A/N: I feel like Snape is really out of character…but it's all for the sake of the humor, so we're good!
Disclaimer: Nope.
Snape woke up early on Wednesday with a heavy heart. Bellatrix had set the makeover for today. All day long, they were going to skip class. He rolled his eyes. Bellatrix was crazy—it would not take all day to do a silly makeover. Really, it wasn't like there was much she needed to improve!
Snape looked at the clock. It was almost 5:30, the time he was to meet Bellatrix in the common room to slip away to the room of requirement. They had agreed to skip breakfast so no one would see them. When Snape reached to common room he found Bellatrix waiting for him, her eyes shining mysteriously, holding a large bag in her hand.
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To his fury, Peter's makeup astronomy time was scheduled for Wednesday night at 11:30, which meant that he would miss the entire show. James was a little annoyed by this, but in his heart, he was partially glad that Peter wouldn't be there...he so often messed things up. (A/N: yeah that's right peter! nobody likes you, you cowardly little traitor!)
Sirius was, predictably, in a rage about having to be a girl again—even though James had exasperatedly explained to him a thousand times that it was absolutely necessary.
"Why can't you be the bloody girl!" he fumed. "I had my turn!"
"Because," said James not-so-patiently, "if I turned into a girl, I would look totally different from you as a girl. And as much as I'm sure Snape would love TWO 'girls' hitting on him, I really don't see a reason why I have to be emotionally scarred as well."
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Lily had decided to skip sleep altogether that night. She knew there was no point in trying to sleep before it: she would be much too excited. And as for sleeping afterwards? Well, she was pretty sure the idea of Snape hitting on someone would keep her up for nights to come. She was so excited she could barely speak to any of her friends. Finally, she was going to catch James Potter once and for all!
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Snape was more than a little worried as he sat down on the saloon chair in the Room of Requirement. He knew that he was perfect and that Bellatrix could not improve him much—so what if she made him worse!
But that's unlikely, he thought, trying to calm himself. I could never be ugly, or even remotely plain in appearance. In fact it's simply impossible!
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The Marauders were ecstatic. All the classes for the day were over and it was only six hours away from the grand finale of Operation Snivellus. Six hours and they would have pulled the ultimate prank.
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Lily was dressed entirely in black as she set off for the trophy room that night. She had decided to get there a few minutes before Snape would arrive, so she would be able to observe everything.
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James, Remus and Sirius bade Peter good-bye (A/n: ha HA, Peter!) then set off for the trophy room. When they got there, about ten minutes early so Snape would not see them arrive, James quickly turned Sirius into Sandra (with much colorful language on Sirius's part) and then James and Remus snuck off to opposite ends of the room, each stationing themselves behind large statues.
The plan was to have Sirius draw Snape closer and closer to James and Remus, then have the two jump out and stun him. Sirius had given Filch a "tip-off" that someone was going to be in the trophy room at quarter past midnight, and when they had left Snape there, immovable, Filch would come along and put him into probably a decade of detention. Not to mention that they would have broken his heart. It was all so simple, yet so perfect!
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Lily looked down the hallway and scowled. Why did Peeves pick this day of all days to play ping-pong with the suits of armor just outside the trophy room? It was just her luck that on her one chance to get back at James it would be all ruined...if only she could distract Peeves...
five minutes later
Lily smiled; she loved the feeling of having bested Peeves after all these years. To think that all it took was a well aimed body bind curse to take care of the little nuisance. If only she had thought of it a few years earlier. Slowly she slipped into the room, only a few minutes late for the meeting.
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James and Remus stood behind their overlarge trophies and peeked out at "Sandra" standing in the middle of the room. She looked gorgeous in jeans and a white sweater—however the look on her face was murderous.
"Psst, Sirius! Smile! Don't look so angry! This will not work if you kill Snape the moment he walks into the room!"
"Shut up James! You aren't the one who is a girl for Merlin's sake!"
"Really Sirius, don't worry. The therapy fund has started already."
"Remus what the heck are you talking about? And what is a therapy fund!"
"Shhh! It's almost midnight! Snape will be here any moment!" hissed James.
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Snape was nervous. Even the period of dating lessons with Bellatrix did not inspire confidence to the situation. On the contrary, he was now beginning to wonder if perhaps her advice had all been misleading, if she had been trying to get Snape to make a fool of himself. There was only one condolence: Snape was sure that if the date started going badly, his natural suavity and charm would kick in and save him.
But he was still nervous. And the fact that Bellatrix was bobbing behind him giving last-minute tips was not helpful in the slightest.
"Now remember the conversation lessons we had, Snivelly. Sure, you say she's pretty and all that, but you have GOT to keep your wits about you, or you'll sound like an idiot. Scratch that, you'll sound like MORE of an idiot."
At any other time, Snape would have given her a good hex, but he was too jittery even to pull his wand from his pocket. He contented himself with a very dirty look her way, but she seemed not to notice.
"We're almost there!" she squealed. Bellatrix seemed to be enjoying herself more than Snape, and he found himself wishing that SHE could take his place in this date. Then maybe he wouldn't have so much sweat dripping down his face. (A/n: Yuck. Snape sweat. Even the name sounds repulsive.)
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Lily watched as Snape came into the room from behind a statue. She almost fell over when she saw him. He was wearing new black dress robes, his face was clean, and he had a large bouquet of red roses clutched in his hands. However, the look on his face ruined the effect. It was a repugnant look of happiness, one she hadn't thought he was capable of.
Lily was very glad that she had put a disillusionment charm on herself because that face made her fall over. Turning away from the Snape's revolting expression, she snuck past the trophies looking for the Marauders.
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James watched as Snape came into the room. Very impressed at Sirius' ability not to puke in Snivelly's greasy face, he watched Sandra smile as he began to talk.
"Hello Sandra," he said in a soft voice. "Nice to see you."
James was surprised. He had never, ever heard Snape sound that... nice in his life. Then suddenly, Snape came into a shaft of moonlight, and James was able to see the full extent of the makeover.
He nearly choked stifling his laughter. Snape's hair was no longer straight. It was...curly. In ringlets. Thick black, NOT greasy ringlets that would have been attractive on anyone else. But this was Snape. He had apparently come upon a tanning spell, because his face was several shades darker than its usual disgusting pallor. His eyelashes looked as if they had been curled slightly, and that faint shimmer on his lips...
Was that lip gloss?
James hastily put a silencing charm on himself and collapsed on the floor, shaking in silent but uncontrollable laughter.
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Severus stared at the amazing girl in front of him. She was so, so beautiful that it was almost hard to look at her. He knew that he wanted to be with her forever.
(A/n: Ok it is really hard to write about Snape! He is so... dumb.)
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Lily snuck amongst the trophies, looking around carefully for the marauders. Cautiously she walked around the edges of the room, using all her strength to not listen to the conversation behind her. It would probably give her great amounts of pain and suffering or at least a fit of puking...
&$&$&$
When James finally got control of himself, he was ecstatic. The prank was going perfectly! After all that hard work it was finally coming to the perfect ending. Or so he thought...
Until he felt himself under a full body bind.
"Well, well, what have we got here?"
James felt his face go white. The sneering voice belonged to none other than Lily.
Not good, not good!
A/n: Ahh, I love climaxes!