Chapter 36

Six weeks later

She heard the front door close and his warm voice filled the house. "Liz? Liz?"
She frowned at the urgency she could hear in his voice and quickly removed the laptop from her lap and rose from the armchair.
"I'm here," she announced, her voice carrying her message to him before she had reached the hallway. The sight that greeted her froze her to the spot. Max was standing there, a big smile on his lips and bouquet of flowers in his hand.
"Hey beautiful," he said softly.
Liz couldn't get her mouth to react. She knew that she was looking rather stupid with her mouth hanging open in complete bewilderment, but she couldn't help it. "Max?"
Max kicked off his shoes and stepped up to her, handing her the bouquet.
"For you my lady," he said.
Liz looked back and forth between the beautiful white roses and Max's proud face.
"Thank you."
"And I know that you are not allowed to eat too many of these," Max continued as he produced a box of chocolate from behind his back, "but I think that even you should sin sometimes."

"Max…" Liz sighed. She was now looking behind him towards the door, prepared to see a cameraman come in and announced that she was on "Candid Camera".
"Aaand…" Max started as he shrugged out of his jacket, "I'm going to cook tonight."
Liz frowned, the beginning of laughter playing on her lips. "Who are you?"
Max smiled at her, bent forward and gave her a soft, albeit lingering, kiss on her cheek. "I am your personal chef for the evening, mademoiselle."
Her eyes automatically fell on the floor as the blush rose on her cheeks. Max moved into the kitchen and started looking through the refrigerator to see what he had to work with.
"Is this all we have?" he murmured to himself, his head buried in the refrigerator.
"I was going to go shopping for groceries today," Liz said, breathing in the smell of the roses.
Max scratched behind his ear, a motion that brought the butterflies in Liz's stomach back to life with warm intensity. "Oh, well then. I'll go shopping."
Liz started shaking her head. "You don't have to do-"
"You," Max interrupted and stepped up to her, and took the flowers and chocolate from her. He put the flowers on the counter behind her, stepping dangerously close to her as he reached over to the counter, and quickly proceeded to take the chocolate in one hand while taking her small hand with his other.

His gaze captured hers and she looked up at him with an anticipation she never thought she had felt before. "You, my angel, are going to sit down here-" He guided her into the living room, to the armchair she had just been occupying and gestured for her to sit down, "eat the chocolate and relax." He put the chocolate box on her lap and smiled at her.
"Are you okay?" Liz asked suspiciously. What if something had gone so terribly wrong at the therapy session today that he was now in complete denial about the whole thing?
The intensity of his smile lessened but grew softer instead and he fell to his knees in front of her, lifted both of her hands to his mouth and slowly grazed the back of both hands with his lips in a soft kiss.
"I want to talk to you about something," he said.
Liz took a deep breath and automatically braced herself. It just had to be too good to be true.
"Okay," she said.
"After dinner," Max said.
Liz looked at him in surprise. "Are you sure?"
Max nodded. "Let's eat first."
Liz followed him with her eyes as he rose up on his feet. "If that's what you want…"
He smiled at her again. He had been smiling more in the last five minutes than what he had in all the weeks they had known each other. "That's what I want."

--------------------------------------------------------

The musty fragrances from the food filled up the air. The spicy touches excited her senses while the softness of orange and lemon made her stomach growl in anticipation. The view wasn't too bad either. Max had put on a black apron that he with blushing cheeks had explained that Isabel had given him. The white text across the apron spelled very simply: "Best in Test" and from where Liz was sitting she had to agree. He had turned from a caterpillar into a butterfly in the matter of only a day. Granted, she had to admit that he had seemed more easygoing the last couple of days and there were more smiles, but nothing like today. Looking at him now, he totally blew her away. Just when she thought she had figured him out, he does something like this.
"What does my lady wish to drink?"

Liz blinked and was happy that he hadn't turned around, because he would've, without a doubt, caught her staring.
"Uhm…"
He turned around, his eyes traveling over her face and she couldn't help but smile. There was happiness bursting inside of her and it wanted out – in one form or the other.
Max lifted a suggestive eyebrow. "Water? Juice? Milk perhaps?"
It was at times like these that she wished that she could drink alcohol, just because of the social thing it brought. She could share a glass of wine with him. But mixing alcohol with the strong immune system depressants she was on wasn't such a good idea.
"I think I'll have some juice," she answered.
Max put down the spatula and wiped his hands on the apron and started to walk towards the refrigerator. "Juice it is."
"Could I at least set the table?" Liz asked, her ears not really paying any attention to what her mouth was saying, because Max had just bent forward, his head buried inside the refrigerator and she had a great view of his-
"Orange or apple?"
Liz frowned. "Huh?"
Max straightened up and the spell was broken. Ah well, partly anyway. Max looked at her and repeated his question. "Orange or apple?"
"Uhm… apple," Liz decided quickly. She didn't really care. At this stage she would probably drink anything he told her to drink.
"Allrighteo, apple it shall be."
He took the juice cartoon from the refrigerator and turned around, closing the refrigerator door behind him with his foot. Liz smiled to herself just because of the lightness about that movement. He had seemed more carefree the last couple of days but she could never have hoped for it to turn into this. She could feel her heart fluttering inside of her. She had known for a long time that her feelings for him were extremely strong, something even stronger than she had ever felt about anyone before. To see him this happy made the feelings that she usually hid come closer to the surface. She tried to push them away, as she always did, but it was difficult at that moment because of the magnitude of the feelings.

She observed him as he filled a wineglass with the apple juice.
"So have you been able to write anything today?" Max asked as he turned around.
He reached out the glass for her and she took it, her fingertips brushing against his and a tingle went through her hand. She self-consciously licked her lips, her eyes downcast and nodded in answer to his question.
"Yes, I've got a lot done today actually."
That's just another thing that made Max stand out in comparison with Kevin. Kevin always thought that her writing was ridiculous and he always tried to get her to search for a "real" job instead. Kevin had never read a single word she had written. Granted, Max hadn't done so either, but the difference was that she wanted Max to read it when she was finished. She had never been encouraged to share it with Kevin; he had always said that she couldn't survive on a hobby. Max had never uttered those words. He had never claimed that she was ridiculous because she was trying to write a book. He had always supported her with it and thinking about it now made a smile spread over her face.
"What?"
She blinked and looked up in Max's amused face.
"Oh, nothing," she smiled.
Max's just nodded and turned his attention back to the stove.
"What are you making really?"
"It's a secret," Max answered and even though he had his back turned towards her she could see the playful smile on his lips.
"Oh, okay," Liz said, softly gliding her finger along the edge of the wineglass.
"It is finished soon," Max promised.

That evening Liz realized that Max was an excellent cook. He blended the spicy ingredients with the sweet in a smoothness that was greatly appreciated by her greedy taste buds. She learnt that Max had wanted to be a chef when he was little, but as he had grown older he had come to realize that he would rather teach people about cooking. The teaching part had stuck, but the food element had disappeared and he had ended up teaching children in English, mathematics, geography, etc. This was the first time he had cooked since the accident. The first time he had made a proper meal in two years. He told her that his cooking had been too entwined with his life with Joshua and Tess. Too many memories.

They had talked about everything that night, but not that much about Tess or Josh. Liz had carefully avoided the subject because she didn't want him to feel that he had to repeat everything that he spent a lot of time talking about in his therapy sessions. If he wanted to tell her, she would be there for him. But if he didn't tell her, she wouldn't force him. She was right now keeping her fingers crossed that he would open up to her. That this whole night was the beginning of a real life; of the life that she had been avoiding to dream about since she had been told the truth about what had happened to Max's soft soul.

When both of the hands on the clock in the kitchen started to approach twelve, they cleared the table and left the dishes in the sink for tomorrow – at Max's request. He told her to go into the living room, while he went to get something. For some reason she was nervous as she waited for him to come back. Her fingers were moving restlessly along the seam of her shirt and she repeatedly straightened her shirt and uncrossed and crossed her legs. By the time he came down the stairs she was almost crawling out of her skin. She had a feeling this was supposed to be something significant. Max wanted her to know something that he had kept hidden. She knew it in the core of her being. Max walked into the living room with a black rectangular object in his right hand. Liz frowned when trying to figure out what it was in the dim light of the wall lamp. Without a word, he put it in her lap and she found herself looking at a videotape.
"What's this?" she wondered, looking up at Max's apprehensive face.
"The reason why I haven't been able live," Max answered.
Liz felt her heart speeding up with a strong mixture of anticipation and fear. She looked down at the videotape in her lap and she could almost feel its importance burning into her thighs. She looked up at his serious face and asked worriedly, "Are you sure?"
Max nodded. "Never been so sure about anything in my life."
Liz held his gaze for some long seconds before nodding. "Okay, I'll watch it."
She had a suspicion about what it might be and if it was what she thought it was then she wasn't so sure she wanted to watch it. But when Max turned around and started to walk towards the stairs, an inexplicable feeling settled at the pit of her stomach.
"You're not staying?"
He stopped, but he didn't turn around, and she felt the air grow heavier around her as the stability of his mood started to waver.
"I want you to watch it alone," he whispered.
Liz observed the tenseness in his shoulder and swallowed hard. "Okay."
He stood still for another couple of seconds before he continued towards the stairs and Liz's gaze turned anew to the videotape that was burning her skin.

She must've been sitting there for at least five minutes before she stood up and walked up to the VCR and pushed the tape inside. Time stood still and she could already feel tears burning the retinas of her eyes. Her hands were shaking as she pressed the power button on the TV and her whole body was trembling as her finger pressed the play-button on the VCR and voices of the past that wouldn't let itself be forgotten filled the room.

A blonde girl was standing by the stove, her protruding stomach pressed up against the oven door. She turned towards the camera and smiled, shaking her head.
"Max, what are you doing?"
"Nothing," came the voice from behind the camera and Liz's heart jolted. She had never heard that lightness in his voice before. Even though he had been more carefree tonight than she had ever seen him, his voice still held that small twinge of worry, of fear and sadness. But this voice didn't. This was the voice of a man that hadn't suffered. This was the voice of a man that was content and happy. Deliriously happy.
The girl, who Liz assumed was Tess, laughed at his innocent answer and reached for a capsicum.
"How about I take the camera and you cook? We both know you're better at it than me."
"Nah-uh," Max answered. "You are definitely more photogen- I mean cameragenic than me."
"Coward," Tess murmured but Liz could see the smile she was trying to hide.
Max then started to zoom in, getting closer to Tess' stomach.
"Hello there baby, this is daddy."
Liz's heart constricted with sadness as Max's cooing soft voice accompanied the blue that now covered the whole picture. The blue that was Tess' shirt but up close didn't look like anything else but a blue wall.
"Sweetie, I'm trying to cook here," Tess' voice echoed in the camera.
The camera moved up to Tess' face, still zoomed in and all that could be seen was fifty percent of Tess' mouth, her eyes and her nose.
"This better?" Max teased and Liz swallowed.
"Read my lips," Tess said and Max automatically filmed her lips as she slowly and very clearly articulated every word, "Stop bugging me."
Max laughed and the first tears ran down Liz's cheeks. The scene changed into another and it didn't take Liz many seconds to realize that they were now in the hospital. Joshua's birth.

Liz had to struggle not to shut the TV off the next three hours that she watched the life of Max's family unfold itself. Her feelings were all over the place without really being able to tell one feeling apart from the next. She had never cried so much in her whole life. She cried for Max's loss. She cried for the long life that had been stolen from the little boy that was bouncing around on the TV-screen. She cried for the beautiful woman that on several occasions tried to rip the camera away from Max as Max's laughter filled the air. She cried for the family that had been tarnished and had disappeared. She cried for the painful death of Max's ability to laugh with such happiness. But she also felt the deepest sadness about her own role in Max's life. The reasons why he had chosen to let her see the tape were many and it was the ones that said that Max wanted to show her that she could never take Tess' place that stuck. Max could've showed her to let her in; to make her see why he had such troubles to let go, but Liz's fearful mind wouldn't let herself accept that. She was scared that he was on some level telling her to leave. That he would never be able to love anyone else but Tess; that the special place in his damaged heart was reserved for Tess and would always be.

The screen turned black, but the joyful screaming of Joshua as he imitated an airplane with his arms stretched out and running around the living room remained in her mind.

Two days.

The white numbers in the bottom right corner of the clip dated it to be two days before the accident. Two days before the accident the blond boy with his big brown eyes were running around like any other two-year-old and had his whole life in front of him. Then he was just dead. He had seized to exist. It had become as quiet as it was now, with the black screen staring in her face. It was then that she realized with deeper understanding and intensity than before what Max had gone through. The transition from life to death had been just as sudden as when the camera had been shut off and the screen had gone black. She reached for the remote control and shut off the TV.

TBC...