Chapter 49

Two weeks later

"I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow," Liz mentioned softly.
Max looked up at her, fear flashing over his face. "Is something wrong?"
Liz smiled warmly at him, knowing that he had thought she had been referring to the cardiologist. "It's with the obstetrician."
Max relaxed, but Liz was surprised to still see worry on his face. Pretending like she had not just caught him off guard, Liz continued, "Do you want to come?"
Max reached over the table and entwined his fingers with hers. "Of course."
Liz was observing him closely. He was acting like he had done something wrong, guiltily averting his eyes, trying to smooth it over with soft touches.
"When is it?" Max asked, casually picking up his glass of wine with his free hand and bringing it to his lips.
Liz followed his every move. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but at the same time she was afraid that his answer would confirm what she feared the most. That he had changed his mind. That he didn't want her to have the baby anymore. She was afraid because she knew that she had gotten pretty good at reading him and Max pretty much wore his heart on his sleeve. She was afraid because she had held him throughout the nights and knew how the nightmares scared him. The nightmares of her dying as a result of her pregnancy. Why would he not want her to terminate her pregnancy?

But maybe, as long as the subject wasn't breached, she could pretend that her pregnancy was really not the reason to him acting strange. She could pretend that she couldn't read him and that she was just being paranoid. Still, she wanted them to have the conversation. She wanted him to speak to her, to tell her what was bothering him so that they could deal with it together. She had promised herself that she would be as honest with him as possible. Her thumb was absent-mindedly stroking his thumb, when she answered his question. "Ten a.m."
"Okay," Max said, smiling at her weakly.
Liz took a deep breath. She was itching to talk to him. She wanted to confront him on this. There was a chance that she could convince him that they were fine. That the baby was fine and that she was fine. There was a big chance that she wouldn't be able to argue with him though, because they were both aware of the risks involved in her pregnancy.

Taking another look at him, she made up her mind. She would wait to talk to him until after they had been at the hospital tomorrow.

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"Elizabeth," Dr. Reynolds said, shaking Liz's hand, "nice to see you again."
Liz smiled. "Dr. Reynolds, this is Max Evans."
Max shook Dr. Reynolds hand firmly. "Hi."
"Ah, the father I presume," Dr. Reynolds smiled.
Liz nodded, pure adoration in her eyes as she looked up at Max. She blushed and averted her eyes when he looked down at her.
"Yes, that's me," Max said, a chill he couldn't quite identify the origin of running through him.
Dr. Reynolds patted the examination table behind him. "Elizabeth, jump up on the bed and we will take a look."
Max swallowed. He was surprised that he was so nervous. He had done this before, with Tess. Back then he had been so happy. Becoming a dad had been one of his most wanted dreams coming true. He could still remember the feelings of anticipation and excitement. That first appointment with Tess was forever imprinted in his mind as one of the happiest days of his life.
"Max?"
Her tentative touch pushed him out of his memories and he focused on her. He swallowed. Her dark, large eyes glistering with nervousness and concern were trained on his face, begging him to not abandon her right now. Her expression squeezed his heart. Biting back the tears, he swallowed again and softly cradled her face in his hands. "You are so beautiful." He meant every word with an honesty that could not be truly translated into simple words.

A fresh tint of red crept up her cheeks, her almost timid smile making her eyes shine with internal glow. It made Max's heart beat that much faster and he could literally feel himself falling for her even harder, which merely served to frighten him. He loved her so much. He couldn't lose her. Forgetting where he was, the world blurring out around him, he bent down and tenderly kissed her lips.
"I love you so much," he whispered against her lips, words reserved for her ears.

Dr. Reynolds watched the couple with a mixture of fascination and amazement. There was something about how the man treated Miss Parker that touched him. It made him think of when his wife used to watch old romantic movies from the 50's and be moved to tears. He had asked her why it was that women cried when a man was a real softie to a woman. Her reply was always; 'Simon, there is so much evil in the world that when a man shows such tenderness towards a woman, as if he would sacrifice his life to save her, it is one of the most beautiful things. It moves me.' He had never been the man that would cry when watching movies. To be honest, he did not cry very easily at all. But for some reason, the scene in front of him almost made him tear up. Maybe he shouldn't tell his wife about this. She would be so pleased to hear that something finally had made him teary. Much too pleased.

Suspecting that he had ceased to exist in their world, Dr. Reynolds pointedly cleared his throat. Hearing the doctor's subtle interruption, Liz gently stroke Max's cheek. "It will be fine. Everything is okay."
Max nodded, not hearing anything but Liz. Liz gave him a smile of encouragement, before looking up at the doctor, giving him the green light in the form of a nod.
"Okay," Dr. Reynolds spoke up, pulling the ultrasound machine up to the bed, forcing Max to move away from the close proximity with Liz. His hold on her hand tightened.
"Let's see how we are doing," Dr. Reynolds continued, exposing Liz's stomach and fetching a plastic bottle behind him. "This will just feel a bit cold, Elizabeth."
Liz nodded with a look of anticipation on her face. Gel was squirted on her stomach and Dr. Reynolds pressed the apparatus against her stomach, eliciting a picture on the screen. Max felt a tremor go through him and the squeeze he received from Liz told him that she had felt it too. He could see it. It was not bigger than a peanut, but it was there. Their baby. Their baby. He had studied the first ultrasound pictures of Joshua enough to know exactly what it looked like. He watched as Dr. Reynolds pointed out the embryo, feeling the world turn silent around him, his eyes transfixed on the black shape on the ultrasound. He didn't hear Liz's laugh of surprise over the smallness of the baby and he missed the smile lightening up her face.

It was not until Liz swung her legs over the edge of the bed, minutes after the ultrasound machine had been moved to the side and Liz's stomach had been wiped clean, that Max returned to reality.
"Max, is everything okay?" Liz wondered and the tears he had been holding back during the examination threatened to escape his eyes when he saw the worry on her face.
"We made a baby, Liz," Max said softly.
Liz smiled, the concern replaced by radiating happiness. "Yes, Max. We did."
"I can't believe we made a baby," Max said, kissing her forehead.
Liz wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close. "I know that you are afraid, Max. But please don't give up on this baby."
Her quiet plea in his ear made his heartstrings tighten. Why couldn't this be easy?

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It was with a sinking heart that Liz walked down the hallway towards where she knew she would find Max. Joshua's room. It was never a good sign to find him there. Usually he didn't go there, as if he didn't want to disturb the presence of Joshua that might still be lingering. It was when he had a lot on his mind and when he was shaken up that he went there. Considering the concern and distance she had felt from Max the last couple of days it was with fear infecting her body that she opened the door.

He was sitting on the floor, a blue teddy bear in his arms. Without looking in her direction, he voiced softly, "Hey."
She walked up to him, her concerned presence enveloping him as she brushed around him and sat down next to him. "Hey."
There was a long silence before Max broke it, "Sometimes I tell myself that I can still feel his presence in here."
Liz looked at him, squeezing his hand tighter. "Josh will always be a part of you, Max. No one can ever take him away from you."
Max looked down at the teddy bear and slowly shook his head. "No, that's not what I mean. I know that he will always be there, in my mind, but sometimes I told myself that I could actually feel him in this room. It was so strong that I could almost see him run around and play hide and seek…" Max shook his head again, a bittersweet smile forming on his lips as his eyes stared off into a world that had been, "He always wanted to play hide and seek. He never grew tired at it. When he couldn't play it with Tess or me, he played it with this teddy bear." He looked down at the teddy bear again, unconsciously squeezing it closer to his chest.

She looked at him, her eyes tracing over his features, recording every flicker of emotions transpiring, without knowing what to say. Feeling that there wasn't anything she could say in this situation. No words were needed. So they just sat there. Max with a faraway expression on his face and Liz clinging to his hand to prevent him from going to far into the past.
"I think we should move."
Liz frowned, looking at him in bewilderment. "What?"
Max met her eyes and repeated, "I think we should move."
"As in move to another house?" Liz asked.
Max nodded slowly, an unreadable expression on his face. "There's nothing left for me here. This house," he paused and looked around the room, "This house is haunting me. There are too many memories. I can't move on."
"Max…" Liz said slowly, softly. She could sense the anguish of making one of the hardest decisions of his life radiating off of him in waves.

"This is not your home, Liz. There are too many rooms where you feel that you are not allowed to go. You moved in here… I want us to move in somewhere else – together – and start our own life."
She couldn't help it but a smile began to form on her lips. A smile of relief and tentative happiness.
"Max, are you serious?" she asked, not completely daring to be hopeful.
Max turned more fully towards her and took a hold of her other hand. "I'm serious," his eyes held her soul in captive anticipation. "I've been thinking about it for a while now and I really need to put physical distance between my memories and me. I need to let go and I think I can only do that if I'm somewhere new. With you."
She smiled and slowly leaned into him, gently kissing his lips. "I would love to move. But only if you are absolutely sure. I don't want you to feel forced to do this."
"I want to do this," Max emphasized. "I need to do this."
Liz nodded. "Okay."

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Three weeks later

"What about this one?" Liz asked around a mouthful of ice cream, pointing at a small brick house in the catalogue in front of her with the back of her spoon.
"Liz, you need to get ready," came the reply from behind her.
"I'm ready," Liz said, grabbing the tub of ice cream to take another scoop. But before she had the chance to do so the tub was pulled out of her grip and with a pout she looked up at the man who had appeared in front of her. She put the spoon back in her mouth, trying to catch any remaining ice cream, while her eyes wandered up his black pressed pants and the white shirt which was still to be button up. Smiling around the spoon, she jumped up and took a hold of his shirt.
"Are you telling me that you are going to go to dinner in my worn out T-shirt and twenty year old soft pants?"
"Hey!" Liz burst out, the scold distorted by the spoon that was still in her mouth. "The pants are only two years old and I happen to like this T-shirt." Her small fingers moved with a feathery touch along his bare warm chest as she buttoned every button with a twinge of regret. Something so gorgeous should not be hidden behind a shirt. "Besides, it's just Isabel."
Max reached down and pulled the spoon out of her mouth, putting that pout on her lips again. Looking up at him, she shrugged, "What's the big deal anyway? It's just Isabel."
"No," Max said firmly. "It's not just Isabel. This is Isabel's birthday party."

"But… It's only going to be me, you, Michael, Alex, Michelle and Maria there… and your parents. We all know each other already. I'm sure they won't mind that I'm not dressed up."
She finished the last button on his shirt and before she could lower her arms he took a hold of her wrists. "I don't think you fully understand what I'm talking about." His voice was dead serious, which elicited a laugh from her.
She frowned at him in disbelief. "Are you serious? It's that much of a deal?"
Max nodded slowly, his features grave. "It is that much of a deal."
Rolling her eyes, Liz reached for the tub that makes had placed on the TV table behind him. "Okay, I guess I should-" her voice came to a halt when Max grabbed the tub before she could. "Max! Give it to me."
"You shouldn't eat ice cream before dinner either," Max scolded her, looking at her like she was a five-year-old, "It will spoil your appetite."
"No," It was now Liz's turn to be serious, "Believe me. Nothing can spoil my appetite."
"And Isabel knows that, so she's expecting you to eat a lot. If you don't, she will most likely get offended."

Liz sighed in resignation. "Fine, just rob me of what I love the most."
"Tough love," Max said casually, and took the spoon he had taken from her, dug a scoop out of the tub and put it in his mouth. "Mmm… cookies and cream."
Liz's eyes narrowed. "You are so pushing it."
Max smiled at her sweetly. "I'm dressed. Now I have a lot of time waiting for you to get ready. Hmm…." He looked down at her, his smile growing as he started forming another scoop in the tub. "I wonder what I should do with all that spare time."
Not knowing the territorial instinct Liz had developed about ice cream over the last week, Max was completely taken off guard when the tub was ripped from his hands. He couldn't help but smile when Liz ran off, giggling, with the tub in her hands. He shook his head. She was so not going to win this one.

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There was a gentle knock on the bathroom door and she slowly leaned away from the toilet bowl, the acid burning her taste buds.
"Honey, are you okay?"
She grabbed a hold of the toilet roll and ripped off a large piece, wiping her mouth.
"Just nauseous," she answered.
"Do you want us to cancel?" the voice asked.
She shook her head, even though he couldn't see her. No, nothing was getting in the way of this party.
"It's too late to cancel now, Alex," she answered.
She slowly stood up and walked over to the sink. Looking up at her reflection, she put some tresses of hair back in the right place and grabbed a glass and put it under the tap. Looking back up at her reflection, she put the glass to her red-painted lips and let the water roll into her mouth and with movement she tried to remove the taste. Spitting the water out, she repeated the procedure five times before grabbing a lipstick and touched up her make up.
When she opened the door, she gave a start, not anticipating Alex to still be standing there.
"Are you sure?" he wondered, worried.
"Alex," she said firmly, and letting him see the determination in her eyes. "We've done this before. It's just morning sickness. I'll be fine."
He nodded. "I know. I just don't want you to wear yourself out. You know how much energy you put into these party preparations."
"I'm fine, Alex," Isabel repeated and brushed past him. "Is the chicken done yet?"
Alex sighed in resignation and turned around to follow Isabel, who had already covered a large distance with her hurried steps. "Yes, honey. I took it out a couple of minutes ago."

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"I taaake iit!"
Liz smiled at Max when Michelle's voice drifted through the closed front door. He matched her smile, once again moved by how stunning she looked. It was not the make up (she hardly wore any anyway), or the dark green dress that gave her an aura of otherworldly beauty, or the smile that could thaw even the most stubborn ice. She was glowing. He could literally see the happiness radiating off her and it made him squeeze her hand a little tighter.
The door opened and before he knew what hit him, Max was slightly pushed off balance by the small blonde fervently hugging his knees. He laughed and picked her up.
"Hey rascal," he said and lovingly ruffled her hair, knowing that it would upset both Michelle and Isabel.
"Uuuncle Maaax," Michelle cried.
Grinning, he kissed her forehead lovingly. "Love you too."
"Max, how about you leave my daughter's hair alone? For once?"
Max shifted Michelle over to his hip so that he could see his big sister. "What can I say? I love her hair."

"But you messing it ub!" Michelle said looking at him with a pout very similar to the one he had seen on Liz's face two hours earlier when he had removed the ice cream from her. With his free hand, he enveloped Isabel's waist and pulled her close, placing a kiss on her cheek.
"Happy birthday, sis," he whispered in her ear.
She couldn't help but smile. "Thank you."
"Happy birthday, Isabel," Liz said.
Max looked between Isabel and Liz, knowing that things were still strained between them since Isabel had been very vocal about the need for Liz to terminate her pregnancy. To Max's – and Liz's – surprise, Isabel stepped up to Liz and gave her a hug.
"Thank you, Liz. I'm glad you could come."
Stepping away, leaving a baffled Liz in her wake, Isabel looked up at Max preparing to scold him.
"Why are you so late anyway? I said 7 not 8.30."
Max rolled his eyes at her. "Do you want your present or not?"
Isabel sighed, deciding that she could let her brother get away with his lack of punctuality. This time.

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Michelle had been staring at Liz's stomach inquisitively for about ten minutes, something that Liz was very aware of but was trying her best to ignore. If Michelle wanted to know something, she would probably ask sooner or later anyway.
"…but come on, Spiderman?"
Liz joined in with the laughter at Michael's last comment about the birthday present Maria had given him.
"I mean, she could at least have given me Batman. Batman is so much cooler-"
"Is there a baby in there?"
Liz looked down at Michelle, the conversation of the adults at the dining table fading into the background.
"Yes, Shelly."
"My mom says that I was in her belly once too," Michelle explained.
Liz nodded. "Uh-huh."
"How do you get in there?"
Liz bit her lip to prevent the smile from forming. "The baby is actually…uhm… built in there." She sighed at her own lack of ability to explain, but her attention was quickly captured by the innocence in Michelle's ever growing eyes.
"Like lego?"
Liz laughed softly. "Something like that."
"And when you have finished bwelding, the baby comes out?"
Liz nodded, "Exactly."
Forehead furrowed deep in thought, Michelle put a finger in her mouth and absent-mindedly started chewing on it. "Are you bwelding a girl or a bwoy?"
"I don't know."

Michelle looked up at her and Liz could practically see her brain working hard. "But… if you are bwelding, why doesn't you know?"
Liz looked out over the table for help, but realized that the low conversation between her and the three-year-old was only between them. Without knowing it, Liz twisted the ring around her pinkie. "It's kinda like… My body is building the baby, without me knowing. It's like… Well, my body wants to surprise me and doesn't want me to know what it is doing."
God, she absolutely truly sucked at this. But after confusion had narrowed Michelle's eyes for a couple of seconds, her face lit up in the most radiant smile. "Ohh… okay. So you are gwetting a pesent?"
Liz replied to her smile with a smile of her own. "Yes, a present. We are getting a present."
Michelle nodded, satisfied with the information, and then looked up at her tentatively. "Liz?"
"Yes, sweetheart?"
"Can me pway with the baby when it is finished?"
Liz felt warmth spread throughout her body. "Of course, sweetie." Feeling his eyes, she looked up and saw Max smiling at her across the table. His smile made her grow still. The last couple of weeks, she'd had the feeling that Max didn't want her to have the baby. That he was afraid that she would die. They had yet to speak about it, but to her it was no mystery; she could read him like an open book. But there was something in that smile that told her that he had started to accept the pregnancy. That he actually wanted the pregnancy now. She felt a heavy stone being lifted from her chest, but her smile froze halfway through when she felt a tightening in her lower abdomen. Perplexed, she looked down as if there would be any outwards signs to tell her what that had been.

She looked up again, to look at Max, but found him leaning towards Maria as she explained something with grand hand gestures. Liz couldn't hear them. All noises were tuned out around her and she could hear her breathing very loudly in her ears. She waited with fear for the sensation in her abdomen to come back, but it didn't and the rational part of her mind started telling her that it had been her intestines. Gas or something. Nothing was wrong with the baby. Nothing could be wrong with the baby.

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"Max, could I talk to you?"
Max looked up at his sister, who had appeared next to him. Seeing the nervous seriousness on her face, he rose from the chair. "Sure."
Following Isabel into the kitchen, Max felt a falling feeling at the pit of his stomach. He couldn't help but wonder that something was wrong. At entering the kitchen, Isabel started to dish out the dessert into small plates. Max looked on in silence, waiting for her to speak. When she didn't, he enquired softly, "Isabel, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Uhm…" Isabel said and if Max wasn't mistaking her voice had a slight tremble to it. "Uhm… Considering the circumstances, I thought that I should tell you…"
Max's chest tightened when she grew silent again. "Tell me what, Isabel?"
Following Isabel's gaze, he found the reason to her silence.

Liz was standing in the doorway, her facial expression hidden in the shadows.
"Liz, I need to talk to Isabel for a sec," Max said, when Liz didn't move. There was something different about her, something that unnerved him. But he brushed it off, knowing that Isabel needed to speak to him about something.
"Max," Liz whispered.
"Something's wrong, Max," Isabel said in a low voice behind him.
Walking closer to Liz, feeling the room closing in on him with every approaching step, Max was met with Liz's face. And her expression of utter fear.
"What is it, Liz?"
A tear fell down her cheek and her bottom lip was trembling with restrained crying as she answered, "I'm bleeding."

TBC...