and he just stood there smiling as they giggled annoyingly. Did he not get that they were flirting with him?

I hate that I sound like a jealous girlfriend.

I'm not dating Will nor am I jealous.

Anyway the joke's on them because as soon as he broke free of the girls he came right over to me and Dames and put his arm around me. So what if I ducked away at the PDA. The boy was sweaty.

"I'm honestly surprised you came," he said smiling despite my ducking. See he's starting to get me already.

"Why do you think I'd miss your first game?"

He shrugged. "I just thought you might get really cold."

I smiled widely. "I brought three blankets!" I said holding up my stack as Damien eyed up our pitcher who is supposedly quite a looker.

Will laughed and threw his sports bag over his shoulder. "Wanna get some dinner?"

"Some place warm?"

He nodded.

"Dames coming?"

"Sure."

I honestly think Will's completely over that whole jealous episode from a month (possibly more… time goes really fast) ago because him and Damien got along pretty freaking well, which is a very new development.

I sat by Will and he put his hand (which was really warm still. How does he manage that?) on my hand under the table which sounds very corny but for some reason I found it really adorable… even though we're not dating.

What's going on with me? I think I should just jump him at the next possible moment.

Jo's delusional…

Friday, February 28; lunch is the best class that there ever was. Will shared his fries with me and Erin told off Eddie in public. Got to love it.

So in dance Jo just turns to me and says: "So are you dating my brother or not?"

I looked at her slightly floored. "Not."

"But you want to?"

I nodded slowly.

"I'll ask no more questions except are you two making out in his room when I walk by and hear giggling?"

"No we're watching Dane Cook."

"So no making out?"

I nodded.

"You two and your suppressed sexual tension are killing me," she added shaking her head as if I was her baby sister.

I know it's a bit odd... they should so be together. Next month is the last one and then it's just my epilogue. :)

Lucky me!

Oh I posted another story (a full and complete one) called The Untouchable.

It's a weird story... :)

Heart+ review love forever!