"On a Wing and a Prayer"

An Escaflowne Fanfiction by aefrae21

The Waking

Author's Notes: I can't believe that it took me this long to finish writing this chapter. Sorry everyone! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

"Did I say something?" Van asked.

Millerna sat back in her chair. "I didn't hear anything."

The pieces began to click into place in Hitomi's brain. She tried to press down the fear in her voice before talking. "Hold on one second." Facing Van, she stared and thought as hard as she could, 'CAN YOU HEAR ME?'

Van stared back. 'Of course I can? You're shouting.'

Reality smacked them flat in the face. Neither of them was moving their lips. "Uh oh." Hitomi managed.

"Great." Van slumped.

Millerna looked expectantly from one face to the other. "What is it?"

'You want to tell her, or shall I?' Hitomi's voice rang clearly in Van's mind.

'Go ahead.'

She shrugged. "Now we're reading minds."

"What?"

vvvvvvvvvv

"I can hear what he's thinking." Hitomi stated. Looking at Van, she continued, "It has been happening since yesterday."

"Fascinating." Millerna gasped. "And Van, since when have you been able to hear Hitomi's thoughts?"

Van scowled and turned his head. 'Since dinner last night.'

"You didn't tell me?" Hitomi burst.

"Like I was supposed to tell you I could her your thoughts? You were already scared stiff, I didn't want to drop that kind of thing on you-" He hesitated, noting Millerna's presence. 'Can we talk, alone?'

She folded her arms. 'What about?'

'The bond.'

'There's something else?' Hitomi tensed. What if he knew about the wings? Thoughts raced through her mind at a mile and minute. To her surprise, Van grabbed his head.

"Please stop thinking so much!" He managed. It was going to have to be now or never. He had no choice. If she could hear his thoughts, there'd be no keeping it a secret. "Millerna, can you give us a moment alone?"

"What? Oh, sure." She conceded, backing out of the room.

"Wait. It's okay." Hitomi called, standing. "She knows about the bond anyway. What do you need to tell me that you can't say in front of her?"

He raised an eyebrow. "She knows?"

"Yes."

"What!" He raged. "Why did you tell her?"

"Because she's our friend, Van!" Hitomi yelled. "Besides, you told Merle."

The confused look on Van's face was priceless. 'You knew?'

She smirked, "After she suddenly knew right where the book was hidden? And then you showed up? It wasn't that hard to figure it out."

He sighed, defeated. "Sorry Millerna, I should have known I could trust you."

"Apology accepted." She smiled. "But I think it would be a bit easier for Van if I left, perhaps?"

The King nodded slightly.

"Hitomi, I'll stop by and see you in a bit, okay?"

Relieved, she replied, "Sounds great."

Van faced the young woman and tried to concentrate, but Hitomi's mind was still a mass of questions and worries. As Millerna closed the door, the thoughts died down to a murmur. 'What could he want to tell me?' She was nervous and her mind took action before she could process any regrets.

Suddenly, Van felt a prickling in the back of his head. "Stop that please, I'd rather tell you." He said flatly.

'Sorry.' Hitomi slumped back into her chair. "So what's the big secret?" She asked, attempting to be nonchalant.

He stared blankly and took a deep breath. "I haven't found a way to sever the link."

"Oh." She answered, expressionless. "Well, we'll just have to look harder."

'You don't understand.' He rubbed his temples. There was just no good way to say these kinds of things. Standing, Van made his way over to Hitomi and sat on the chair next to hers.

"So what is it that I don't understand?" She asked.

'I wish that it didn't have to be this way.' Van met her eyes and the depth of them had Hitomi spellbound.

It almost hurt to see him silent. 'Please, just tell me?' She urged.

"Hitomi," he grasped her hand, "If the bond is not completed or broken entirely, we'll both die."

He leaned back, waiting for her response, waiting to be yelled at, slapped, cursed mercilessly, but only silence answered. "Hitomi?"

She looked shaken, "That wasn't in the book-"

"It was; I took the page."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to believe that I could- that I could stop this."

Hitomi tried to keep her voice steady. "How long?"

"Two months at most, but it could be much less. According to the book, it was rare for this to happen and the timing was never quite narrowed down. But it's based on the bond's strength." Van turned away. "I'm sorry."

Hitomi sniffled. "So the more our bodies and minds synch without a true joining of the souls-"

"The faster it will kill us." He finished.

Her mind moved without the restriction of her body. 'It's not your fault.'

He reached a tentative hand towards her shoulder. "Hitomi, I-"

"Don't!" She slapped his hand away. 'I'm sorry!' Her jade green eyes flashed in fear and she faced the floor to break the contact. "I think that I need to be alone for a while."

Van watched her stride towards the door; he had planned to let her go. It wouldn't change anything after all. Despite his reasoning, he couldn't stop himself from thinking. 'Don't go. Please.'

She stopped dead, her hand still resting on the door handle. 'I'll come back. I promise.' She shut the door behind her quietly. And then, she ran.

vvvvvvvvvv

Hitomi bit her lip and ran hard. She could feel the wings threatening to burst through the tender flesh of her back. It burned, and even though she wanted to scream, she knew that she had to find safety first. Her room wasn't far, and it was likely the only place in the castle that she could hide.

The door to her room loomed at the end of the hallway. Only a few more steps now. Her hand gripped the knob fiercely and she practically tore the door off of its hinges before slamming it closed behind her. She crumbled to the floor, hissing through her teeth. Her back was bubbling. "I- won't- scream-" Pain rippled through her body and she tumbled forward, skin splitting as her wings freed themselves.

Her scream rang out in Van's ears and his mind. "Hitomi?" He had to restrain himself from running after her. "No." He hung his head. "She asked me to leave her alone. She's just upset. I expected as much." Reluctantly, Van plopped back into his chair and held his head in his hands. The screams and pain faded into a dull throbbing echo. He was left alone with his own anguish.

Hitomi's body shook with the force of her sobs. It was just too much to deal with all at once. She shuddered; so if they didn't do something soon, they'd die. End of story. "I would have been better off if I hadn't come back!" The words filled her with self-hatred. How could she be so cruel? This was her own fault; she wanted to come back. A knock on the door sent bile rising in her throat. "Please, leave me alone!" In desperation, Hitomi tried to put her wings away. "Damn it." She hissed.

"Hitomi? It's Millerna. I really want to talk to you."

"Go away!" No one was going to be a comfort at this point. Not even a friend.

"Listen to me, Hitomi. There is no way that I'm going to leave you like this right now." The door clicked. "I'm coming in."

The wings wouldn't disappear. Hitomi froze. The door was opening, even though she'd just locked it. "How did you-"

"Oh, Hitomi." Millerna covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. "I have a key, but that's beside the point. Are you alright?" She moved to Hitomi's side, soundlessly latching the door behind her.

"I asked you to leave me alone." Hitomi folded her wings protectively around herself.

"I know. And I'm sorry for reacting like I did, but you surprised me. I've never seen anything like this." Millerna reached out and stroked the pristine feathers.

Slowly, the cocoon unfolded and large green eyes stared back at her. "I'm sorry!" Hitomi cried. "I didn't mean it- It's just- I- I- don't know what to- to- do- and-" She hiccupped.

"It's okay."

"But, how can it be? Look what a mess I've made- and- it's going to kill us both!"

"Kill you?"

She sniffled.

"How?"

"If we stay like this- incomplete, but not broken." She whispered.

"Hold on." Millerna grasped her shoulders lightly. "Before you get yourself all worked up again, I want to ask you something."

She nodded slowly.

Millerna allowed herself a small smile before clearing her throat. "Well, you see, I have this friend-"

"Millerna-"

"Just sit back and listen okay? I really need your help." As Hitomi relaxed, she continued, "I have this friend, and she's completely head over heels for a wonderful man."

This was beginning to sound familiar.

"Now, the problem is that they met each other out of very strange circumstances and the world around them has made it hard for my friend to admit her feelings to him. I've heard from a reliable source that the guy loves her back. The trouble is that my friend isn't sure about that and she's afraid that he'll reject her. Worse yet, if she doesn't confess, she feels like she'll just die."

"You should tell him!" Hitomi blurted. "I know I screwed things up for you and Allen last time, and I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! There's no reason why you can't still confess to him. I know that he still loves you!"

Millerna smiled. How could someone clairvoyant be so dense? "Oh, I know that he still loves me, and that's not an issue. I've long since sorted out my feelings."

"Huh?"

"I already told you, this is about a friend of mine. Besides, Dryden and I were officially married six months ago." She pulled back from Hitomi. "And I've found that I really do care for him, in a deeper way than I ever loved Allen. I was very stupid then; I just didn't realize it."

Hitomi was very confused. This story sounded almost like the one Millerna had told, back when both she and Hitomi had crushes on the Knight Caeli. "Then who were you talking about?"

Millerna shook her head. "Do I really have to spell it out?"

"Could it be your sister maybe? Or what about Merle?"

"No." Rising to her feet, the princess adjusted her dress and offered Hitomi a hand. "I'm just going to come right out and say it, so please listen."

Hitomi wobbled, despite Millerna's help. "Okay."

"If you don't tell Van that you want this bond between you, that you care for him he'll never rest until he finds a cure. In this life-" She paused, "or the next. It's just the way he is. He loves you too much."

Her cheeks went red. "I- but what about these?" Hitomi waved her arms wildly.

"Those? I wouldn't worry too much."

She spun around, expecting to see feathers. "They're gone."

"Yes. I thought about it after you told me and I believe that if the link is tied to your thoughts and feelings, your wings are too. When you're calm, you can control them or keep them hidden. Yet, if you're emotionally out of control; so are they."

"So what you're trying to tell me with all of this is-" Hitomi started.

"Is that you haven't doomed anyone. Be honest with yourself, Hitomi." Before the girl could start rattling off her objections, Millerna reached a hand up to cover her mouth. "Don't look for reasons to doubt yourself or Van for that matter. Sometimes I think you forget that you can be happy too. Don't think about others for a change; it's good to be a little selfish sometimes." She lowered her hand.

"Can I think about this for a bit?" Hitomi shifted nervously; she struggled to find an objection. "I don't think my nerves can handle anything else today."

"So long as you do your thinking with this." Millerna pointed at her chest. "And not too much with this." She playfully tapped the girl on the head.

Hitomi gave a slight smile. "I'll try."

"One last thing, I promise."

"What's that?"

Millerna grabbed Hitomi by the hands, squeezing a little. "Please talk to him soon. I don't want to see anything happen to either of you. Okay?"

The pained look in her eyes made Hitomi want to cry. She was so genuine; and it was obvious that she was really worried. Before Hitomi knew that she'd opened her mouth, the words flowed out, "I promise I'll talk to him the next time I see him."

"That's wonderful! Thank you." She released her iron grip. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Hitomi sighed. Great. Now she'd promised to confess to Van and there was no way for her to back out. It was worth a try. "I don't think I'm going to be brave enough to approach him directly-"

"Well, what if he came to you?"

If he just happened to be alone with her, could she do it? Every opportunity they'd had thus far had gone pretty badly. Hitomi pondered for a few agonizing moments, while Millerna's expression grew dimmer. Her will collapsed under the princess' scrutiny. "I guess I can do that. If he happened to show up while I was alone. It'd have to be somewhere private though."

She walked over to Hitomi's dresser and rustled around, finally pulling free a halter-style dress. "What if I were to drop a hint that a certain girl from the Mystic Moon was taking a walk in the gardens alone this evening?" She handed it to Hitomi.

Looking down, Hitomi quickly realized that the top she'd been wearing was hanging on by threads. "Geez! Why does this stuff happen to me? You could have told me about that sooner!" She snatched the dress from Millerna's hand.

"Sorry. It wasn't that I didn't want to tell you. There were other things that were simply more important."

Hitomi pulled the dress on and tied the strings up neatly at the back of her neck. "I guess I'm going to need more like this one, huh?" The wind blew against the open skin on her back and she shivered.

"I'd say so."

"Tonight, huh." Hitomi mouthed.

"You promised."

She tried not to flinch. "Um, sure."

"So it's okay?"

"Yes." At least, she hoped it would be.

vvvvvvvvvv

"Are you all right, your Highness?"

He stirred, "I'm fine, you are dismissed."

"Yes, Highness." The young man bowed and exited the room silently.

In truth, Van was far from all right. He slumped back down in his regal chair, resting his chin in his hand. The whole situation with Hitomi was turning the young, strong King into a wreck. Van wearily eyed the members of his court, deliberating on some key issue, naturally. But nothing that they could have to say was as important as his personal problems. He tuned them out.

Merle watched from her cherished hiding place on the balcony. She'd discovered it not long after Van had started using the room. "Lord Van-" He was a shadow of himself. Every feature showed the ache that he tried so hard to hide. Van's eyes were hazy and distant, his hair, though always messy, was a complete disaster. His posture was off and, Merle noted, he wasn't even trying to listen to the delegates today. Suddenly very angry, Merle clicked her heels and spun back into the hallway. "I don't care if I have to beat some sense into those two, I am not going to stand by and watch them suffer!"

After two hours of impatient waiting, Merle's prey came into view. Van shuffled down the corridor, muttering. She stalked him from the shadows, watching and waiting. Finally, Van turned into his personal stairwell. The cat girl hopped out a nearby window. There were only a few places that Van went to think, and Merle knew exactly where he'd go today. Where she could corner him. Her eyes glowed. "Bingo."

vvvvvvvvvv

"About time you got here." Merle tapped her foot impatiently on the roof tiles.

Van landed gracefully on the roof, his wings vanishing as he walked towards her. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

"I'd rather not." Despite his words, Van sat down next to her.

Merle curled against him. "But we have to. You look awful, you know that?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I know."

"And I'm guessing that it's a Hitomi problem."

No answer. She must have gotten it right.

"Right, and I want to get this whole mess straightened out before something bad happens."

"Too late."

"What do you mean?" The cat girl glanced up with pleading eyes.

"Merle." He tried to hold it back, but Merle had been his confidant for too long. There was no use hiding it any more. "The link is going to kill us."

"No!"

Van nodded.

"Is there anything we can do?"

"There are only two possibilities: we can destroy or complete the bond."

"Well, how do you do that?"

"I don't know how to break it. There's some ritual that's been lost since the age of my people."

"Then what about completing it?" Merle's tail twitched.

"That-" He turned away. "That would be- well- very difficult, given the circumstances."

She blinked. "What would you have to do?"

"It's well- what- uh- well, Hitomi would be involved too." Van edged out his words as cautiously as possible.

"Meaning?"

"We would have to marry." He consented.

Marriage? That was the solution? The cat girl flexed her claws; she didn't really like where this was going, but she decided to give him a chance. "Explain."

Van took a deep breath. "The bond that Hitomi and I now share was used in the ancient days as part of a marriage ritual. I'm sure that you read the book."

"Yes, I did, but it's starting to make sense now. Keep going."

"Well, it was only part of the marriage. The other part is- is- you can guess what it is."

"Oh." She grinned. "And you don't want that?"

He slumped. "Why did I ever call her back. I'm such a coward."

Enough self-pity! "You really want to know why you brought her back? Why you wanted her to return? Are you that dumb?" Merle was nearly yelling now.

"Merle?"

"Listen up!" She snapped her hands to her hips. "You want to know why you called her back? Easy. It's the same as before." She pointed a stern finger at him. "You. Love. Her. That's it! That's why! And if you weren't so busy being such a dumb jerk, you'd see that she loves you too!" Her fur was standing on end as she finished. Merle hadn't meant to be so mean, but it was the truth."

"She doesn't-"

"Yes. She. Does!" Her temper flared and she tapped her foot sharply to cool off.

"But she went back! She chose to go home, and now I've dragged her back! Merle, I've doomed her; I've doomed us both!" He stood up, fists clenched.

She was unfazed. "Don't you understand? I can tell just by watching the two of you. It's obvious! Everyone knows! The only people who don't are you and Hitomi! And you can read her mind for goodness sake!"

Van nearly tumbled back. The truth hit him hard. He could read her mind. How could he not know how she felt? Wait. That wouldn't be fair. Especially since he'd just recently blocked her out. "Merle, I can't do it."

"Can't do what?"

"I can't probe her mind for answers. I won't do it."

"Well," Merle smiled. "Then you'll just have to ask her, won't you?"

"Merle." He grumbled.

The cat girl turned serious. "Van, if you don't do something, you're both gonna die. If nothing else, you should tell her before that happens. Please?" She let her head fall against his shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know this was hurting you too." Van placed a hand on her back and patted lightly. "And you're right. She deserves the truth. I've been really stupid. I let you all down."

"No. You've never let me down, and you never will."

Silence.

"Merle pulled back. "So you won't let me down now, will you?"

Van's cloud of doubt lifted a little. "Thank you for believing in me, Merle." He took a few steps back, putting his free hand to his forehead. The setting sun blazed in the sky. "I have to ask you to do something for me though."

"Huh?" She cocked her head.

"When I do- talk- to Hitomi." He ruffled his hair. "No snooping."

"Okay."

"And I really mean it this time."

"Aw, but-"

"Really, Merle. This is just something I have to face alone."

"I understand." She nodded, backing away. "I promise I won't snoop, but remember-" Her tail swished over the tiles. "We don't keep secrets. You have to tell me about it later."

"It's a deal." Van half-smiled. Steadily, he walked to the edge of the roof.

"Where are you going?"

"To find Hitomi." Smoothly, Van flipped over the edge and into a window.

Merle plopped down and stared at the sky. "It's 'bout damn time. You better not screw this up!" Tears started to trickle down her cheeks. "I'm too old for crying, geez." She rubbed her eyes hard. "I can't lose you both. Please-"

vvvvvvvvvv

Van strode through the castle corridors with purpose now. Gradually letting the mental block slip away until Hitomi's emotions filtered through clearly. Nervousness. She was worried. That much was obvious. Those worries filled his mind like a fog. "Where are you Hitomi?" He had to do this now, while his courage held. Was it really courage? No time to question that now. Van headed for Hitomi's room.

vvvvvvvvvv

The gardens were gorgeous, even when bathed only in moonlight. Hitomi mused as she wandered through the dozens of flowers and trees. They were similar to plants on
Earth, but somehow, very different. Rose-like bushes glistened with dew, their soft blue petals practically glowing. She bent over to smell one when a premonition hit her. She wasn't alone. "Van?" Hitomi rose slowly.

Then, she noticed the figure, walking in the shadow of a large fruit tree. She opened her mind, examining the aura closely. Van's life force pulsed from the east; somewhere inside the castle. This wasn't Van. It was someone very familiar. Hitomi edged closer.

"Hitomi? Is that you?" The man called.

She took a relieved breath. "Allen." Her tension ebbed away. "What are you doing here?"

He stepped out into the moonlight and smiled. "I should ask you the same question, you missed dinner."

Imagine, after all they'd been through. Allen was still treating her like a child. Hitomi crossed her arms. "I wasn't feeling hungry, so I decided to take a walk."

"Something on your mind? You look nervous." He closed the gap between them. "You know, everyone's really worried about you."

"They are?"

"Yeah. They are."

"Oh." Hitomi bit her lip.

"Want to walk with me?" He offered.

"Umm." She stumbled. Van would be showing up soon and she wanted to be alone. But Allen wasn't the type of person to just leave her without good reason. She'd have to make it quick. "I guess I could for just a little while."

"Great." He started walking at a slow pace. "You know, I haven't really had an opportunity to talk to you since you left after the war."

"Oh, that." Hitomi felt a blush rise in her cheeks. This was something she hoped she'd never have to deal with. And now that she thought about it, she realized she had been avoiding the issue by avoiding Allen. The guilt was pouring back on her in large doses.

"I'm sorry Allen."

"It's okay. You went back to the Mystic Moon right? It's not like we could have cleared this up before."

"But I didn't say anything. I didn't want to hurt your feelings- scratch that." Hitomi dropped her gaze. "I was afraid to confront you."

"Why?"

She stopped dead in her tracks. Well, considering that she was going to be totally honest tonight, she might as well start now. Especially if something went wrong and- 'Deep breaths, Hitomi.' She thought. 'You can do this!'

"For a while, I thought that I was in love with you." The clarity in her voice shocked her.

Allen was taken aback. "You were?"

She nodded.

"That's funny, you know? Because I was smitten with you too." He grinned. "It wasn't until near the end when I thought-"

Hitomi cut in. "Allen, listen I-"

"I know that you don't feel that way anymore, and it's okay."

"You do?"

"Yeah. When you left, I did some thinking." Allen leaned back against a thicker tree. "You'll have to pardon me for saying this, but it was like the magic in the attraction was gone. I had more important things to worry about, like Celena."

That was a relief. So Allen had come to terms, just like she had. "Thank you, Allen." Hitomi smiled.

"For what?"

"For being so honest with me."

Allen laid a hand on her shoulder. "That's what friends are for, right?"

"Friends." She mused. No more worries about their awkward relationship. He'd really matured since she left. "I like the sound of that."

vvvvvvvvvv

"Van? Is something wrong?" Dryden looked up from his novel momentarily.

"Have you seen Hitomi? I need to talk to her." He huffed.

"Who is that, dear?" Millerna shuffled down the library stairs. Seeing Van, she quickened her pace. "Hello Van. I wasn't expecting to see you." Not yet, anyway. "You look out of breath, would you like some tea?"

"No. I'm looking for Hitomi."

Dryden resumed reading. "I haven't seen her today. Didn't you meet with her earlier, Millerna?"

Van focused on her. She flinched. "Actually-"

"Tell me." He ordered.

Millerna sighed. Hopefully, Hitomi would be ready by now. "She went for a walk in the gardens, she wanted to be alone."

"The gardens." He mumbled. Why hadn't he figured that out? He could sense her emotions; even read her thoughts, so why? "Thanks." Van rushed from the room.

"My, but wasn't he in a hurry." Dryden said.

"Yes, he was." Millerna smiled broadly.

"You know something I don't?"

"Call it woman's intuition."

"Right." He shook his head gently. "Whatever you say, dear."

She climbed the stairs, still smiling.

The feeling was growing stronger. As Van came closer to the gardens, he could feel Hitomi more strongly. She was actually feeling pretty calm. Nervousness still blanketed her aura, but it wasn't as powerful as before. Maybe she would-

"Hitomi?" Van staggered to a halt at the gate.

Hitomi turned as her name was called. "Van." Why hadn't she noticed his approach? Was she that preoccupied? "What's wrong?" He stared at her, like his mind was somewhere else. Hitomi reached for him with her consciousness. Fear. Doubt. Pain. 'Van? What's the matter?'

'Him.'

"Allen." She gasped. He was still standing next to her. In panic, she turned to him.

"Hitomi?" Allen looked puzzled.

'Why, Hitomi?'

'Wait, it's not what you think!'

'I'm sorry.' Van took a step back.

'Van, please, I don't love Allen!'

Hitomi faced the knight with pleading eyes. "Allen, please, I need you to leave."
"But why?"

"Because I need to speak to Van alone." She said sternly, her features steeled.

"Okay." He bowed. "I understand." With that, he walked away.

Her attention fell back to Van. 'I was waiting to talk to you, and Allen showed up.'

He faltered. 'Why should I believe you?'

It stung. Hitomi felt like he'd just stabbed her with his blade. 'I'll prove it. Did Millerna tell you I'd be here?'

Silence.

'We planned it. I'd be here and she'd make sure you found out.'

'But why would you do that?' He moved towards her slowly.

'Because- I can do this, I can do this-'

'Do what?'

'Confess to Van.' "Oh!" Hitomi clapped her hands over her mouth. What had she done?

'Hitomi?'

vvvvvvvvvv

A/N: I'm feeling evil today…so I'll end it here. The next chapter will be the last, with maybe an epilogue to follow. There's a confession in the air, but what about Hitomi's wings? Stick with me and find out!