Chapter 17


Kevin heard the front door open and turned down the sound on the TV. "Hi honey, how did the-" His question came to a screeching halt as he turned his head and his eyes landed on the distraught face of his girlfriend. "What happened?"
He had already risen from the couch and was now practically running towards her. Liz held up her hands in front of him in tired resignation. "Please Kevin. I just need to be alone."
"What did the doctor say?"
"Everything's fine."
Kevin took in her upset appearance, her red eyes and ruffled hair. "Everything is not fine. What did he say?"
Liz tried to step around him, but his body stopped her and her irritation flared to life. "Everything does not revolve around my heart condition, Kevin. Now, could you please leave me alone?!"
"I can see that something is wrong."
"Yes, Kevin," Liz snapped. "Something is wrong. You are standing in my way."
"Is your body rejecting your hear-"
Liz let out a cry of frustration and pushed pass Kevin to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her and locking it.

"Liz…?" There was a rustle as Kevin tried to open the door. When he was met with resistance his voice raised. "Liz! Why have you locked the door?!" He pulled in the door, trying to get it to open, as Liz lowered herself on the bed, burying her face in her hands.
"Open the door!!"
She picked up the phone on the nightstand and dialed Maria's number.
"Hi, this is Maria," Maria answered.
"Hi Maria," Liz whispered.
"Liz, what's wrong?" came the immediate worried response.
"Open the door!!"
"No!!" Liz cried.
"What's going on? Was that Kevin?"
"I really need to talk to you," Liz said, the first tear sliding down her cheek.
"Babe, what is it? Has this something to do with the meeting with the doctor today?"
"I need Max's phone number. Do you have it?"
"What? Max Evans?"
"Yes," Liz brushed a couple of tears of her cheek. "He's not listed in the phone book. Can you ask Michael for it?"

"Liz, you are not making much sense. What happened?"
The banging on the door ended and Kevin's voice eased into a coaxing tone. "Liz, honey. Please open the door. You are scaring me. Please open the door."
"I met Max today."
"You did?"
"He was on a teachers' conference in Albuquerque. We had lunch together and then we-"
"Whoa, whoa, wait. You met Max?"
"Yes."
"Okay, okay. So you had lunch together, then what?"
"We were playing these stupid games-"
"Liz!! Open the door!!"
"God, that man just can't take a hint," Maria murmured.
Liz closed her eyes and willed her frustration to remain in control.
"You know when I say one word and the other person says the first thing that comes to mind and then I say-"
"Yeah yeah, I know what game you mean," Maria said impatiently. "So what happened?"
"Well, we had a really good time. I love talking to him. He is so interesting."
"Uh huh," Maria said, trying to hide her impatience. Something had happened and Liz was dangerously close to sidestepping the most important detail.

"It was like he could see straight through me. It was like he could tell that I was lying-"
"Wait. You were lying? Why were you lying?"
"But I had a sense he wasn't being completely honest either," Liz continued, not hearing a word of what Maria was saying.
"What were you lying about?"
"Liz!! Open this door! Now!!"
"God, he is starting to freak me out," Maria cried out.
"Try living with him," Liz said, tired sarcasm dripping from her voice.
"Liz?" Maria had never heard Liz talk about Kevin like that. Talking about Kevin like that was Maria's job. Liz's role was to defend him. When did they change roles?
"I just really need to talk to him. I blew it, Maria."
"Who? Max? Liz, you are really confusing me here."
"Sorry, I'm sorry," Liz sobbed, brushing the now freely flowing tears away from her cheeks.
"Liz… please, calm down." Maria didn't want a repeat of what had happened the last time Liz had got upset.

"He had a son, Maria," Liz sobbed.
"He had…what?!" Maria exclaimed.
"And he died. In a car accident. Two years ago."
"He had a son?"
"Everything just fell into place. Why he has this sadness around him. The despair I could see in his eyes…"
"There was despair in his eyes?"
"Even when he smiles, he isn't truly happy. And he was married. When I held his hand-"
"You held his hand?!"
"I could feel his wedding band. Where is his wife, Maria? Is she still alive? Have you met her? Have Michael said anything about it?"
"Wife… No, no, Michael hasn't said a word. But I'm going to make him talk, I promise you, Liz."
"What if she died in the same accident as his son? How does somebody survive that? He lost his wife and son at the same time…"
"Maybe they just couldn't get over the death of their son. A thing like that can tear any relationship up. Maybe they just divorced."
"Why is he still wearing his wedding ring?"

"I don't know…"
"He hasn't let go of her yet."
"She might just be away on a business trip or something, that's why we haven't heard anything about her."
"Shouldn't someone have mentioned her? Don't you find that a little odd?"
"Liz!!"
"Kevin, I'm fine! Leave me alone!!"
"Maybe you should go out there and assure him that you are okay," Maria said.
"I'm crying, Maria. He'll never leave me alone if he sees me like this."
"No, no, you're right."
"He was really upset, Ria. His son's death is still so raw to him."
"And now you need to call him and make sure he's okay."
"Yes."
"Are you sure that's so wise? He probably wants to be left alone right now."
"But I-"
"It will only ease your mind to call. It will not help him-"
"He needs to know that he's not alone."
"Liz, calm down and think about this logically. Think about the man you have shut out of your bedroom. Max probably wants to be left alone right now, just like you want to stay away from questions from Kevin."

Liz knew that Maria was right. Max needed to be alone right now. She really didn't want to make matters worse by calling him. But at the same time she needed to know that he was okay. She needed to know if there was something she could do. After all, it had been she who had brought the memories back to life again.
"Could you get me his number anyway?"
"Sure," Maria said, "Just don't call him right away."
"I won't."
"Have you told Kevin?"
Liz frowned. "Told him what?"
"About Max."
"It's not like I'm cheating on him."
"It isn't?"
"What are you saying, Maria?"
"I think you should think about this, Liz. Think about what Kevin really means to you. Isn't it more merciful to tell him the truth?"

"What is the truth?" Liz didn't understand what Maria was hinting at.
"That you don't love him anymore. You shouldn't be together with someone you don't love. Have you told Max about Kevin?"
"I don't-"
"Liz, I really think you should sort this out. This could get complicated quickly. You're playing with fire here. You know how jealous Kevin gets. After everything he's done for you it's only fair that he is told the truth."
"I have to go," Liz said, her voice distant.
"Okay," Maria said softly, "Take care of yourself."
"I will," Liz replied. "Thanks Maria."
"I'll call you later. Bye, hun."
"Bye."

Liz hung up the phone and curled up on the bed, pulling her knees up to her chest, and she let her tears have free reign. She was crying for him and everything he had lost. Her sobs echoed in the room and Kevin's worried voice drifted through the wooden door occasionally. But she didn't hear. She was lost in her own thoughts. She was so confused. So utterly confused. Wasn't life supposed to be easier after the transplant?

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"He is over here..."
His legs felt loaded with lead as he followed after the man. Voices echoed around him, melting into each other, filling his eardrums with suggestions, news, and information.
"I need you to identify him."

"Your son is dead. He didn't suffer, he died immediately."
"Did you know that your wife has signed papers stating that she didn't want to be kept on life support?"
"You're gonna be a daddy, Max. I'm pregnant."
"Your son is dead."
"Your wife is...brain dead."
"There are many people waiting for heart transplants..."
"She will never wake up, Max."
"We'll get through this. They're gonna be okay."
"During operation, she suffered cardiac arrest, and she was...dead for eleven minutes."
"She will never wake up."
"Are you going to cut my wife open and take away her heart?"
"Pregnant."
"Your son is dead."
"She will never wake up."
"Never wake up."
"Dead."
"Brain dead."
"Pregnant."
"Dead."
"Never wake up."
"Never."
"Never."

The man pulled away the cover. Max could feel the nausea rise in his throat.

"Never wake up."
"Dead."
"Dead."

"Is it your son?"

It wasn't his son. It was, but still wasn't. It was only a body. A tarnished body, cleaned up, freed from blood at best ability. He reached out with his hand, wanting to touch him, but still hesitating.

Then blue eyes stared into his and the breath froze in his throat. "Daddy…"


Max bolted upwards in the bed, violently wrenched out of the dream. His heart was racing in his chest as he looked around himself frantically, trying to remove the image of his dead son's accusing eyes. His hand fumbled beside him on the night table to find the switch to the lamp.

The light blinded him. His breathing was coming in short gasps and his T-shirt was clinging to his sweaty body. Tears were running down his cheeks as he reached for the phone. His first instinct was to call somebody. To talk to someone. He didn't think about the fact that it was three in the morning. He didn't think much about why he didn't dial the number to his sister that he knew by heart, but instead dialed the number on the piece of paper laying by the phone. Maybe his unconscious knew that what he needed right now was not to talk about what he had dreamt, but to forget it by talking about other things.
"Hello?"

He jumped at the foreign voice at the other end of the line, the voice catapulting him into a complete waking state.
"Liz…" was all his voice managed to say. He could feel the dull thudding of a headache behind his skull bone. His hand, holding the receiver, was shaking violently.
"Who are you?" The voice was hostile, but the need to speak to her won over the fear of hanging up.
"Liz… is Liz there?"
"Kevin, who is it?"
"Liz…" he breathed at the sound of her voice in the background.
"Listen. I don't know who you are, but it's three in the morning and some people are actually sleeping."
"Please… It's Max. I need to speak to Liz."
"Max. I know that name-"
"Is it Max? Kevin, give me the phone."
"What is he doing, calling you in the middle of the night?"
"We'll talk about this later. I need to speak to him."
"It's in the middle of the night, Liz."
"I need to speak to him."
There was a rustle and suddenly her voice was in his ear. Warm and concerned, but real and alive.

"Max…"
"Liz, I'm- I'm sorry to be calling you this late…"
"No no, that's okay. Has something happened?"
"I just needed to talk to someone. Can we talk?"
"Of course. Hang on. I'm just gonna go into another room."
"Thank you." He could already feel himself calming down, but the guilt his son's face had roused alive was still as raw as an open wound.
"Okay, I'm out of the room."
"I'm so sorry, Liz. I know that we don't know each other that well-"
"Max, really, it's alright. You need someone to talk to. I'm glad you chose me."
He closed his eyes and laid his head back on the pillow. "You are?"
"Yes."
"You wanna talk about it?"
Her voice was so warm, so inviting and comforting. "I'm having troubles sleeping. Nightmares."
"About your son?"

He swallowed back the taste of bile in his mouth and nodded. She took his silence as an answer and continued.
"Could you tell me about him?"
"My son?"
"Yes, what was his name?"
"Joshua."
"Joshua. That's beautiful. What was he like?"
Max's hand relaxed around the receiver and his breathing began to return to normal as his thoughts started to turn from the dark place they had visited to bright memories.
"He was a little shy, but you could see his mind working. He observed everything around him. Took it all in. He could be a real rug rat when he was at home, but he was an angel among others. He was two when Michelle was born. He was so excited to get a new playmate and he was a little disappointed when all she did was eat, sleep and cry. But he took care of her. He would protect her against anything."

"What was his favorite thing to do?"
"I don't know if it was his favorite thing, but I know that he loved it. On Sunday mornings we all had the day off. Josh always woke up early, and he would come into our bedroom and crawl down under the covers between Tess and me. We would lay there until noon. Just talking, reading stories, having breakfast in the bed."
"That sounds perfect."
"Yeah…"
He could feel her hesitation at the other end of the line. "Liz…"
"Yes?"
"Could you tell me something? About you?"

He could hear the smile in her voice when she answered, but he could also hear the nervousness. "Okay. There isn't really anything interesting to know about my life."
"I don't believe that… Please, Liz. I need to hear something. I want to know more about you."
"Well… When I was about five my mom and dad took Maria and I to Disney World in Florida. I had dreamt about it since I saw my first Disney movie at the age of three. It was like a dream come true. I was a very sick child, so I couldn't do everything there, but what I couldn't do, Maria did for me and then she told me about it. I made her describe every little detail, every feeling. It was the best day of my life."
"I always wanted to go to Disney world when I was little. I never had the opportunity though."
"Well, Max. Let's make a deal."
A small smile tugged at his mouth at this. "What?"
"Sometime I'll take you to Disney World. We'll go there together. Deal?"
Max felt his heart fill with something. Something that had been missing for a long time. "Deal."

"Great," she said softly and before she could stop herself she yawned.
"I'm keeping you up," Max said.
"That's okay," Liz said, but was instantly assailed with another yawn.
"You should go back to sleep. Tell…uhm…Kevin that I'm sorry."
"Yeah, about Kevin. He's…"
"Don't say anything," Max said. "Let's take that another time."
There was a pause filled with hesitation.
"Okay."
"Thank you, Liz."
The words were filled with such meaning and emphasis that Liz's heart swelled and Max could hear the tears in her voice when she spoke, "I'm glad you called me."
"So am I."
"I hope you can go back to sleep."
"I'll try…"
"Good night, Max."
"Good night, Liz."

When Max hung up the phone he realized what that new feeling filling him was. Hope. Even though they had only talked about something as simple as Disney World, he believed that she was going to fulfill her promise. It gave him hope. But more importantly, it gave him a reason to wake up the next day. So, it wasn't with sleeping pills Max went to sleep that night. It was with Liz Parker's soft warm voice floating in his mind.

TBC…