Chapter 45

"No, Maria, I'm fine. I'm feeling better."
Max leaned in and kissed her cheek, taking the cup of coffee she had poured for him. She looked up at him and smiled.
"The doctor said that everything looked fine… No, I'm not lying. Why would I lie to you, Maria?"
Max moved behind her to get a donut, his finger following the part of her back that had been exposed when her top had ridden up while she was trying to reach the cups in the upper cabinet. She had to hold back a gasp and tried to regain focus on Maria's ramble on the other side of the phone.
"He said that my blood pressure was a bit low, that's all. He put me on a sugar diet."
Max smiled secretly next to her, shuffling the donut into his mouth. He moved behind her again to grab his coffee, but was distracted by how her hand was kneading the side of her neck. He lightly pushed her hand away and let his fingers creep under the seam of her shirt and started kneading her flesh.
"Oh," Liz moaned and Max smiled broadly when he heard Maria exclaiming 'What!" in shock on the other end.
"Nothing, my…uhm…my shoulders are just hurting and I tried to relieve it and I pressed a really sore point."

Max continued to work on her sore muscles and added some extra care to her neck by raining small kisses against her skin.
"No, we're not doing anything special. We're just going shopping."
He could hear the strain in her voice and he smiled inwardly. He was making it difficult for her to concentrate and he was enjoying every second of it.
"Uhm… no… I don't think that's such a good idea. We need some time alone. But we can do something together tomorrow, Maria."
Max's hands moved down Liz's back and came to stop over the bare skin of her stomach. His bottom lip was sliding up the side of her neck leaving a trail of wetness that made a shiver run through her body as the air came into contact with the area.
"Yep, no, I'll tell him. Yes. Okay. Bye, Maria. Bye."
Liz hung up, turning around to face Max. "What are you doing?" She tried to look stern but she could feel the laughter playing with the corners of her mouth.
"I'm having breakfast," Max said innocently.
Her eyes glittered with laughter, but her smile took on a contemplative quality and she said, "You're so gorgeous when you're happy."
His facial expression turned somber and he answered by kissing her. "Are you ready to leave?"
"I'm just gonna finish my tea."
"Okay," he kissed her again, "I'll go and shave because if I stay around here for any longer, I'm not sure I will be able to control myself."
She smiled brightly. "Thank you, Max."
He paused. "For what?"
She shrugged. "Just thank you."
"Okay… You're welcome?"
She gave him a peck on the cheek. "You're so cute when you're confused."
"That's my cue to leave," Max said, his fingers lingering on her bare back until the last second.

--------------------------------------------------------

"Dr. Stevens, this is Max Evans."
Max shook hands with the doctor, "Pleasure to meet you."
"Please, have a seat." He turned his attention to the petite brunette, who was clasping her hand together with Max. He had to admit, they were a beautiful couple. "How are you feeling today, Elizabeth?"
"Today is a good day," she answered and sneaked a glance in Max's direction.
Dr. Stevens pretended he didn't see anything and nodded. "That's good. And have your opinion about your pregnancy changed?"
"We wanted to know all the risks involved, Dr. Stevens, before we make a decision," Max spoke.
"That's very wise."
"We want you to be as honest as possible," Liz said.
"Let me first say that there have been many successful pregnancies for post-transplant women. About 70 don't suffer any problems except premature delivery."
"And the other 30?" Max asked.
Liz squeezed his hand, knowing that he wanted to know everything that could put her in danger.
"Elizabeth will have to stay on her immunosuppressive drugs during the whole pregnancy. Fortunately, the cyclosporine that she's taking has had pretty good success rates relating to pregnancy. There is always a small risk of that the drugs might affect the child."
"How?" Max asked. To someone who didn't know him, he sounded calm and collected, but Liz could hear the vibration of dread in his voice.
"Slow development of the fetus, which will result in low birth weights, abnormal heads and mental retardedness. You should know, however, that this is just a small percentage. The main issue is that Elizabeth's body might reject her heart when she has given birth. Carrying the child will in a way mess with the balance in her body, to put it simply. After that child is gone, the body might not be able to regain balance."

"Oh…" Liz whispered, knowing that this would become the main argument why Max would stop her from having the child.
"However, it is not for certain that she will even carry the child the whole gestation period. A very high percentage miscarries before the third month."
Liz looked down at her stomach, feeling the unfairness of the situation weighing down on her.
"What is your personal opinion, doctor?" Max said, noticing how Liz was struggling next to him to maintain composure. "What do you think, judging from your medical experience, that we should do?"
Dr. Stevens looked at them for a long time and both Max and Liz felt their hearts speeding up awaiting his verdict.
"As a specialist in transplantation, I'm advised to recommend you to terminate the pregnancy. The outcome is still too unclear. The risks are too many. On the other hand, the success rate is increasing every year and in women that have made it past third month without miscarrying, there has hardly been any problem. One woman gave birth to twins in 2001 and several have had more than one pregnancy. There is much hope here, but you can't forget about the risks."
"But what is your opinion, doctor?" Liz asked.
"I can't make that choice for you, Liz. I can just inform you of the risks and the possibilities. This is your life. You were given another chance. You make the best of it and you decide what to do with it. If you go through with this you might have a beautiful, healthy child in the end, starting a family with Max. But you might also lose the child early in pregnancy, the drugs that you have to be on might negatively affect the child's development, or you might even die. It's all up to you, Liz. I know it's not an easy decision. Abortions can be made fairly late so you have some time to think. But the longer you wait, the more difficult it's going to be to abort."

Liz nodded, the lump in her throat preventing her from speaking.
"Thank you, doctor," Max said.
"If you need to know more, I can give you some internet addresses and some references for books and you can research. Would you like that?"
"Yes, very much," Max answered. "Thank you."
"That's no problem."
Liz and Max stood up and Dr. Stevens took a hold of Liz's hand, squeezing it in a comforting gesture. "If there's anything you need to know, just ask me, Elizabeth. We here at the unit will all support you in whatever you decide to do."
"Thank you," Liz whispered, her eyes tearing up.
Dr. Stevens turned towards Max. "It was nice meeting you, Max. Take care of Elizabeth. She really needs your support right now."
"I know. I will." He put his arm around Liz's shoulder and shook Dr. Stevens hand with the other.
"Bye for now," Dr. Stevens said.

When the automatic sliding doors closed behind her, she broke apart. He caught her as her knees gave away.
"I just wanted a normal life," Liz sobbed. "I wanted a normal life with you."
"I know, sweetie," Max said, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. "But we haven't even talked this through yet."
"I know what…what you're gonna say," she sniffled. "Whatever the circumstances of my pregnancy I can still die afterwards. There's always a risk of rejection."
"Okay, let's get home first. Get you a cup of tea and we'll talk this through."

----------------------------------------------------------

They had talked it through. Over and over again. It was impossible to reach a sensible decision. Talking to Liz had made Max ponder of the idea of having a child and talking to Max had made Liz more fearful of dying. It was a no win situation. Whatever they did they might lose something or they might win something.

Liz stepped out from the bathroom, her undressed state – wearing only a bra and panties, distracting Max from trying to find the right shirt in the closet.
"Tell me again why I suggested this?"
He smiled gently at her. "Because sometimes your mouth is just faster than your rational mind."
"Max," Liz half-whined, slightly pushing him away to get to her dress in the closet.
"Because you have a death wish?" Max guessed.
"That is really not helping, Max," Liz sighed, pulling a black and white dress out of the closet.
Max stepped closer to her and gave her slow kiss. "Calm down. It's gonna be alright."
"You don't know them the way I do," Liz whispered. "This was a bad idea. Let's cancel. We can just tell them that we…uhm… both got food poisoning and-"
"Liz, they are going to find out sooner or later."
Liz sighed in frustration. "I know. I know I know I know."
He put his arms around her waist, hugging her from behind. "You can do it. We can do it. The moment it becomes too much, give me a signal and I'll get them all out of here, okay?"
"You don't know them," Liz repeated. "It's very difficult to get rid of them."

"I can do it, trust me."
"And what about Isabel? She already hates m-"
"Don't say it. She doesn't hate you. She's just scared."
"But this kind of news is just what's going to push her over the edge and freak her out. It's going to freak Maria out. God, Maria." She sighed. "Maybe I should talk to Maria alone. Why am I doing this again?"
"Relax," Max said slowly. "You don't only have yourself to think about any longer. You have to remain calm. The second things spin out of control, I'm pushing them out. They can hate me forever, but I'll use any method to get them out."
"Promise?"
"Cross my heart and hope to die."
"Okay," she took a deep breath. "Could you tell them?"
He hesitated. Would it make the situation worse if he said it instead of her? "Sure."
"Thank you," Liz said.
"No need to thank me."

----------------------------------------------------

"Liz, this is delicious. Did you use a recipe?"
"Yeah, I'm not a cook," Liz smiled.
"I want it," Maria chirped in, devouring the food as if it was her last meal.
Max met Michael's gaze and had to contain a smile when Michael rolled his eyes at his girlfriend.
"How's work, Max?" Nancy Parker asked.
"It's going okay, the kids are wonderful."
"I don't understand how you put up with all of those kids at the same time," Philip Evans said.
The table chimed in with agreeing laughter.
"They're all nice to me," Max answered.
"That's because you're their hero," Isabel said, ruffling Michelle's hair.
"Moooom, my hair!"
"Oh, sorry," Isabel said with a knowing smile.
"So, is there a special occasion for all of this?" Alex asked.
"Can't we just invite you all for dinner?" Max asked, feeling Liz's hand squeeze his hand under the table. He gave her a sideway look, noticing the stiffness of her polite smile. Glancing over at Maria, he knew that she had noticed as well.
"It just doesn't happen very often," Alex said. "Actually, I think I've never been invited to your home, Max."
Max took a deep breath and entwined his fingers with Liz's. "Well, there was something we needed to tell you all.
In unison, everyone stopped eating and Max had their full attention. Knowing the problems both families and friends had gone through the last couple of years, they all expected the worse.
"Uhm…" Max swallowed again. This was harder than he had anticipated it to be. "We're…uhm… We are pregnant."

Nancy dropped the fork which clattered against the plate, but no one noticed the sound. Everyone was now staring at Liz, who was withering away under their scrutiny.
Diane Evans was the first one to speak. "That's wonderful, Max."
Her comment woke everyone else up, everyone else who actually knew the truth about Liz and her condition.
"You can't have a child?" Nancy whispered. "What are you thinking?"
"Are you thinking?" Jeff Parker asked, worry mixed with fear in his eyes. "You can't go through with it, you know that right?"
"What's going on?" Philip asked. "Why can't she have a child? Isn't this good news?"
But everyone ignored him.
"This can kill you," Nancy said. "It can harm the child. It's not worth the risk."
"We've been discussing the risks for several days now and we've decided to keep it," Max said.
"Oh my God, you are on her side in this?" Isabel whispered.
"What's going on?" Diane asked.
"I don't know much about this, but it can kill her, right? You can't handle her dying, Max. You're not strong enough, and we are not strong enough to pick up the pieces of you afterwards."
Max stared at her sister. "This is not your decision. This is mine and Liz's. Mostly Liz's."
"She won't have the child. I forbid it."
Liz's eyes glazed over with tears and her bottom lip started trembling at her mother's words.
"With your love and support," Max said through clenched jaws, "she can do this."
"Maria?" Liz whispered.

Everyone stopped at the tearful plea from Liz. Maria hadn't said a word. She was usually filled with opinions. Maria was crying.
"Why weren't you more careful? I can't lose you, Liz. I can't lose you. This is selfish. What about the child? The drugs must be harmful to the child. Nothing good can come out of this."
"But Maria…"
Maria turned her head away.
"What are the reasons for you keeping this child?" Jeff asked.
"We want this child-" Max answered.
"You want this child?" Nancy said coldly. "A child is not something you possess. It's not something you get to meet a need. A child is alive. The child is going to be around for a long time, needing you. What if Liz dies, would you take care of this child? Alone?"
Max's voice rose at the accusation, "Of course I would."
"Max was a wonderful father," Isabel said forcefully, her eyes hard as she looked at Nancy.
"Was? Did he have children? What happened to them?" Jeff asked.
Liz's fingers digging into the palm of his hand, pulled Max's attention away from the table. He looked down at her, the paleness of her face making his heart starting to gallop in panic.
"Liz?"
"I don't feel too good."
He looked at her worriedly for another two seconds, before he rose from the chair.
"Okay, everyone out!" he said forcefully.
Michelle started sobbing out of fright. She had never seen Uncle Max angry. Isabel stared at him. "What!"
"We are not talking to you when you're behaving like this. Come back to us when you can have a conversation without yelling at Liz."
"We need to talk about this," Nancy protested.
"We will. Later. Now, leave."

Maybe it was his tone of voice or maybe the coldness in his eyes, but they all stood up and started to move towards the hallway. Max's parents stepped up to him, confused and shaken up by the whole display.
"Max? What was that about?"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before," Max said quietly. "Maybe I should have." He hugged his father. "I'll call you later." He hugged his mother and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Is the poor girl okay?" Diane wondered, nodding in Liz's direction.
"I hope so," Max whispered, not letting the fear take a hold of him. He was supposed to have stopped it before it went out of control, but it went out of control too quickly.
Within thirty seconds, they were all out the door, the sound of starting cars in the driveway filling the empty house.

Before everyone was even out of the house, Max was carrying Liz up the stairs.
"Max, I can walk," she protested, but her voice sounded strained and it really scared Max.
"Should I call Dr. Stevens?" Max wondered, carefully putting her down on the bed.
"There's nothing he can do," Liz said, turning to her side with her back towards him.
"Baby," Max whispered as her sobs filled the air.
He lay down next to her, spooning his body against hers.
"They're right. They're right."
"Everything they mentioned, we've already been discussing and knowing more than they know we reached the decision to have this child. They're scared of losing you. Just like I am. They'll come around. They love you too much not to."
"I hate disappointing them. It was almost as if they were accusing me of becoming pregnant intentionally."
"They weren't," Max tried to protest, even though he had gotten the same message. "They'll calm down and they'll come around."
"I hope so. I can't live with them being angry with me. What if I die with them being angry with me?"
To hear her mentioning her own death always chilled him to the core. "You're not going to die. We will be just fine. We'll read every 'Expecting Mother'-book there is and we'll make sure that everything we have control over and can make for the better we'll do. What you should eat, what you shouldn't, massage, meditation, yoga, lots and lots of sex-" she laughed "- we'll do it. We're going prove to the world that you can do it. You're strong, Liz. I've always known you're strong and if you have moments of doubt, I'll be by your side the whole way and I'll try to burden as much as possible."
"What did I ever do to deserve you?" Liz whispered.
"You were you."

TBC...