Murphy's First Law: "All things work toward decay."
by Fandomatic
•
Murphy's Law of Reflection:
"There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over."
The even tread of footsteps broke through Sneakers McKay's memories and the events of the past faded from his mind.
The footsteps belonged to Sheppard, who approached his position. Like a ghost, Ronon appeared on the path out of the island swamp and Sheppard stopped at his sudden appearance and waited for the Satedan to join him. They exchanged grimaces and glanced back down the trail toward a whining murmur emerging from the tangled growth. Sneakers followed their eyes in the direction toward his double's disembodied voice, and the relief that flooded through him at the welcome sight of his team almost overwhelmed him.
"He's gonna get killed." Ronon glared back in the direction of McKay's whining voice. Ronon's angry rumble stopped Rodney in his tracks. Dex had gained his undivided attention.
"It's less than a click to the gate. If they're gonna attack, they'd ambush us on this land bridge. It's clear, right?" Sheppard's voice carried clearly up to Rodney's perch.
"Yeah, they're behind us."
"Then stick to McKay until we clear it." And Sheppard pointed toward the subject.
"I meant," Ronon's fist balled, "if he doesn't shut up, I'm gonna kill him."
John paused. "Well, don't. He's just blowing off a little steam."
"Then let me take point."
"After … we cross the land bridge." John rubbed his neck. "Look, you've been spoiling for a fight ever since we got here. I don't know what's going on, but I can't have you starting anything with the natives. So until you get your head in the game, you've got the middle."
"Maybe I'll just blow off a little steam, too," Dex growled. "And see how he likes it."
"Fine." Sheppard agreed. "You do all the steam blowing you want, but no killing — unless we're attacked."
Ronon scowled. "I know a great Satedan joke that'll take his mind off his troubles."
"Just one?" John raised his eyebrows and smiled. "I don't think McKay's gonna appreciate any humor right now. Just what is going on with you, anyway?"
Ronon's scowl deepened as Rodney's voice grew louder with his approach, breaking the stillness of the swamp. "He doesn't have anything to whine about!" Dex burst out and pointed down the path at Rodney.
John shrugged. "It's McKay."
"Yeah? Well, he didn't get dumped!"
"Oh," John rubbed the back of his head. "And you … did."
But Sneakers didn't hear anything else he said because his heart was singing.
Jennifer dumped Ronon! Who else could Ronon mean? Like a dark cloud lifting from a sunrise, his smile broke through and washed out the events leading to this moment as so much insignificant chatter. Jennifer had chosen, Ronon had lost, and he had won — he justhadn't known it. Suddenly, Ronon Dex's words, "Trust me, it's the perfect spot to get to us," took on a new meaning. A happy smile curved upward on his face as he realized Dex had given him the perfect moment of introduction.
The moment was disrupted by the equally sour disposition coming from his lucky double, who was so engrossed in his own selfish misery, that he couldn't see the miserable barrier he'd encased about his soul to protect it from heartbreak. Teyla trailed a few meters behind him and ignored the tirade, stoically.
"Oh, God!" the double moaned, "I'm the walking poster boy for death by skin absorption! Did you know the skin has a remarkable ability to absorb chemicals and my pores could be soaking up the toxins as we speak! What if it doesn't wash off? What if they used something that dyes you blue permanently? Besides absorbing the color, I could potentially be poisoned, too! This could be their ultimate revenge. 'Sure, we'll let you go so you can die horribly later!' That's what they're thinking. I never trusted them. There was something undercurrent between them the entire time I was in that monastery alone with them. Sure they let me in — just to expire later!"
"Wait!" Sneakers shot out of hiding and barreled down the side of the hill along the narrow path. "Wait!"
Rodney broke out on the road in front of his team who'd snapped their weapons up in surprise at his sudden appearance. Just as surprised at their reaction and his stupidity for surprising well-armed soldiers, he dropped the Wraith shaft and his hands shot up. "Don't shoot the Smurf!" he squeaked and was immediately horrified that he'd coined Sheppard's term.
In shock, his team stared at his blue face and the ceremonial staff at his feet. The four lined up and looked at him with astonishment as Sneakers McKay tried to recover his dignity and deliver his message from the future which he fervently wished hadn't started out as "Don't shoot the Smurf."
"McKay?" Sheppard didn't lower the P90 and looked between the identical McKays with confusion.
"Yes, it's me. I'm from the future! And, Ronon," Sneakers turned to the Satedan and snarled with relish, "if you even think about shoving me into the bog again, so help me, I'll dye your bathwater blue and let you see how living a week as a Smurf feels!"
Sheppard's eyebrows rose even more as Ronon's jaw dropped. Ronon recovered first. "I believe you," he grunted and turned to the others. "It's McKay." He holstered his gun with a twirl.
"What do you mean 'it's McKay?'" John growled, and the gun dropped a little more.
"I was gonna show him a Satedan trick to take his mind off his troubles." Ronon's gaze measured Rodney's aggressive stance and his smile didn't reach his eyes. "You're wearing Sheppard's boots."
John lowered the P90. "You were going to let off steam and shove him into the bog?" John blinked at Ronon, who shrugged with a small smile which Sheppard accepted with a pained look.
"Never mind that." Sneakers picked up the dropped shaft and motioned at the other identical one. "I'm here to make sure you don't step through the gate with that ceremonial staff! It's Wraith-engineered to make the Atlantis gate malfunction and destroy us. You've got to believe me. The Wraith are here and that-that staff is a Wraith shaft — at least," he turned to look at Sheppard, "that's what you called it. You sent me back to destroy them. All five — well, now there's six of them, including mine." He looked at the staff in his hands. "If we don't destroy them, the Wraith could potentially use them as time machines, like I did — if they ever worked out a power source."
"McKay?" Sheppard's all-purpose question was directed at his McKay, who stepped forward and observed himself with a bit of horror.
"The blue paint doesn't come off?"
•
The paradox man talked a blue streak as the team headed back into the swamp toward the monastery. By the time they entered the compound, his team was up to speed. Apparently, so were the old monks. Blue-faced Monks in blue robes scattered in fear to every side when they recognized the extra Rodney. They quickly disappeared into their wooden houses and cleared the avenue.
Once again on approach to the round structure, Rodney was overwhelmed with the sensation of walking into a traditional white wedding cake. Unopposed, they passed under the circular porch into the outer hall with its lofty windows overhead lighting up the round room. The sealed inner chamber rose like a column in the center of the room, taller than the surrounding hall, and thrust through the ceiling beams to rise above the roof.
The hall was a mass of running blue robes as blue-faced monks gathered their possessions and fled. But the head monk stood his ground and stretched his emaciated arms out to block their way to the sacred chamber, center stage. "No! Wait! You cannot pass! Please, go home. Leave! You promised!" In seconds, the hall was empty of support and the monk's eyes darted around for escape.
"There is a … wrongness … here," Teyla announced as she looked the old man over with contempt. He looked sick and undernourished, barely able to totter around on his own. His bright blue robe hung on his skinny frame with excessive volume as if he'd dropped half his weight.
His eyes widened as he focused on Teyla inside his sanctum. "No women are allowed! Please, go home! Leave before…" he trailed off suddenly, realizing he had said too much and backed away with sudden fear. Ronon snagged him before he could follow his blue-painted followers out the door.
"Before what?" Ronon rumbled.
"Please, you don't know what you're doing!" his reedy voice begged. "Go home. You have to leave. You have to leave now."
"Before what?" Sheppard prompted. "Before the Wraith come back?"
The old man's mouth dropped. "Th-th-there's some mistake here. There are no Wraith here!"
"No mistake!" Ronon shook the old man. "We know you work for them."
The head monk shook his head and tears leaked from his eyes. "Please… You must leave! The Wraith took my youth! He holds it forfeit for my cooperation!"
"The Wraith will not honor their bargain." Teyla's eyes narrowed and her lips thinned as she towered over the stooped figure.
"You don't understand. All our youth are forfeit. Everyone here has been drained of vitality! Please, you must leave before—" The monk wrung his hands and pleaded with his eyes. "The Wraith will drain us all should you remain! You will be directly responsible for all our deaths!" His lined face sagged with very little hope as he repeated the lie. "We did our part. Leave and the Wraith will return our youth."
"The Wraith will return and take what it left!" Teyla pronounced. "I will not stand in its way when it comes for you."
Ronon growled and shoved the man away from him. "Run, Collaborator. I wouldn't deprive the Wraith its pleasure or you the terror."
The frail old man scurried away with a frightened glance backward and disappeared. With his retreat, the empty chamber grew oppressively silent and Sheppard cleared his throat.
"Rodney?" The colonel motioned to the inner chamber door and the team gathered around a massive planked door which must have weighed a ton and had been built for a castle gatehouse. Two chains hooked from the top of the door and fed upward into two wooden wheels installed on the roof beams overhead. From there the chains returned into the wall of the center chamber.
Rodney pointed to the large lever next to the door. "That's the door knob."
Ronon pulled the lever to the side and the solid wood panel lifted with the ominous clatter of a chain until the door cleared the opening and stopped, dangling overhead.
Ronon and Sheppard swept into the inner chamber with guns ready. "Clear!"
His double approached with a scanner. "Hmm, unusual stone."
Teyla nodded. "There is something that feels odd, almost claustrophobic in this place."
"I've been saying that for days," Rodney muttered as the three followed the others into the tall circular room. Light flooded into the well from high above and illuminated the pedestals and altars that supported the ancient ruined equipment. The working scanner that had tested Rodney's gene rested on the center pedestal while the four remaining Wraith shafts were arranged like torches on an altar at the far wall. Rodney picked up the scanner and it lit up with a familiar date display that plummeted his heart. "Oh, no!" He held up the scanner and looked around at his team. "This is from Gilligan's World! This is the scanner we used to test the time machine! Sockered McKay was carrying this!"
"Sockered?" Sheppard's eyebrows rose.
"Long story," he absently responded as his eyes leapt to the four shafts arranged on the altar like torches and his heart sank in dread. "Four shafts…" and when his eyes found the familiar scratch, he pounced on it. "Carson did this when his tool slipped! This was Bunnies McKay's!" His finger shook as he pointed at the long scratch. The shafts represented his repeated failures.
"Bunnies?"
"Another long story," Rodney dismissed the irrelevant as his eyes zeroed in on the broken ancient doodads. "Janus' lab! Flip Flop McKay took these back so we'd have duplicates! I mean, all of this is from us! Everything but the original Wraith shaft!"
Teyla whirled and looked up in alarm. "Wraith!"
The heavy door crashed down with the accompanying sound of clanking chains. The sound of the seal shook the tower as it thudded closed, trapping them inside with only the light above tunneling down. A shadow blocked the light momentarily as Sheppard and his team fired up at the fleeting figure. The P90's filled the small chamber with a deafening roar. In the midst of the confusion, a ball hit the floor and bounced once before it rolled to a stop, steaming.
Ronon spared a glance at the smoking ball. "Stun grenade!" he shouted before the grenade detonated and a blue wave rippled off it.
Rodney collapsed without any control over his body and fell in a heap with a death grip on his Wraith shaft. It was Atlantis' last hope of survival.
•
Sometime later he stirred and felt the all too familiar tingles and prickles that accompanied waking up from a stunner beam. He heard his groan mirrored by another equally uncomfortable one and met his double's blue eyes as they picked themselves up off the stone floor. Rodney still gripped the Wraith shaft in his hand. They were still in the inner chamber and his team still littered the floor, but they weren't stirring like the scientists. With dread in their eyes, the two Rodney's crawled over to check pulses. Both dragged their Wraith shafts with them.
"Sheppard, wake up!" Rodney shook John's shoulder, but he didn't move.
"Teyla and Ronon are breathing," his double announced. "They took our weapons," he added unnecessarily. Rodney could see their weapons were gone.
"I'm always the last to wake up," Rodney objected to himself. "Why am I — are we — not unconscious?"
His double gulped at the same time Rodney did. It could only mean his team had been stunned again because someone wanted to interrogate him. They probably did it when they'd taken their weapons.
"Oh no," the two moaned at the same time as the wooden door started to rise with the clanking of a chain. Half open, two old blue monks entered with stunners and motioned for the McKays to leave. They followed them under the door and the door cranked closed again with a thud. At their feet the stone floor gaped open with a capstone slab angled half off a recessed tomb.
Rodney pointed to the crypt with a shaking finger. "The Wraith! It was hibernating there all the time!" His double mirrored his sick expression as they clutched their Wraith shafts like clubs and looked around the empty hall for the Wraith. Unconcerned, the blue monks silently retreated, leaving the two alone.
"Uh oh, that's not good," his double murmured after their disappearing robes.
A soft thud greeted their ears behind them and the Rodneys whirled to see a Wraith male in a long black coat rise from his landing to hiss, "We meet again, Drs. McKay."
The McKays backed up and they raised the shafts defensively. Backing, he almost stumbled into the tomb. The Rodneys split with the crypt between them and kept backing away as the Wraith lithely leapt over it in pursuit. It was a tall, white-haired male with excessively sharp teeth. Rodney reminded himself that this was also a very clever Wraith who had invented the Wraith shaft in his hands.
"No, I don't think we've ever met before," his double's chin rose.
Rodney frowned and wondered what the idiot thought he was doing attracting the Wraith's attention as he kept an eye on the main doors.
"You are very resourceful with my … rods. I have enjoyed playing our games and my Rods have fed me well." He chuckled at his own humor as the McKay's cowered together, still intent on backing out the door. One effortless leap and the Wraith landed between them and the main door. "But I see I will have to do this myself, after all." He lifted a black pod from a rope tied around his neck and sneered at them. "One of you will be thrown, half-drained, back to Atlantis with my Wraith rod glued in your hand! Now who is the real McKay and who is the paradox?" He uncapped the pod with a clawed finger and a black tarry smell oozed from the open tip. "I will know how you changed my rod to travel through time!"
"You know, I'm really tired of being used as a personal finger painting project! And now you want to tar and feather me, too!" Rodney snarled back to the Wraith. Then he glanced over at the other McKay and whispered, "Un-ray way-ay when he gets the aft-shay." Rodney's eyes darted meaningfully to the Wraith shaft in his hands as he hefted it. He looked over to see his double frown at him. "I ut-pay C-4 in the aft-shay!" And the original McKay's eyes widened in understanding.
"Of all the stupid—" The other McKay didn't have time to finish his sentence because Rodney really didn't want to hear it.
"Go — before I change my mind!" Rodney shoved McKay backward out of the way and aimed a passing blow at the Wraith as he rushed the main doors. His swing sent the goop pod flying across the room. Rodney didn't bother to track the ending of the nasty glue. He was more concerned about the other Rodney who darted across the room and slid into the crypt. As his double dropped into the safety of the tomb, the Wraith yanked Rodney to a stop just short of the doors, and Rodney swung the Wraith shaft one last time. He knew he was no match for the faster reflexes of the Wraith, who caught the shaft in mid-swing. Its hand closed around the shaft and it sneered at him.
McKay watched the green hand grip the shaft and he squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn't think of anything cute to say. Sheppard would have said something like "Let's see how you like getting shafted." No, all he could think about was how desperate he must have been to be this stupid. He'd failed four other times trying to save Atlantis against this one Wraith, not an exemplary record by any means, and McKay wasn't use to failure.
But this time he would win. His eyes opened and he whispered to the Wraith, "I'm not such a harmless Smurf after all."
He imagined the bio sensors inside the shaft reading the Wraith DNA and sending the signal to close the circuit. The charge sparked and traveled to the C-4 packed into the shaft and detonated Rodney's pipe bomb, his insurance that the Wraith responsible for sending his Atlantis into a time paradox never recovered, period.
•
All the way back through the swamp to the gate, the remaining Rodney McKay was pensively silent as he unconsciously scratched his face. He'd crawled out of the crypt after the rain of debris had settled and stared in astonishment at the mound of stones that represented almost half the structure. The main room now opened up to the compound and the sky above. The crypt capstone had protected him from the falling roof which sagged in above him. Behind him the roof beams had pulled the inner chamber door away from its tracks by its chains which were still attached to the door. The crack in the doorway had been wide enough to wedge through — without getting trapped inside again — to check on his friends. Ronon was the only one that woke up right away. The inner chamber had survived the explosion intact.
His future self hadn't been so lucky. His remains, or what they could scrape off the cave-in, lay buried under a few meters of rubble. It was just as well his remains stayed there. He wouldn't have known how to break it to Jeannie.
He had been deeply curious about the Wraith rods, but the future boy had been adamant that they all be destroyed. He'd sacrificed his life to make sure that that happened, a troubling concept to Rodney, who didn't want to think one Wraith was worth so much. So he turned over the facts in his brain on the way back to the gate in an effort to understand himself and came up short. It was unsettling that he'd constructed a suicide weapon as a last resort.
Before they left the compound, Sheppard had broken and burned the rest of the rods. Then he brought down the rest of the monastery on top of the inner chamber with another C-4 detonation and the rubble pile burned with a vengeance. The blue monks had completely disappeared after the first explosion and the team found their weapons abandoned in one of the wooden buildings. The temple still spewed a thick black column of smoke behind them, a fitting funeral pyre for a very desperate man.
They trudged in heavy silence back toward the gate, all of them lost in speculation about their unrealized future. When the team finally broke out of the cover of the swamp canopy and Rodney spotted the familiar ring rising above the trees at the top of the hill on its raised platform, his heavy sigh broke the somber air.
"Amen to that," Sheppard muttered as he walked in step beside him.
"I just don't get it," Rodney finally admitted with his pensive mood broken. "How could I do something like that — build a suicide bomb? I mean, it was only one Wraith and it's not like we've been in worse situations." He scratched his cheek and the blue paint collected under his fingernails. "I could have used another me in Atlantis. Why would I do something so stupid?"
Sheppard shook his head, "I don't know, Rodney. Maybe you didn't intend to use it like … a suicide bomb," he offered hesitantly.
"Yeah," Ronon rumbled from ahead. "Properly deployed, a weapon like that requires patience," Dex glanced over his shoulder and added, "subtlety … cunning … maneuvering …"
"Right, I get it!" McKay snapped impatiently and glared at his back. "I'm not exactly patient or subtle — see exhibit A, for alternate me!" He jerked a thumb back toward the smoke that was still visible on the horizon. "I'm also not that noble or stupid! See exhibit B, for brains!" He pointed at his head.
Teyla spoke up quietly from behind them. "The alternate McKay was truly desperate to right our timeline. His earlier attempts to contact us and warn us about the … time lock device … had all failed. Perhaps righting the timeline meant your copies could not survive because the true path is one that one must walk alone."
"But just think of all the things I could accomplish with a few more me's around with my brains!" Rodney scratched the other cheek. "For starters, I've been thinking about what the other McKay told me about the event. All I'd need is a few spare ZedPMs and I think I could build a real copy gate." McKay beamed at their scowling faces as they gathered around the DHD.
"Rodney!" Sheppard growled.
Dex towered closer. "Future Sheppard ordered you to destroy them!"
"You would destroy a world for gain?" Teyla snapped and started dialing with punctuated stabs.
"No, of course not! It'd be in space, between galaxies, with less gravity to deal with and plenty of room for a little spacetime warping." Rodney glanced between Teyla's thinned lips and Ronon's crossed arms and plunged on, "I could copy all the ZedPMs, puddle jumpers, and drones we needed, escape the anomaly, and simply cheat time by returning with a fleet before I left! End of anomaly!" His blue eyes gazed dreamily into the distance. "It's pure brilliance. There's only one thing holding me back."
John took his GDO out of his pocket and snorted. "Just one?" The stargate roared open as the wormhole formed and settled into a stable pool.
"Well, we only have one ZedPM and I'd need at least two."
"Well, there's only one Rodney," John sent his IDC through to Atlantis and eyed Rodney. "And … I'd like to keep it that way." Sheppard tapped his earpiece and announced, "This is Sheppard," the colonel's voice echoed in his ears. "Nobody shoot. We're coming through with a friendly … Smurf." He deactivated the comm and smiled smugly at Rodney.
McKay felt his cheeks burning under the blue paint and shot Sheppard a horrified glare as he realized everyone in Atlantis would be alerted to his painted condition. Even now, they would be gathering in the control tower to witness the spectacle. As he turned toward the event horizon, he wondered, "Why didn't I say Braveheart?"
The End