Oh, Wes. I remember the first moment I saw Telly on the screen that first time at Dalton and I basically died because I was a rabid RENThead for four years and I saw Telly perform so many freaking times and I've met him often enough to feel possessive (not creepishly so, at least I hope not) and I was so overjoyed to not only have Darren Freakin' PotterCriss on glee but also Tellyyyyyyyyyy and so yeah, I am a fan of Wes.
Wes first.
He can't go to Blaine just yet. He can't. If Blaine is hurt, really and truly hurt, or angry at Kurt, it's going to break him down in a way that won't leave any strength left to deal with Wes at all. If he has to talk to both Wes and Blaine—and he does, if only so that Mercedes doesn't murder him—he'll start with Wes, whose reaction might be easier and less pleasant to predict but whose effect on Kurt won't burn so badly.
Kurt sits down at his desk and opens his MacBook, making the decision to try out IM before he calls. It's bad enough that he has to apologize for ruining Wes' party and acting like a total jerkwad, but waking him up with a phone call the morning after is not likely to set a cordial tone for the conversation. He signs on Facebook and has a split second to hope like hell that Wes isn't online, but damn it, there he is, Wes Montgomery floating around the FacebookChat dropdown list. Kurt does a couple yoga breaths, runs a hand through his gross hair, and puts fingers to keys.
Kurt Hummel: Hey, Wes. You there?
Long, long seconds of waiting. Kurt stares at the screen, hoping and dreading that Wes won't reply. He can't blame him if he doesn't, honestly. Wes has every right to drop Kurt in the gutter and breeze back to Yale where he has Whiffenpoof friends who won't drink themselves into oblivion in his house and climb all over their boyfriends in his spare bedroom and have knock-down drag-out brawls on his patio—
Wes Montgomery: hi
Oh crap crap crap he's responding.
Kurt does a little four-second meditation, trying to calm his pounding heart. Just say it. "I'm sorry." Two easy words. Technically three easy words, if you count the contraction and even though Scrabble doesn't it really is legitimate and OH MY GOD just type something, anything.
Kurt Hummel: Some really lovely clouds outside this morning, aren't there?
Kurt feels like smashing his head into the keyboard. There's panicking and typing stupid stuff, and then there's panicking and just failing at life.
Wes Montgomery: is there something I can help you with, Kurt
Ouch. Okay, he deserves that, much more than that. Kurt steels himself and forces his fingers across the keys.
Kurt Hummel: I just wanted to say how sorry I am for last night. I feel terrible, I'm so so sorry, Wes.
There, he's said it. No matter what else happens, he's said it. And as Kurt stares at the words on the screen, floating innocently in the IM chat box, he feels a real, deep pang for what Wes had to deal with because of him. From the very first time they met, Wes has always watched over Kurt: sitting there beside Blaine and David, buying the forlorn spy a cup of coffee, explaining the anti-bullying policy with a gentle half-smile and no judgment in his voice; presiding over Warbler meetings with his precious gavel, pulling Kurt off his high horse but never rubbing his nose in the dirt over it; wrapping strong, wiry arms around him during Regionals when they were all smarting from the loss but still proud to have performed so well, to have become such an incredible team. Wes is the kind of person Kurt would maybe like to be someday—steady, confident, fabulous but not overly concerned with that quality in himself. He's also uptight and a little fussy and too prone to following the train of authority without a second thought, but Wes has proven to Kurt time and again that there are people in the world who don't care whether you're gay or flamboyant or sing a mean high F, if Wes Montgomery thinks you're worth befriending then you've got the real deal on your hands.
Kurt owes him, and more than that, he wants to make this right. He wants to give Wes what's been long overdue on his part.
Wes Montgomery: you really went off the rails last night
It's not particularly bright and cheery, but Kurt is encouraged by the lack of straightforward "fuck you".
Kurt Hummel: I know. It was kind of a long string of bad decisions. I just wish that even with all of that, I'd been more considerate of your feelings.
There, that smacks of sincerity. Doesn't it?
Wes Montgomery: yeah, a "hello" might have been nice before you were falling down on my carpet lol
Man, sometimes Kurt really loathes IM speak. Is that "lol" sarcastic? Forgiving? Malicious? Is there hidden rage lurking beneath it? Or perhaps the urge for tearful reconciliation?
Argh, stupid "lol."
Kurt Hummel: Ha, yeah, you're definitely right. And it was super nice to you to organize the party too. I think everyone had a lot of fun. The Warblers all seem splendid, as usual.
Wes Montgomery: id forgotten that Nick cut his hair like that, he looks great
Kurt Hummel: I know, right? And Jeff is growing his out!
Wes Montgomery: his beautiful flowing locks
Kurt Hummel: Finally someone other than me might be getting called "Princess."
They're bantering, just dropping Warbler talk back and forth, and Kurt's heart is beginning to flutter with hope that maybe that was the worst of it and he and Wes are totally cool now.
Wes Montgomery: i have to say, Kurt, your apology means a lot, but im still wondering what your deal with Sebastian is
Damn damn damn.
Kurt Hummel: It's a long story, Wes. We just shouldn't have let anyone else get pulled into our crap.
Wes Montgomery: you guys were bleeding outside my house, i feel like i kind of have the right to the story
Kurt feels a little desperate and twitchy, like he wants to grab the laptop and throw it out the window. He's mentioned it to Quinn and to Mercedes, but only in passing; the idea of trying to adequately explain his issues with Sebastian to anyone, especially big-brother-exemplary-Warbler-and-citizen Wes, is enough to make the hair stand up on the back of his neck and stir the nausea in his gut.
Wes Montgomery: Kurt? you still there
Kurt Hummel: Yeah, I'm here. It's…not easy to talk about. Do you really want to hear it?
Wes Montgomery: i want to know what was going on last night, not only because it happened on my patio but because you looked pretty bad, honestly im kind of concerned and if theres something i can do about it i would like to
Kurt gives a big snuffling gasp before he can stop himself, and bites down on his fist to stop the tears from flowing. God, he doesn't deserve Wes as a friend. Right now he feels like he doesn't deserve anyone as a friend.
Kurt Hummel: Well…basically, I don't know the whole story but Sebastian moved here from Paris during the summer and started at Dalton at the beginning of the year. Blaine went over there to watch the Warblers rehearsing and he introduced himself…
It's awkward and uncomfortable to start, but after a few stilted sentences Kurt finds that he can't stop: the whole saga of Sebastian is pouring out of him and into the IM chatbox, where Wes remains completely wordless as Kurt types and types and types, every hurt feeling and wave of jealousy and moment of grinding frustration spilling out of him without reserve. At one point, Kurt kind of looks up and realizes he's told Wes about the night at Scandals, when Sebastian danced with Blaine and Blaine got all tipsy and horny and tried to jump Kurt in the backseat, and then how after the West Side Story performance the following night Blaine and Kurt talked and got over themselves and went back to Blaine's house and made love, touched each other and went farther than they ever had before, which seems a little silly considering how far they've gone now but at the time it was a very big deal, and to be honest it still is. Kurt tells Wes this and everything else, every horrible interaction he's had with Sebastian and all of his insecurity over NYADA and glee and Blaine, and when he finally finishes and sits there with his fingers tingling and tender, Kurt isn't a bit sorry to have finally talked himself dry. It might be embarrassing, it might be way too personal for FacebookChat, but at least it's out of him now.
Wes Montgomery: holy shitfuck, Kurt, and its only February
Kurt snorts before he can stop himself.
Kurt Hummel: Thank you for the prompt response, Wes. Sorry to dump all that on you.
Wes Montgomery: im glad you did. have you talked to Blaine yet
Kurt Hummel: No. Too scared. He should hate me.
Wes Montgomery: Blaine could never hate you, dont be an idiot
Kurt Hummel: You sure about that?
Wes Montgomery: Kurt, dont make me tell you secret secret things
Kurt Hummel: Um…what?
Wes Montgomery: the day after you two got dirty in the Dalton common room
Kurt Hummel: WE DID NOT GET DIRTY. WE JUST KISSED. HANDS WERE ABOVE THE WAISTS AT ALL TIMES.
Wes Montgomery: the day after that Blaine went to the Warbler council fifteen minutes before the meeting started and he told us that his performance was going to be different because of how he felt about you and he had to tell us NOW because if we noticed it later and tried to kick him off the number hed sue us, so he wanted the chance to say 'screw you' to our faces if he tried
Kurt Hummel: I don't understand.
Wes Montgomery: Blaine didnt say boo for a year and a half at Dalton, Kurt, we just gave him solos and he went with it and then you show up and he gets a huge mouth on him and he threatens his own performance privileges at Regionals. You turned his little shorterthanaverage head upside down and he could never hate you, is what im saying. Even with some hot little piece going after him, and believe me Kurt, ive talked to Trent and Nick about sebastian, i know that hes not a guy whos used to getting 'no' but i also know that however much he provokes you its not as much about you as you might think it is. You should understand that after everything you went through last year. and i would hope youd be a little more understanding
Kurt is going to cry. Again. Jesus Christ, he's been awake for thirty minutes and at the brink of tears for twenty-five of them. An accomplishment, even in the Hummel track record.
Kurt Hummel: Do YOU hate me?
A very, very, very long pause. Kurt's throat is closing up and he hugs his knees to his chest, staring so hard at the chatbox that when Wes' answer finally appears his eyes twinge painfully.
Wes Montgomery: dont be a moron Kurt, of course i dont
Kurt's heart starts beating again.
Wes Montgomery: im still pissed about the way you acted at the party but thats whatever, it doesnt matter. once a Warbler always a Warbler, thats family to me. even family that acts really fucking stupid every once in a while
Now the tears are actually falling thick and fast down his cheeks. Damn it, Wes.
Wes Montgomery: you have to talk to Blaine, though
Aaaaaaaaaaaand there it is again.
Kurt Hummel: I know.
Wes Montgomery: dont say you know. just do it
Kurt Hummel: I WILL.
Wes Montgomery: NOW
Kurt Hummel: Yale has made you bossy.
Wes Montgomery: its just lowered my bullshit quotient, growing up and figuring out that the world exists beyond high school does that to you. now talk to him or ill burn your blazer
Kurt Hummel: DON'T YOU DARE. IT IS SO PRECIOUS TO ME.
Wes Montgomery: im signing off now and if i find out that you havent talked to Blaine in the next ten minutes (and i will find out) i will end you Kurt Hummel
Wes Montgomery is offline
Kurt feels like throwing himself out the window. Stupid Wes being stupidly mature, telling him to do stupidly compassionate things for his stupidly deserving stupid boyfriend. But beyond all the immature impulses and the fear jittering in his ribcage, Kurt knows that Wes is right. It's like Mercedes said—he has to make this right with Blaine, because true love ain't no joke and if Kurt wants to honor any part of what he and Blaine share, he has to reach out to Blaine and open himself up to all the anger and hurt that Blaine might have for him, because he owes it to him and he loves him and he's not going to lose Blaine over something as inconsequential as blood and tears and humiliation. Blaine means more than that to Kurt. He means everything to him.
So Kurt texts Blaine, which is insanely cowardly but cut him a break, he's only human.
I'm sorry about what happened. However you feel about it, I just want you to know, I'll do whatever I can to fix this. I love you. I'm really frickin sorry.
It's a lame text, smacks of groveling and uncertainty, and Kurt spends about forty-five seconds literally banging his head against the desktop before his phone buzzes in his hand and he jumps so badly that the chair nearly tips over backwards and he has to grab desperately at the edge of the vanity to keep from crashing down onto the floor. Once he's stabilized a little, he checks his phone and yup, the text is from B, and Kurt nearly swallows his own tongue as his heart implodes and shudders painfully in his chest. Hands shaking, he brings the text up.
Meet me at Pavarotti's grave in half an hour
Kurt had thought it would be bad. He had expected it to be bad.
He wasn't prepared for catastrophic.