Disclaimer: I do not own anything remotley related to Marvel or the X-Men. As much as we all wish...that will probably never happen. or any song rites either
Here it is ladies and gents! The fifth installment of the song fic that wouldn't die!
Recap Remy has just asked Rogue for her forgiveness. But her inner turmoil may get the best of her...
Seems like just yesterday, you were a part of me.
She felt herself slipping back into memory. She could recall the first time that he had gotten the guts to seriously ask her to dinner. She could feel the way that his hands felt through her clothes. The first time that she'd felt his lips on hers through satin cloth. But since then she'd gained control. And he wasn't there for that.
I used to stand so tall. I used to be so strong.
Yet here she was, standing in front of him being cut down. It felt as though her heart was being pulled in a hundred different directions. How could she think? How could she speak at a time like this? She felt like her entire world was caving in around her. Every barrier that she's built up had suddenly come crashing back down on her, barring her in a pile of emotional rubble.
Your arms around me tight, everything felt so right. Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong.
Mere seconds ago she felt like she had finally come home from a lonely trip. Being held in his arms was like finally reaching heaven. Everything that she'd wanted within the past few years had become a reality.
Now I can't breathe, now I can't sleep. I'm barely hanging on.
She could now longer feel the air entering her lungs. But she knew that she was breathing. Her head felt as though it was going to explode, yet at the same time her thoughts were so clear. She didn't know how she could take this whirlwind of emotions. She didn't know if she could stay conscious for much longer.
How could this be happening? He hadn't been back for ten minutes and he had already asked her for the most valuable to her. Her heart.
Here I am, once again. I'm torn into pieces.
She could feel everyone's eyes still on her. Not moving. They were waiting for her answer. She could feel a thousand wispy hands on her, pulling her in a thousand different directions.
Can't deny it, can't pretend.
She could act like she didn't want to forgive him, but in truth she did….She wanted to move on with her life, finally have some closure. But at the same time….She could feel those little hands grow stronger and begin to pull harder.
Just thought you were the one. Broken up, deep inside.
She could feel the tears again. She could feel them begin to sting at her eyes again. She couldn't take much more of this chaos. She sucked in a quick breath.
But you won't get to see the tears I've cried. Behind these hazel eyes.
She realized that she hadn't taken a breath in the moments of standing there. The quick gasp turned into a full sigh.
I've told you everything, opened up and let you in.
She could remember every detail about him, yet so much had changed. He was so different. His face looked harder, angrier. His eyes were filled with a sadness that she'd never seen up until that moment. Undoubtedly her eyes showed the same emotion, as though a portal to her tormented soul.
You made me feel alright for once in my life.
She could remember the day that he had comforted her, consoled her, and counseled her, after one of her episodes with the psyches. She felt almost normal as he gave her a brief kiss, separated by a thin scarf. She had almost felt like a normal teenager at that point.
Now all that's left of me is what I pretend to be.
After he'd left the mansion, she'd acted so detached and uncaring. Then the mourning set in. But she'd gotten over that a time ago. And now she had become the detached and unfeeling thing that she had once pretended to be.
So together, but so broken up inside.
She realized now that all the time that she'd been 'over' him, was merely an act. For herself and the outside world. She still had deeply rooted feelings for the man, the traitor, that stood in front of her now with pleading eyes. And that every bit of her was going in a different direction.
On the one hand she could forgive him and ignore the horrible time that she went through, go back into her act. Her denial. But on the other, she could put distance between them. Let them regain their footing so that they could make a clear decision. And yet there was always the third option of being the vengeful woman that she wanted to be at that very moment and turn him down flat.
Now I can't breathe, now I can't sleep. I'm barely hanging on.
She remembered how she'd clung to him years ago. Desperate for some salvation from her own inner war that was raging. Waiting for him to tell her the lies that everyone else told her. But he'd kept realism inside of her head. The possibility that she would never recover from her mutation, never gain the control that she craved. But there was still the chance that she could acquire the ability to change her own life.
Here I am once again, I'm torn into pieces.
She could feel her heart exploded at that moment. It felt like it did the instant that she'd figured out that he wasn't coming back. The pain that burst through her chest, filling her entire body with emotions that she never wanted to feel again.
Can't deny it, can't pretend. Just thought you were the one.
She remembered the way that she felt when he told her that she had the power to change herself, the love that she felt, the joy. She had finally let herself feel what had been denied of her for so long. And he'd taken it all away in one instant.
Broken up deep inside. But you won't get to see the tears I've cried, behind these hazel eyes.
Even now she could felt the same old emotions, the same old names coming back up in her head. Her own voice screaming at the top of her lungs, "Traitor" "Bastard" "How could he do this to me!" "How can he pretend ta love me!"
Even now, she could feel the hate and betrayal pouring into her heart again.
Swallow me then spit me out.
He'd used her like he'd used the countless other girls that he'd been with. She was merely a toy to him, an obstacle. Just another name that he could put down on what list he had formed.
For hating you, I blame myself.
She should have known better than to ever trust a lowlife like him. She knew what was coming when she started this entire mess. A world full of heartbreak.
Seeing you it kills me now.
She could feel her heart withering again. The tears becoming more potent in her eyes, threatening to spill over. She couldn't do this again. She swore that she wouldn't do this again.
Yet she'd let him back in. She'd let him stay inside of her heart for too long. It would be nearly impossible to get him out. But….She had spent too many nights sleeplessly wondering where he was; too many tears were shed worrying over his existence. Too many sorrowful emotions were poured out into countless hours of anger and fighting. She couldn't let it all come crashing back down on her, even though she was already buried. She couldn't let her own heart crush her mind's good sense.
No I don't cry on the outside anymore.
She sucked in another breath, all of her thoughts flooding away as quickly as they had come up. In the mere moments that they'd stood there, she'd decided what was best for them both.
"Remy LeBeau…" Here I am, once again. I'm torn into pieces.
"You're a selfish bastard ta ask me that." Cant' deny it can't pretend. Just thought you were the one.
"Ya have no shame. Do ya know what ya did ta me?" Broken up deep inside. But you won't get to see the tears I've cried.
"Ah don't know if Ah can evah fo'give ya. After what ya did." Behind these hazel eyes.
"But hold ya breath till Ah decided." She said, finally pushing past him and walking toward the backyard. She could sneak up to her room later. Right now she needed to be alone. She needed to sort out the feelings that were inside her own heart. The same feelings that she thought she'd taken care of so long ago.
Here I am, once again, I'm torn into pieces.
She ran out into the woods behind the property lines. The rich forest air would help to clear her mind. Let her think straight.
Can't deny it can't pretend. Just thought you were the one.
She loved him. Yes. But was it in her heart to forgive him? She shook her head in her own tumult. She couldn't feel her hands, gloveless; they were unprotected from the cold night air.
Broken up deep inside. But you won't get to see the tears I've cried…
She didn't rub them together to regain feeling. Instead she bowed her head, exhausted, and laid on the cold ground. Ah'm all alone. She realized. And with her loneliness, she let her tears fall…
Behind these hazel eyes.
Now now now, I know what y'all are thinkin'. "WHAT? THE? FK?" But rest assured, mes amis, that there will be claification in chapters to come. Remember we still need to cover a Jott, a Loro, and whoever else I feel like throwin' inta this crazy fic. Be sure to look for an different couple in the next chapter. I think anyways Most likely gonna be a Jott I'd love it if y'all gave me some song ideas here, seein' as I have no Jott placeable ones. R&R people! THANK YA!