He had broken the silence, the seconds that ticked by might as well have been years, because they felt the same to him, his eyes studying her face and he couldn't begin to describe the relief when a smile found its way to her lips. He had missed seeing her smile, far more than he realized, the way her smile could light up a room and it honestly made his day, he didn't care if she walked out now. It was worth it just to make her smile this once, but the smile she was throwing his way made him believe that they could actually get over what had happened.
Rachel knew there were two options now, to forgive him as she had thought about many times and see where that leads or to walk out right then, closing the door on Jesse St. James. She had looked at it logically, illogically, yet neither one would provide her with an answer, the same seconds that ticked by seemed to be disappearing into oblivion as the time between his apology stretched on. As she looked into those blue eyes that she could always get lost in, the answer became obvious, because it had already been made up for her, so she threw caution to the wind and let her heart speak.
"I know. If you had told me this months ago, I wouldn't have believed a word of it, but now after time I've forgiven you. I do want to know why though."
Jesse turned to face her, she was the perfect image of innocence, her feet dangling off the edge of the stage, her hair fell framing her face, noticing she now had bangs, her eyes wide with the possibility of tears ready to fall and she had just the slightest touch of a pout. He instinctively grabbed her hand, letting his fingers rub circles on the back of it; her hands were soft and just a slight bit cold. She had missed him holding her hands, how delicately his fingers ghosted over her skin, tracing circles into them, the contact working the magic it always had, causing tension to disappear and his hand as warm as always. She kept her eyes trained on his, his own eyes full of emotion, his smile replaced by one of sadness and she felt her heart aching.
"It's my one greatest regret, the second I turned around I knew I made a mistake, yet I just kept going, it was too late by the time I realized how stupid I had been. Until then I thought that I was getting everything I wanted, my scholarship to UCLA, a fourth consecutive national championship, my possible future career, but I realized in doing so I lost something greater. I lost you."
The tears she had been holding in managed to slip out, starting to roll down her cheek when his thumb came up to wipe them away, he let his hand stay there for a second, gently caressing her cheek.
"When I realized what I gave up, what I had just done, what I had let my teammates do, I hated myself, hated them and could hardly stand to see them. I only caved in to staying with Vocal Adrenaline, when I realized it would mean I gave up the best thing in my life for nothing, so I worked harder in 'Bohemian Rhapsody', putting all the emotion into it I could. Still winning Regionals wasn't worth it, it's something I have to live with though, I can only apologize for the pain I've put you through and hope it's enough for you to forgive me."
"I already told you, I forgive you."
"Still I can't even imagine what I put you through-"
"You were right though, when you said I broke your heart first."
As those words fell from her lips, he paused, shocked, she always knew him so well and not even time could alter that. When he seemed at a loss for words, Rachel continued.
"I know what you're going to say, but hear me out, we both hurt each other, no matter how we look at it, that's the truth."
"I just wish I could take it back, you never deserved anything like that."
She sniffled, letting tears fall down her face; Jesse was quick to wipe them away, enveloping her in his arms as he comforted her, wishing it could be on happier terms that she was in his arms. He reprimanded himself in his brain, knowing he should be happy he at least got this. Rachel despite the current sad situation felt a spark of happiness at being in his arms once more, like the world had finally been put right, content settling over her.
"Will you do me a favor?"
"Anything."
"Let's put this behind us, forgive each other for everything we've done, forgive yourself also, can you do that for me?"
He smiled her face so close he had to resist the urge to kiss her.
"I'd do anything for you."
She smiled, before she heard a loud beep, perplexed looks slipping onto their faces, Rachel reached into her signature side bag, this one a black one, to find her phone and it had a new message on it. Opening it she read the message aloud.
Rachel, where did you go? If you don't show up soon I'm going to march into the bathroom and drag you out.
It was from Kurt, finally realization dawned on her, and New Directions was still in the lobby waiting for her, her eyes widened as did Jesse's as he made the same connection.
"What's the plan, Rach?"
"You're going to take me out while New Directions believe I'm away with my fathers."
Jesse smiled, he could hardly believe it, first she forgave him and now she wanted to go out, sure most likely not as a date, but it was a step and something he had wanted for months now. He watched Rachel send a text off back to Kurt, telling some lie about how her fathers had surprised her by showing up, he had to smile, the joy was almost too much. Whenever he thought about how their meeting would go down, he always figured something would turn sour, which was when he was realistic about it, when he wasn't being logical things always went better, but he tried not to give himself false hope.
"Okay, I'm going to actually go to the bathroom and check my make-up I know I look like a mess."
"You look as beautiful as ever."
The comment slipped from his mouth so naturally, he only realized what he had said until after it was done, but the comment wasn't met by a roll of the eyes or any mean expressions or comments. Instead a soft blush graced her cheeks, as she pulled away, he dropped off the stage, offering her his hand, so he could help her down, and she took it willingly.
"Wait outside while I check my make up?"
Knowing Rachel, he knew the fact that besides her show of confidence, she really didn't like being alone, it was a feeling she knew too well and one she didn't enjoy. While it gave her time to practice her singing, rehearse a song or anything, it always left an empty feeling inside of her, so he merely nodded, leaning against the wall opposite the bathrooms as she went in.
Rachel stared into the mirror, despite her slightly running mascara, her face looked fine, even better than fine, she seemed to have a glow about her and she felt a smile tugging at her lips as she wiped off the mascara. She sprayed a little perfume on, making sure to get her pulse points, checking her appearance once more to make sure it was perfect, she smiled and exited the bathroom. There against the wall was Jesse St. James, she still couldn't get over the fact he was here, with her again and to say it didn't bring an immense amount of happiness to her would be a lie. He didn't let the fact that she smelled like May blossoms with a hint of fruity undertones go unnoticed, he smiled since she still wore the same perfume as before, his favorite perfume for her to wear. He only noticed the perfume due to the fact as soon as she exited the bathroom, he made sure to go to her and intertwine their fingers, and also he suspected she had added a little in the bathroom.
She had to smile, while she knew holding hands was a bad idea, she couldn't help, but indulge herself, also the fact of how perfectly their hands fit together always amazed her, not to mention the fact that their heights were perfect for each other. A thing she didn't let go to waste as she casually leaned her head on his shoulder; she had never been able to do that with Finn. She was happy to see that no one had decided to wait for her in the lobby, even more excited to see the fact that their bus was already gone, she smiled as they walked to Jesse's Range Rover and he opened her door without even having to be asked or hinted at.
"Where do you want to go?" He looked her way as he started the vehicle, easing it out of the parking space; she had forgotten how effortlessly he was able to drive unlike Finn who was constantly checking mirrors, slamming on breaks or something else.
"You choose." Even if she didn't mean it to be, not at first anyways, she knew it would be a showing of how well he knew her, if he remembered she was vegan and went somewhere she could eat. It was something Finn had often forgotten, also something he hadn't embraced, but rather had pushed away and tried to avoid any kind of vegan food if possible, saying it wasn't as good. She remembered how Jesse was, he had been hesitant at first after some convincing he tried the food, he didn't make a complete switch, but he did admit he enjoyed it and always ate vegan with Rachel. He only ever didn't if one of her fathers had wanted to go get a 'real' burger.
She looked at him driving, moving her hand to his so they could touch again, his flesh on hers felt like every nerve in her body had suddenly been awakened, and it was that spark feeling, like she was completely alive now. Her body becoming alertly aware of the fact his fingers started tracing little patterns on the back of her hand, his eyes glancing towards her every so often and she'd be lying if she said she didn't miss this. His hand was so warm, she almost wanted to let her mind wander back into memories of the two of them, before the break up and just remain there where there was only happiness. Instead a thought popped into her mind, her impulse tendencies getting the best of her and she blurted it out.
"What made you decide to come back here?"
He smiled, "You haven't figured it out yet?" a soft chuckle, "I had to see you perform for sectionals and leaving a little early for Christmas break was just a mere perk."
"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, I wish I could have been performing."
"Do you realize how annoyed I was at Schuester for his decision? I mean honestly, letting that Ken and Barbie couple sing? It was passable, they didn't even do the song justice, oh and then following it up with that bitch, what possessed him to think it was a good idea to even let her show her face? I honestly thought I might throw up, her performance, it was decent at best, but to put you in the back!"
Rachel laughed, a huge smile finding it's way to her face, Jesse had to look, just to make sure he saw right, a certain amount of joy filling his body at being able to hear her laugh again.
"I didn't know you felt so strongly, I'll try much harder to make sure I'm always center stage."
He rolled his eyes at her joking tone, "Rachel, you're a star; you shine brighter than they do and the only spot on a stage you should occupy is the center, unless we're on stage together then you should share it."
Rachel had to laugh, smiling over at Jesse, who had one of his rare smiles on, not the normal, classic 'Jesse St. James' smirk, but a full on smile, something he only chose to share with her. She did turn her face away though; afraid he'd catch a glimpse of the blush that had spread across her cheeks at his compliment. He always knew what to say to cause her to blush.
"Maybe you should tell Mr. Schue that, obviously he doesn't see it the same way you do."
"If you wanted me to I would, it's obvious you have the most talent, none of them can even say they have half your talent, when you perform on stage all eyes are on you. However, I think I know something that will cheer you up."
While they were currently stopped at a red light, the many different lanes, some to turn this way or that way, or to go straight, meant it would be a while for them to go, so Jesse took this moment to pull out his Ipod. Smiling he connected it to an adapter to his stereo, flipping through his songs he selected one, before hitting the 'On' button, turning the volume up also. A very familiar and recent melody drifting out of the speakers, Jesse looked over at Rachel, a quick glance at the red light before his voice joined in. He infused love into each word, every letter, with a soulful undertone, his eyes stared into hers, his eyes even more expressive, they were soft, gentle, yet sparkled with new life and his lips pulled up into a loving smile.
"Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to you."
She joined in for the part, which had been wrongfully taken from her by Quinn, knowing she had poured the same depth of emotion into the song as her partner; she knew she even had the same silly, love filled smile.
"Cause I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you."
Jesse's voice came back in after a short pause, their voices louder than the ones from the Ipod, easily making the song theirs.
"I've been waiting for so long
Now I've finally found someone
To stand by me."
Rachel's voice took over again.
"We saw the writing on the wall
As we felt this magical fantasy."
Finally their voices came together, making the perfect harmony, the depth of the song no longer wasted on the inexperience of the past performers, the emotion that they instilled in the music only outshone by the emotion that was lingering in their eyes. Songs always managed to capture the feelings that neither Rachel nor Jesse could ever speak themselves.
"Now with passion in our eyes
There's no way we could disguise it secretly
So we take each others hand
Cause we seem to understand the urgency ooh
Just remember!
You're the one thing
I can't get enough of (I can't get enough of)
So I'll tell you something
This could be love (This could be love)
because
I've had the time of my life no I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to you
Hey baby, hey baby
With my body and soul I want you more than you'll ever know
So we'll just let it go don't be afraid to lose control
Yes I know what's on your mind when you say
"Stay with me tonight" (stay with me)
Just remember!
You're the one thing I can't get enough of
(I can't get enough of)
So I'll tell you something
This could be love (this could be love) because
(I've had) I've had the time of my life no I never felt this way before
Yes I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to you
Cause I've had the time of my life
and I've searched through every open door
Till I've found the truth and I owe it all to you.
Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt this way before (never felt this way)
Yes I swear it's the truth
And I owe it all to you.
I've had the time of my life (of my life)
No I never felt this way before (never felt this way)
Yes I swear it's the truth (it's the truth)
And I owe it all to you
I've had the time of my life
And I've searched through every open door
Till I've found the truth, it's the truth
And I owe it all to you
Now I've had the time of my life."
Jesse had been so into the song he hardly realized they were finished until he heard clapping, turning around he looked to see that the crowd of people who had been moving along on their way had stopped to listen. He caught Rachel turning a bright shade of red, yet it only enhanced her beauty, it was definitely faltering on her, he smirked and waved at the people, smiling while Rachel put on her own smile. Embarrassed as she was she would never turn away from an audience clapping for her, she waved, and was thankful when the light turned green and they were back on track to going where ever they were headed. Jesse turned the stereo off, smiling at Rachel; she looked back, not being able to help herself either.
"Remind you of the first time we met?"
Rachel smiled; the fond memory had surfaced after the cheering of those random strangers, much like when they had performed for the people in the music store, except this time she knew there were much deeper feelings expressed in the song.
"Yes it did, I didn't think we would attract a crowd!"
"I guess we should have rolled the windows up, not that I mind, I really missed singing with you and nothing can ever compare to singing with someone who is my complete equal."
Rachel blushed again, smacking Jesse lightly on the arm, he laughed before gently grabbing her hand, letting his fingers fit in between the spaces of her hand, the distance between each their fingers a perfect space for the each other.
"You don't even know how true that statement is, not that I'm saying the people in my glee club are bad, but none of them can sing like you can, can comprehend the depth of the song and infuse it with the correct emotion. So many of them lack the ability to match the correct amount of emotion to the song, sure it could be a ballad so the emotion should be love, but they just skim the surface of emotion, never diving any deeper. It's frustrating; I feel I'm the only one who bears their soul for every song, dangerously close to too much emotion."
"I wish I could be there for you, to sing with you, show them how a song should sound, but I can't, so I offer you the next best thing. If you ever need to practice just call me up, I'd be more than happy to oblige to getting to sing with you."
Rachel smiled, noticing they had finally stopped moving, parked between two other cars on the side of a street; she raised an eyebrow as Jesse cut the engine. He had a mischievous smirk on his face, a playful twinkle in his eyes; he looked into her eyes, searching before him making a decision.
"Do you trust me?" His voice felt unsure, for once the great Jesse St. James unsure of what the next moments might be, and his eyes were in this moment complete windows to his soul. Rachel knew the next words might just make or break him, despite having put the past behind them, she was uncertain, but the answer had already fallen from her lips before she had even thought about it.
"Yes." He had been prepared for the hesitation, the lip biting, but for her to assure him that she actually did trust him, something he figured he had lost so long ago, that he hadn't been expecting, not that he minded.
"Close your eyes, I'll tell you when to open them."
She closed her eyes, a little apprehensive, the slamming and reopening of car doors as Jesse moved to her side of the Range Rover, he grabbed her hand, helping her out and covered her eyes with his hands. She instinctively let herself lean against him; they moved slowly, his voice right by her ear as he told her to step up onto the sidewalk. The gentle tone of his voice something that could only be a result of love, she smiled, waiting as they kept walking, knowing they probably looked odd to so many people, yet she just kept hearing remarks on how sweet they looked. Rachel felt a blush once again creep up onto her cheeks, feeling as if she had spent most the day blushing and lightly smacked Jesse when she heard him chuckle.
"Stop, we're here."