Chapter 44

Her crying echoed through the room, creeping into the tendrils of his unconsciousness, pulling him back towards consciousness. He was met by darkness when he opened his eyes and his arm automatically went out to the side, feeling her warm body under his palm. Her crying stilled, his conscious presence taking her by surprise. He turned on his side and crept closer to her, putting one arm around her waist and pulling her close, nestling her body against his. He moved some tendrils of her hair away from her neck and brushed his lips against her skin.
"I'm scared," she whispered, her voice sounding misplaced in the stillness of the night.
He curled closer to her, moving his hand up under her shirt and melding his palm to her flat stomach.
"I want to have this baby so badly, but I know that I can die and I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to leave you alone."
"Me neither," Max said quietly, slowly kissing her throat.
"I don't know what to do."
"Let's give it some time," Max said. "We have to get used to the thought and let our feelings cool down a little bit. It's a big decision – a huge decision – and we have to be sure that we are making the right one."
"Okay," Liz sniffed, feeling herself warming up, the feeling of having Max so close moving away from comforting and moving into a state of arousal. But she quickly tried to push it away. This was not the time.

She turned around to face him, her movement causing his hand to brush over her breast, making her suck her breath in a little bit too sharply. She couldn't really see his face in the darkness and the fact that her eyes were swollen and her gaze blurry from the crying didn't make it any clearer. But at least she could pretend that he hadn't noticed her reaction.
"What about you? How are you feeling? Are you okay?"
He turned on his back and she laid her head on his chest, angling her head to look up at him. His hand started to randomly and lightly move over her back. She was trying not to think about it too much, but she couldn't stop the feelings his movement stirred.
"I'm still in shock, I guess," he said, gazing down at her through his long dark eye-lashes.
"I love you," Liz said softly.
He smiled lightly. "Ditto."
She crawled up his body and brushed her lips against his. He lightly ran his tongue over her bottom lip and she sighed in his mouth. He captured her upper lip between his lips as his hand ran under her shirt, lightly wandering up the stairs of her vertebrae.
She slid her right thigh across his legs so that she was now straddling him. His hands moved up to frame her face. They were too engrossed with the sensations of each other to notice the tremors going through both of their bodies. Their breathing was becoming heavier by the second and their bodies were heating up where they were in contact with each other. Her hands were enjoying the continent of his chest, following every crevice, every contour of every muscle, while her mouth adored his soft lips.
"You're such a good kisser," she mumbled, with a twinge of disbelief flattering her voice.
He laughed softly. "You are" kiss "very" kiss "kissable."
"Why, thank you," she whispered, her hand snaking under the waistband of his boxers. Slightly distracted, Max's kissing slowed down a bit, his hands moving down from her face, down her shoulders, down her waist and then made a 180 to turn upwards, bringing her top along with him. She raised her arms and their lips separated in order to remove that article of clothing.

"God, you're beautiful," Max mumbled, his eyes caressing her naked upper body. Liz had to fight the instinctive urge to cover herself with her arms. The immodest way Max was looking at her made her feel naked on more levels than one. He pushed himself into sitting position, making her slide down his abdomen to rest on his lap and then slowly moved closer to her. She shivered when his lips made contact with the bare skin between her breasts. Her eyes closed and she relished in the sensation of his moist lips kissing a trail down her chest. It didn't take her long to realize that his lips were following the scar from the heart surgery that was running down the middle of her chest. It made her breath quicken. It made her momentarily think about Kevin and how he always wanted to have the lights off when they made love and how he would always avoid looking at her chest – as if the scar itself disgusted him. Then Max's lips closed over her nipple and the sound of her sharp gasp echoed against the walls. His tongue softly circled around the dark areole and her body arched against him.
"So beautiful," Max mumbled, the sound waves sending ripples across her sensitive skin making her moan in pleasure and impatience.
"Don't… Please, don't, Max," Liz breathed, her voice coming in almost staccato.
"Don't what?" Max asked just before his lips surrounded her other nipple.
"Oh God," she whispered, resting her forehead on the top of his head.
"Don't what?" Max repeated huskily and she shivered beneath him.
"Don't…stop," she mumbled, her breath hot against the top of his head.
"Okay," Max whispered and raised his head up to taste her lips again. Slowly, he rolled them to the side and suddenly she was on her back staring up in his dark desire-filled eyes.

He looked at the woman lying beneath him, how her hair flared out around her head and her lips swollen and red from the kissing, and he smiled.
"Hi."
She smiled back. "Hi."
"How are you doing?"
She laughed softly. "Better now."
He raised one eyebrow and Liz felt a wave of strong desire course through her. God, the things he did to her with just one movement. "That's good to hear. Are you up for more?"
She bit her lower lip to stop herself from smiling and nodded.
"Is that a 'yes'?"
She paused and looked at him. Next she rose up on her elbows so that her face was just two centimeters from his face. "Mmm-hmm." She attacked his lips and encircled his back with her arms, pulling him down on her. She smiled against his mouth at the sensation of his naked chest against her breasts. She didn't think she would ever get over how gorgeous that felt.
"Max?" Liz said softly when he started to kiss down her neck.
"Mmmm." His tongue teased over her nipple, making her thoughts screech to a halt. Next stop was her bellybutton which he adored with his tongue. The things he could do with that tongue.
"Don't… God, Max," she gasped.
"Mmmm," he said again, licking the border between her stomach and her panties.
"Don't ever stop loving me."
He stopped and looked up at her. She was looking down at him, with a hint of fear in her eyes. "I won't."
"You promise?"
His fingers looped in the panties over her hipbones and he started to pull them downwards. "I promise."

Liz was holding her breath in anticipation as he slowly pulled the panties down her legs, his index fingers trailing lightly against the sensitive skin of her inner thighs. Her body was aching all over. She wanted him so badly she wasn't thinking clearly any longer.
"Do you trust me?"
She tried to focus on his voice, but his skin was brushing all over her skin as he moved up over her body.
"Of…course," she breathed.
"Then trust that you'll have to put up with me-" he looked straight into her eyes and tenderly brushed the pad of this thumb over her cheekbone "-for a long time."
"I want you, Max, please, just…"
"I love you," Max breathed and with one thrush he joined them.
"Thank God," Liz smiled.
"You can call me Max," Max said.
"Stop talking," Liz half laughed, half groaned. She grabbed a hold of his elbows that were holding him up on both sides of her face, feeling the warmth of his body rushing into her palms and fingers.
"Oh Liz," Max mumbled, quickening the pace. It was the sexiest, most desirable and at the same time, most comforting feeling to be moving inside of her.
"Don't stop," Liz said, kissing his shoulder.
"Believe me… Nothing… can stop me…right now."
Liz couldn't help but laugh at the stubbornness in his voice, but her laughter came to an abrupt halt when she realized something. "Max."
He looked down at her at the fear in her voice, his hands under her body, to lift her upper body up.
"We forgot the condom."

He stopped momentarily in his movements and frowned. "Are you serious? Liz, we don't need protection any longer."
She looked at him for awhile, her mind becoming hazy as he started to move within her again. "Right… Right… I forgot."
He lifted her body off the pillow and crashed their lips together. That was his only mission for tonight, to make her forget.

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"I want to come with you to see the doctor."
Liz opened her eyes and looked at him. They were lying on their sides, facing each other, Max moving his fingers in circles over her naked back. Before she had time to answer, Max added, "I want to know exactly what risks this pregnancy would involve."
"Okay," she answered, hope twinkling in her eyes.
Max looked at her in contemplation and then reached forward to brush a kiss against her forehead, which was still slightly damp from their love making.
"I just want you to be happy."
She smiled at him softly. "I am happy. Just being with you makes me happy."
"I didn't know that you wanted a child so badly."
"I just never thought it was possible, so it's been like this unreachable dream all my life. Now I discover it can come true, I want to give it a shot."
"We have to do research. A lot of research. We have to know what we're getting ourselves into."
Liz frowned. "Wait, you almost sound like you're willing to give this a try."

Max's finger played with the hair resting against the side of her ear. "I never said that I didn't want to have a child with you. It would be a big leap for me. I don't know if it would bring forward feelings of Josh – probably will. The question is how it will make me feel. I don't want it to alienate me from you."
"You would have nine months to get used to the idea and deal with ghosts."
"I know. But then there's the obvious question of your life being in jeopardy. I won't have a child if it means that you might die."
"I think that risk will always exist. It doesn't mean that it will happen."
"Then why do it. Why can't we just enjoy what we have now?"
"You don't understand. A child…" She shook her head in amazement. As if she couldn't quite fathom the idea herself that she could become a mother. "It would mean everything to me."
"Then what if you miscarriage? Do you know how devastated you would be? Isn't it better to abort now when you don't have those strong feelings of attachment yet?"
She brushed some tears of her cheek, whispering 'damnit' under her breath. She had told herself to stop crying, but it didn't seem to work.
"I can't explain it, Max. I know I'm being irrational. But I love you so much and for once I want to have a taste of perfection. Perfection would mean to have a child with you."
"Sweetie…" Max said softly, kissing her shoulder. "I understand. Let's talk to the doctor first, okay?"
"Okay."

TBC...