Heya!

I'm so sorry for not updating for so long. Life has really been hectic and even if I really want to write the whole time, there's just not enough time for it. I do have, however, two new chapters for you. Thank you for being here!

Hugs,

Jo

Chapter 32

Maria quickly stepped out of the way when Liz stormed past her.
"Hi Liz," she said casually, her eyes following her best friend's agitated entrance into her apartment. "What's up?"
"I need to talk to you," Liz said quickly, her hands trembling as she sifted her fingers through her hair.
"What happened?" Maria asked, concern starting to seep forward at the bad vibes she was getting from Liz.
"I just…" Liz sighed and sank down on the couch, only to stand up again five seconds later. "I…"
"It's about Max, isn't it?"
Liz stilled in her movements and nodded.
"You went to him," Maria stated.
Liz nodded again.
"Liz," Maria sighed.
Liz exhaled loudly and sank down in one of the chairs. "I know. I just couldn't stay away any longer. I knew that I shouldn't go there, that I would only complicate things and that he needs to deal with the things from his past before… I knew that I would only make things worse. And I did."

The way her voice cracked with guilt and resignation made Maria sit down next to Liz and grab her hand in concern. Liz turned to look at her, tears building up in her eyes. "I can't stay away, Maria. I can't stay away. I want to help so much. If you had seen him, Maria… He's in so much pain and I cannot just stand by and not do anything. When Isabel told me that the therapy wasn't helping I couldn't sit around and wait for a miracle to happen anymore. I needed to go to him. He's…" Liz sniffled gratefully as Maria handed her a Kleenex. "He's so lost. So lost. And I don't know if he can… if he's ever gonna live again."
"It can't be that bad," Maria whispered. Liz's behavior was scaring her. Liz was the eternal optimist. She always found a way to look at everything in a positive light. To see her so broken down and resigned sent chills down Maria's spine.
"It was like I was his enemy," Liz whispered. "He scared me. But I couldn't leave, because I knew that it wasn't really him. The Max I've gotten glimpses of could never do that."
"What did he do?" Maria asked fearfully.
"It's not important," Liz answered, turning her head away. "What's important is that I just left. I just left him there. He needed someone to talk to, someone that would listen to him and I just left."

Maria's somber voice prompted Liz to look at her. "Liz, listen to me. You have to take care of yourself as well. You can't sacrifice yourself for his happiness. I believe you when you say that Max is lost. I've heard Michael talk about him and as you might have noticed Michael isn't very…uhm… talkative, but lately he's just been talking and talking. All about Max. He's worried about him. I believe that something is really wrong with him. Which is why I think that you should stay away, Liz. You just got out of a relationship and not to mention, you were just in the hospital."
Liz lowered her eyes guiltily at this, thinking back to the episode she'd had earlier at Max's place. She used to be able to tell Maria everything, but that she didn't want Maria to know what had happened. She didn't want to give Maria any more reasons to convince her to stay away from Max.
"You are not the one to heal him, Liz. He has to heal himself."
The conversation was interrupted by Liz's cell phone going off. When Liz didn't answer, Maria frowned and gave her a pointed look. "Why aren't you answering?"
Liz just shook her head. She really didn't feel like answering.
"It might be important," Maria said.
Liz's eyes closed at this. It might be Max.
Her hand closed around the cell phone and after a couple of seconds of hesitation, she answered.
"Liz, oh my God. Why didn't you answer?"
Liz's back straightened and she pressed the cell phone closer to her ear. "Isabel? What's wrong?"
"What happened when you were here?" Liz didn't miss the hint of accusation in Isabel's voice. "He won't open his door. He locked himself in there and I don't…" Isabel's sobs broke through and Liz was barely able to make out her last words. "I don't know if he's alive or not."

"Oh my-" Liz whispered.
"What did you say to him, Liz?"
"I'm-"
"He won't even answer when I'm knocking on the door. Alex is considering breaking down the door."
"You think he's…hurt himself?"
"He's always answered me before, even if he locked the door. God, Liz. Why did you have to come here? He was doing just fine without you."
Liz's heart sank and her head fell back against the chair.
"He wasn't fine, Isabel," but her voice was shaking even as she was voicing it. Isabel was fueling Liz's self-blame and it was working like a charm.
Liz jerked as Maria's cell phone went off. Liz tried to concentrate on the accusations Isabel was firing in her direction over the phone, but Maria's ever increasing voice level was a major distraction.
"Just stay away, Liz. Okay? Just leave my brother alone!"
And with that Isabel hung up, leaving Liz feeling hollow and cold. Isabel was right of course. Max didn't need another complication to his life. And Liz probably didn't need someone with so much emotional baggage as Max in her life either. She needed to start fresh, not with someone that couldn't separate the past from the present. But even as her mind was working furiously to bombard her with all the arguments for her to stay away, her soul was pulling in the other direction, making her feel like she was being ripped into two.

"Michael isn't coming home." Maria's voice pulled Liz away from her dark thoughts.
"What?" she asked, a little dazed.
"Michael. He called me. Apparently he just got off the phone with Alex, who was asking Michael to get his butt over at Alex's place, because they needed to break down Max's door- Liz, what the hell happened when you were there?"
But Liz was already on her feet. She had a really bad feeling about this. Really bad. Maria quickly rose as Liz short of run towards the front door.
"Where're you going?"
"To Max."

------------------------------------------------

"Do you remember our first anniversary?"
Max nodded slowly and watched with amazement as Tess went through a transformation in front of him. The tangled curls straightened out and the hair turned more golden. Fresher. Suddenly it was as if the sun was shining on her, spilling down her light blue dress which was accentuating her blue sparkling eyes. She smiled at him. That smile that he had missed. Then he felt her touch his hand and he was pulled upwards from the bed. Although, it wasn't a bed anymore, because when he looked behind him, he saw the car that he sold two months after their first anniversary. He looked back at her, his hand reaching out to tentatively touch her hair to see if it was as soft as he remembered it to be.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered.
Her smile got brighter and he became aware of the texture of the ground changing beneath his shoes. Turning from wooden floor into grass in a couple of diffused seconds.

She pulled him with her, just like she had done that day and he could feel how his heart was struggling to come alive again. But it felt frighteningly cold and he was afraid that he wouldn't feel her again. He reached out with his hand to pull her closer. To feel her skin beneath his fingers and feel the warmth of her lips against his, but she fled away from his hand, pulling harder on the one that she was holding in hers.
"Come on," she coaxed softly. Her voice was so warm, like music to his ears. He could see the end of the cliff ahead of them and when he looked up he could see all the stars shining. He knew what would happen. He knew that they would be sitting at the front of the cliff and talk and laugh. He knew that they would make love under the stars. For some reason that thought stopped him cold. Something felt wrong with that. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something about the whole thing was wrong.

"Come on, Max," Tess laughed, pulling harder to drag him out of his hesitation.
He fell down next to her, feeling a fleeting feeling of happiness pass through him. But it was like the feeling didn't belong to him anymore. That it was merely a…memory. His back straightened and he looked around him. He looked at the trees and the leaves moving in the warm summer breeze and he could see it changing. Moving in and out of another environment. Something behind this one. He squinted with his eyes and could see a bed moving through the trees, but when he blinked it disappeared. Apprehension grabbed him. What was going on?
"Max?"
He looked down into his wife's blue eyes and took a deep breath when her eyes didn't look like they usually do. They were slightly red and the sparkling warm blue had turned cold. Ice cold.
"Max, are you okay?"
Her hand against his cheek made him fall backwards and he scrambled to get his legs untangled and to stand up. Tess looked at him with a frown. "Max? What's wrong?"
"What's going on, Tess?" Max whispered, looking around him frantically. "What's happening?"
"Nothing's happening," Tess answered calmly. "Just relax. It's just the two of us here." Before Max's eyes her dress shifted from blue into white. "Just like it's suppose to be."
"What…?" he stuttered. He felt like he had been hit with a sledgehammer in his stomach and he crouched forward, reflexively hugging his stomach to try and stop himself from throwing up.

"You're not here," he whispered, closing his eyes so tight his forehead started to hurt.
"Don't be silly," he heard Tess laugh lightly. "Come over here. I have something for you."
His fingers pressed into the soft of his palm, his nails being buried so deep in that the skin broke and blood started to seep out.
"You are not real. Get out of my head! You are not real!!"
"Max!"
Her voice was colder and he had to fight to not give in to her. To not give her what she wanted, just because he wanted her to be as warm as she had been just a minute ago.
"You do remember what you told me that day, don't you?"
"No no no no! Get out of my head! Get out of MY HEAD!!"
His hands wrapped around his head and his bloodied hands dug into his skull, trying to somehow force her out.
"You told me that you would never love anyone else. You told me that I was the one. You told me that I was going to be the one until you died. You told me that I was all you ever wanted. Does it ring a bell, huh, Max?"
"I'm not listening to you," Max murmured. "You are not real." In his mind he was trying to visualize what the room at Isabel's place looked like. He needed to get back. But he had no idea how to.

"Help me, please somebody help me," he whimpered. He wasn't sure if anyone was hearing him. When he felt hands on his face he shrank away, yelling to Tess to get away. But it wasn't Tess. Surprisingly, it didn't take him long to recognize Liz's warm touch.
"Liz," he sobbed, relief racking his body. He didn't dare to open his eyes, out of fear that he would only be imagining Liz and instead see Tess standing there.
"Shhh, I'm here. It's okay. I'm here. Open your eyes, Max."
"Is she there? Is she still there?"
There was a moment of silence before her voice drifted to him, making his legs fold under his weight. "No. No, Max. She's not here."
He fell into her arms, and with his eyes still closed he breathed in the smell of her shampoo and felt the texture of her hair as he buried his face in crook of her neck.
"You're okay now, Max. I've got you."
He sobbed in her hair, barely being aware of her hand moving up and down his back soothingly. All he was aware of was her scent and the realness of her body holding him steady, grounding him and bringing him further away from the hell in his mind.
He could hear other voices around him, but he automatically blocked them out. The only voice clear in his mind was Liz.
"I'm staying here with him. It's okay." Pause. "Yeah, I'm okay." Her voice lowered and softer as she spoke against his ear. "We're okay."

TBC...