Part 4

"Ric, can you do me a favour and look after Pippa?" Sally said as soon as Ric came down the stairs in the morning. She looked stressed and busy.
"Yeah, sure," Ric muttered, "Why are you so busy on a Saturday?"
"I have to go to the school and do some paperwork," Sally replied, grabbing her purse, "I should be back by lunch."
"Okay, fine."
"I'm sorry I didn't ask you before," Sally continued, "I completely forgot, and Cassie is out with some friends."
"That's okay," Ric said, "I don't have any plans for today."

He had taken care of Pippa many times before, and she knew him so she was a dream to look after as usual.
But something was different.
As he made Pippa a sandwich and watched her smile and giggle when he turned around and lifted her up in a chair Ric couldn't help thinking about his dream of revenge.
Every time hid father's fist had hit his face he had sworn revenge. He would never ever treat his own children like Owen treated him.
...And like he treated everyone around him to get their respect...
Was it really possible to change?
He had promised himself to stop being mean and violent as soon as he got out of the hell his life with Owen was. But he had also promised himself he wouldn't be the closed person he was back then, and he had broken that promise when Flynn got ill.
What if he became just like his father? What if he lost his temper and abused his kids? What if who he and everyone else though he was wasn't the real him? What if the real Ric was Dalby, the violent and troubled kid almost everyone gave up on?
He swallowed and tried to get the thoughts out of his head while Pippa ate the last piece of bread.
"Wanna go play outside?" he said to her and lifted her out of the chair.
"Yesss! Play outside!" Pippa giggled and gave her brother a hug.

No matter how hard he tried Ric couldn't stop wondering if he had really changed. He wished he could talk to someone, but just mentioning a personal and private thought like that made him terrified.
"Just another proof that people never really changed," he though to himself. How ironic.
Pippa was playing on the lawn while he just sat there and watched her. She was playing some kind of tea-party or picnic, and all he had to do was sit there and let her serve him "tea" and "soup", both from the barrel at the corner of the house while he was pretending to drink and enjoy it.
"Hi, how's it going?" Ric was jerked back to reality when Sally talked to him.
"Fine," he said, trying to clear his mind, "Pippa has been playing since brekkie."
"That's good," Sally said before she sat down and turned to Pippa, "Has Ric been a good babysitter?"
Pippa nodded and smiled, and Ric couldn't help smiling himself.

"Are you okay?" Sally asked as she sat down next to him on the couch. She had just put Pippa down for a nap and now she wanted some answers from Ric. He had been so silent and distant lately, and she had a feeling something was wrong.
"Yeah, I'm... Fine," Ric said, avoiding to look at her, but there really wasn't much to look at.
"Sure?" Sally said, "because you have been acting weird lately..."
"Nah, I've just been thinking about stuff," Ric said, feeling a bit sick to his stomach from taking a risk like this.
"What about?"
He shrugged.
"Just... my dad and Flynn and things like that..."
"What about them?" Sally said, she wanted to know but she had to be careful. Ric never mentioned these things.
Ric didn't answer at first. He had to think it through before he said anything.
"Do you think people can change?" he asked, "I mean... really change?"
"Well, that depends," Sally replied honestly, "I think some people are kidding themselves when they think they have changed."
Ric swallowed, this was exactly what he had been afraid of.
"So you think that people can't change?" he asked.
"What are you thinking about, Ric," Sally said, not answering the question, "why are you asking about this?"
Okay, this was it. He had to tell the truth now, not run away and pretend it never happened. Because it happened, it was happening and he couldn't pretend he hadn't asked.
"It's... It's just... It's stupid," he said, wanting to kick himself for being such a coward.
"I know you, Ric," Sally said, "and whenever you say it's something stupid it's usually something that isn't stupid at all. It's just... scary to talk about."
Ric sighed, she knew him too well to be fooled like that.
"I just started thinking about how I used to be," he said, finally letting go of all his fears and talking about it.
"You mean when you... before Owen died?" Sally asked. Ric nodded.
"That was different," she said, "you weren't really like that, it was just a defense."
She seemed so calm, so sure she knew the answer to this.
"But..." Ric began, suddenly he was scared again, "What if that was the real me? I mean, my father was like that, and the only reason I changed was because I told myself I had to change."
"Exactly," Sally said, "You told yourself to change. You didn't change because you were told to, you changed because you didn't feel comfortable with who you were."
"I wanted to change because I wanted to get back at him for beating me up," he snorted, "I wanted to get back at him by being nice, is that stupid or what?!"
"That's not stupid at all," Sally replied, "That's a great way to get back at him."
"But it's not helping, is it? I mean he's dead..."
Sally thought for a second.
"Yeah," she finally said, "but you didn't change back. And you know why? Because this is how you are, not how he taught you to be."
Ric didn't say anything, he was afraid he would start crying again.

"In the meantime I suggest you work on losing that attitude. You're not doing yourself any favours," Morag Bellingham said before she closed the door behind her and left Dalby alone in the white hospital bed.

"Can I ask what this has got to do with Flynn?" Sally asked. Ric didn't say anything, he was thinking again, and trying to fight the tears coming.

"You really need to start giving people more credit!" Flynn Saunders said, and he actually sounded angry. Dalby felt scared, this was how people sounded right before they were giving up. And so far Flynn was the only one he knew that hadn't given up on him.
"Why?" he said, not letting go of the attitude, and hating himself for sounding like that.
"Because if you don't get the chip of your shoulders, you're gonna end up a very lonely and bitter man," Flynn said, still not taking his eyes off him, "Now I don't know what your dad did to you, I've got no doubts it was bad. But if you let him ruin your life, he wins! I would really like to help you on this, but if you're not prepared to meet me halfway you're on your own."
Dalby didn't say anything.
"I'll let you think about it," Flynn said and left him.


Flynn was back.
"Just thought I'd let you know I'm leaving now," he said, "I'll be dropping by to see you tomorrow."
"Yeah, whatever," Dalby muttered. Flynn had probably already given up on him, so there was no point in trying to be nice.
"Anything I can get you before I leave?"
So maybe he hadn't given up just yet.
"No," Dalby replied.
"Well, I'll See you tomorrow then," Flynn replied and left the room.
"Hey, Flynn!"
Flynn had just closed the door behind him, but turned around and opened it again when Dalby spoke to him.
"I... I'll see you tomorrow, eh?" Dalby said. Flynn didn't say anything, he just moved his head like he almost nodded before he left.
Dalby sank back down on his pillow. Saying those words and being so nice to someone he barely knew felt weird and different. But it was worth it, because when he said those words he had seen something in Flynn's eyes. He had seen hope.
No, Flynn had definitely not given up on him yet.

"What Flynn has got to do with it?" Ric asked and looked ad Sally. Suddenly he had forgotten all about hiding tears and thinking things through.
"He didn't give up." he said, "He was the first person that never gave up on me. He has everything to do with this. From the moment I met him..." his voice broke down, and tears were streaming down his face from thinking about these things and talking about them.
"What?" Sally asked, she almost whispered, like she wanted to show him that there was no rush, he could tell her when he was ready.
"From the moment I met him," Ric repeated, "I knew..."
He swallowed and bit his lip, trying to force his voice not to break again, "That I wanted to be just like him..."