Chapter 18


The first thing on her mind when she woke up was Max. Languidly, she stretched her tense limps and glanced at the clock on the nightstand. Ten a.m. She felt a weight on her legs and knew that she needed to get up. Kitty stretched her paws out in front of her and simultaneously yawned.
"Morning Kitty. You hungry?"
She smiled as she got a meow in response. Liz stifled a yawn and sat up in the bed. Looking to her right she noticed that Kevin's side of the bed was unmade. She frowned. That was unusual. Kevin was a habit-person. He had some very strict routines about everything and he close to never changed them. He always made his side of the bed, even if she was still sleeping at the other side.

Liz left the warmth of the bed and stood up, pulling a robe over her body.
"Come here, honey, let's find you something to eat."
The cat was already out of the bedroom, strutting into the kitchen.
Liz followed slowly, her mind filled with thoughts. Kevin must've been pretty upset about Max calling her in the middle of the night. She was already mentally preparing herself for hearing about it when he got back from work. But her main concern was about Max. She felt guilty, because it was probably because of her stupid question yesterday that he'd had that terrible nightmare about his son. She was still a little surprised that he had actually called her. There were so many else he could call. His sister, Michael, his parents… He probably had some other friends as well, or relatives. Why he had called her, someone he had only known for a couple of days, was beyond her.

She took out a can of cat food from the refrigerator and lifted up Kitty's plate on the counter. She was just about to get a spoon when the phone rang. Kitty meowed in protest when Liz moved away to answer the phone.
"Hang on just a sec, Kitty," Liz murmured, lifting the phone. "Hello?"
"Hi, this is Isabel Whitman. Liz, is that you?"
"Isabel, hi," Liz smiled. "This is a surprise."
"How are you, Liz?"
"I'm fine, thank you."
"Good, good," Isabel said absently. "Liz, I need to talk to you about something."
"Okay."
"It's about my brother."
Liz breath caught in her throat and she slowly lowered herself on one of the bar stools. "Has something happened?"
"No, no, everything's fine," Isabel hurried to reassure. "It's just… There are some things you don't know about Max and his life."
"You mean his son?"

There was a pause and Liz realized that she had taken Isabel by surprise. "Yes… How did you… Has he told you?"
"He told me about his son getting killed in a car accident two years ago."
"He did?" The surprise in her voice couldn't be mistaken.
"What happened to his wife, Isabel?"
"She died in the same accident."
"Oh my God," Liz closed her eyes at the sudden pang of pain in her heart for everything Max had gone through.
"This is why I need you to stay away from him."
Liz stopped breathing. Had Isabel just said what she thought she had? "What did you say?"
"Michael told me about your heart condition."
"He…How did he know that?"
"I'm guessing from Maria. That's not the point. The point is that Max can't afford getting hurt again. He won't survive it."
"Why do you think I will hurt him?"
"Maybe not you personally, but you being sick will-"
"I'm not sick anymore, Isabel. I had a transplant and now I'm fine…"
"Michael told me you suffered artial fibrillation. That doesn't sound completely healthy to me."
"I think you should let Max make his own decisions. He's a grown man. He can decide for himself if he wants to see me or not."

"Have you told him? About your heart?"
"There was never the right-"
"You haven't."
Liz swallowed. "No."
"Then how do you expect him to make decisions on his own if he is not given all the information?"
Liz sighed. "It's complicated…"
"And Max really doesn't need any complications right now. He has a lot of problems. Problems he's not telling you about. He doesn't need someone to worry about right now. He needs to focus on getting himself better."
"I'm gonna talk to him-"
"No, Liz. I'll talk to him. If you really like my brother, then you leave him alone. I'm not saying that you should never see him again or that something isn't possible in the future, just not right now. Please, Liz. Stay away."
"If I hadn't suffered from a bad heart, would you still have asked me to do this?" Liz asked.
There was a pause and then came Isabel's honest answer, which pushed the knife inserted in Liz's heart even further in. "No, I probably wouldn't have."
Liz closed her eyes and whispered, forcing the inner torture to stay out of her voice, "Okay. I'll stay away. But if he comes to me, I can't shut him out. I won't contact him, but I will not stop him from contacting me."
"Liz…"
Liz didn't want to hurt Max, that was the last thing she ever wanted to do, but she couldn't deny Max the right to contact her. Isabel might be able to make that decision for her brother, but Liz couldn't take that right away from him. She knew far too well how horrible it was to be taken away the ability to make your own decisions and she didn't wish that on even her worse enemy.

Her voice was firm when she interrupted Isabel's plea. "Isabel, I understand that you only want to protect your brother, but this is as far as I will go. Maybe he needs someone who doesn't know his past to talk to when things get rough and I want to be there if he wants to talk."
"You didn't see him when they died, Liz!" Isabel's voice rose with desperate frustration. "You didn't see what happened to him! I see it everyday. How he is slowly dying. His soul is deteriorating. I don't recognize my brother anymore. Since you have this condition, you are more likely to have something happening to you, and if he gets attached to you, I don't think he'll get through it again. He won't be able to go through a thing like that again."
"I will meet you half-way, Isabel. But I can't just abandon him. I couldn't do that to him."
There was a frustrated silence, which stretched so long that Liz began to wonder if Isabel had hung up.
"Just don't contact him," Isabel finally said.
"Okay," Liz agreed.
"I'm sorry about this, Liz. I'm just looking out for my brother."
Liz could feel tears stinging her eyes. "I know, Isabel. Goodbye."
There was a hint of guilt in her voice when Isabel answered, "Goodbye."
Liz hung up the phone and took a deep breath, trying to deny what she was feeling. She stroked Kitty's back and got a purr in response. Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, Liz rose and took the spoon with the intention to give Kitty some food.

The spoon clattered against the counter as her hand dropped it and she sank down to her knees, sobs shaking her body.

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Kevin unlocked the door and stepped inside. He frowned when he found all the lights turned off. "Liz?"
His voice floated without response into the seemingly empty house. "Liz? Are you home?"
The cat walked out of the room and he was close to trip over her. "Damn it, Kitty. Get out of the way!" He pushed the cat out of the way with his foot and switched on the light in the living room. "Liz?"
Leaving the living room behind, he walked into the bedroom. Liz was sitting on the bed, the only light coming from the laptop perched on her lap.
"Why don't you answer when I call for you?" Kevin asked. "And why are you sitting here in the dark? Is everything okay?"
Liz turned to look at him for a few seconds, before returning her attention to the computer screen. "I like the darkness."
"What kind of answer is that?" Kevin snorted and turned on the lamp. Liz bit her lower lip, to stop herself from saying anything and returned her attention to what she was writing.
"I need to talk to you."
Her eyes still focused on the screen, she asked, "What about?"
"Max."

She lifted her head and stared into the darkness. "I'm sorry about that, Kevin. He needed someone to talk to."
"Doesn't he have any other 'friends'?" Kevin asked sarcastically.
"He wanted to talk to me," Liz said evenly. "You don't have to bother about him anymore anyway."
Kevin raised his eyebrows. "Really? Why's that?"
Liz turned to look at him. "I guess we just don't fit together."
"What does that mean?" Kevin looked at her angrily. "Did you kiss him?"
Liz sighed. "No, Kevin. We didn't kiss. Do you really think I would cheat on you?"
The silence that followed hurt more than any word ever could do. He raked his hand through his hair and walked up to the bed. When he spoke, Liz could hear that he wasn't completely sincere. "It's not that I don't trust you, Liz. It's him I don't trust."
Liz pressed the save-button on the computer and met his eyes. "You don't know him, Kevin. You haven't even met him. How can you just make an assumption about him like that? Besides, don't you trust me enough to keep him away? Don't you trust my judge of character? Do you really think that I would let him drive me home if I hadn't thought he was a good man? If I had suspected that he would in some way hurt me?"
"That's not what I said," Kevin objected.
"No, that's not what you said, Kevin. But that's what you meant."
"Don't put words in my mouth, Liz."
Liz sighed, closed the computer screen and put it away. "I'm so tired of this."
"Of what, Liz?"
"All we do is fight. All the time."

"Maybe, if you wouldn't snap at me every time I ask you how you're feeling, we wouldn't always end up in a fight."
"Oh, and you are just Mr. Perfect?"
"You take everything so damn personally."
"What?"
"I'm trying to take care of you-"
"That's the problem right there," Liz said through clenched teeth. "I don't need you to take care of me, Kevin. I have my parents for that. I'm so sick and tired of you trying to tell me what's best for me. I'm so tired of having to answer the question 'How are you?' three times a day. I'm tired of you telling me to take my pills. I don't want you to keep track of how much I eat or if I eat at all. Sometime, I just want to eat a bag of chips, without being scolded about it like a child. I'm fine, Kevin. I've been healthy for two years now. How many times do I have to tell you that?"
"You can't blame me for wanting the best for you."
"It's the same discussion all over again," Liz sighed. "I ask you not to fuss about me and you just tell me that you want to look out for me and you don't even try to change. I've changed, Kevin, and you can't understand that. I'm not the same person as I was before. I can do more things now. I don't need your help any longer. I need you to be there for me with your support and your presence. I don't need you to follow me around acting like a policeman and telling me every time I do something wrong. Do you know how exhausting that is?"

Kevin looked at her sourly. "So, what are you saying?"
Liz met his eyes, and without blinking she told him the truth. The truth she had denied him for several years, a truth she had even denied herself. "I don't love you anymore, Kevin. The person who once loved you is gone. I've changed and so have you. We have grown apart. I cannot go on living like this. I need space."
Kevin looked at her in disbelief. "Are you breaking up with me?"
Liz paused and reached out to take his hand. "Yes, Kev. I am. I don't care how we'll do this. We bought this house together, but if you want to live here, I'll leave. If you want to leave, I'll stay. It doesn't matter."
"You can't be serious…"
"I've been thinking about this for a while now, Kevin. It just isn't working."
"You can't live alone," Kevin protested. "What if something happens-"
"God!" Liz exclaimed and bolted up from the bed. "Kevin, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. But if it would give you some sense of peace, I'll ask Maria if I can move in with her-"
"She has a new boyfriend, what if she wants to move in with hi-"
"Kevin," Liz interrupted him. "That isn't your problem. I'll work it out."
"You can't do this…"

"Please don't make this any harder. This is the right thing to do. You might not see it now, but it is, Kevin. I don't love you. I don't want to continue with this pretend game any longer."
"I love you, Liz. Please don't do this," Kevin pleaded. "I'll change. I promise."
Liz closed her eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I know, Kevin. I just don't think it would make any difference. I want to continue to be your friend. I love you like a friend, Kevin, I'm just not in love with you anymore. And I don't think I'll ever fall in love with you again."
"Did you have an affair with him?" Kevin asked, his eyes darkening with jealousy.
"With Max? You got to be kidding me," Liz said tiredly. "This is just…" Liz lifted her hands in resignation and walked pass him.
His hand on her arm stopped her. "Answer me, Liz!"
Liz twirled around, irritation flaring in her eyes. "Of course I didn't have an affair with Max. This has nothing to do with Max. Don't try to push our problems over on someone I just met."
"I want to meet him."
"You're acting like a maniac, did you know that?"
"I want to meet the man who talked you into doing this. He's gonna leave you, Liz. Your disease will scare him away. He can't take care of you."
"I don't want him to," Liz said, wrenching open the door to the wardrobe and starting to pull out clothes.

"No man wants a sick woman. He's gonna leave, mark my words!"
"You don't know the first thing about him, and why do you assume that I will get together with him?"
"It doesn't matter if it's him or someone else. Only I can take care of you the way you need to be taken care of."
"Oh really," Liz said sarcastically. "Have you heard a word of what I've been saying?"
"I… What are you doing?" Kevin watched Liz as she pulled out a suitcase and started to throw her clothes in it.
"I'm staying over at Maria's tonight."
"Liz, listen. This is ridiculous. Think about what you're doing. We have been together for five years. Doesn't that count for anything?"
Liz snapped the locks closed on the suitcase and straightened up, meeting his eyes. "Of course it counts for something. You have helped me a lot, Kevin and you have meant a lot to me. You still do. This isn't the end, Kevin. I still want to be your friend. We just don't work as lovers anymore."
"But Liz…" Kevin stared at her with a mixture of fear and confusion. Fear of losing her, confusion of what was happening right in front of him.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Kevin." Liz put her arms around him and gave him a hug. "Goodbye."
"Liz…"
"We'll talk tomorrow," Liz promised and she was out of the door, leaving a stunned and confused ex-boyfriend behind.

TBC…