Part 3

Beaten up and panicking about the situation Ric didn't remember much of what happened after he ran off.
He remembered only having one thought in his head: to find Flynn.
Thank God Flynn was a doctor, or he wouldn't have dared coming to him. Because of how beaten up he was he had an excuse to see him, and no one needed to know that it was just because of the injuries he went to see him.
Flynn was the only one who had been able to see through him and see what was going on, and somehow Ric had the feeling he really cared.
Perhaps he was wrong, perhaps Flynn was just another person claiming to care but abandoning him and giving up on him after a few weeks. Perhaps he was just so tired of being abused that he wasn't able to judge Flynn like he judged everyone else, but it didn't matter. He needed to go somewhere, and Flynn Saunders was the only option.

Looking back now Ric knew that Flynn had cared. And so had probably everyone else, he was just so afraid of people who cared after being abused by his father.
They weren't exactly happy memories, but they were memories, and now they were all coming back to him.
He had been such a bully, he had been taking out all his anger on innocent people. Every night when he went to bed he had felt bad for being so mean and abusive, but he had managed to go to sleep every night. The only thing that kept him going on was his plan and dream. One day he would get out of this hell, and then he would make up for all he had done. He wouldn't be able to make it up to all those he had bullied, but he would change.
He would find a girl, if anyone wanted him which he sometimes doubted, and he would be nice to her and take care of her. And one day he would become a father himself, and he would be a good father. He wouldn't beat up his children and call them weak losers. Instead he would take them out to play in the park, walk with them on the beach and place his arm around them on photos.
Perhaps it was weird, but it was the best revenge he could think of after all his father had done to him; to be exactly the opposite of what he had been told to be, - and to be loved for that.

A part of that change was to open up and don't build walls around himself.
For a while he had really thought he had done that and truly changed. He remembered the day he had the fight with Alf because Alf had walked in on him injecting insulin and thought he was doing drugs, and afterwards he had met Mattie and for the first time in his life really talked about his feelings.
He felt like a new person after that conversation, and when he was offered a home with Sally and Flynn he was sure everything was going to be all right.
But it wasn't all right. He didn't get along with Flynn, and when he finally started to fit in and everyone got along everything was turned upside down again.
Flynn was diagnosed with cancer, and he didn't want anyone outside the family to know.
The fact that Flynn didn't want anyone to know caused a huge step back for Ric. He could clearly remember the urge to talk to someone that wasn't family, but he couldn't betray Flynn after all he had done.
It got a bit better when the secret was revealed, but it didn't last long.

Ric rolled over in his bed. He really didn't want to think about the next memory, because it was even more painful than the others.
Of all his memories the next one was the worst, even though it didn't contain violence, betrayal and abuse.
Losing someone you loved was way more painful than any physical abuse.

---

A few months earlier

Cassie could be really pushy sometimes. She was always the first one to find out when Ric was trying to keep a secret from everyone else, and she was always the one trying to solve his problems. She could be such a pain, but at the same time she was the one who always knew when he needed her, and when he just needed to be by himself.
Just not today.
They had all known this day would come eventually. Just not today...
Flynn was getting weaker and weaker every minute, and Sally had told them what Dr. Mathews had told her: He only had a few hours left.

Ric had been so sure it had hit him three months ago when Flynn told them he had cancer, but the truth was it didn't really hit him before now. He was losing his dad.
Sure, he had lost Owen too, but he wasn't really like a dad. His abusive and drunken behaviour had wiped the father image off him, and instead he was the one who always pushed Ric down.
Flynn hadn't been like that, he had always helped him up again, even when Owen was the one pushing him down.
Ric knew Flynn hadn't been aware of it himself, he had just thought he wasn't getting through to this twisted kid, but from the moment Flynn had looked him in the eyes and said "I see tears in a tough guy like you," Ric had found strength to carry on a bit longer.
Maybe he didn't really understand, but at least he made the dream Ric had wake up again.
Constant bashing and verbal abuse had almost killed Ric's dream about one day getting back at his father by being a much better father than him. Every time Owen told him he was weak he came closer to believe he was right, maybe he was weak? Maybe he couldn't change?
But seeing Flynn made him believe there was still hope, even for a guy like him.
By never giving up on him it was like he kept telling him he was right. He was strong, he could be a good person no matter what his father told him.

Flynn was much more like a dad that Owen ever had been, but the pain and memories this day brought back made it hard for Ric. When Sally told them Flynn wanted to see them he just wanted to give in for all the pain and cry.
No, he was done crying. Crying was for the weak, and Flynn had taught him he was strong, not weak like Owen said!
He couldn't disappoint him by being weak again no, he had to stay strong.
But he felt like he was on the edge, almost breaking down in tears. He knew that seeing Flynn and telling him goodbye would make him cry. He couldn't do that, not now.

His denial became Cassie the Pushy Cow's golden opportunity to show her pushiest side of herself.
She tried every single way to get him to change his mind.
"You don't get another change Ric..."
She started out in the usual pushy way, but when she realized that wasn't going to work she had to switch to the sneaky and nice way.
"It really wasn't that bad, Ric..."
It didn't work. Ric had made up his mind, no more weakness.
He had given in after a while. Alf had made him see that maybe being weak was better than not being there at all.

As he had thought the tears came as soon as he saw Flynn using the little energy he had left to smile and say hello to him.
But Ric could see more than that, he could see that Flynn had been crying.
At the moment he saw that he had been crying Ric gave up the strong attitude and cried because he was sad, because he was losing his father and because he had been hiding his feelings way too long.

---

These memories were so painful, but they couldn't wipe away the question Ric had been asking himself since he started thinking about his past; do people ever really change?

Losing Flynn had been way more painful than any of Owen's verbal abuse and violent attacks, and just the memory made him cry today.
He tired to be silent so he wouldn't wake up Sally or Cassie or Pippa, but he didn't try to hide his feelings anymore, because even though he maybe hadn't been aware of it Flynn had taught his son one important thing during their last conversation; being strong sometimes meant crying and being vulnerable...