Chapter 47

"Max! Max! MAX!"

Her arms pulled him out of it, and his eyes shot open to look straight into her worried brown gaze. His breathing was erratic as he continued to stare at her, trying to understand what was happening.

"Max, are you okay? You were having a nightmare."
"Oh my God," Max whispered, staring at her as if he was in trance.
"Are you okay?" Her eyes turned a darker shade of concern and her grip on his biceps hardened slightly.
"You were dead. You were dead," he whispered, his eyes panickedly scanning over her face.
"I'm fine," Liz answered.
"But I woke up. I woke up and you were not there. It wasn't a dream. Is this a dream?"
"Max!" Liz said sharply, forcing his eyes to gain some focus when her voice cleared some of the fear that was still holding his heart in a death grip.
He ripped the sheet to the side, revealing her bare legs, his fingers brushing over her skin.
"Max, please," Liz whispered, his desperate actions scaring her.
"You're not dead," he whispered again, the previous panicked state of his voice now replaced by questioning.
"Max, I'm fine," Liz said, her voice firmer as she tried to snap him back to reality. The nightmare was still lingering in his mind to a degree that she could almost feel the swirls of unconsciousness brush against her fingers as her hands cradled his face.
Despite her strong efforts in trying to make him focus his gaze on her face, his eyes were still moving over her body, as if he was looking for something.

His hands moved slowly over the thin silk that was covering her flat stomach. "The baby… You were pregnant."
His eyes flickered to the doorway, his forehead creased in deep valleys from confusion and worry. "Josh… Joshua was here. He…"
Liz watched his face as his eyes took on faraway expression and she could feel him slipping away from her.
His breathing was becoming increasingly labored as more details of the dream flooded him. "No… he was… and I had to identify his body… But it was you. He was not there…" his eyes turned to her face and his eyes looked straight into her soul "…it was you. You were there instead."
Fresh tears trickled down his already wet cheeks.
She softly cradled his cheek, her thumb brushing some of the tears away. "Shh…it's okay now."
But he didn't hear her. "You were dead, Liz. You were dead. And you were pregnant…"

Liz wasn't sure if she should remind him that she actually was pregnant, because for some reason Max was giving her the impression that he thought her pregnancy had been part of the dream as well and she didn't want to upset him further.
"And then I woke up. I was sure that I woke up… I found you in the bathroom and you were on the floor. You weren't breathing. Oh God." He ran his fingers over her face, tracing the features, following every line. "This is a dream, isn't it? Either you are dead and this is a dream, or…"
Liz took a firm grip of his chin and angled his eyes forcing him to look directly at her. "Max! Stop it!"
His breathing was erratic as he stared at her, tears running silently down his cheeks.
"You're awake and I'm fine. Nothing happened. You had a nightmare. Okay? It was just a nightmare. Now, snap out of it."
He inhaled deeply, trembling, and the confusion interlaced with disbelief in his eyes told her that he still couldn't believe her. Whatever dream he'd had, it must have been very real to be so unwilling to loosen its grip on him. She took a hold of the hand that was still moving over her face and brought his fingers to her lips, kissing the tip of every finger slowly.
"This is real, Max," she whispered. He was still staring at her, not letting himself blink in fear of her disappearing during that millisecond.

She moved his hand down to her chest, placing his hand above the swell of her breast, above her heart. "I'm right here." She leaned forward and softly touched his lips with hers, suspecting that his eyes were open the entire time, still watching her. She leaned back so that she could get eye contact with him, "And I'm not going anywhere."
He looked at her in silence, while torture and horror blanched his face. Liz had to struggle not to break down with him, because the sight of him so broken reminded her of a Max that she thought had left a long time ago, a Max that had been lost in his own head, listening to the voice of his dead wife. The Max in front of her at the moment appeared lost, only now listening to the voice of his fear instead of Tess. His fear of losing her. It was the type of dark, bottomless fear that only someone who had already lost everything once could feel. Someone who knew the coldness and loneliness first hand.
"Love me, Max," she said softly. She wanted him to feel her. Wanted him to realize that she was still there, that she was still alive.
She didn't have to ask him again.

He crushed his lips against her with a desperation she had never felt before, the salty taste of his fear mixing with the familiar taste of him. He gathered her hair in his hands, pressing her lips harder against his, as they fell back against the pillows. His hands didn't stay in one position for longer than five seconds, his movements bordering on frantic in the exploration of her body. To her, it felt as if he was touching her everywhere at the same time. Her senses were heightened, her skin sensitized to the brink of electrified tingling. His heated kisses were scolding her skin, leaving her body aching for more. During some of those few seconds, Max had managed to remove his pajamas pants, causing both of them to groan as one as their naked legs came into contact with each other.

He kept looking at her though. She could feel his heated eyes on her, the quivering concern keeping track on her every move. She was aware of it, but she decided not to voice it. Something had really scared him and she had to let him take his time to work it through. Although, at the speed he was shedding his clothes as well as hers, Liz's apprehension increased. They didn't speak. Didn't utter one word. Only the sounds of their lovemaking filled the air, making the surroundings less dark.

He collapsed on top of her, his breathing harsh and shallow. She was staring up in the ceiling, her hand slowly running through his damp hair. His body was slightly trembling and she started to run her other hand up and down his back with a feathery lightness. They lay like that for a while, in silence, until their breathing had calmed down. When he spoke, his voice was so soft she almost missed it. "I'm sorry."
She looked down at him, frowning in confusion. "For what?"
He shifted, burying his head in the crook of her neck, reminding her of a boy trying to hide to avoid being scolded. "I was too rough."

He had been rough. Nevertheless, she had still felt his gentleness in every movement along the way, which is why she hadn't stopped him. But he had been desperate. As if joining with her would remove all the demons in his head, and he had been anxious to get there as soon as possible.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered and he shifted making her arms tighten around him. She would not let him leave her right now.
"Max, what really happened? In your dream?"
There was silence for a couple of seconds and then he lifted his head. Without looking up at her, he slightly lifted his upper body and angled his head so that he could follow the travel his finger was making between her breasts with his eyes. He could feel the thickened texture of the white scar under his fingertip, a scar that created many conflicting emotions in him. Without saying a word, his hand continued down her stomach, lifting his body off hers more and more to unveil her flawless olive skin. He bent down and tenderly kissed her stomach, an act that made her chest tighten.

"Max?" she whispered.
"I love you so much," he said softly, meeting her eyes for the first time since they had made love.
"I love you too," Liz said gently, her eyes trained on his as he moved back up her body, her body reacting in the most sensual way when his skin brushed against hers. He came to a halt with his lips barely an inch from hers, their eyes connected and their bodies flush with each other as he put most of his weight on her. Liz could feel her heart rate increasing. It was as if the air around them was electrified, making the small hairs on her arms stand on end. His eyes were holding onto hers as he closed the miniscule distance between their lips and ever so softly tasted her. She was looking at him as their lips connected, refusing the reflex need to close her eyes at the sensation of his warm lips. She wanted to see him. She watched as his eyes turned darker and she could feel the pounding of his heart against her breast increasing its rhythm.

She didn't want to interrupt the sexual tension building up around them, but she needed to know. "Max." Pleasure produced small shivers under her skin when her lips brushed against his when she spoke. He was so close. She could feel the warmth from his breath against the skin of her heated lips. He pulled back slightly, leaving distance between them, but still they were within two inches of each other.
"I have this reoccurring dream," Max said quietly. "It's… When… It's from a memory."
Liz nodded, whispering, "Okay," when he stopped.
He swallowed, his gaze flickering to something next to her face, something that only he could see. "I had to identify Josh's body… after the accident."
Liz bit her lower lip in an attempt to lessen the pain prickling her heart at the anguish in his voice.
"I've been having nightmares about that day…that event… since the accident. I go there to identify him and when they pull the sheet away, Josh's…Josh's eyes open."
"Oh God," Liz whispered almost inaudibly.
"Sometimes he asks me why I'm leaving him. Why I'm not taking him home?"
She felt one of his tears drip on her collarbone, followed by another, which together made their way down along her scar.

"Tonight… it was different." He was looking at her again. He licked his lips as if it would give him the last strength he needed to speak, but she could see in his eyes that the dream was still vivid and still haunting him.
"I thought that I would see Josh there, but when I pulled the sheet away… It was you, Liz. You were there and you were… Your eyes…" His voice cracked and her arms tightened around him. "You were dead. You were pretty far gone in your pregnancy…"
She nodded slowly, understanding now why he had kept repeating that she was pregnant before.
"Then I woke up."
Liz relaxed, bending down and placing a kiss on his forehead.
"But I didn't."
Liz frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I guess I must've dreamt that I woke up. I reached for you, but you were not there. So I went to look for you. I saw that the light was on in the bathroom so I went in there."
Liz was looking at him in trepidation, his fear so poignant that she could feel it seeping through her skin.
"I found you on the floor and you were not…you were not breathing. I went to call an ambulance and that's when you woke me up. Thank God you woke me up. I thought it was real." Tears welled up in his eyes. "I thought it was real. That I had lost you too."

That I had lost you too.

His voice echoed in her head and she took a deep breath, trying her best to gather her scattered emotions.
"I'm not going anywhere," she said, repeating what she had said an hour earlier.
His sad eyes looked up into hers, causing her heart to miss a beat. "You don't know that."
She didn't have an answer for that. What was she supposed to say? "No, I don't. But I know this; it will take a lot to remove me from you." She brushed the remaining tears away from his cheeks. "Okay?"
He nodded, his face still worried and his eyes still melancholic.
"Okay," she repeated, feeling the tears sting her eyes. Guilt flooded her, feeling as if she had just lied to him.

TBC...