Warning: the following chapter will contain Shakespearean gibberish and senseless food fights. You have been warned.
It was Monday morning again. This usually meant that Marlene would be going to school with dread. Juusang, the sullen, unfortunate guest of the house, usually suffer going to high school, something much worse than junior high. They were kindred spirits on this day, and they made the most of it…usually. But today was going to be different…at least for Marlene. She wasn't going to school today; it was her birthday, and she had a date with the theater.
Juusang eat cereal quietly on a table in Marlene's small living room. Marlene was still scanning the pictures from the previous day, and Juusang was forced onto the journey with her.
"And this was when Cloud was nine years old," Marlene declared. "Still cute."
"The spikes haven't made their appearance yet," Juusang mumbled. "Oh well…he's still cute anyhow."
Marlene flipped the page and found the Kodak picture of all time. She covered her mouth and snickered. Juusang looked over and gazed in both admiration.
In the picture, a thirteen-year-old Scarlet was in a full stampede in the great estate hall of South Africa's Strife Manor. Wrapped in a towel, her whole entire body was dyed red; her hair was green. Her arms were stretched out, as if she was trying to take hold of something. The expression on Scarlet's face was priceless: her face was contorted in rage, and she seemed to be yelling and hollering something indecent. But what really made the picture hilarious was the second person in the photo. Apparently about five yards away, closer to the lens of the camera, was a nine-year-old Cloud Strife, running for dear life.
"What the heck happened here?" Juusang asked. "That harpy looked really pissed off then."
"Cloud snuck into her room early and put red dye in her liquid soap," Marlene explained. "He also put green glitter glue in her shampoo…I wish I had been born to see it…"
"So what you did two days ago wasn't original," Juusang replied slyly. "You copycat."
Marlene pouted and stared at the photo. "I was doing a reenactment…but you can't quite do it twice…"
Juusang struggled to eat between giggles.
"I'm gonna show this to Tifa," Marlene finally said. "She'll love this picture."
Tifa nervously sipped the last of her coffee and stared at the man in front of her. Cloud didn't say a word. He silently rinsed his mug in the sink.
"You look awfully comfortable in that robe and sweats," Tifa said enviously. "Why can't I have one?"
"Buy your own," Cloud teased.
Tifa sighed and handed him her empty mug. The water from the sink hissed again.
"Sorry about last night."
"Sorry for what?" Cloud asked.
"That stupid kiss thing," Tifa answered. "I'm sorry for forcing you into that. It must have been embarrassing for you."
A low giggle suddenly rose, and Cloud turned off the water. Tifa stared at him strangely.
"Uh…Cloud-sensei?"
Cloud began to laugh even harder.
"What's so funny?"
"You did not force me to do it," Cloud answered. "On the contrary…I could have easily pushed you away…It just seemed like a good idea at the time."
With that, he started laughing again. Tifa stared at him, wide-eyed and in shock. Suddenly, she grit her teeth and pushed him against the sink counter…hard. Nevertheless, Cloud did not stop laughing.
"You pervert!" Tifa screamed.
Tifa turned around and went out the kitchen door, quickly.
"I hope you fall in a hole and die!"
Tifa's fast walking evolved into a mad dash towards her room. She briefly ran past Yuffie, who tried to say hello. Her morning greeting fell on deaf ears.
Tifa closed the door behind her, pounced on a pillow in the bed, and began to scream countless profanities. After a while, her body went limp with exasperation. It was then that Marlene opened the door and came in unannounced.
"Hey, Tifa…morning!"
Tifa sat up and sucked it in. She noticed a small piece of paper in Marlene's hand.
"Morning shorty," Tifa replied dreamily. "What's that you got there?"
"It's my favorite photo of all time," Marlene said. "In memory of the greatest prank ever done on Scarlet…courtesy of my older brother."
Tifa scowled and turned away.
"I don't want to have anything to do with him right now!"
"Cloud made you mad again?" Marlene asked. "This early in the morning?"
Tifa folded her arms like a child in a temper tantrum.
"The picture will cheer you up," Marlene declared. "It always cheered me up when I was in a bad mood."
"Haaaaaaaaaaa!" was the answer that Marlene received.
"But it's a really cool picture!" Marlene whined. "Look at it for just a second."
Tifa got off of the bed and rubbed her head.
"Sorry, girly. I've had enough of diving into the past to last me a lifetime for the past few days."
Marlene cocked her head to the side in confusion. She walked over to the bed and sat down.
"Watcha mean by that?"
"I've been having weird dreams lately," Tifa replied. "Then those photos from yesterday…and bad news too. I still don't know what to make of it…"
"But you can still look at the photo," Marlene prodded.
"Nothing doing," Tifa replied.
Marlene began to pout, and hers eyes sank pathetically to the floor. Tifa stared at the poor girl in sympathy and sat on the bed next to her.
"Alright," Tifa said, resigned. "I'll look at the picture."
Marlene merrily handed her the photograph, and Tifa scanned it carefully. There it was: the witch chasing Hansel the clever. Tifa examined it in amusement and confusion, not quite able to grasp what was going on.
"If looks could kill," Tifa said aloud.
She looked closely again and another image flashed through her brain.
Her younger self on the steps.
"What the heck?"
Tifa shook her head. She handed the photo back to Marlene.
"It's funny, isn't it?"
"Tell me again why we're going to see Romeo and Juliet at nine a.m. on Broadway," Reno moaned.
Yuffie reached over and pinched Reno on the arm. He winced and pulled his arm away, and kept walking up the carpet steps. He looked for relief by staring at Tifa, who was in front of him and in a conversation.
"I can't believe you're making us go to a Shakespearean play!" Tifa roared. "I can't make heads or tails about what the people are saying."
"If you have any complaints," Cloud answered, "talk to Marlene. It was her choice."
Tifa looked back and down, and the innocent girl smiled.
"Why Romeo and Juliet?" Tifa asked. "Why not some show like Cats or Annie?"
"Cuz I like Shakespeare," Marlene replied confidently.
Marlene quickened her step and walked closer to her brother.
"You can understand that crap?"
Marlene nodded enthusiastically, but Tifa was not convinced.
Yuffie tilted her head and whispered to Reno.
"It's Marlene's birthday today," Yuffie said.
"But why do I have to go?"
Reno was starting to sound like a whiny school kid.
"Vince didn't wanna go."
"So I was the next best choice?"
"Oh…shut your face, Reno…"
"Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit
With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit;
And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd,
From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd."
Tifa twitched in her seat, writhing in agony. The old English prose was turning into burning mush in her brain.
"Gibberish…gibberish…it's all nothing but gibberish!"
Marlene put her finger to her lips and shushed Tifa. Tifa leaned back in the chair and groaned.
"Romeo is saying that Rosaline wants to be a virgin for the rest of her life. Rosaline has refused the very idea of marriage and love."
Tifa looked at Cloud incredulously. "Why doesn't he just say that?"
"He did," Cloud replied. "That's the beauty of it."
"She will not stay the siege of loving terms,
Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes,
Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold:
O, she is rich in beauty, only poor,
That when she dies with beauty dies her store."
Tifa noticed Reno sitting two rows ahead of her. He was not fairing any better.
"Do you even want to understand what they're saying?" asked Cloud. "Or are you just completely turned off by it?"
"I could really care less."
An hour later, Tifa would have more to suffer with. She…after all…was nearly immune to Shakespeare. The words made no sense to her. How were Cloud and Marlene able to understand? It was nothing but a bunch of nonsense!
"But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."
Tifa nudged desperately at Cloud's arm.
"Can I sneak out to the recession stand?" Tifa asked. "I can't take it anymore!"
"And what would your colleagues think if you abandoned your charge?"
"You aren't my charge," Tifa whispered.
"They don't know that."
Tifa stared at the ceiling.
"Then come with me!"
"Relax, Tifa," Cloud scolded. "There's going to be an intermission after the next two scenes."
Romeo, oh Romeo… oh wherefore art thou Romeo?
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy;
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo call'd,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name,
And for that name which is no part of thee
Take all myself."
In the car, Tifa happily listened to the radio, where everything made sense. Reno was of the same mind. Yuffie was in the back of the van, sobbing.
"What are you crying for?" Reno asked. "We already left. You should be feeling great."
"It was soooo sad!" Yuffie said between sobs. "Romeo and Juliet didn't get to live happily ever after! They were so beautiful together!"
Tifa rolled her eyes and tried to ignore her mourning friend. Marlene took Yuffie's hand and began to rub it soothingly.
"If it makes you feel any better," Marlene said, "when Cloud saw it in the eighth grade, he cried."
The car soon filled with hilarity. Cloud stared daggers at the she-devil that was his sister.
"He what?!" Reno cried hysterically.
"Ah," Tifa cooed. "Do you need a tissue, Cloud?"
Cloud gave Tifa the look of death, and she shut her mouth. He turned back to Marlene.
"You are lucky," he growled, "that I swore on our parents' grave that I would never do anything to harm you…"
Marlene feigned fear in her face, but Cloud caught wise. Why of all days did it have to her birthday?
"I hope she chokes on her cake…"
The dance students gathered around the dining room table, marveling at the birthday cake.
"You think she'll like it?" Laylia asked.
"It's not chocolate, right?" Danny asked. "Cloud said she hated chocolate."
Aeris put her hand on Danny's shoulder.
"Relax, everyone," she said. "My friend, Zack, got it from the bakery. Their cakes are good.
"Whatever," Juusang said. "It's a cake."
A maid rushed into the dining room and announced that the troupe had returned. Aeris left with her.
"Remember to say surprise," Henry whispered.
"We ain't dumb," Jeremy retorted.
Marlene walked in and gasped.
"SURPRISE!"
Marlene squealed with delight and jumped into Juusang's arms.
"Come on…let's cut the cake already!"
Tiptoeing into the kitchen, Tifa turned the light on to get a sinful, midnight snack: birthday cake. Slowly, she reached for the refrigerator door but was stopped by a voice.
"Sweets will keep you up at night, you know."
Tifa paid no heed to the voice and opened the door.
"You aren't my mother, Cloud-sensei."
Tifa searched through the shelves of the refrigerator but did not find the cake.
"It's right here."
Cloud pointed out a drawer at the bottom and pulled it out, revealing the cake. He carefully picked it up and carried it to the island counter of the kitchen.
"Grab a knife out of that drawer behind you," Cloud said.
Tifa slapped the knife down next to the cake before he finished speaking. She smiled teasingly and put the plates on the counter as well.
"I'm cutting my own piece thank you," she said. "Should I cut yours too?"
Cloud shrugged his shoulders, and Tifa attacked the cake.
"Marlene had a great time at the play," Cloud said. "Too bad she chose to see a tragedy."
Tifa slid the first piece towards him and began to cut her own.
"Tragedy or not," Tifa replied, "Nothing made sense."
"It all made perfect sense," Cloud replied. "You just didn't take the time to truly listen to what they had to say."
In frustration, Tifa began to devour her piece.
"What sense?! It might as well have been Greek! What the hell does 'But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks' mean?"
"But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,
Who is already sick and pale with grief,
That thou her maid art far more fair than she:
Be not her maid, since she is envious;
Her vestal livery is but sick and green
And none but fools do wear it; cast it off.
It is my lady, O, it is my love!
O, that she knew she were!"
Tifa's jaw dropped. Cloud was amused by the expression on her face.
"How did you memorize that?" Tifa asked.
"I had to play Romeo during senior year in a high school play," Cloud said. "Took me more than two months to memorize my lines…"
"But did you even understand a word you just said?"
Cloud said that he most certainly did. Half of Tifa's body nearly collapsed on the counter. Her elbows supported her.
"Alright then, smart one," Tifa muttered. "Tell me what you said."
He took in a deep breathe, something that Tifa did not want to see. It promised to be a long explanation.
"Romeo is the Capulet garden, wanting to be near Juliet. She comes out the balcony, and he marvels at her beauty, comparing it to light. Her beauty is so bright that it outshines and brings more attention then the moon itself…"
"And what heck is the vestal 'livery'?"
"That is in mythology and history. In mythology, the Greek goddess Hestia…Vestia in Roman…was goddess of the home and hearth. In history, in the temples of Hestia, a group of young women would tend to a fire in the center of the buildings. All of them had to be virgins, and they happened to wear green…hence the quote: 'Her vestal livery is but sick and green'. The moon also represents the goddess Artemis…Diana in Roman…who also declared chastity...and tried to enforce it on her servants of the wood."
Tifa's left eye began to twitch.
"Romeo goes on to say that anyone who wears the 'vestal livery' is a fool…basically stating that anyone who remained a virgin for their whole entire life was an fool…"
"That's a matter of opinion!" Tifa shrieked.
"Tell it to William Shakespeare," Cloud answered. "Not me…I think anyone who wants to do that has the right to do it and not be ashamed…besides, I think ol' Will only did it to reinforce the naivety of Romeo's youth."
Tifa's cake was nearly gone now.
"I suppose that you were offended because you are a virgin…am I right?"
Tifa slammed her fist on the counter.
"Mind your own business!" she yelled.
Cloud folded his arms and glared at her with devious eyes. Tifa dropped her head and nodded, humiliated.
"Good for you then," he said supportively. "It'll kill your career if you become promiscuous now."
"Ah whatever," Tifa whispered. "Well…at least we're in the same boat…right? We both feel like we've been missing out…and you can't really relate when people talk about their experiences…I mean a person like you probably repels every potential lover…"
Tifa took another bite out of her cake. She heard a momentary wheeze of someone trying to hold back a laugh.
"I'm sorry, Tifa," Cloud said apologetically. "I lost my virginity when I was eighteen."
Tifa nearly choked. She coughed and hit her chest and barely managed to get the cake down her throat.
"You're lying," she replied.
"If it makes you feel any better," Cloud said, "I quit five years ago. I'm actually rather ashamed of myself..."
Tifa covered her ears with her hands.
"TMI!"
"Sorry."
"I'm surprised that you've had any lovers, you psycho!" Tifa shouted.
A small bit of cake hit Cloud in the face.She doubled over while laughing. Then, another ball of cake went flying into Tifa's hair, and she gasped. He glanced over to Cloud and saw the fork that he had used as a catapult. The cake on her plate landed on the other side of the island counter, landed in front of him, and splattered onto his face and the shirt he was wearing.
Tifa put her hands on her hips triumphantly. Then, Cloud did the unthinkable, which was was not uncommon for him. He calmly wiped the icing off his face with the side of his hand. Cloud walked over to the cake, put his bare hands into it, and took a huge piece out. Tifa watched in horror.
"Cloud…no…no no no no no…"
Everything went into slow motion. The 'snowball' ascended across the counter. The ball devastatingly made contact with Tifa's face as she gave out a terrified scream. The cake began to slide down the side of her face, and Tifa grabbed it and looked at it.
"Oh no you didn't!"
Tifa shook her head. An impish grin was on her face. In retaliation, Tifa threw the ball of cake back. Cloud ducked just in time, and it hit the wall…and stayed there. Tifa dashed towards him with a female war cry, and he wisely ran away. Not so wisely…to the other side of the counter…a chase doomed to go around in circles.
Tifa managed to grab another piece of the cake with her hands and successfully made it land on Cloud's shirt.
"Why did you have to go and do a thing like that?!" Tifa cried.
"Because that was my favorite night shirt!" Cloud shouted back.
"Well, it's crap now!"
More cake went flying across the room, half of it ending up as the kitchen's new décor and the other half on their target's clothes and skin. The chase kept on switching who was the hunter or the hunted. Playfully insulting words were exchanged.
"Stay still, will ya?" Tifa screamed.
Cloud was not an obedient listener. Getting tired, Tifa thought fast and changed directions on him. Tifa accidentally stepped on icing on the floor and felt herself falling forward. Cloud instinctively ran forward to catch her. Her weight and the force of her falling caused him to plummet backwards, with Tifa in his arms. They both struggled to get up, groaning.
"You're heavy," Cloud said.
"Ah shut up."
It took a moment to for Tifa to realize that she was straddling Cloud. She blushed in embarrassment. Cloud managed to sit up.
"The kitchen walls had a ball," Cloud said.
Tifa looked around and saw that he was right. Cake and icing on the walls, icing on the door, cake in the sink…and cake on the ceiling?!
"The maids are going to have quite a time cleaning this up," Tifa stated.
Cloud stared at her eyes wide open, and they shared an awkward silence. It was soon replaced by hysterics. Tifa giggled and tenderly wiped icing off of Cloud's face.
"Ah man, what are we going to do about Marlene's birthday cake?"
"I know where the bakery is," Cloud assured her. "I can get another one."
"I haven't had a stupid food fight in ages," Tifa said. "Now I remember why."
They were both a mess…icing and crumbs smeared all over there pajamas. A shower was greatly needed.
"Why were we fighting anyway?" Cloud asked. "I don't remember."
Tifa got off of him and scooted close.
"I don't really remember either."
Another lapse of uncomfortable quiet. It was more like a staring contest. Tifa moved a little bit closer to Cloud.
"You know…you have pretty eyes," Tifa finally said.
"Uh…thanks…"
Without another thought, Tifa jumped on Cloud, wrapped her arms around him, and kissed him. Cloud reacted with absolutely no protest.
"What is going on in here?!"
Cloud and Tifa turned to see Scarlet and Shera standing in the doorway.
"Why is Marlene's birthday cake all over the place?!" Shera asked. "What happened here?"
No answer.
"Who's responsible for this?" Scarlet asked.
One pointed their finger at the other, like children who were asked "who broke this vase?"
"We can explain this," Tifa said defensively.
"We would love to here it," Scarlet replied coolly.
A bit of cake from the ceiling fell and landed on Scarlet's head.
I think it was something I ate...