Title: Making a Connection, Chapter 7
Author: Sorsha711
Fandom/Pairing: Munch/OFC, O/E
Rating: M, for language and references to violence; some adult situations
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Dick Wolf. Sigh!
Summary: Across a crowded coffee-shop… yadda, yadda, yadda. A Munch romance with a generous side of O/E; Post "Uncle" so Spoiler warnings if you've not see that episode
Feedback appreciated... PLEASE!!!!
Making a Connection, Chapter 7
Arwen felt the storm of emotions tearing though John's mind and body finally begin to subside. Spent and exhausted, he sagged into her embrace. For several minutes, she let him regain awareness of his surroundings, gently rubbing his back and pressing kisses to his cheek and neck.
"I didn't want you to ever see me like this," he whispered, his voice flat and empty.
Drawing him a little closer, she murmured, "How have you held all of this inside for so long?"
Turning his head away from her so that she couldn't see his eyes, he began to pull away. "I don't want you to see me like this."
"This doesn't change how I feel about you, John," she promised, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. "You have to know I've fallen in love with you and… it hurts seeing you being torn apart from inside. Let me help."
"You can't help. I won't hurt you… contaminate you with what I see every day." Struggling to free himself from her embrace, he forced himself to his feet. "You need to go home, Arwen."
She refused to move from her place on the floor, leaning wearily against the closed door. "Don't push me away, John. I'm here. I've seen you at your lowest and it hasn't changed how I feel about you. You are the strongest man I've ever known to hold all of this inside for so long. Just let me stay here with you."
"Go home!"
"No. Like you said, it's the middle of the night. I'm here until morning." Rolling to her feet, Arwen turned to set the locks on the door. Taking off her coat, she hung it in the small closet by the door.
Looking over at John, she found him staring at her. "What? I told you I wasn't leaving you."
"What are you wearing?"
"Pajamas." Holding his gaze, she admitted, "I couldn't sleep and was sitting by the window when you got home. You looked so exhausted… I was worried. I tried to call and talk to you, but you wouldn't answer… so, I had to come and check on you."
John sagged weakly against the door frame leading into the apartment's small kitchen. "Why? Why would you care? I don't deserve someone like you."
Moving to stand in front of him, she wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled against his chest. "Has it ever occurred to you that I feel the same way about you? You're an intelligent, fascinating man, John. You do a job most either can't or won't do. You make a difference in the world, even if that difference is giving a grieving family answers. You stop monsters from hurting more people. I'm in awe of you."
"Awe of me? You've got it all wrong, Arwen. You deserve someone that can take care of you… cherish you…" he began. "Love you."
Tightening her hold on his waist, Arwen whispered, "Do you love me, John?"
His voice broke several times before he managed to croak out, "Yes… I love you."
"I love you too. Don't push me away," she whispered, her own voice thick with tears. "Please don't send me away because you think you know what's best for me! I've made my decision. I'm where I want to be, John… with you."
His arms lifted compulsively to wrap around her shaking body. "I want to take care of you, not be a burden. I don't want to see you saddled with a weak old man… see you regret throwing your life away on me when I fall apart like my dad… my uncle."
"You're not that much older than I am, so stop calling yourself old. As for being a burden… needing someone, especially the one you love, isn't weak or wrong. It's part of the bargain. You can take care of me when I need help. I'll take care of you when you need me," she soothed. "I love you, John. We're in this together, baby. Let me in. Let me love you."
"I… I don't think I know how," he murmured into her hair.
"Then, we figure it out together," Arwen replied.
Sighing, he bent to catch her lips in a soft, lingering kiss. Lifting his head reluctantly, he whispered, "Can we do that? I've never been able to make a relationship work... keep up my part of that bargain."
"And your ex's kept up their part?"
"Well... no, but…"
"I'm not them… and I suspect you aren't the same man you were when you were married to them either." Hugging him tightly, she argued, "I'm not naïve… or blind to the problems we will have to resolve, John, but… damn it, I don't want you to close me out and not give us the chance to make this work because you think you know what's best for me… or because past relationships failed for you. That's all I'm asking of you… for you to try. I'll promise to do the same… and to love you even when your job tears you apart… or my kids make demands on me… or whatever comes next!"
"Before… I had made my mind up to end things between us… but it wasn't what I wanted," he admitted. "I love you, Arwen… and I need you. I can't think straight now… but I know that I love you."
A soft smile lit her face, making his breath catch. "That's more than enough for tonight. Come on. You need to sleep."
"I can't… I'll dream…"
Slowly pulling out of his embrace, she turned him in the direction of his bedroom. Giving him a gentle shove, Arwen promised, "I'll be there. You're not alone, John. You have to sleep, but you're not alone."
Coming to a stop by his bed, she moved in front of him and began to unbuckle the strap to his holster. "Where do you keep your gun?"
Staring down into her upturned eyes, he whispered, "Bedside table drawer."
Nodding, she stepped away long enough to store the gun. Moving back to him, she began to unbutton his shirt, pulling it off of his drooping shoulders. Tossing it onto a nearby chair, Arwen reached up for his glasses. Her heart skipped a beat at the lost, vulnerable look in his eyes as they were unmasked from behind the dark lenses he favored.
In a broken voice, he murmured, "You don't need someone as weak as I am. You deserve better."
Tear-filled grey eyes held his uncertain gaze as she observed, "A weak man wouldn't have made it 20 years on the job in Baltimore… then come back to work sex crimes in New York City. You've seen the worst there is to see and are still trying. You haven't given up caring or wanting to make a difference. Never think being tired… horrified by the crimes those monsters commit makes you weak. You're not your dad. Don't give up on your life because he didn't get the help he needed… OK? We won't let that happen to you."
"How… how can you still want to be with me after seeing me like that?" he whispered, looking down to watch her undo the buckle of his belt and open the fly of his pants. A slight flush crept across his features as she pushed his pants down his legs. "I can undress myself, Arwen."
Stretching up to kiss him, she sought to sooth him. In a sultry voice, she teased, "I've been waiting to get you out of your pants since that Sunday you first kissed me. So, lay back and enjoy it."
The first hint of a smile tweaked the corners of his lips. "I have to admit… I've been thinking quite a lot about how to get you out of yours too, but this isn't quite what I had in mind."
A shiver of desire skittered through her tired body at his words. Knowing they were both too drained for more than talk, she murmured against his lips, "Hummm… we need to compare notes. But, that can wait; you need to sleep first and so do I."
Gently pushing him so that he dropped to the edge of the bed, she knelt to remove his shoes and socks. Pulling his pants the rest of the way off, she rose and folded them across the back of the chair. "Which side?"
Glazed eyes stared blankly up at her. "Which side?"
"Which side do you sleep on?" she repeated, urging him to lie back against the pillows.
"I sleep alone, Winnie, so I sleep in the middle of the bed," he murmured, his tired smile reassuring her that the mischievous side of his nature was already trying to reassert itself. "Your choice."
Comforted by his teasing, she mock-scolded him, "Winnie? Call me that again and you may be sleeping in the center of this bed a while longer."
"Don't leave…" he murmured, trying to pull her into his arms as she tucked the blanket around him.
"I'm not leaving." Finding his cell phone in the pocket of his slacks, she asked, "Do I need to leave your cell phone on or can I turn it off?"
"Off. Cap promised not to let anyone call… knew I needed to sleep. Come to bed… now," he insisted, struggling to keep his eyes open.
"In a minute. I need to call my office so they won't worry when I don't show up in a couple of hours," she replied, as she placed the phone on to the bedside table closest to him along with his badge and wallet.
Her smile became tender as she watched the undisguised pleasure wash over his face as he listened to her leave a message on her secretary's voicemail explaining she would be taking a couple of days off… 'a family matter has come up'. Her cell phone found its way to the bedside table opposite his.
After double-checking the lock on the front door and turning out the lights, Arwen kicked off her shoes and slipped under the covers, shifting to his side. "Go to sleep, love. I'm here and will be as long as you let me stay."
"Stay… forever?"
"That sounds like a good start," she agreed, leaning over to press a soft kiss to his lips.
A faint smile settled onto his face as he felt her cuddle into his side, her arm wrapping around his waist to hold him close. Turning to face her, he pulled her flush to his body. A mumbled, "love you, baby," slipped from his lips as sleep claimed him.
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