Finally…
Saturday, March 1; Like I've even looked at a clock. All I know is I just woke up.
GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT!
Ok I looove March.
Wanna know why?
C'mon guess.
Oh you big loser I suppose I'll just have to tell you. MY BIRTHDAY IS IN MARCH. (Oh and spring break! Woop!)
Yes I realize it's freakishly immature to still jump around my house just because my birthday is in 13 (count 'em baby. 13!) days. But I do. And I always will!
Ok all I wanted to say!
Oh God…
Monday, March 3; Two days closer to my birthday time. Duh.
I honestly think Will is trying to torture me.
There I am just standing at my locker getting my books out before first period and he just walks up behind me and puts his hand really lightly across my elbow and gets really close to me.
Of course I turned around really quickly and my hair hit him across the face. Who'd have thought that really happens in real life.
"Well hello to you too," he just says grinning.
I only slightly panicked, and apologized profusely.
"It's fine Lizzy. I just wanted to say good morning," he said grinning still and handing me a little bag of Skittles then quickly smiling and leaving.
Either Will and Eddie have started studying chick-flicks to pick up moves, or something weird is going on.
How did he even know that Skittles were my favorite?
Gah. The boy's killing me.
What the heck…
Tuesday, March 4; I have temporarily lost all senses. Including my sense of time.
He did it again.
Not the same thing. Different.
Ok I'll say it.
This time I was at my locker again and he comes up and places his hand really lightly on my hip. Even though it had happened yesterday I still jumped but luckily managed not to elbow him or something worse.
"Good morning Lizzy." He was grinning again just like yesterday and he turned me with the hand on my hip so I was facing him and basically almost pressed against him because he was standing so close to me.
"What are you doing?" I asked leaning my head an almost miniscule amount closer to him and speaking very softly.
"Just saying hello." He grinned again and shrugged a bit as I tried to step away from him and turn myself back around to my locker but apparently he still had his hand on my waist and he just spun me back towards him and stared at me.
"You're acting very weird," I muttered trying to lean back some.
He got really close to my ear and just softly muttered in my ear, "maybe," then disappeared just as he had yesterday.
How did a simple word being whispered in my ear tingle more than even the most passionate kiss?
God he was so close. So. Very. Close.
Laterness, yet still dazedness.
Just called Will.
"Hello psycho," I said.
"Is that supposed to be me then?" he asked back as if nothing had happened this morning.
"Are you finally going all bipolar on me?"
"I have no clue what you're talking about."
"And you say I have multiple personalities."
"Lizzy," he sounded as if he was chastising me. Like I was the one who had done something wrong. "We'll talk later. I have homework."
I must admit my jaw dropped. "So now you're going to be a jackass, on top of trying to seduce me before first period, then acting like nothing's happened during Chemistry. What is going on with you?"
"Nothing," he responded flatly. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with me."
"So are you still going to try and phone ditch me?"
He softened. "There is nothing more I'd like to do than talk to you for hours but I really do have homework."
"Will…"
"I'll call you later," he muttered quickly, before I could say anything else, then he hung up.
I don't get it. Did I upset him somehow?
Literal Solitaire…
Friday, March 7; alone-time.
What's wrong with me?
No I'm being serious do I have like some sort of flesh eating virus that I don't know about or something? Bad breath? Unknown bitchiness? (Don't answer that last one…)
It's Friday night and here I am all alone at my house and literally playing solitaire.
I have no friends and even if I did I push them away.
Gah.
Will's being moodier than a PMSing girl. He's not talking to me. He won't even talk to me to tell me why. I mean at least when I'm upset I make sure that people know it. He's just being very monosyllabic and abrupt- on the few occasions that he does choose to talk.
Just to illustrate let me say that I called him three times on Wednesday and he didn't answer once. Not once.
After that I stopped calling because my pride was hurt and now- even if he wasn't angry- I am.
Erin's been avoiding me also. I go to lunch and there's her and Eddie (no Darcy unless he recently became invisible) whispering like crazy and as soon as I sit down they shut up and Erin makes some excuse to leave. Eddie meanwhile asks me the dumbest most trivial questions and I can tell it's only because he too wants to leave but knows that'd be rude.
This has happened for the past three days.
So again I ask about the flesh eating virus. Any other suggestions?
The only human that seems to not be avoiding the living daylight out of me is Damien who keeps rattling on about college and I'm a bit sick of it because I can't wait to get out of this place but have absolutely no clue where I'm going.
Gah.
Fitz only has eyes for Janie so I can't call him.
God even my own sister seems to be too busy for me.
Someone should really tell me about the virus before my skin just falls off.
Companionship my ass…
Saturday, March 8; dusk. I really like that word.
Not just one, but two (count 'em baby. Two!) visitors today.
One was not so good but the other couldn't have been any more perfect.
The first was whiney, cry baby, Will.
It was probably like 11 this morning and I was still asleep (I stayed up late last night talking to myself) so he just comes in and wakes me up. In a nice way, but still…
So he stands, doesn't even bother to sit, and says, "Lizzy I need to not talk to you for a couple of days."
I know. You're thinking, "What?!"
"What?" I was still dazed and honestly thought I was dreaming this.
"I need to not be around you." He was biting his lip, all nervous and such.
I sat up and stared at him for a second. "Do I have a flesh eating virus?"
He relaxed a little, as though I made a joke, but I was being perfectly serious. "Lizzy I just can't be around you."
"Why?"
"Because there's this thing I really want and you're… you're… a distraction." He said it slowly as if he was trying to choose his words wisely.
Obviously not wisely enough because I started to get angry.
"A distraction?"
He honestly had the nerve to nod.
"I'm pretty sure the 'distracting' took place by both parties," I replied biting my lip to keep from chewing him out.
He rolled his head around on his shoulders. "Lizzy you get to be angry at me all the time and I give you all the space you need and wait for you to cool down. Well now I need the space and, by rights of equality, you're required to give it to me."
"I believe you were just as much part of those arguments as I was. You could have apologized yourself," I pointed out while standing to meet him.
He waved his hand around. "That's different-"
I looked at him pointedly. "How?"
"Those are arguments. This is me saying I don't think I can maintain this type of relationship with you at the moment."
"What relationship? Obviously we're not even friends if you're saying you don't even want to talk to me anymore. Or better yet that you decided you didn't want to talk to me four days ago and are just now getting around to telling me?"
"Lizzy-"
"Will, you know what, thank you!" I yelled starting to get angry.
"What?" He seemed shocked. "For what?"
"For proving me right," I said pinching my lips together and staring coldly at him. "I knew in the beginning that you were a self-centered prick. I knew it but then I let you make me think you really were someone different; that maybe I was wrong. Now, now you're just showing that first impressions are correct."
"Excuse me?" he seemed angry. That scary quiet type of angry.
"No there's no excuse," I practically screeched. "You're the perfect example of why I push people away. You're no better than Jack."
His jaw dropped and clenched, along with his hands at his side, but instead of yelling, like a part of me was hoping he would do, he just breathed really heavily and left.
Good riddance.
I bet you think my second visitor was Eddie.
Just so you know it wasn't. For once Darcy didn't send his fucking stooge to come clean up his mess.
It was my dad. He's in town for my birthday and we played tennis with my mother and sister for basically the entire day which is the only reason I'm still not so angry that I couldn't manage to write this without breaking my pen.
I really was right about him, wasn't I?
Sucks, because this was really the first time that I'd hoped I wasn't.
Sigh…
Monday, March 10; "When does depression hurt?" "All the time." –Fucking Commercials-
I'm not excited anymore.
My birthday is in three days and I'm not excited anymore. In fact I wish it'd just go away.
I really don't have any friends. Like seriously, no one likes me.
I haven't even talked to anyone that isn't in my family since Jackass Will.
I even sat by myself at lunch today.
If I were anyone but myself this would be cause enough for a vicious cycle of drugs, alcohol, and rehab. Unfortunately I'm me and I don't even have enough money to buy a bottle of aspirin yet alone drugs. And in order to buy the drugs I'd have to talk to people which no one seems to want me to do.
I think my voice has literally dried up.
No really I've noticed my voice being a bit strained when I sing… although it has been like that since puberty. (Damn you puberty.)
Anyway, is it at all possible to admit yourself into a mental hospital?
Happy Birthday to me…
Thursday, March 13; post-presents!!
So seeing as I have zero friends it seems perfectably reasonable to assume that my birthday hardcore sucked.
But it turns out I do have friends. Lots of them!
Erin basically rocks and was so busy because she was setting up this whole big party thing for me. She was avoiding me because she thought she'd spill the secret.
It was great. I was just sitting around at home and she called me to come over so she could apologize for being such a distant bitch.
It was fun we played twister and there were more people there than I even knew and possibly one not there that I do. Or did. Or possibly thought I did.
But it was great. Eddie and I pushed Erin in the pool and we danced all old school with the cha-cha slide and Macarena and all those completely ridiculous activities you haven't done since fourth grade. Which is exactly the way the world was meant to be.
But when everyone was gone, and Erin was passed out on the couch, Eddie took this to be a perfect time to discuss his Major Jerkiness.
"Will didn't come," he just stated as if I hadn't noticed.
I shrugged. "Really? I hadn't noticed."
Eddie rolled his eyes. "So funny I forgot to laugh." Keeping with the theme, Eddie managed a phrase I haven't heard since fourth grade. "Listen Lizzy he's only-"
"Yeah. I don't care. Will can do whatever he wants it really doesn't concern me."
"He's only trying to get over you-"
"Eddie just stop!" I stood and started grabbing my things and slipping my sandals back on. "Don't make excuses for him. If getting over me is what he wanted, I hope he accomplished it because he managed to make it really easy for me to get over him."
"He just wants-"
"Will can want whatever it is he wants because I just want to pretend it never happened. So don't even try to make his defense." I tried to ignore Eddie as I shook Erin awake to say good bye and thanks.
Eddie however just met me at the door. "Trust me I didn't defend him when I talked to him."
I smiled at him. "It doesn't matter anyway," I said softly while grabbing the corner of the door and pulling it closed slowly behind me. "I'm becoming a nun anyway," I added right before the door shut.
Anyway. It was a very happy birthday.
It doesn't matter that Will wasn't there because I didn't want him to come.
Trust breaks faster than glass. Feelings never seem to want to go away.
Avoidance…
Friday, March 14; 6:25 p.m. (Like I'd actually be up that early if it was the morning!)
Why does it seem as though whenever there's someone you would really just love to spend the rest of your life without seeing ever again they suddenly start appearing everywhere.
When Will (asshole) and I (serious past tense) were friends I could never seem to find him when I wanted him around. (Especially at the end of it all) But back before Will told me all that stuff (lies.) and we became (fake) friends it seemed as though I couldn't avoid him even if I wanted to. He was everywhere.
He's everywhere again.
At least I managed to ditch him as my Chem. partner.
Grr.
He's also doing this new thing with his hair, (not that I noticed) and now it just seems to stick at all angles as if he really doesn't care what the hell it looks like, which is ridiculous because normally he keeps it in a very organized spiky thing.
It's just so horrible that I like it better the way he wears it now.
While I'm just trying to forget it all he has to go and make it that much harder to take my eyes away.
Anyway. Must go baby-sit.
Like 11:something.
I want to scream.
So I babysat this little girl that's so adorable and of course like every child at her age she's obsessed with Disney movies.
We watched Mulan, and Sleeping Beauty, and Hercules, and basically by the time we got to Cinderella I just wanted to scream.
"Someday my Prince will come" my ass.
Even if he does come he'll probably turn out to be a jerk that likes to look at his reflection more than you. He'll actually dump you for a girl with bigger boobs and longer legs then prance about with her on his arm (while simultaneously staring at his own reflection).
I hate that we raise children on lies. I could never have kids because they'd be pessimistic bastards who hate the world and blame their problems on rich people.
Which, while I'm on it, could very well be blamed for Darcy being a jerk.
Like my good (and very musical) friends Tegan and Sara say: "Where does the good go?"
Break ups…
Sunday, March 16; pre-bed/post-dinner
Mass hysteria. Rioting in the street. A plague on both your houses.
Yes the worst has occurred.
My mother's boyfriend broke up with her. He broke up with her.
The end of the world as we know it.
So I get home from the gym and she's crying in her bedroom with Bridget trying to console her. Now first things first, my mother is never home on Saturdays. It's her day out (as well as Fridays, Saturdays, and Mondays through Fridays) and that means I get the house to myself (plus Bridge, but she stays in her room on the phone).
I go in and immediately hear, "He was an ass hole anyway."
"Excuse me?" I ask plopping down beside them on my mother's bed.
"Mike ended things," Bridge whispered to me and my mom immediately started crying harder.
"Mark! His name is Mark!"
I shrugged. "Pa-tate-toe, Pa-tat-toe."
"There's a difference Lizzy, Mark was the man I spent almost every day of the last four months with while Mike is someone I've never known," she sobbed like a 12 year old girl.
I stared at her worriedly then replied in an overly passive tone, "So? I just spent the last four months of my life with Will Darcy who turns out to be the same self-centered pick I tried to tell everyone he was."
Bridget gasped like the true drama queen she is. I mean honestly who gasps at the mere mention of a person's name. "Don't say that! Will's perfect."
It took every ounce of my energy to remind myself not to slap her. "Like you'd know a perfect guy if he came and sat on your lap."
"Mark was perfect," my mother sobbed.
"I so would," Bridget immediately jumped to the defensive. "Darcy is perfect."
"Correction, 'was.' he was perfect because that's what I made him to be in my mind but there is no perfect guy," I said surprisingly calmly.
"Except Mark," my mother interjected.
"Oh stop being such a guarded cow. Maybe if you'd ever just admitted to liking him in the first place he wouldn't have gone all distant on you," Bridget said condescendingly.
"Mark was distant in the end," mom moaned falling back into her pillows and sniffling.
"Had I done that, he only would have hurt me more. If I'd ever let him in… as it turns out, I was right in assuming he would have just ripped me to pieces!" I replied eyeing her as if she was an idiot. (Actual idiocy is still being debated.)
Bridget rolled her eyes. "Oh just admit it Lizzy," she muttered audibly while climbing across my mom's bed to the door, "you're hurting without him anyway."
"Am not."
She stopped at the door and rolled her eyes again. "Puh-lease. Why don't you just admit how much you're hurting without him and give it a good cry because we're all tired of this whole obnoxious anger thing." Then she slammed the door and left.
I sat on the bed a bit stunned until I felt my mother's hand touch my arm and I automatically jumped back.
"Lizzy?" she asked pulling herself up onto her butt to meet my eyes. "I know it may seem like what happened with me and Mark is pretty terrible to you, but I have no regrets."
I looked at her skeptically. "You're curled into a ball on your bed crying and you still think that Mark was the right guy for you?"
She grunted in a sort of chuckle. "Ok, I never thought Mark was the right guy for me, but I have no regrets because at least now I know that for sure instead of spending a big portion of my life playing the 'What if…' game."
I watched her still not so sure what she was getting at.
"At least I tried sweetheart. Now I'm not saying Will is perfect but who knows? Maybe you'll have some fun while it lasts," she said watching me carefully and again attempting to touch my arm. This time I didn't jump.
"Who's to say that's true?" It was a futile attempt on my part to protest such reasoning.
She smiled and tilted her head in that compassionate motherly type of way. "Sweetie you may know a lot more things than me about most topics, but relationships? Relationships are my topic." She smiled again and rubbed my arm sweetly. "Take for instance one of your favorite classic CD's. Pick one."
I shrugged. "Umm… Bob Marley."
"Your Bob Marley CD is like your relationship with Will. It's kind of a new style, something you're not as familiar with but you love it anyway. Now if you'd never heard that CD would you still love some of your modern bands as much?"
"So Will is like a Bob Marley CD? I should try him out so I know what it's like for later?" I asked with a single raised eyebrow and a confused face-scrunch. "That seems like I'd be using him. Which would make me no better than him."
"Ok, try this: would you throw away that CD just because someday it might get broken? Wouldn't you have rather played it for everything it was worth first? Then when that CD finally breaks at least you still have the tune stuck in your head. Memories are the only things guys can't take from you."
I shot her a blank face. "Yes but they can make you question them."
She smiled at me sadly. "I know Will hurt you baby and I'm not saying what he did was forgivable, because I don't even know what he did. I'm just saying for next time… not everything in this world is bad. I may have set a bad example for you in that area but some things should be held onto forever."
I hesitated before my next question and gave a kind of pre-emptive wince. "But you and dad…?"
"You're father and I could live without each other. We didn't need each other so there was no reason to keep up the appearances that we even still wanted to be together. So, yes. I left. But I wouldn't have traded it for the world."
"But you wasted..."
"Wasted?" She shook her head viciously. "I didn't waste anything. Your father may not have been the love of my life, nor me his, but through him I got you and Bridget who really are the loves of my life."
I rolled my head around and tried to press the stinging sensation from my eyes but eventually I did give in and right there in my mother's bed I cried on her shoulder, about Will and (finally) my parent's divorce. Just like any normal kid would do.
Don't you hate it when you totally underestimate someone?
She was right, y'know. I wouldn't have even loved my O.A.R. CD as much had I never heard Bob Marley. Maybe someday I'll finally appreciate what a good guy can mean.
Will may not have proven me wrong but my mother sure as hell did.
Turtle…
Wednesday, March 19; 8:41 a real no jokes time baby!
Um is it possible that the glass is half full?
Is it weird that when anything could turn into something else I feel that much more compelled to let it take me?
It's like I fell into a lazy river at a water park and plan to spend the rest of the day literally "going with the flow" but on a more cosmic level.
What happens, happens. It's really not that big of a deal.
I'm suspended…
Thursday, March 20; um when something insane happens time should no longer matter
Remember my theory about bumping into people? You know the one where if you do want to find someone they're no where to be found and if you don't they're right in front of you.
Turns out said rule applies to Jack.
I quite literally bumped into him and we were both crouched on the ground in the hall frantically picking up our stuff. He just stands once he'd finished and grins at me.
"Long time no see Lizzy," he says in a way that would have been charming had I not caught him making out with my sister once upon a time.
I shrugged and tried not to show visual repulsion.
"Still upset about that whole thing with your sister?" He rolled his eyes and looked somewhat disgusted. "You always were such a drama queen."
I turned and tried not to smack him. "You have no right to call me anything, you perverse little creep. You made out with my sister and you probably don't even remember her name."
He shrugged and grinned cockily. How could I have ever found him to be cute? "It's hard to keep track of all the girls that throw themselves at me."
My lip curled into a disgusted snarl as I shoved him and tried to walk away along with the rest of the student body as the class bell rang. "You're disgusting."
He roughly grabbed my arm as I tried to get down the hall and pushed me roughly against the wall. "What running off to your precious Willy-boy?" he asked disgustingly.
"Don't you dare touch me," I commanded sharply, trying to shove him away.
"I'll do what I want." He then got really close to my ear and I suddenly realized the halls were deserted along with the ringing of the class bell. "You always were a big tease Lizzy," he whispered and I pushed him as hard as I could.
He wavered just enough for me to shove my knee right into his groin and he immediately peeled off the wall clutching his favorite anatomy in pain.
"Bitch!" he shouted but as soon as the word left his mouth he was grabbed by a tall guy in a letterman jacket.
"Don't ever call Lizzy that," he growled and shoved Jack up against the parallel wall to where I'd collapsed, holding him tightly around the collar. "She's amazing and perfect which is a concept your slimy little ass can't even grasp," the guy shouted in a way that was immediately recognizable to me. "Not only do you never deserve to touch her you-"
"Mr. Darcy!" a woman's voice shouted from down the hall and Will released Jack making sure to slam him enough that Jack would collapse onto the floor. "What on earth were you doing to this young man?" the woman asked indignantly and I recognized her as our old Humanities teacher.
Will clenched his jaw and hand by his side like I'd seen him do so many times when I'd make him angry. During those times I'd never been scared of Will but in that moment he just seemed so ferociously intense.
"Mr. Darcy I asked you a question," she growled harshly.
Will took a deep breath and pointed to where I was curled on the ground. "Lizzy probably needs to go see the nurse," he said softly.
She pierced her lips. "That may very well be Mr. Darcy but you need to go see the dean." She pointed strictly down the hall and stomped her feet.
Will took another breath and with the intake of air his shoulders fell and he shuffled down the hall to the deans.
First she came over to me and placed her arm on my shoulder. "Miss Morgan are you okay?"
I looked from Will's retreating back and into her eyes then nodded slowly. "I don't need to see the nurse," I muttered then stood up. "I just need to talk to Mrs. Hertz."
She nodded once, with compassion that five seconds ago she was completely devoid of, and I followed Will's path to the administration wing. The entire walk to my aunt's office felt unreal. As if I was floating through a dream and nothing had happened.
By the time I got to her office I was numb as I waited in the hall for her to finish with whoever she was speaking with and then quickly jumped into her office as soon as her visitor left.
I hastily closed the door and turned to her. With the simplest phrase of, "Lizzy? To what do I owe the pleasure?" I burst into tears.
Before this week I'd barely cried, now I'm a freaking sprinkler system.
My Aunt quickly rushed across her office and wrapped me into a huge hug. "What is it Lizzy?" she prodded gently leading me over to her small sofa in the corner.
"You're a guidance counselor. I need counseling," I finally managed to get out between big sobs.
"Ok sweetheart. You have to tell me what happened first though dear," she said gently rubbing my back just like my mother had done to my arm.
"Mr. Hertz-" I wiped my eyes and cleared my throat trying to regain my composure. "He has the wrong guy and I need-" I choked. "I need you to talk to him."
"Ok, ok," she slowly untangled herself from my grasp and picked up her phone. "John," I heard her say into her phone. "Do you have a student in your office?"
She paused for a moment as he replied, but I couldn't hear him.
"Will Darcy?" she asked shooting me a quick look and trying to not sound as shocked as she was. I nodded and my eyes began to leak again. (I call it the water-flood complex. Once emotions are released they just don't stop. When it rains it pours.) Mrs. Hertz noticed this and turned to the wall as if she couldn't watch.
"Well I think, before you do anything you should come to my office," she replied into the phone all business. "No. Now!" she added sternly obviously ending all of his protests as he banged on the door a few seconds later.
"What is so important that you pulled me out of a disciplinarian meeting with a student and a teacher?" he asked sternly entering the room without even noticing me on the sofa behind the door.
My aunt jerked her head toward me and he spun around then jumped a little when he noticed the state I was in. "Lizzy-"
I quickly stood and tried not to cry again. "Uncle John! It wasn't Darcy! He was helping get Jack off me!" I was begging in panic.
"Off you?" he asked slowly and I could see him swallow.
I nodded. "Jack had pressed me against the wall in the hall and Darcy came over to help me! He didn't do anything." I couldn't get rid of my panicked toned and a couple more tears slipped down my cheek as I sniffled.
"Lizzy…" My aunt rushed over to me and grabbed my hand to help settle me back onto the sofa as I curled into her chest and lost myself in tears. "You heard her John," I heard her say over my head.
I didn't pull my face from her shirt as I heard Uncle John say, "I'll go find Jack then," and the door close behind him.
Post-drama…
Friday, March 21; lunchtime. In my aunts office.
I've spent most of the day in my Aunt's office because she pulled some strings to get me an exempt pass from classes to help her with a "serious paperwork emergency" before spring break.
Basically the only time today I've been caught dead in the hall was this morning, when I was getting a couple of books out of my locker to keep up with my work, when who should appear but Darcy.
I was holding like six books and leaning against my locker when he walked up to me and smiled weakly.
"Your uncle told me that you got me off the hook," he said slowly while watching me very closely.
I shrugged and tried not to meet his eyes. I hated feeling weak and vulnerable. "I just told them the truth."
He took about a half step closer to me while I watched his shoes shuffle awkwardly. "But you didn't have to. I did pin him against the wall and such. Technically I broke rules."
I looked up at him with a blank face. "But you did it to help me."
He shrugged and locked into my eyes. "You took pretty good care of yourself. I just ended it for you."
I bit my bottom lip. "Thank you for being there."
"It was just a coincidence."
I closed the three steps between us and quickly brushed my lips across his cheek. "I don't want to fight anymore Will," I whispered wrapping my hands around his writs.
He adjusted his hands so that his fingers laced with mine and smiled pretty fully. "But fighting is what keeps it interesting Lizzy. It's what we do best," he murmured then walked me to the office.
Aaaand break! Spring break that is…
Sunday, March 23; Post-hibernation
I've seriously been sleeping since I got out of school on Friday. And that's why Spring Break rocks!
Rip Van Wrinkle better look out.
Anyway for the few moments (meals and to watch a couple of Episodes of Grey's Anatomy at Erin's house) that I was awake I managed to make plans for the rest of the week.
Bridgey and I are going to stay at my dad's house on the beach for the week!
Beach. Nice warm beach. I so missed it.
God, I love Florida.
As foreign of a thought this is I almost wish my mother would take the week off of work and come with us because it's been so long since we've done like "family stuff" but she says she can't.
Erin has to work all week but she said she will come down for Thursday and Friday and we'll build our annual sandcastle.
Psyched?
Good me too!
Coincidence...?
Tuesday, March 25; I have a sunburn time
So there I am sitting on the beach in one of my father's ginormous t-shirts (with a hat and sunglasses and any other object I could think of to keep the sun off my skin because on only my second day on the shores I was redder than a lobster.) and my hand stock in one of those giant cartons of Goldfish crackers, trying to get a couple from the bottom, when who should appear but Mr. Darcy! (Seriously that not meeting people thing is true. I should publish my findings.)
"Er Lizzy what are you doing?"
I was honestly very surprised he recognized me in that get up. So much for going incognito.
"Will! What are you doing here?" I asked standing up and pulling off all my sun accessories. He immediately laughed when he saw my deep red tint.
I could honestly put Mr. Cool-aid to shame. ("Oh yeah! Oh yeah!")
"I'm staying at the beach place for break- er do you need some help with that?" he asked laughing again and gesturing to the Goldfish box that was still stuck around my hand.
"No," I replied shaking my hand to get it off but the thing really was stuck. They never did that when I was younger. Eventually Will managed to stop laughing, at my futile attempts at operation: hand extrication, enough to grab the box and tell me to pull.
After my hand was finally freed from its cardboard prison I turned back to Will. "So why are you here?"
He smiled and sat beside me on the towel and I couldn't help but notice the sublime view of him in all his shirtless-ness, as he wrapped his (bare) arms around his bent legs. "Georgie begged me to take her to the beach for the week."
I smiled and bumped into his arm with my shoulder. "And you're such a big old softy that you just had to give in?"
He smiled. "Maybe I had my own motives in wanting to stay."
I looked at him with that eyebrow expression people always wear when they ask a question. "What was that then?"
He shrugged. "Maybe I just happen to remember that there was this cool chick whose father had a house nearby," he smiled and finally turned his head to look at me. "I was just hoping she might have come for spring break."
I mirrored his sitting position (except I had a shirt on) and pulled my own arms around my legs then looked at him. "And did you find her?"
He turned his head back so he was facing straight ahead but I could still see his smile. "Want to go for a walk with me?"
I shrugged and he stood. After leaving a quick note in the sand for Bridget (so she wouldn't freak out when she saw me gone when she got out of the water) and walked down the beach (after I put back on my baseball cap. I was freakishly burned man.).
Now I've spent plenty of time alone with Will (Hell I've even spent time alone with Will while we were both in his bed) but for some reason this whole walk was torturous. Every time our hands would brush together my skin would burn and my mind kept wondering of images of us just suddenly making out in the sand.
I began to understand how the last few months had finally driven Will to the brink of insanity.
Now that I wanted this so much and had absolutely no reason to object every single miniscule little touch was so much more important because every single miniscule little touch could (and hopefully at one point will) lead to something more than just a miniscule little touch.
Oh how I hoped it would have. I still hope it will and I'm watching TV at my dad's with Bridget at the moment. My stomach jumps just thinking that maybe it's ever so slightly possible that he might just come through the door and kiss me.
Then I have to remind myself that he doesn't even know where this house is.
Oh why was I such an idiot and never took the opportunity when it knocked at my doorstep?
Stupid Lizzy for giving Will space to get over me.
Turns out all that "space" did was get me under him.
Oh the shirtless-ness will last in my mind forever.
If he still has any feelings (friends or more) for me he'll come and find me again tomorrow.
So there is a God…
Wednesday, March 26; do they even keep time in heaven?
AHHHHHHH!
No, no you can't know yet.
Shut up I won't tell. It's a story and I must start at the beginning so stop begging for the ending.
Trust me it's worth the wait.
First of course Will, being the amazing and oh so proved me wrong, guy that he is showed up on the beach with Jo in tow.
"Hey Lizzy," she says all excited then goes and sets up her towel by Bridget who woke up from her snoring slumber and immediately started screeching at the sight of Jo.
I had re-emerged from my anti-sun bubble again today and decided to screw the whole skin cancer thing and was just laying there when I felt Will's shadow cast over me.
I opened my eyes and he held out a hand to me. "Let's go swimming," he said and I grabbed the hand as he pulled me up.
I don't ever feel self conscience but I don't normally hang out with guys at the beach either. Anyway I felt awkward until I got into the water (which was cold. Nay freezing) and started jumping around like the true fish I was.
The current was strong so it took most of our energy to keep fighting the water and stay in line with our stuff on the shore but I also managed to beat him seven times out of ten in our body surfing contest. Eventually he started to get too competitive and would hold my ankles to keep me from catching my wave.
H e said I won ice cream so once I got pruny and we dug a whole and dropped Georgie in it we split back our separate ways (him leaving with directions to my dad's) to go put on real clothes for a casual dinner at Pem's Pizza.
They picked us up and we hit Pem's and everything was completely amazing. We pulled into our driveway after ward and Jo went all stiff and very awkwardly said as if she were a robot, "Bridget. Why don't you show me the outfit you're wearing tomorrow."
Bridget turned to her looking all confused. "I'm planning on never taking off my bathing suit tomorrow."
Obviously Jo was getting at something I (nor Bridget apparently) wasn't catching but she cast Will a desperate stare and tried again. "Er. Well then why don't you show me the bathing suit you're wearing tomorrow."
Bridge looked confused again which is rather sad because as Jo cast Will another pleading look even I caught on and smiled. "But I only have one bathing- OH!" She practically shouting finally catching on and amending just as robotically as Jo had, "Why yes Jo that idea sounds lovely."
I laughed as they got out of the back seat of the car. Apparently according to Bridget people who are trying to be subtle talk with British accents.
"Well Will wasn't that a bit odd," I said turning in my seat to face him and mocking Bridget's accent.
Will blushed and tried to cover his face by putting his hand over his forehead. "I'm really sorry Lizzy," he muttered from behind his hand and he slid it down from his forehead to rub his eyes.
I gave a single chuckle. "Are you kidding me? That was the funniest thing I've ever seen- Oh!" I too am a lot like Bridget that I never notice anything. "Will did you tell Georgie to leave us?"
Will pulled his other hand up to his eyes and ground his palms into his sockets.
This time I chuckled more than once.
He dropped his palms and looked at me blinking to clear his eyes which had turned red from the pressure he'd put on them.
I suddenly stopped because he seemed so serious.
"Lizzy if you still think I'm horrible for having been such a jerk to you or if you- if you just want to be friends again," he said turning away from me and resting his forearms on the steering wheel as he moved his hands around wildly and continued, "and if you can't forgive me for being no better than Jack and not understanding-"
And yes that was when I finally pulled myself up onto my arm that I shoved on top on the center console and shut him up.
Yep I kissed him. I kissed him real good. (No honestly like really, really good.) And continued to do so for what felt like hours. (Or quite possibly days.)
When we finally couldn't breathe anymore and the windshield was steamed up (by the way "Steam up a car windshield" can officially be crossed off my things to do list.) we both went up the stairs to my dad's apartment (he tailed behind me but held firmly onto my hand, giggling all the way) where we spent basically the remainder of the night watching Cinderella Man while Jo and Bridgey giggled the night away in her room.
He just left but five minutes ago (with a simple good bye peck and a face splitting smile) and I'm still smiling like an idiot.
Serious serotonin overload.
Blissful…
Thursday, March 27; happy people have no need for watches. But technically the sun is rising so that should very well make it Friday
Today was great.
Played with Erin (after spending about half an hour giving her a very in-depth description of last night).
Played with Will.
Eventually Eddie showed up and he played some too.
Played at Will's Beach house (I call it the Sand Castle) and when it got dark and our other four companions fell asleep on all of Will's four (honestly four's a lot) sofas, he and I both snuck out and wondered down the beach by the glow of my iPod.
It wasn't as awkward as last time, due to a lack of repressed sexual tension, and this time when we bumped arms (even though we were clasped by the hands. Greatness that mine our clammy and his slightly dry so as to balance out) we would just bump then kiss until we both started doing this on purpose just to have an excuse to kiss each other.
We wondered down the beach in a conversation of complete mundane, blissful randomness that went something to this effect.
Me: "So does this mean we're officially together."
Will: (nodding) "God I hope so."
Me: "Me too."
(Bump, then giggle, then kisses again.)
Me: "We should have a song."
Will: (iPod scrolling noise) "I know just the one."
(The freak played "Kissing the Lipless" by The Shins and I hit him then grabbed the iPod.)
Me: "This one?"
Will: "No Disney songs as our song."
Me: "But it's 'Kiss the Girl!' By the crab Will. The crab!"
Will: (grabbing the iPod back) "'Wonderful Tonight?'"
Me: "Too cliché."
Will: "'Love is Hell?'"
Me: "Oh thanks." (More punching.)
Will: "Ouch. How about 'Jumper.'"
Me: "I guess you'd have to be suicidal to go out with me."
Will: "Here it should be 'Fortunate Fool.'"
Me: "You'd have to be the fool."
(I grabbed the iPod back again.)
Me: "I'm freakishly brilliant."
Will: "Now let's not tell lies Lizzy."
(More Punching. Then a quick kiss.)
Me: "Just listen you idiot."
That's when I put on "Sparks" by Coldplay. Good choice?
I think so and so does Will so what do we care if you don't.
What can I say? "I saw sparks."
El Final…
Monday, March 31; the final time for this is the final page.
Today was the last day of school in March.
A very simple day where nothing unusual happened. I was just standing at my locker at the end of the day and Will walks up to me and kisses my cheek.
"I have a very important question to ask you," I said as he kissed my cheek again then my lips really softly and briefly.
"Go for it," he whispered against my skin as he pressed me against my locker (deserted hallway did I mention? No I'm not that girl. But I've found myself doing a lot of things I'd never really thought) and kissed my neck really softly.
"I just wanted to know if you want to be my lab partner again." I asked sweetly as he pulled his head back but kept me pinned.
"Oh heck no. Bad things happen when we become lab partners," he smiled and pulled me from the locker by my hand.
Five steps later and we hear, "Will?"
It was Jackilyn. She rushed up to us all flustered and such. "Oh God I hoped it wasn't true," she moaned staring at our hands.
"What?" Will asked all confused.
"I can't believe you'd date her," she practically groaned.
Will shook his head and blew air out of his mouth.
"Jackie you're ridiculous," he muttered then pulled me by our hands right around her as she yelled reputation threats down the hall. Each one missed their target and soared right past us as we eventually reached his car and he drove me home, my country music blaring all the way.
Done!
Done!
Done!
Done!
Done!
Done!
Enjoy!