Sixth Avenue Heartache

Chapter three: Everything I'm Not

"I give up. It was stupid of me to think that I could come back here and pick up were everything left off. Hell, for all I know, Al didn't make it and all I managed to do is send my self to that shit-hole and come back five years later. I'm so… stupid…" Ed said to himself as he sat down. He took in his surroundings and found that he didn't know where he was. From where he sat, he could see nothing but darkness. The air smelled as though something foul was burning in the distance and the ground he sat on was stone cold.

"What makes you think that you're welcome home?" a voice asked him, interrupting his thoughts. Ed tuned around and saw that there was no one there; he was all alone in an empty void.

"Edward…" another voice called out to him. It sounded so familiar, but he couldn't picture a face to the person calling him.

"They'll soon realize that you're nothing," Edward turned around once more and stared into a mirror-image that looked like him. It stared back for awhile, copying Ed's every movement; tilting its head, rising and arm, and touching the side of its face. With a sudden jerk, the image stopped following, its face twisted into a cruel smile and spat out, "Look at your self, how pathetic."

"Shut up," Ed said to it, not surprised that it moved.

"Edward…" the familiar voice called out to him once again.

"Why did you even come back? What's the point? You were ready to die back there with everyone else. Die in that miserable place with the rest of the miserable people," The image started to circle around Ed, "Admit it; you gave up; on yourself and everything else."

"Stop it…" Edward responded weakly.

"What makes you think that you can just run away while thousands of people are left behind to die? Thousands of people who are still wanting to live."

"Ed wake up…" again, the voice called out. Edward looked around desperately for the person calling out to him. No one.

"You won't find any help in here Edward. No matter how hard you try to run from me, I'll always be able to keep up. There is no escape from the mind, you know that."

"Leave me alone!"

"So what are you going to do now, Mr. Hero of the People?" Ed's reflection leered at him. "Crawl in your shell? You know that you can't fight forever, but then again, you already know that, don't you? Look at yourself, your body is practically wasted away; you're nothing but an empty shell looking for its soul."

"Ed, come on, wake up…" the voice sounded desperate now.

"Well, it seems that our conversation must come to and end now. Until next time," the image vanished, leaving Edward alone once more while the words echoed in his head.

"Damn! He's not waking up," Roy said anxiously trying to keep Ed from thrashing back and forth. Hours had past since Hughes had brought up his meal and his fever had come back. Normally, Gracia or Hawkeye would've been there to take care of the matter, but after watching Ed the whole night they both needed to sleep. So, that left Hughes and Roy.

"His fever isn't as bad as it was at first and it's going down, thankfully," Hughes struggled to say as he too tried to stop Edward from thrashing. After a few minutes, Ed stopped and finally relaxed into a silent sleep. The men let out a sigh of relief and sat down in some chairs near by.

"Have you asked him about what he said earlier?" Roy questioned.

"No, I haven't had the time to. Even if I did, I don't think he'll tell me."

"Why not? Ed has always been open with you in the past."

"True, but the Edward lying here is different from the one back then. He's changed Roy," Hughes said dejectedly.

"Changed how?"

"I don't know. It's just something about him," Hughes said. Roy gave no response to his friend's observation, but when he looked at Edward he could see the some of the changes. His physical appearance was completely different. Despite how skinny he was, Ed had grown quite a bit. I guess I can't call him short anymore, Roy thought to himself. A sudden fear washed over him as he continued to stare at Ed, what if he's not the same in personality? It's possible, after coming back from god knows where and saying things like how he wasn't allowed to eat properly. This thought disturbed Roy, what exactly happened to him?

They sat there in silence for some time before Gracia walked quietly in the room. She didn't look as tired as she was before she went to sleep which was an improvement. She and Hawkeye looked exhausted before Hughes sent them upstairs to bed.

"Where's Hawkeye?" Roy questioned.

"She's still asleep."

"Really?" Roy said in a disbelieving tone. For as long as he's known Riza Hawkeye, not once has she ever slept in or been late for anything.

"Yeah, she was pretty worn out. I'm surprise I didn't sleep in longer," Gracia mused and then added, "So, how's he been?" she walked over to Ed's side and placed her hand on his forehead.

"He's been better, that's for sure," Roy informed her. Gracia sighed and shook her head.

"His fever is only making his recovery harder. If we're lucky, it'll pass soon and it'll be easier to get him back to a healthy state," she explained. "I do hope he'll get better soon. Or at least better enough to see Winry and Alphonse. They'll be so happy to see him again."

"When are they coming again?" Hughes asked as he tried to remember the exact time.

"In two days. I think Winry will be staying in Elysia's room and we can pull out an extra mattress for Al," Gracia thought out loud.

"I don't know who will be more excited to see him, Winry or Alphonse," Hughes wondered.

Alphonse sat near the river's edge as the crisp autumn air blew against him. The wind and flowing water soothed him some how, it was strange that he never realized it before. The more he thought about it, he began to understand who had brought that comfort to his attention; his older brother, Edward. Thinking about Ed made him frown suddenly and a wave of sadness washed over him.

It's been five years since Ed's disappearance and after four years and 7 months of searching for him, Alphonse still hadn't found a trace of his brother. Sure, he had found out about the rumors going around about Edward, but none of it was true. Ed wouldn't let the state lock him away and he wouldn't runaway without letting Al know where he was. Alphonse's heart sank lower by the thought that Edward might be, in fact, dead. He quickly dismissed the thought, but even if he was hiding somewhere, people are bound to notice and have rumors flying around about the famous Fullmetal Alchemist hiding out some place.

"Brother, where are you?" Alphonse desperately asked to no one in particular. He let out a sigh and decided to get up. He had been in that same spot for hours and Winry was probably wondering where he was. It seemed like whenever he came back to his hometown, unwanted memories and thoughts would dig their way out from the hole that he had buried them in. After all, this was the place where their journey had started; that one mistake had cost a great deal.

The way back to the house was quiet. No one seemed to want to go outside at this time of day. Not that it bothered Al; he preferred to be alone at the moment. Getting closer to the house, he quickened his pace forward. When he reached the steps up to the house, Al saw that Den, who was lying near the door, lift his head in acknowledgement to Al's presence.

"Hey there, Den," he patted the dog's head and opened the door to the house.

"Winry, I'm back," He called out as he closed the door behind him. Looking around, he saw the house in the same order when he had left. The house was quiet without Aunt Pinako somewhere. She had taken to trip to Rushvalley to inspect the latest models of automail, leaving only Winry and himself.

Bang!

The loud sound caught Al's attention and he looked up. If memory served him right, Winry's room was right above him. Before he could call out to Winry again, her voice called out.

"Hey Al, could you come up here and help me with this?" Winry yelled from upstairs. On the way up, Al could hear Winry moving things around, his kind-nature getting the better of him, he went in to help.

"What is all of this?" he asked curiously as he entered her room.

"My luggage and everything I'll need on the trip, what else? We'll be leaving around noon tomorrow, so you need to pack soon," she told him slightly out of breath from running around her room trying to find the necessary items.

"If we're leaving at noon, then why are you packing now, and so much for that matter? We'll only be gone for a week," Al informed her with a laugh.

"I know that, but I need all of this stuff. As for packing right now, I still need to finish up on some things around the shop tomorrow before we leave," Winry answered. Alphonse just laughed and shook his head. For the tomboy that Winry was, she could be such a girly-girl too. This thought made Al laugh harder and caused Winry to stare at him with a questioning look on her face.

"What did you need help with?" Al asked finally when his laughter died down.

"Oh yeah, I need you to carry these two things," she pointed to two massive suitcases, "and take them downstairs. Could you do that for me?" Alphonse eyed the luggage and gave a silent sigh; they looked to be at least ninety pounds each.

"Sure," he said hesitantly as he approached the luggage. Despite how they looked, they proved to be heavier. One by one al struggled to take them down the stairs and place them somewhere out of the way. By the time he had carried the last suitcase down, he was exhausted. What does she have in there? Al thought as he went back up to Winry's room. When he got in there he saw that she was no longer moving around, but staring at something in her hands. Getting closer to see what had grabbed her attention, Alphonse saw that it was a picture of himself, Winry, and Ed when they were little.

"I've always loved this picture," she said with a sad smile and turned to show Al the picture. They had taken it years ago, before Ed and Al's mother died, during the spring. They had insisted to go on a picnic that day by the river.

"Ha, yeah; that and the one where Ed is going too high on the swing," Al reminded her. "Remember how he was yelling at us to stop the swing?" he recalled with a slight laugh.

"Yeah, I remember that. He flew off of it not long after and went flying," Winry joined in on Al's laughing. Moments later, their laughter died down and their once happy faces turned to sorrow. And awkward silence filled the room. Both of them had their thoughts suddenly on Edward. "Did you find anything about Edward?" she asked softly.

"No, every where I go I still end up with the same information."

"When…" Winry's shoulders began to shake as she let out a sob, "when do you think he'll come back?" she asked looking him in the eyes. Al's heart shattered the moment she stared at him. Her eyes were no longer cheerful, but sad. Alphonse began to curse himself for encouraging the subject of Edward instead of stopping it. He should've known that this would happen. No matter how hard either of them tried to hide it, Edward's absence was still felt.

"He'll come back," Al reassured, "he has to."

Author's Note: Yeah! Chapter 3 is done! Sorry this took me awhile to get posted, school got in the way. (Curse it!) So yeah, I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter! The next one will have what all of you've been waiting for: EDxALxWINRY reunion! Make sure to bring the tissues!