The weeks went by quickly for Snape, he learned the difference between flowers and weeds, what sort of things were good to say and what were not. However there was one thing that Bellatrix could not get him to understand.

"Snivellus you really need to wash your hair. No girl likes it when a guy hasn't washed his hair in two years, really it's nasty. You are starting to leave trails of grease behind you!"

"It has not been two years since I washed my hair! For goodness sake it was washed three days ago!" It had in fact been washed three days ago, by none other than Potter and Black. It happened during History of Magic, which was their usual time for playing pranks on him, seeing as they sat behind him and Professor Binns never looked up from his notes. Suddenly, an excited and rather evil look lit up Bellatrix's face.

"I just had the most marvelous idea."

"What was it?" asked Snape suspiciously.

"Before your next big date with Sandra, I will personally give you a makeover."

"Like hell you will!" shouted Snape, clutching his hair and moving back several hasty steps. "I'm not letting you within ten feet of my hair!"

"Oh, it won't just be your hair, Snivelbrains. Clothes too, and shoes, and face..."

"I won't let you."

"You will unless you want my price doubled. And you know what will happen if I stop giving you lessons." Snape shuddered. Having the whole school know about his and Sandra's relationship-ESPECIALLY when it was Bellatrix's version-was not at all desirable. But have her give him a makeover? It was insane. Beyond insane. But once again, she had given him no choice.

$&$&$&

"All right, this is it mates. Part A of Stage Three of 'Operation Snivellus'!"

"Oh for goodness sake Prongs! Just cut to the chase already—no need to sound all... organized..."

James glared at Sirius. Sirius had been annoyed with him ever since he stopped Sirius from cursing Peter to oblivion.

"I am not organized! That is what Remus is for! But now let's please get back to "O.S."! We have a love letter to write!"

Sirius' eyes lit up; he loved doing this part. "All right, I'll write it and you guys can edit!"

Quickly pulling out a piece of parchment Sirius started to write in the strangely girly hand writing. Five minutes later he had finished. Handing it to James and Remus, he watched them read it. After watching them he knew he had done well.

"You know" said Remus slowly, after fixing several spelling errors, "It's almost creepy how good you are at this. It almost seems like you have had... practice..." He pretended to look suspiciously at Sirius. Sirius just snorted.

"Why are you getting on my case? We all know that the only one who's ever written a love letter is James, and Lily obviously thought that they were of poor quality. You need to let ME help you, mate," Sirius added to James, stretching and reclining in his chair. "I could give you a few helpful hints."

James snorted even louder than Sirius had.

"Since exactly when are YOU the master of love?" he asked.

"Well I certainly know more than you!"

"Yeah sure! Remember the date you went on with Amelia in third year?..."

Remus sighed, stretched and stood up. He knew from much experience that this was not likely to end anytime soon.

"Night Prongs, Padfoot, Wormtail." Peter waved to him, but Sirius and James were too busy bickering. Shaking his head in amusement, Remus started up the stairs to the boys' dormitories.

$&$&$&

Lily sat in the shadows near the portrait hole, listening intently to Sirius and James's conversation. The common room was empty except for those two and Peter, and she was sure that they could not see her, for the simple reason that she was under one of her own Disillusionment charms. Most of the bickering was pointless, but at the end she heard a few words that, to her, were worth their weight in gold. As Sirius stood, she caught the phrase, "Well, if all goes well, we (or should I say Sandra) should be meeting Snivellus in the trophy room again in three days time."

"'Midnight, for it's such a romantic time.'" said James in a strangely girly voice, as if he was quoting something. Lily didn't listen to the rest of their conversation. There was no need. All she needed to know was what she had just heard: a way to catch Sirius and James in the act once and for all. Lily headed for her dormitory and smiled evilly. Just three more days...

$&$&$&

"Look what I found outside our common room?" Bellatrix said waving, an envelope in Snape's face "Guess who it's from?" Snape snatched the letter from Bellatrix's hand and tore it open, reading it fervently.

My dearest darling Severus,

I can not hold my excitement much longer; I am nearly bursting to see you. All day long I dream about your pallid face, your hooked nose and cruel sneer. I see you greasy hair in my mind's eye and want to reach out and touch it, capturing the large droplets of hair grease. I must go, for someone is coming, but meet me in two days time in the trophy room—at midnight, for it's such a romantic time. I must go, my darling. Farewell until two days.

Devotedly your love servant,

Sandra

Snape stared. He would see her again! Finally! He turned around to see Bellatrix reading over his shoulder with a smirk on her face. Snape folded it

over hastily. She looked up at him.

"'Devotedly your love servant'?" she mocked, cackling. "Well let's go, Snivelly. We have work to do."