Title: Making a Connection, Chapter 8

Author: Sorsha711
Fandom/Pairing: Munch/OFC, O/E
Rating: M, for language and references to violence; some adult situations
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Dick Wolf. Sigh!
Summary: Across a crowded coffee-shop… yadda, yadda, yadda. A Munch romance with a generous side of O/E; Post "Uncle" so Spoiler warnings if you've not see that episode

Making a Connection, Chapter 8

It was late in the morning before the entwined couple began to stir. John shifted slightly, moving closer to the warm body tucked against his side. It took several minutes for the fact that he wasn't dreaming… that he was indeed sharing his bed with a soft, decidedly feminine body, to sink into his sleep hazed brain.

Bleary brown eyes slowly drifted open. Craning his neck, John found a mass of golden-blond hair tumbled across his chest. Arwen's head was tucked into the curve of his throat, every breath she took caressing the skin under his right ear.

A sleepy smile of contentment lit his face. He had slept for six uninterrupted hours, a record for him in recent weeks. Waking to find her sleeping in his arms rekindled a sense of hope… of belonging that had been missing from his life for far too long.

Vaguely remembering that she had taken the rest of the week off to be with him, John toyed with the idea of waking her so that they didn't waste any of their precious time together lost in sleep. The weariness that still pulled at him overrode the idea. Common sense demanded he let his body recharge after the strain of the past week.

His smile grew wider as the benefits of being 'recharged' played through his mind and he drifted back to sleep, lost in pleasant fantasies of how he might wake Arwen after a few more hours sleep. /Winnie… my Winnie. She might as well get used to that name. I like it./

Arwen kept as still as possible and waited to see if John would go back to sleep. She knew he needed all the rest he could get. An amused smile brightened her sleepy features as she heard him murmur, "my Winnie," as he snuggled her a little closer. /I think I'm stuck with that damn name!/

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Arwen didn't go back to sleep immediately. As she had when she had first joined him in bed, she cuddled close… rubbed his back as she felt him slip deeper into a healing sleep. The filtered light that spilled into the room through the drawn drapes allowed her to study his face and she lovingly memorized each intimate detail. Pressing a kiss to his cheek, she smiled as he murmured something unintelligible against her throat.

Freed for the moment from the duties and responsibilities that occupied his daily life, she was struck by how young and vulnerable John looked. The fierce desire to protect him, keep the monsters of his past and present away, swept over her and left her struggling to understand how this man had so thoroughly taken over her heart in such a short time. Since her husband's death, she had not dated with any frequency… none were serious and definitely none intimate. She had grieved for Danny, raised their sons, and worked. With few exceptions, that had been her life for over eighteen years.

Her sister-in-law, Angela, the twins, and her in-laws had sat her down after Christmas dinner a year earlier… an intervention of sorts, and demanded to know if she intended to spend the rest of her life in mourning. It had shocked her, made her angry. It had also surprised her to discover they had been worrying about her for years.

They had all grouped around her and let her cry the last of her tears for her first love… finally freeing herself to the possibility a new life. A job at the UN had fallen into her lap a few weeks later, offering new challenges and possibilities for her career. She had sold her suburban DC house and moved into her New York co-op six weeks later. She had seen John for the first time a month later and had been intrigued by the man ever since.

Still watching his face, she mused/They were right… it would have broken Danny's heart to think of me being alone, unable to move on out of guilt. Loving John doesn't change the fact that I loved him too… always will./

A tear slipped free as she admitted to herself/I was so young when I married Danny. I was so sure our love would solve any problem we faced… then he died and I had to go on alone. I changed, but I refused to let him be at peace. Danny and I never got to change and grow as a couple… he never got to see the boys become men, and I've always felt guilty about that. I've always felt people would think I didn't really love him if I let myself love someone else. I was cheating both of us by letting other people determine the measure of what we had together./

From her heart, she offered/I'm sorry, Danny, for doing that to you. I loved you and I know you loved me too. That should have been enough, but I felt I had to prove it to the world by remaining alone. The only ones that matter know the truth, so I guess its time for me to stop feeling guilty and remake my life. I'll always love you, but I love John now. My future is with him… if we can make this work. Somehow, I think you're happy for me… even relieved. Be at peace, love. I think I finally am./

Carefully reaching up to brush the tears from her cheeks, she turned her attention back to the man in her arms. Arwen smiled at the memory of the first time she had seen him. Her eyes had been drawn to him the first morning she had gone to their coffee shop, searching for a neighborhood place that fit her personality.

It wasn't that she thought he was unusually handsome; handsome seemed too one-dimensional a term to describe him. Instead, he commanded her attention with an intriguing mix of attributes that added up to 'sexy cool'. His dark-tinted glasses allowed him to hide, but she was sure he had noticed her too.

She had gone back the next day as much in hopes of seeing him as because the place felt right. They had spent the next couple of months watching… studying each other over the tops of books and coffee cups. She had resolved to find a way to strike up a conversation with him that very Saturday they finally met; fate and a crowded shop had given them their opening. Her sons and her friend, Jenny, had been urging her to 'make a move' for weeks. Now they were sitting back and congratulating themselves on finally getting the couple together.

Sighing softly, she admitted to herself/I wish I was sure we are finally together. He has so much hurt in him that I need to be ready for the possibility that he will continue to fight this. He was set on breaking things off when I got here this morning. John is so sure he will fail again… is so determined to protect me that he may try telling himself its best for me. I can't let him do that… but how do I stop it if he sets him mind to it? And what if its really what he wants to do… for himself?/

Still worrying over the problems facing them, Arwen slowly drifted back to sleep. Free of the conscious doubts plaguing their waking minds, they shifted closer to each other and accepted the gift they had been given.

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Just after one in the afternoon, a sudden noise broke the peace and quiet of the apartment. John's eyes snapped open and he sat upright in bed, Arwen clutched protectively to his side. The buzzer at the building entrance sounded a second time and held.

Trading a look with his bedmate, John crawled quickly out from under the covers and pulled on his pants. Grabbing up his glasses and the discarded shirt from the day before, he went to answer the buzzer. "Who..?"

"Damn it, John! Let me in. You scared the hell out of us!"

"Fin?"

"Of course it's me. You drunk?" his partner demanded. "Buzz us in."

"Us?" John demanded, still groggy from sleep.

"Just buzz…" Fin's response was cut short as someone exited the building. Flashing his badge, he and George Huang entered the building without waiting for John to admit them.

"Fin?" John asked, finally thinking to hit the release to open the door. Less than a minute later, there was a knock on his door… more correctly someone began to pound on the door demanding entrance.

Still feeling foggy from so much sleep, John opened the door and stared blankly at his friends. "What…?"

"You OK?" Fin demanded. "I've been trying to get you on the phone since mid-morning! You OK?"

Still staring blankly, John nodded. "I… the phone is off; Don said he wouldn't let anyone call, so… I was asleep. Ah… come in."

Visibly sagging with relief, Fin traded a look with the physiatrist before following him into the apartment. "Figures this would be the one time he listens to the Cap."

Smiling, Huang asked, "You slept all right, John? I ask because we were worried about you when you left the station this morning. The case had really gotten to you."

"I… yes, I slept just fine." Hearing Arwen come out of the bedroom, he turned to see how she was reacting to having an audience for their first morning after sleeping together. /I had hoped to make it more than just sleeping…/ A pleased smile lit his face as he noted she had borrowed his robe to cover her pajamas.

"Hi. Don't let me interrupt." Moving toward the kitchen, she added, "I'll make some coffee. You all look like you need the caffeine."

John had not missed the blush on her cheeks, nor had he missed the slight tremor to her voice. Knowing she could have stayed hidden in the bedroom and not been seen, he was touched by her willingness to be identified as his lover. "Honey, this is Fin and George. They were worried when I didn't answer the phone, so they came by to check on me."

Pausing near the doorway to the kitchen, she smiled in greeting. "Good mor… afternoon. I'm sorry about the phone, but John said it was OK for me to turn it off," she offered, her voice wavering ever so slightly.

"No harm done. I'm just glad he's OK and that he wasn't alone in the mood he was in when he left work," Fin offered, pleased to finally meet the woman that had captured his friend's heart. "It's great to finally meet you, Arwen. John has been worthless ever since. Now, I understand why."

Her blush upped several notches as she replied, "It's nice to meet you too, Fin… George. I've heard a lot about both of you. I'll make coffee while you two talk to John."

Watching her disappear into the kitchen, John motioned his guests toward the couch. "Sorry to have worried everyone. I was so exhausted, Arwen wanted to turn the phone off so I wouldn't be interrupted. I really needed to sleep."

Stepping close enough to Munch so that his voice wouldn't carry to the kitchen, Fin grinned wickedly at his friend. "No phones? That's the real reason you slept so well?"

"Sleep was it… though you two did put the kibosh on my plans for waking up, thank you very much." Hearing the two men chuckle, he added, "And don't be your normal self, OK? Arwen doesn't have casual affairs, so she's embarrassed you found her here like this."

"I saw that, John," George agreed. "She must care a great deal about you to have put herself in the position of facing us like she did. I'm also willing to bet she had a tough time with you this morning. Am I right?"

Raking his hand through his hair, John glared at Huang. "That is…"

"My business," the physiatrist concluded, taking a seat in a chair by the window. "I almost made you sit down and talk to me before you left for home, but it was so late I decided to wait and talk to you later today. I could see you were on edge; this case ripped you apart. I need to know how you're doing."

Seeing John's face set, Fin rose from the couch. "I'll give Arwen a hand with the coffee."

Sighing with frustration, John waved him back to his seat. "She needs the time to regroup; besides I'll only end up telling you anyway. You're my partner… my best friend, so you have the right to know where my head is."

Dropping down onto the opposite end of the couch, John took a moment to organize his thoughts. "I was in a bad way… you're right. I was even planning to break things off with Arwen... save her from me and the shit we see at work. She tried calling… had been watching for me to get home. When I didn't answer, she came over."

Trading a look with Fin, Huang asked, "How could she have been watching?"

Pointing toward the window in his bedroom, John clarified, "Arwen lives across from me in the building on the corner. Her bedroom window faces my street. She saw me get out of the cab and seemed to know I was in bad shape, so she came over. She reads me pretty well."

Climbing back to his feet, he began to pace. "I tried to send her away, but… she refused to go. One thing led to another and… she finally ended up making me go to bed. I was exhausted and I don't know how I would have gotten there without her help."

"And she stayed." Huang deliberately phrased the observation as a statement not a question hoping to underscore the significance of her actions. "She stayed John… even when you tried to send her away… even when you were at such a low point, Arwen stayed with you. Hang on to that fact, my friend. It screams volumes about that lady."

Turning to look toward the kitchen, John nodded. "Yeah, I know. I don't deserve her. She actually said that's how she feels about me… that she's in awe of me. I'm scared to death she's going to realize how wrong she is to feel…"

"Is she?" Huang demanded, breaking into John's comment. "Why do you think you have the right to decide things for her? You were prepared to break up with her for 'her own good'. Now you're questioning how she sees you… how she feels about you. You don't have that right, John. She's the only one that knows how she feels or what is best for her. You can only judge how you feel. How is that?"

Still staring at the kitchen, he admitted, "That she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I finally told her I love her. She said she loves me too."

"Damn… any fool can see that, man!" Fin interjected. "Be smart for once, John. Thank God you found each other and treat her right. You need her more than I think you realize."

Shaking his head, John murmured, "I realize. It scares me to death, but I realize."

"What happened last night, John?" Huang pressed. "You glossed over an important chunk of the story. Fill in the gaps for me."

Walking back to the couch, he again dropped down onto the lumpy surface. Frowning at the thought that Arwen's couch was a lot more comfortable, he considered how to answer Huang's question. He was under no delusions, friend or not, the physiatrist was evaluating his state of mind and fitness to work.

After several minutes, he confessed, "I broke down and cried like a baby. I have no idea for how long or even why. It was like something broke inside and I couldn't stop. The only thing that I know for sure is Arwen was there and that she held me until I stopped."

Huang felt his shoulders sag in relief. "And how did you feel afterwards?"

"Exhausted… drained… embarrassed that she had seen me like that. I tried to send her away again… but she refused… said it was part of the bargain of loving someone." Smiling slightly, he added, "She told me I could take care of her when she needs help; she would take care of me when I need her. That was how it works. After four marriages, you'd think I would already know that, but I don't. I warned her I had to learn how to make a relationship work… last."

"And she understood?"

Nodding, he replied, "She said we'd figure it out together… then put me to bed. I haven't slept like that in… years."

Hearing Arwen coming back into the room, Fin rose to help her with the tray. Huang leaned over to whisper to John as they both stood. "I'm happy for you, John. Do like Fin suggested… or was that ordered? Be smart and hang on to her. You both need each other even if you never understand what she sees in you. Arwen does and that's all that matters. You're a good man and she knows it. At some point, I'd like to see you realize it too."

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