A/N: Hello everybody! It's Phoenix Queen. When I write the author's notes, they will be in italics so you know it's me and not Jadis. Well I really don't have anything to say, except remember to review!

Disclaimer: Don't sue us! We're just two poor authors trying to make it in the world! We don't own anything!

James woke the next morning with a start. He had snuck back to the common room before the rendezvous was over, not wanting to face Sirius when he was done being "Sandra" and afraid that he would not be able to restrain from vomiting much longer. Now completely soaked with freezing water, he looked up to see Sirius' smiling face directly above him.

James groaned: Sirius only had that smile when he was in a mood to interrogate someone.

"Soooo…do you plan on telling me how you happen to know a spell to transform me into a girl?"

"Not now Padfoot, I'm sleeping. Or, I was."

"Oh but it is such an interesting topic! Really! And why did you have to make me so hot? Snivellus was drooling over me!" Sirius shuttered; this was not an experience he wanted to repeat.

"Yeah, sorry about that, mate," said James, grinning. "I would never have guessed that you'd look better as a girl. Maybe we should make the spell permanent." He reached for the wand on his beside table.

"Touch that wand and die," Sirius growled.

"Oh, so you enjoy looking the way you do. Gotcha. I don't see why you would, but—"

"Shut up, James!" Sirius bellowed and tackled him. The two began a scuffle on the floor.

"What's going on?" asked Remus sleepily from the other bed.

"Yeah guys, why are you fighting at 2 o'clock in the &$# night?" snapped Peter, who was furious at being woken up at this hour.

"Well Padfoot here has decided that he should punish me for the brilliant save of our prank," James said dryly. "He isn't fond of his new and improved state of being."

"New and improved state of being! I am a girl! Female! This is scarring! You didn't even have the decency to undo your amazing transformation!"

"You're a girl!"

"What? Who's a girl? You know I am not sure I want to know, but I do have to see this. Lumos."

Remus' face came into view; he was holding his wand high over his head spreading light over the scene before him. James was lying on the floor next to his bed, a very hot girl standing over him holding a wand to James' chest. Remus looked at the girl. She was very tall with waist long black hair. She had a fierce look on her face that made her look like she was about to curse James into oblivion.

"Who the bloody hell are you? And what are you doing in the boys' dormitory?"

"I am shy Sandra from Ravenclaw! Good grief Moony, didn't you listen to James? I'm good ol' Padfoot who happens to be transformed by my dear mate Prongs." Sirius turned back to glaring at James, who had a smirk growing on his face.

Remus sighed "James, explain. And for Merlin's sake please change him back into a boy."

Half an hour later, they were all sitting on the floor. Sirius (who was thankfully male again) and James had just finished telling the whole story about the notes, the meeting, and the transformation. Remus looked thoughtful, but Peter was roaring with
laughter.

"Cut that out, Peter. I'm still in the mood to hex someone." Peter stopped laughing immediately—he had had too much experience with Sirius's hexes.

"You know mate, you never did tell me how you knew that transforming gender spell."

James grinned.

"Oh, I think Peter can tell you that story." Sirius turned instantly to Peter.

"What do you have to do with it?" he demanded. "Did you teach James the spell? Because if you did, so help me I will—"

"No no no," Peter said quickly. "Well, several years ago, there was a night that Moony was off being a werewolf and you were in detention, without James for once. So
it was only James and I in the common room, and we were bored. And you know that when I'm bored, I do...interesting things. This time I somehow got myself glued to the ceiling. And in the process of trying to remember the spell that got me down, James
somehow turned me into a girl. Unfortunately, it was at that moment that Professor McGonagall entered the room. She went nuts, and reversed the spell. James has never forgotten the incantation, to this day."

"Which is a good thing or we would never have been able to so successfully pull off our prank."

"Successfully? Having Snivellus hit on you is not a success!"

"Chill, Padfoot. Um, guys, what were you planning on doing about this secret admirer? I mean she doesn't exist and Snape will be looking for her in the halls." A look of horror came to Sirius' face at these words.

"You will NOT turn me into a girl again! EVER!"

"No worries mate, we'll only do it when we have to." James replied. "But Moony is right, we are going to have to do something..."

Snape rushed back to his dormitory, leaping and jumping and wanting to sing with pleasure. He had just met the girl that he knew he was destined to marry. His one, his only, his darling...

"Ok, is it finished Padfoot? Good. Come on, we have to hurry!" James pulled his invisibility cloak out of his trunk and quickly covered himself and Sirius.

"Calm down, mate," Sirius whispered. "We don't want someone to notice us!"

"Sorry, but this is just so brilliant!" They had written another letter, this time with the help of Remus, even managing to snag some perfume from the girl's dormitory and scent the letter, with a nasty flowery smell. It was going to be perfect!

Snape, whistling joyfully, was just walking back to the common room when he saw a sight that made his heart positively burst with happiness. On the threshold of the Slytherin Common Room entrance, there lay a letter in a white envelope, once again signed, "Severus Snape" in that beautiful cursive. He opened it at once (there was a wonderful flowery smell) his heart thumping, and began to read.

My dearest darling honey-bunch Severus,

I cannot stand another hour without you. When I think of our meeting last night my heart swells with happiness-the way your dung-colored eyes shone in the starlight...the way your greasy black hair sparkled and shone...the way your thin, pallid face gazed at me...I love you, my darling. I must meet you again. For I have some terrible news to tell you. I cannot tell you in a letter, for I could not cause you more pain than you must endure. Remember, love conquers all, my little cowboy.

-Sandra

Severus stared at the letter in front of him. What did Sandra mean by terrible news? He was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he didn't notice Bellatrix sneaking up behind him and reading the letter in his hand.

"Ohhhh! Has little Snapey got himself a girlfriend?" Snape whirled around, totally taken by surprise.

"Shut up Bellatrix!"

"Now, now, little Severus, let's not lose our temper. You wouldn't want to make an ass out of yourself in front of this Sandra, would you?"

"I said shut up!" snarled Snape who was now brick red.

"Maybe I could help with your little girlfriend, Snape. I could give you some little tips. You know...what girls like, what are flowers and what are weeds like the last bouquet you picked for her..."

"HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?" Snape shouted at the top of his lungs, jumping to his feet.

"I have my...sources." Bellatrix said slyly, examining her fingernails. "In other words, I just followed the yellow brick grease trail you left behind."

Snape's mouth was agape. Having Bellatrix know your secrets was not a good thing; indeed, it was almost like shouting them to the world.

Lily Evans looked up from her book as loud bursts of laughter came from the other side of the room. She narrowed her eyes in disgust. She was sick of James Potter and Sirius Black. Always causing disruptions, never able to just be quiet and stop pulling pranks. Hadn't they permanently scarred enough lives already?

She was going to catch them one day and then...well then maybe James would leave her alone. She doubted that however. And as if they weren't annoying enough, James had some sort of crush on her. Which thoroughly ticked her off.

But when she caught them...maybe he would begin to hate her. That would be a relief. They were laughing even louder now. Probably planning another cruel prank. Maybe she could catch them on this one. And thus thinking, Lily snuck over to them, trying to hear what they were planning.

Snape stared at Bellatrix from his chair across the room. Should he accept her offer of help or not? It would be nice to be able to impress Sandra but... could he trust Bellatrix?

That was an obvious 'no'. After all, he could barely count the number of times she had hexed him and made fun of him and humiliated him. But on the other hand, if he didn't let her help him, she would most definitely turn up at his date anyway, and if she was angry with him his date would not go at ALL well with her there. And besides, you never knew-maybe Bellatrix WOULD be helpful, teaching him to woo Sandra.

"All right," he said heavily after a while. "You can help me." He had four weeks before he could go see Sandra again, and they were going to be put to use.

A/N: It's all I can do not to throw up while reading this. And I even wrote it! I'm sorry to put you through so much physical agony, dear readers, but it's for the story!