Title: Making a Connection, Chapter 11

Author: Sorsha711
Fandom/Pairing: Munch/OFC, O/E
Rating: M, for language and references to violence; some adult situations
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Dick Wolf. Sigh!
Summary: Across a crowded coffee-shop… yadda, yadda, yadda. A Munch romance with a generous side of O/E; Post "Uncle" so Spoiler warnings if you've not see that episode

Feedback appreciated!!

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Making a Connection, Chapter 11

"Hi Liv. How are you doing?"

A small smile curled her lips as she shifted the phone from one ear to the other. "I'm alright, John. How about you?"

Rather than answering her question, John asked one of his own. "What are you doing today? Have you got any plans?"

"Not really. I'm beginning to get a little uncomfortable with how organized and sparkling my apartment is, so I guess cleaning is out," she offered.

Frowning, John demanded, "Is that how you've spent the last two days… cleaning?"

Sighing, she admitted, "Yeah, for the most part. Elliot came over night before last, but… that only made me feel more restless. George came by for a 'visit'. I love him to death, but… that didn't help much. Fin and Don have called, but they were busy covering for us. How about you? You sound… you sound happy, John."

"I am, but don't take my word for it," he urged. "Come and see for yourself. Arwen and I would love to have you spend the day with us. How about it? We want to throw a party tonight and we need your help pulling it together. All of us could use the diversion and a little fun for a change."

Smiling slightly at the offer, she began to decline. "Thanks for asking, but you don't want me intruding…"

"You won't be intruding. We both want you to join us… really, Liv." Glancing over at the woman sitting across from him at the kitchen table, John added, "Do I have to put Arwen on the line to confirm that?"

Olivia heard a female voice in the background, "You're not intruding. Please come over, Olivia."

Desperate for something fun to do, Olivia felt her resistance waver. "I don't want to be in the way. You two need this time alone…"

Smirking, John offered, "It will take you at least an hour to get here… probably longer. That should give Winnie enough time to have her way with me and still be ready when you get here. We'll expect you around eleven, OK?"

Grinning at the threats Arwen was making to John for calling her Winnie… threats that had him chuckling, Olivia agreed. "Well, if you're sure… I'll be over about 11. Do I need to bring anything?"

"Nope… just a party attitude. We're at Arwen's; it's across the street from my place. The address is..."

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Olivia stared at the lighted dial over the door of the elevator. The call inviting her to join John and Arwen's 'vacation' had come as both a surprise and a much needed diversion. She had spent the last few days thinking too much.

To her surprise, John was waiting for her in the hallway near the elevators. Recognizing the look in her eyes, he pulled her into a comforting hug. "Come on in, Liv. Arwen is in the kitchen making desserts for tonight. I've been put in charge of deciding on a theme for the party… then making the shopping list, so I'm drafting you to help me."

Returning the hug, she smiled genuinely for the first time since her own 'vacation' began. "Thanks for inviting me to come over… my walls were closing in. Desserts? Anything chocolate by chance?"

"Chocolate silk pie and a chocolate cake so far... and a 'naner pudding." Smiling fondly, John added, "Arwen loves to cook and bake. She knows I have a sweet tooth, so I may finally start putting on some weight!"

Shaking her head, Olivia complained, "You are the only person I know that could say that! It's so unfair!"

Grinning, he teased, "Them's the breaks, beautiful! Besides I've never seen you worry too much… with good reason, I might add. Elliot seems to like what he sees too."

Groaning, she complained, "I'm tired of looking, but not touching! That got old a long time ago!"

A wicked smile preceded, "Since I'm already in trouble with you about the weight thing, I better keep my mouth shut about that one!"

"Well, that explains the grin! Damn Munchkin, Fin was right. You really did need to get laid!" she teased, following him down the hall to the last door on the right. "So, what is 'naner pudding? You know I've been looking forward to meeting Arwen."

"She's looking forward to meeting you and the others, too. And, 'naner pudding is me harassing her, telling her that's how banana pudding is pronounced in the South," John offered, leading her inside. "As for the rest… I was thinking we could have a 'seafood boil'… crab, shrimp, lobster claws, crawfish, etc. up on the roof. Tonight is supposed to be a lot warmer than the last few nights, so we should take advantage of it. How does that sound?"

"Ymmm, that sounds great!" Olivia announced, feeling hungry for the first time in days. "So, we're having a party on the roof?"

Smiling, John nodded. "Seafood, chocolate… beer and wine… stars and moonlight… music and our favorite dance partners with the weather cool enough we'll need to snuggle. What more do we need?"

Chuckling, she nodded. "Sounds like a good start. What can I do to help?"

"Help me figure out the shopping list!" he declared, faking a helpless look. "I'm clueless when it comes to things like this. Do you know if any of the dates the others are bringing are allergic to seafood? We'll need to buy steaks or something if there's any doubt."

"I'm not sure about Sally… and I've never met Fin's date. Have you?" Olivia replied, amazed by the sight of this light-hearted side of her friend. "I've seen everybody else eat seafood, so they should be OK. I can call and ask if it would help."

"Great. And, no I haven't met Marisa yet. They've only been out a few times." Pausing near the door to the kitchen, he added, "I don't think Fin's serious about her, but you never know with him. He needs a steady relationship, but he just laughs when I tell him that."

"Well, it looks like it was what you needed!" Olivia began to laugh. "John… I can't get over you! You're downright bubbly! I can't wait for Fin and Don to get here and see you like this! They will have a field day!"

"I resent that! I am never 'bubbly'. And you had better be nice, Detective. Once you and Elliot get things worked out, I will remember… unless you plan to come to my aid tonight!" John retorted, knowing in advance he was in for a lot of ribbing no matter what she did… and knowing he would hassle her and Elliot regardless of any promises he made to the contrary. /We've had to watch them dance around each other for years! We earned the right to have a little fun!/

A sweet smile proceeded, "If I look half as happy and content as you do, I'll find a way to bear the abuse! So, when do I get to meet the 'royal lady'?"

"'royal lady'?? Gezz, John, what have you been telling her?" Arwen appeared behind him, moving to stand at his side. John's arm immediately curled possessively around her waist. A warm smile accompanied, "Hi Olivia. I'm so glad you came."

Accepting the extended hand, Liv smiled in greeting to the pretty blonde. "Thanks for inviting me. The walls were closing in on me and Cap wouldn't let me come back to work until Monday. My place is tiny, so there is only so much cleaning I can do before I run out of things to keep me busy."

Looking into the other woman's eyes, Arwen saw echoes of the demons that had nearly torn apart John's spirit a few nights earlier. Squeezing his waist in wordless agreement with his assessment, she joined his resolve to help Olivia relax and find some peace of mind. /John was right to be worried about her./

Gesturing to the small bistro table in the corner of the kitchen, Arwen began. "Well, we're glad you could come. Would you like a cup of coffee… or a glass of wine while we wait for John to finish the shopping list? At the rate he's going, it could be a while."

"Hey! I'm standing right here!"

Stretching up to give him a quick kiss, Arwen agreed. "I noticed. So, coffee or wine, Olivia?"

Taking a seat, Olivia admitted, "I'd love the wine, but… it's only eleven in the morning."

John opened a cabinet and withdrew three wine glasses. "House rules… we're on vacation, so normal rules don't apply. How about a glass of the Beaujolais Nouveau we bought at a wine tasting last night?"

Shaking her head at John's snug grin, Olivia nodded. "Sounds good."

Opening the oven to remove three cake pans, Arwen suggested, "The cheese and fruit left from last night are on a plate in the frig, honey. Why don't you pull it out and we can nibble on that with the wine."

Breathing deeply, Olivia's face took on a dreamy quality. "That cake smells heavenly! You may need to hide it or it will all be gone before tonight."

Grinning, Arwen proclaimed, "A fellow chocoholic! We will get along fine… as long as we don't get down to the last piece! John's been asking for banana pudding, so he's no competition."

Pouring the wine, John corrected, "I plan to have cake and pudding… and pie. Are you making a pecan or an apple… maybe both?"

Trading a grin with Olivia, Arwen reasoned, "I've already made a Key Lime and a chocolate silk in addition to the cake and the pudding, so do we really need another one?"

"How about a Kentucky Derby pie?" he suggested, ignoring her question. "You make a killer Kentucky Derby pie."

Amused by the banter, Olivia asked, "What's a Kentucky Derby pie?"

"It has chocolate and nuts… a shot of bourbon, so you'll love it, Livvie. Just nod your head when I ask again," John instructed, handing her a glass of the wine. "This is a pretty good year. I wish we'd gotten more than two bottles. We need to stop and pick up a few more while we're out."

"Put it on the list… assuming you've started one," Arwen teased, accepting her glass.

"I have a list in my head," John retorted. "Do I need to write it down?"

"Of course not, love, but you will have to make the runs back to the store to pick up anything we forget the first time," Arwen replied, winking at Olivia. "Liv and I will need to stay here and keep an eye on the chocolate cake."

"Guard it from each other you mean!" Taking a sip, Olivia let the rich red wine settle on her tongue. "Very nice. You went to a wine tasting?"

"Yeah, at a shop a few blocks over," John confirmed, rummaging in the refrigerator for the cheese-fruit plate. "We saw a sign advertising the tasting when we went for a walk yesterday afternoon and decided to follow another of our vacation rules… I get to do whatever I want!"

Chuckling, Arwen carefully turned the cakes out onto cooling racks. "I think I've created a monster!"

"You have… no doubt about it!" Olivia agreed. "Since I've never seen John look this content, it's hard to take you to task. Guess I'll have to make a point of putting him back in his place next Monday for all our sakes."

Tilting his head to peer at her over the top of his glasses as he pulled the plastic wrap off of the plate, he announced, "I plan to be so spoiled by then, I'll survive your worst. Stick with us and we'll both be so bad the others will pay us to stay away!"

Accepting the plate, she chuckled. "So I get to do whatever I want for the rest of the day too?"

"Of course… unless it interferes with what I want to do." Popping a grape in his mouth, he added, "I have seniority around here after all!"

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"So… you broke down and cried?"

Looking up from setting chairs around the improved table the tenants of Arwens' co-op used when having a party on the building's roof… a large sheet of plywood stretched over several empty metal drums, John studied his companion. "That about sums it up."

He and Olivia had been given the job of readying the roof for the impromptu party they were throwing. They had invited the other members of SVU and their colleagues at the DA's and ME's offices that routinely worked with them on their cases. Over the years, close friendships had developed between them and they often socialized as a way of handling the stress they shared in their work.

Knowing Arwen, John suspected their assignment was as much to give them time alone to talk as to setup the table and chairs. They both knew Olivia needed to talk and that John was the most likely to get her to open up. Trusting his instincts, he had elected to begin by telling her what had happened to him earlier in the week. He was hoping she would realize it demonstrated the trust and respect he had for her and would hopefully encourage her to reciprocate.

Staring at the pattern on the tablecloth she was spreading over the rough wood, Olivia quietly asked, "Did it help?"

"Surprisingly, yes it did," John acknowledged. "George told me I needed to physically purge the anger and other emotional shit that had been building up in me for years. He says having Arwen there kept me grounded… accepted, and triggered the release."

"And there was a difference… between venting and really releasing those emotions?" Olivia pressed, needing to know. "Having Arwen there made a difference?"

Reaching for another folding chair, he took a moment to open it and slide it under the table. "It did… maybe because I felt like I wasn't alone for the first time in my life… that she was in this for the long-haul and didn't think less of me for losing control. George realized what had happened before I understood it myself."

Curious, Olivia caught his gaze. "What? What did he see, John?"

"That I had finally found someone I trusted enough to let myself be that exposed and vulnerable." Sighing, John admitted, "I'm not the best at talking about this sort of thing, Liv, but I was prepared to push her away rather than let her see me like that. I felt pathetic and weak… but Arwen didn't see it that way. She sees me like no one else, myself included, sees me… thinks I'm strong. That reassurance helped a lot. We've talked a lot since that night. She's teaching me how to be in a real relationship."

A sad, yet rueful smile curled her lips. "Does she give lessons?"

Smiling faintly, John shook his head. "Sorry, no… but, now that I really think about it, it's not so much her teaching me as my being willing to take the risk of our learning together. Every relationship is different, but there are basic ground-rules. Beyond that, the couple has to keep working to make these rules relevant… make them fit as the relationship evolves over time. I trust and respect Arwen… something I never really did with any of my wives, even Gwen. That gives me the confidence to try."

"Gwen was number one?" Olivia asked, curious about the frequently dissed, but seldom discussed ex-Mrs. Munches. "I don't think I even know their names, John. Why did… forget that. I have no right to pry into your private life."

Staring out across the roof to the nearby park, John realized that the topic of his ex-wives no longer had the power to hurt as it had for so long. "Yeah, Gwen was number 1… very needy and demanding. I wanted to take care of her… protect her from her overbearing mother. We both expected me to be her knight-in-shining-armor rather than her partner."

Forcing his thoughts back to the present, he continued. "Trouble with being a knight-in-shining-armor, Liv, is you have to keep up the facade all the time. Failure… weakness… problems of my own spoiled the image and she left when she saw I had feet-of clay… or maybe I stopped trying when I got tired of being ripped apart for being a fallible human. I was young and stupid… insecure; neither of us was ready for marriage, much less the compromises you have to make to keep one going."

Pausing for another moment of reflection, he continued. "Gwen was the only one I really loved, but it wasn't the type of love that survives in the real world. In retrospect, I think I married Nancy and Sally from the same misguided fantasy. I didn't love them enough to try as hard as I did with Gwen. They were clones of her and I kept making the same mistakes with them that I made with her… or maybe I was just too blind to realize I wanted more from a wife than they were able to give until after we were married."

Turning back to face his companion, John summarized, "I'm not sure I ever deluded myself that I loved Billie Lou… it was all talk and no substance. She was a performance artist that paid the bills by working as a bartender at the Waterfront. Another detective in my division was going through a divorce and fixated on her. I think it was more a desire to win… maybe prove something to myself by getting her before he could. Gharty's personality was as opposite mine as you can imagine. In school, he would have been the class bully, while I was the class target."

Frowning, he admitted, "Getting married… the added spice of having two men vie for her attention was all another performance for her… drama for drama sake. That one was doomed before it even began. I genuinely liked her… something I'm not sure I can say about the first three, but I never loved her. We should have settled for an affair and cut our losses."

"I know I only met her a few hours ago, but Arwen seems a world away from any of them," Olivia observed.

A smile that came from his heart lit John's face. "Yeah, she is. I was trying to imagine Gwen's reaction to what happened the other night… some of the talks we've had since. I'm not lying to say I might well have eaten my gun rather than face it. There would have been this huge, vicious shouting match that somehow became about her… how inadequate she and her mother thought I was. Honestly, I think Winnie's calm, supportive response was such a shock to my senses, she had me tucked into bed before I could react. It really became tangible for me how different she is after that night."

"And George saw all that."

"Yeah, he did… along with a host of other things that were holding me back." Frowning, he added, "He challenged me on my attitude… about work and Arwen. He says I have a bad habit of taking on the responsibility for the success or failure of everything… that I don't like myself all that much. He was right as usual."

Deliberately looking away as he began to assemble a second table near the door for the food, he asked, "Sound familiar, Liv?"

"What?" she sputtered. "I don't…"

John remained silent for several minutes as he let her sort through her own emotions. "I don't…"

"Yes you do."

Glaring at him, she accused, "You didn't even let me finish my thought!"

Glancing back at her over his shoulder, he challenged, "You were going to say you don't take on the responsibility for the success of everything and assume the guilt for every failure. You were then going to deny that you are too hard on yourself… deny that you think you are somehow lacking because of what happened to your mother… who your father was. Right?"

Still glaring, she quietly agreed. "I wouldn't have put it quite like that… but, yeah. You think I do?"

"The guilt/responsibility part… we all do. Maybe that's why we do what we do. We never cut ourselves any slack by acknowledging that we aren't the monsters that hurt the vics we see… or that we can't be everywhere at once so we can save them all," John murmured, reminding himself as much as her of the tragic truth of what he was saying. "We can only do our best and pray it makes a difference."

"As for the rest, you are one of the truest, kindest people I've ever known. Those of us that have the privilege of knowing you see you as Olivia, the woman… the cop… our friend, not the child of rape… or the survivor of a difficult childhood. Those tragedies had a hand in shaping you, but they aren't you." Walking over to catch her shaking shoulders in a firm grip, he added. "We see a beautiful, caring, intelligent woman that does honor to her badge, this city, and to each of us by her very presence in our lives. Isn't it about time for you to put the past behind you, Livvie, and embrace the woman you are? You love Elliot. It's time for you to claim the life you deserve… OK?"

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Olivia stared out over the city and let her emotions settle. She had cried, comforted by her friend, but both she and John knew she still had a lot more suppressed pain to purge. He had left her alone to regroup, claiming he needed to check on Arwen and make sure she was making his Kentucky Derby pie. Her recent bout of tears had let her reestablish a temporary balance, but she needed Elliot's help if she was going to find herself again.

Without conscious thought, her hand found her cell phone in her pocket and she dialed Elliot's number. "Hi. Do you have a minute? I need to talk and it needs to be to you."

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