Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, nor do I own any part of Glee because trust me things would have ended differently. I also own none of the songs used in this chapter.
Rachel had to admit that she was rather bored the weeks that led up to Sectionals, all of her and Finn's drama didn't even bother her. She found the longer she was with him, the less she seemed to care for him, that spark that had made her romance with him once hot, fiery and passionate was gone. Each week, Rachel kept learning Finn and her had less in common, while Rachel was content to watch a musical, Finn would rather watch some bloody, gory movie. Finn wanted to watch or talk about football at every given chance, often annoying Rachel greatly, every talk seemed to go back to football and she was tired of never being heard. She knew the worst thing though was the fact that now Finn never complimented her, before when they weren't together, he'd often offer her some nice words, but now every compliment had to be cued for him. She started to feel as if they were an older couple, just waiting for something to happen before all hell broke loose.
It was all these reasons that Rachel couldn't even bother to care when Finn and Santana were talking during the wedding, sure it annoyed her a little, but she shrugged it off, she just wanted something on him so they could end it. While she wouldn't say it aloud, she had to admit that she wasn't happy with Finn, she knew what their life would hold and ultimately it would be misery. She knew if she wanted to stay with Finn, she would have to give up her dreams, there would be no other choice and she knew she wouldn't want to do that. Sighing Rachel knew she had to end it with Finn soon, she only wished it could be simple, no worries about any pining after, all feelings gone, but she knew some feelings would linger, more for Finn than her. Rachel had let these past few months decide on what she would do about Jesse, she knew something would come from out of their destroyed relationship. She just needed to talk to him, hear him out, she knew if the situation was reversed she would want him to listen to her and due to their similar personalities and thoughts she knew it's what he wanted now.
Rachel was surprised he hadn't contacted her yet, but dismissed the thought figuring that UCLA was keeping him busy. She had to admit she was disappointed though, she had wanted to hear from him, just so she knew what to expect because maybe he really was just heartless. She found that hard to believe, she had seen his reactions when they had started egging her, but she was too distraught in those moments to even care. She knew Jesse; it was during those moments that she saw his show face crack, dissolve for the first and only time ever since she knew him. He had never found in necessary to put on his show face when they were alone, neither of them had, which is probably why she loved the relationship, there was no hiding, no lies. She just knew they meant more than what had gone down, two people so alike don't spend time together as a couple and have no feelings, actors or not.
Rachel was prepared to end it with Finn, not sure if it would be better, before or after Sectionals, but all thought of breaking up with Finn was momentarily forgotten when Mr. Schuester came in to glee club. He had taken her solo from her, giving Mike and Brittany the stage to dance on and also letting Sam and Quinn take over the ballad part. If Rachel felt like she wasn't appreciated before, it was nothing to the feeling now, she was the only one certain of how great she was, she knew she deserved better than to be placed in the back after all she was the best out of them. She would never say it aloud, but in her head she knew it, they knew it, she was the best singer. Mr. Schuester had made a speech about how he hasn't showcased all the talent in here, blah, blah, blah and even Finn couldn't sway him to rethink his option.
Rachel wasn't in the mood after her completely deserved solo was ripped from her grasp, so when Santana made a comment about Finn being a hypocrite, she was ready to attack. The words that would next fall from Santana's mouth would end up being the most hurtful, especially when combined by Finn wanting Santana to stay quiet. Santana confessed something that hit Rachel very deeply, Santana and Finn had done 'it' last year and Finn had never told her the truth before. Finn had so many opportunities, especially when Rachel had confessed she was still a virgin, that her and Jesse hadn't actually done 'it', but no, Finn just kept lying. Rachel felt betrayed, hurt and also relieved, this meant a simple way to end it, but still it would make it hard to ever talk to Finn again, trust demolished between them just by a few words. Mr. Schuester found these moments to say something about something and Rachel found she didn't care, he was a lousy coach and at that moment in time, she didn't really want to listen to his rants.
Rachel couldn't get the thought of Santana and Finn out of her mind, out of all the possible people, it had to be her that he did it with, she wouldn't have been mad if it was Quinn, that she could understand. For him to do 'it' with Santana was something she didn't even want to comprehend, didn't want to know any more, but she knew she had to come up with some idea of how to break up with him. So she went home, she thought about singing him a song, but that would be both unappreciated and he probably wouldn't understand the wording of the song at all. She thought a straight forward approach, but how could she come about it, she didn't know how to break up with Finn, the boy she put on such a high pedestal was now coming crumbling down. She figured she'd just have to be strong, be blunt and don't let him convince her any other way.
That's when her doorbell rang; she figured her fathers might have forgotten their keys, since Finn hardly ever did come over when he wasn't specifically invited. Finn definitely fell short in the romantic category. As she made her way to the door, she was surprised to open it and see the mailman retreating down the driveway, their mail stacked on the ground. Perplexed she grabbed the mail to find a box underneath it, supporting all the mail, she looked to see who the box was for and only saw her name printed on it, no return address anywhere. She put the mail on the table to the side of the door, closing the door as she made her way back to her room, the box was small, but stuffed full because when she shook it, there was no sound.
She delicately opened the box, pulling out newspaper, noting that the newspaper was from Lima, she was really confused now, but that was replaced when a CD case fell out. She had dumped the contents on her computer desk and was opening the CD case, which held no note as to who it was from, she made her way to her stereo, and replacing the now overused CD Jesse had given her so long ago. Upon pressing play, there was silence before his voice once again filled her room and he began singing, some lyrics already popping out from other ones.
"I'm sorry I'm bad,
I'm sorry you're blue,
I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss,
I love all your sounds,
And baby the way you make my world go round
And I just wanted to say I'm sorry-
-Every single day
I think about how we came all this way
The sleepless nights and the tears you cried
it's never too late to make it right
Oh yeah sorry!"
The first song ended, the familiar song of 'Sorry' by Buckcherry turned into another familiar melody, the songs not the normal classic songs he had always sung, but the words were just as powerful. The first lyrics from the song could have been something Jesse had written to her, but she knew it wasn't as she let his voice sing to her.
"I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you "
As the song ended she already knew that tears were running down her face, leaving wet trails down her face, she couldn't believe it, but now she knew they had a chance. She nearly laughed, being sad, neglected and feeling betrayed by her current boyfriend when her ex-boyfriend outshines him once more by sending her this heart wrenching CD. How come every time she felt sad, he was able to cheer her up in the perfect way and that was what gave her the final push to decide that she would end it with Finn.
After a quick exchange between Finn and Santana, Rachel was ready, when suddenly Puck showed up beside her, offering help for boyfriend troubles. She was shocked, but thought maybe Puck would have a better idea on how to break up with Finn, due to the fact Rachel figured her way was, at nicest, blunt and uncaring. So they left down the hallway, smiling Rachel made small talk. However, like many times before Puck was of little help, Rachel nearly let her impulse get the better of her and almost made out with him. The desire to get Finn back for what he had done nearly was too much, but she realized if there was one thing she didn't want to be, that would be a cheater. Once Rachel and Puck got to her house, he had wanted to go upstairs to talk, but Rachel kept them downstairs, one it would be easier to remain only talking and two if he happened to press play on her stereo, Jesse's voice would start singing. The second being something she definitely didn't want, well not while others were around.
Even though her feelings for Puck were nonexistent, she still had that impulse to get Finn back for the Santana thing, she still knew the best option would be to not do that and instead shocked Puck by asking how she should break up with Finn.
"Wait, your boyfriend trouble is that you don't want a boyfriend?"
"Yes, after finding out about Finn and Santana, it was the last straw and it's been obvious we haven't been as in love as before, we hardly talk. Neither of us pays attention while the other speaks and I don't want that, in other words, our relationship was doomed from the start and I'm done with it."
"Okay, but how can I help? I don't want to be the one who helped you decide how to break up with him."
"I only need to know the easiest way to break up with him without completely making us uncivilized towards each other."
Puck sighed, obviously not one who was used to actually helping, rather than just making out, looking good and being the 'bad' boy. "Just be straightforward with him, it will be better in the end rather than being all nicey-nice about it."
"Thank you, Puck"
"Anytime, so I guess we're done here."
Rachel felt better, knowing she had to break up with Finn, she decided it was best to call Finn and break up now, rather than wait, any more tension in New Directions would probably go unnoticed at the moment. Sighing she called Finn up, Puck had just left minutes ago, and she was seated on the couch living room, knowing it would make it easier for her to get Finn out the door if they stayed close to the door. Thankfully Finn picked up on the fourth ring and as was so often lately his voice seemed laced with annoyance even though she hadn't even spoken yet.
"Hey Rachel, I'm kind of busy, the game is almost on."
"Finn this will only take a little time, we just need to talk."
"Okay so talk."
"No, just come over to my house, it won't take long at all."
"Okay, I'll be there in a few."
Sighing Rachel gathered her strength, and waited, thinking over what to say in her mind, her cell phone lying on a coffee table and the clock on the wall counted the seconds. What in reality was less than ten minutes seemed like hours to Rachel Berry, while her resolve to break up with Finn didn't crack, she couldn't help, but wonder how he would feel about the break up. When he knocked on the door, she didn't miss a beat, speeding to the door quickly, she opened it before making her way back into the living room, skipping their customary kiss. Finn followed Rachel, confused, sure he wasn't blind, he had noticed they spent less time together, didn't do hardly any public displays of affection, but spending less time he blamed on football season. The lack of public displays of affection wasn't uncommon, Rachel always liked people to know they were together, but public kissing and making out had hardly been how. Rachel was seated back on the couch, patting the spot next to her, she sighed as he sat down, preparing before she spoke.
"Finn, the reason I asked you to come over is simple, I feel we aren't near as close as we were before. Since I found out about you and Santana, I can't help, but feel betrayed-" Finn made a motion as if to speak, but Rachel put her fingers to his lips "- I know we weren't together, but still you never felt comfortable disclosing the information to me. Which is like lying, and to put it simply, I don't know how much I can trust you now, it really hurts Finn. Besides you have to have realized that we have been growing apart, we hardly spend time together, we don't have the same fiery, passion as before. I just think it would be best if we broke up."
"Wait… You're breaking up with me? We could try and solve this without breaking up; we both could at least give working it out a shot."
"Finn, yes we could, but how happy would we be? Trying to fix something that is obviously broken, until we can trust each other again we shouldn't date and until then we shouldn't be a couple anymore."
"Why now though? I don't think our problems are that bad."
"Finn… Besides now, when was the last time we talked for more than a few minutes, excluding glee rehearsal?"
Finn's face fell as he tried to recollect the last real conversation he had with Rachel, he kept thinking and realized he had actually had longer conversations with pretty much anyone else.
"Okay… you're right, we'll break up, but this doesn't change my feelings for you Rachel."
Rachel only nodded, before showing him to the door, as they stood by the door; Finn chose this moment to talk.
"Are we going to be okay to perform for sectionals?"
"Yes, I'll be professional about it, but I won't bite my tongue if Santana decides to get smart with me."
"Okay, I understand… Can I at least get a hug?"
Rachel nodded, giving him a hug, the height difference never more apparent, they didn't even fit together when he held her and how could she have neglected these obvious signs, obvious clues they didn't fit.
Because you spent so much time idolizing him and making him into the perfect guy.
She knew it was true, her logic winning over her irrational way to try and make Finn perfect, so for the second time that day she sent another ex-boyfriend out her door and made her way to go listen to the only thing that brought her comfort anymore, his voice.
As New Directions waited to go up on stage, Rachel found herself biting her tongue, to try and hold back as to why everyone, but her seemed to know about Finn and Santana. She had recently found out that Kurt knew and was now watching the glee club falling to ruins at the nerves of going to perform she wished she could help, but she was still hurt that she was just part of the background this time. Rachel glanced over at Sam and Quinn, both looked nervous and she couldn't stop the thought from entering her head, his voice once again plaguing her thoughts, I remember when I used to get nervous. The whole team a mess, Mercedes full of herself like always, Quinn a nervous wreck, Artie and Brittany fighting, Mike and Tina fighting and then Santana had to open her big mouth, insulting Rachel yet again. All of Santana's insults were so alike, unoriginal, reused and just boring now, that Rachel couldn't even recall what she said, but it had to have been something about no one liking her, because Puck came to her defense and said he liked Rachel. The heartfelt moment was lost as the rest of the glee club broke into angry yells, fighting commencing, some deciding they didn't want to perform and like so often lately, Mr. Schuester burst in yelling about last year, something, blah, something. Rachel hardly listened to him anymore, instead she would just plaster on her show face and just nod. She was still hurt over not getting the solo, but she tried to be professional and not let her emotions get in the way. During Mr. Schue's rant the lights flickered, signaling it was their turn to go up and perform, quickly they all exited the room and went to get in their places.
While Sam and Quinn were singing, Rachel was jealous, the spotlight should be hers, she should be center stage, even if she was singing with Finn, they deserved it more than Quinn and Sam. With a show face on once again, no one would have noticed her jealousy as Rachel sang in the background, something she disliked quite greatly, but she pretended to be happy. Only one pair of blue eyes could see past the mask she put on, if he didn't know her, he would think she was content, but he knew her too well for that, and had to admit he was quite angry at their coach. Who would be so completely incompetent to put their best singer in the background swaying and harmonizing, instead of belting out the song and making it perfect? Who would be stupid enough to actually take away the guarantee of victory? Only Mr. Schuester, he guessed, he shook his head, even angrier when he saw that bitch Santana singing the next song, her voice going unheard by him, his anger deafening him and the sight of the two dancers taking stage. That should have been him and Rachel; he would have made the performance great, their choreography was interesting, but would have paled in comparison to anything Rachel and he did. Sectionals were disappointing to say the least, but the best part would be after it was over, to see her face, to talk with her, because he was ready to take that final step. Texting was too impersonal, so was talking on the phone, he wanted her to see his face, his eyes, read his lips, hear his voice exactly as he spoke, but most importantly he wanted to be able to touch her again. Feel her soft, velvety skin on his, and that is what made him decide to come watch her perform and then he found out Mr. Schuester had put her in the background, such a great tragedy.
Due to Mr. Schuester's grave mistake, he figured they were lucky they even tied, putting Rachel in the back and letting the others 'shine' as Schuester had put it so many times, was a stupid decision. He rolled his eyes, but didn't miss when Finn hugged Rachel, anger boiling up inside of him, he had hoped they would have broken up by now, but he wasn't that lucky. Although the fact that Rachel broke the hug and then distanced herself from Finn was a good sign, possibly they weren't as close as he thought, a smile finding its way to his lips, now all he had to do was get her alone. He already had a plan, when wandering around before New Directions had gone up to sing; he had found a piano in an empty ball room on a stage. Since he had to avoid being noticed by any of New Directions, he had taken the scenic route to the theatre room, he was seated close to the back of the room, all he needed would be for Rachel to catch a glance at him, and she would dismiss herself and then follow the sound of music. Which would lead to him, he just knew it and the only outcome was that, so he smiled as he waited out by where he knew New Directions would be departing, leaning nonchalantly on the wall.
Just like expected New Directions was about to walk past, Rachel not talking to Finn for once, spent that time glancing over the long waiting room, as her head turned to the right, she saw a mess of curly brown locks that belonged to only one person. The retreating form was even wearing the ever familiar black jean jacket, black pants and boots; she knew it was him immediately. She was glad when New Directions stopped to talk to Kurt, knowing this would create enough time just for her to sneak away and see if it actually was him. Kurt only just barely saw Rachel leaving, figuring she had to go to the bathroom, ignored it and talked with the rest of the team, all sharing in the joy that they had all won and no one had lost.
The center where Sectionals was held was decorated in a more modern theme; it was a giant circular building with a main waiting room that branched off both left and right, leading to bathrooms and many doorways to the main theatre room. A not very well known thing about the center was that there were ballrooms and party rooms also in it. As Rachel made her way along the hallway she heard a very familiar song playing on a piano, then a voice joining in and that was all it took before she started running, the door ajar as she entered one of the few ballrooms the center had. Her heart that had been beating at an insane rate skipped a beat as she noticed the form of a very familiar boy playing the piano. There on a small stage, playing the piano was Jesse St. James, his curls messy, his attire just like it always was and even as he turned to look at her, his voice never faltered and he kept playing their song.
"Hello
I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying - I love you.
Hello
Is it me you're looking' for?
'Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely?
Or is someone loving you
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying - I love you."
Her voice had sung the last verses with his, their voices in perfect harmony, just as beautiful as they had always been. A smile on her face, during the whole song she had been making her way up to him, now she stood beside the piano, their eyes had gazed into each other's throughout the performance. Here he was, the same, but different, a smile on his face as he stood walking over to her, motioning towards the edge of the stage and they both sat down, a comfortable silence filling the air. Both hearts pounding like crazy, her heart felt full again, all the pieces back in order, the loneliness a distant memory as she turned to stare at him, the desire to run her fingers through his hair nearly too much for her to handle.
"I'm sorry."