Title: Making a Connection, Chapter 4

Author: Sorsha711
Fandom/Pairing: John/OFC, O/E
Rating: M, for language and references to violence; some adult situations
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Dick Wolf. Sigh!
Summary: Across a crowded coffee-shop… yadda, yadda, yadda. A Munch romance with a generous side of O/E; Post "Uncle" so Spoiler warnings if you've not see that episode

Making a Connection, Chapter 4

Pleased that the issue of their lunch date had been resolved to both of their satisfaction, they fell into a comfortable silence and concentrated on eating their meal. After a few minutes, John gently commented, "You never answered my question. Do you and your sons see your family much? I don't mean to pry, but… I sense you might need to talk about the situation and vent a little."

A sad smile settled onto her features as she admitted, "It does bother me… more for them because they feel they are responsible for the strained relationship with my parents. I've tried to reassure them, but the boys still feel it's their 'fault'. In any case, we don't see them much. My folks made a show of accepting them, but Rob and Dan always knew their grandparents loved their cousins far more than they did them. That hurt more than their attitude toward me."

"They were that obvious?"

"They shower my nieces and nephews with attention… go to they visit them regularly… opened college funds for them. They never did that for the twins. I guess they thought my sons wouldn't be going to college." Turning her head to look away, she added, "When both boys earned full scholarships to premier universities, I heard Dad telling my brother-in-law that the Cornell and Duke were 'filling their quotas' by giving the scholarships to them. That was the last time I visited. I seldom call… Christmas and their birthdays if the boys urge me to make the effort. If it were up to me, I don't think I'd even do that, but I don't want to add to their guilt by cutting off all contact with them."

"How do your sons deal with that? How do you?" he asked, knowing the pain of being relegated to the sidelines by a parent that doted on a sibling and his child.

Sighing, she admitted, "It hurts, but we've all had twenty years to get used to it."

"It was always like this?" he questioned, mentally wincing that he sounded like a cop interrogating a witness.

"I saw the way Daddy would look at them when they were little… when he thought nobody was around. It bothered him to think of his daughter sleeping with a black man… having his children. It was like he blamed them for my choice. They were too much of a reminder of something he would prefer to ignore. I refused to subject them to that, so we rarely saw them even then. It's been over three years since my last visit… when I overheard the comment about the quotas. They never come to see us," she concluded, "And I have no plans to visit them."

Understanding the pain in her words, he gently asked, "Are you close to your husband's family?"

"His sister Gloria and I are very close. I got a job in DC after I finished my masters. I had gone back to school after Danny died so that I could earn a decent living and support the boys alone. Gloria lives in Arlington with her family. I don't know how I would have managed without their help." A rueful grin proceeded, "His mom only tolerating me at the beginning, but she adored the boys from the second they were conceived… would have spoiled them rotten if I had let her."

Finishing his sandwich, John settled back to drink his coffee. "So you weren't the girl she had in mind for her son? Was it because you were white?"

"No, not really; it was more a matter of the fact I interfered with her plans," she supplied, a small grin warming her face. "Danny had been dating the daughter of a close friend and Rose expected him to marry her. He had only been stationed at the Charleston base for a few weeks when we met at a Christmas Party at the 'O' Club."

Pausing to sip her tea, she recalled, "I was in my senior year at Clemson and nobody on either side approved of our relationship, so we waited until I graduated and eloped. Everybody started counting the days, sure I was 'knocked up'. Quite a few were amazed when it was three years before the twins were born! I swear Rose would still believe Danny 'had to marry me' if she hadn't been there to hold them as newborns."

Chuckling, John offered, "Did she arrive for the birth with toddler clothing?"

"I should have checked her luggage!" she agreed, a broad smile erasing the sadness from her face. "We've developed a pretty good relationship over the years, but then we had to for the boys' sake. Rose is a sweet lady and I've come to love her dearly… and I think it's mutual."

"How could she not?" he asked, a genuine smile lighting his face.

Shaking her head, she jokingly admonished, "It wasn't a bit funny for the first few years, but… when Danny died, Rose was devastated. Her husband had died of cancer the year before, so she needed us. I didn't have the heart to hold her original attitude against her… I was a mother and wife myself; I understood how much she had lost. It wasn't always easy, but Rose and Gloria… his family has become mine as much as the boys. I was one of her attendants when she remarried a few years ago."

They lapsed into silence as they toyed with the last bites of their meal. "So, what about you? Are you and your brother close?"

Sighing, John considered her question. "Bernie's ten years younger than me and was my mother's favorite from the moment he was born… he could do no wrong in her eyes. I, on the other hand, was always mouthy and opinionated. I did pretty well in school, but was always in trouble with my teachers for talking too much. Bernie was the classic teacher's pet. If I had them before, they would always say, 'I can't believe Bernie and John are brothers… they are so different! Bernie is so special.' That did a lot for my self-confidence."

"She had to drag me to the synagogue but Bernie went willingly and was always active in youth events." Lost for a moment in his memories, he admitted, "I've been married… more than once, but not to the 'nice Jewish girl' my mother expected me to bring home. I had my wild period… smoked pot, slept around, went to protests before I finally finished college… then I ditched it all and became a cop. She was furious with me for years about my 'deplorable conduct' and my 'failure to accept my responsibilities'. She never forgave me for not becoming a journalist. She had visions of Pulitzers."

"Do you regret your decision to become a cop?" she pressed. "In the end, that's all that matters."

Smiling slightly at her attempt to sooth his old hurts, he shook his head. "I love being a cop… though some cases tear me apart. I did my twenty in Baltimore, but was back on the job within a few months with the NYPD. When I was a kid, I'd always tell people that I wanted to be a detective when I grew up, but Mom would 'correct' me when she heard me. At least she can't say I didn't warn her!"

"Anyway, I'm a workaholic and my marriages all fell apart for various reasons… well, the first had a lot of help from both our mothers. None of them wanted children, so Bernie's son is the only grandchild." Holding her gaze, he admitted, "I guess I could sum it up by saying I'm a 'disappointment' and Bernie is the 'good son'."

"How does he feel about that?" she asked, fascinated by the play of emotions on his face.

"Bernie has always felt guilty because we both knew he was Mother's favorite. He became a businessman, a pillar of the Pikesville community; he and his wife own a successful funeral home." Sipping his coffee, he mused, "My brother can't wrap his mind around what I do and see, so he has always been afraid to talk about it. I went to see him the first couple of times I had a case that got to me, but… We talk on the phone a few times a month… birthdays and holidays, but we seldom get together. I see him when I visit Mother, but not much else."

"So there is no one in your family that you're close to?"

"I love my nephew and he has been up to visit me a couple of times," Holding her gaze, he added, "I've always been close to my Uncle Andrew… my father's younger brother, but he's… senile and doesn't recognize me anymore. I'm pretty much on my own."

"Did you want children?" she asked gently.

Staring out the nearby window, he finally nodded. "Yeah, I did. I couldn't admit that until recently. I told myself I didn't… that I would make a lousy father and didn't need the aggravation, but I did want to have the chance. I'm 54, so I guess my chances are behind me. Probably just as well for the kid."

"It's not too late, John. Men don't have the same age issues women do," she reminded him.

"Like I said, I'm 54, almost 55. If I fathered a child at this point, I would be an old man before he or she was grown." Forcing a smile to his face, he concluded, "In any case, it's probably a good thing for the child."

"If a child has a parent that loves them… wants them, then they are blessed with the most important gift a parent can give them," she whispered. "The rest you improvise as you go along."

His smile brightened, more from her attempt to comfort him than from any belief he would ever be a father at this point. "Interesting perspective."

Noting that she had finished her meal, he felt a moment's panic. He wasn't ready for their 'date' to end, but was unsure of how to keep it going. "You said you needed to go to the bookstore. Mind if I tag along? I usually end up there most Saturdays."

A pleased smile was his answer as she began to gather up the trash from their table. "Have you read the new…"

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"So, you're a police detective. Do you still work in the homicide division?"

Stepping to one side to allow a group of giggling teenage girls to pass, John dipped his head to study the woman walking just in front of him. "I'm not sure you'll want to know the answer to that question."

Caught off-guard by his reply, Arwen came to an abrupt halt and whipped her head around to meet his gaze. Unable to stop in time, he collided with her back causing her to pitch forward. Acting on instinct, John quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her securely back against his chest.

The moment stunned them both. They stood frozen in place as the tingling awareness that had hovered just under the surface of their morning together ratcheted up several notches. The need to snuggle back… press forward swamped their senses and made their breathing ragged.

The moment was broken as passersby on the crowded street jostled them, a few sending amused smirks at the oblivious pair. Taking a deep breath, John slowly let his hands drop away from the waist. "You OK?"

A shaky smile turned up in his direction. "I'm fine. You?"

Something in the open, genuine expression on her face broke though the last of his inner defenses. A soft, hopeful expression lit his face. "Will you go out to dinner with me, Arwen? Maybe tomorrow? We could go to the Met and see the exhibit you mentioned and then go someplace nice to eat."

Her shaky smile became bright and promising. "I'd love to John. I was trying to think of a way to suggest just that."

Accepting his arm, she slipped her hand into the crook of his elbow before restarting their conversation. "Now tell me what you meant about your job."

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