Karkat couldn't believe that Terezi had accepted his stupid offer to repaint the numbers on her fucking phone. He also had no idea why he had agreed to paint them candy apple red. It was fucking idiotic. But it did mean that maybe they could call each other too. Like they did in his romcoms.
But that was shitty motivation and it totally wasn't why he was there.
"Thank you, nubby!" Terezi was complimenting him, leaning on his back. "I am grateful."
"Yeah, you will need like hours of fucking sloppy makeouts to even begin to make up for this," he muttered. The numbers were going on nicely at least. "And you'd fucking better be. Gog. You're so fucking useless without me."
"So useless." The female troll giggled to herself. "I need our strong leadertroll to teach me the ways of the Internet!"
She was damn right about that. Karkat felt important.
"Hmm," Terezi continued. "Wait, that sounds more like someone else."
"No, it sounds like me," Karkat snapped. He was already at her house, painting shitty things in a colour that haunted his nightmares. She was not getting him into that debate.
"Are you sure?" she questioned. He could feel her insufferable smile. "Hmm?"
"Quite sure. Gog damn, Terezi. I am a master of everything." He shifted over, redipping the brush in the red paint. It made him a bit uneasy to do, but he liked Terezi. It was just paint.
Terezi leaned in closer. Her horns were getting a bit close for comfort. "Smarty smartass nubby! Hehehe."
"Thank you. Finally fucking get it, huh?" He smirked to himself.
"Hehehe, yes! Nubby, smartest grub of them all!"
Terezi would never let him win. "I'm not a grub. I am the greatest shithead leader ever."
"Can't argue there! The best smelling leadertroll too." She seemed so cheerful. Might as well play along.
"Yeah, candy apples flow from me," he muttered.
"Yes it is amazing! You'll never get rid of me now."
"I'm not sure if that's good or bad," he snapped, but he didn't mean it. He'd be at a loss without that shitty blind girl.
"Good for me, bad for you!" she laughed.
"Are you sure?" Karkat played with the paint. He was surprised she didn't call him out on that one. "I think it's more half and half."
"Oh really?"
Fuck, was she just going to avoid it completely? The idea pissed him off. Sure, he took backhanded ways to try and talk about his feelings, but fuck it if he wasn't trying. If she was just going to start some bulge assed argument over it, he was not going there.
"Fuck off. Don't start with me. Just. Fucking don't mention these things."
Terezi paused as he angrily put down the paintbrush, moving her head towards him. "What did I say?"
"Nevermind." It had been a stupid thing to be angry over. Karkat was the weird one, he shouldn't expect Terezi to always pick up his slack.
"You okay nubby?" the grin spread across her face. "Does pupa need a hug?"
"I'm fine, you shitfuck."
"Are you suuuure?"
The female troll bashed her pan into his. Fuck Terezi and her stupid teasing.
"I am fine, you idiot. Look, if you'll shut up, then I'll take a hug."
Shortly, his airsacks were being crushed by her rendition of a hug. It was tight and pain inducing. Totally not comforting or calming or welcome.
"Good nubby. I will hug all the scardy scared feelings away."
"You don't even know what you're talking about, fuckface," he murmured. Karkat wasn't sure if he was scared or not.
"Does it matter? I can guess." Terezi shrugged, and he was suddenly aware of her cheek on his shoulder. Fuck, it was getting hard to convince himself he didn't like this.
"You're stupid," he spat instead. "Thanks."
"Hmm, but I am not the nubbynuts in the conversation here!" There was a long pause, and Karkat knew the wheels in her head were spinning. "Hey, nubby?"
Karkat shifted the phone to the floor, looking at her. "What's up?"
"I was talking to the windy boy the other day..." her voice trailed off. Karkat felt his mind race.
"Oh fuck. Why were you talking to John. What the shit were you doing?"
There were millions of things John would talk to her about that Karkat had specifically said never to talk to her about. Fuck. Fuck, she was not just twirling her hair like a two sweep idiot.
"Nubby, have you talked to him about human feelings? He said some confusing things."
Number one on that list was totally that. Where the assbulge did he go from here? Shit, shit. John was dead meat. Did he not understand their truce? Maybe Karkat hadn't made it clear enough. Fuck, he should probably respond to Terezi. And calm down.
"Maybe. Wait, what the fuck were you talking about?"
Yes, he'd clear that up. Maybe it wasn't so bad.
"Nothing, it is super secret!"
Maybe it totally was.
"Uh...fuck. Fuck fuck. Shit." Karkat felt his pan stalling. "Why are we talking about this. Why are you bringing this up?"
"But do you understand human love? I thought with your stupid movies, you might know!" Terezi seemed genuinely interested.
But Karkat was at a small loss of what to say. Of course he fucking knew about human love, he'd thought it was stupid for so long.
"Look. Shit. What do you want to know? I am no fucking expert, but Egbert's made me watch some shit and he's explained shit...fuck."
He sounded like an idiot, and he was totally aware of it. But he was feeling flustered and self conscious about the topic. Did she know?
"Because I am confused! I thought out smarty leadertroll could explain it to me." Oh, now she sounded angry. There wasn't a smile on her face anymore.
"...This is kind of a stupid topic. Why the fuck do you want to know?"
"It's not stupid!" Terezi was quick to retort. "And I want to know everything! I want to understand it all!"
Maybe she was starting to understand, though. Because Karkat fucking knew what he felt was probably close to that shit ass topic, and maybe Terezi was figuring it out in her slow, deductive, giggle filled way. Or maybe she was just being confusing, he couldn't tell. Karkat considered his options, and figured being blunt seemed like an awesome fucking tactic.
"Tell me why you want to know," he stated.
"It's really important so you have to tell me! That's why!" Terezi huffed in return. It didn't seem like he'd get an answer that way.
"I'm not even fucking sure what you're asking," he tried to explain, giving his eyes a small rub. "Shit. Look, I don't really get it, can't you be more specific?"
"Because I need to understand and I am not the feeling expert!" Terezi sounded a bit upset instead of angry, though Karkat almost changed his mind when she bashed into him. "The windy boy asked me if trolls can love. Can we? I do not know because I do not understand."
"...Terezi, I...fuck. Fuck. Is that what this is about?" Karkat's head was spinning. Trolls. In love. That was what she was asking. That was what she wanted to know about.
You couldn't get much more mutant than that.
"I don't know! It is just something I must know!" Terezi got louder and angrier as she continued.
"Fuck. Shit, Terezi, I don't know how to answer that!" he squeezed his eyes shut. The feelings spun around inside him. What the shit? How was he supposed to talk to her about this? "What do you even want me to say here?"
"I don't know! Just explain and I will be able to understand! I don't get it at all and I am starting to get really mad!" She dug her fingers into his back, though he didn't need the gesture to know she was being honest. But she was also being a selfish bitch at the moment. Didn't she realize what this was like for him?
"Fuck, calm down, okay? Shit, Terezi, let me get my head together."
"Fine! Just hurry, my beatpump is acting funny and it feels bad."
Fuck, what did she think his felt like with all these damned questions and demands? Of course it felt bad. Of course she didn't like this. Of course she was probably going to fucking spit on his feelings more. Whatever.
"Look. Shit. I don't know. I don't have all the fucking gogdamn answers here Terezi! If we can do stupid human things like have friends, maybe we can fall in love! I don't know if that's what I'm feeling or what, or why it matters or any of this shit, so just...fuck. Fuck what am I even saying?"
She leaned in against him. "I feel the same."
What?
Karkat was pretty sure beatpumps weren't supposed to stall like that. But his totally fucking did. Shit, breathing is good. Shit. He stared down at her, opening and closing his mouth like some kind of idiot grubby wriggler vomit.
"You...what?"
"But I don't know unless you explain it to me!" she insisted, grabbing his arm in a vice grip.
"Terezi..." his voice trailed off, as his mind was still trying to catch up. Absently, he began playing with her hair. "Terezi, fuck. I don't really understand human love. It's weird. And it's slow, and you don't really realize it at first...but you kind of also know it's there and shit. John told me it just made you want to be with someone forever."
There was obviously more to tell her, but he was feeling his cheeks heating up. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Terezi leaned in closer, loosening her death grip on his arm.
"That is...also a little hard to understand. Is that not a normal thing?"
"I don't know anymore, Terezi," he sighed. Playing with her hair was fun. "It might be normal, but with love shit is just...different than what we're used to. Fuck, I am probably just not helping."
"I thought it was pity, but the windy boy disagrees. I am starting to think that way, also."
Fucking hell, this wasn't so bad. Maybe explaining himself wasn't so gogdamn hard after all. Maybe he should've gotten a spine earlier. "Look, Terezi, I'm pretty sure we can love, alright? I don't get it, I won't pretend to completely get it, but, fuck. I just want to be with you."
"If the feelings expert says it, I will believe you." The female troll was playing with his sleeve hem by that point. She looked a bit anxious. "Does this mean we cannot be matesprits?"
"We are forever fucking matesprits. You aren't wriggling your way out of that one, Terezi," he muttered, shifting a bit in his spot. Fuck, he'd probably give her every quadrant, but that kind of shit was stupid and impossible and from his romcoms.
Terezi grabbed him again. "I'm not the one that's going to run away."
"Give me some credit, Terezi," he snapped, feeling his blood rush to his cheeks again. Fuck. Fuck because he knew she was right on every level. He took a deep breath. "I know I'm a fucking idiot, but, come on."
He struggled to find a way of phrasing his still jumbled feelings, but couldn't get anything straight. Some fucking romantic awesome partner he was. He muttered a few swears under his breath in frustration.
"I can protect myself. Worry about your own stupid nubby head," she murmured.
Of course he fucking did that. Her warning was stupid. She was stupid. He pulled her as close as he could. "Shut up."
"Why is love not fun? The other quadrants are fun. Love is weird. It feels kind of bad."
And how the shit was he supposed to answer that one? This girl was insane. But fuck, he wasn't sure she really got it. "Yeah, it feels really fucking weird. I know. Like someone's punched your organs out and replaced it with shit. But...I'm pretty fucking okay with it. I'm...shit. I'm happy, alright?"
There was a long pause. Karkat was almost about to speak again when Terezi spoke. "I'm scared."
No, no, no. He didn't want her to be fucking scared. He wanted her to be happy and shit and, fuck, where was this even coming from? He did understand, though. It was really freaky having feelings that were out of nowhere.
He shifted, hesitating for a moment before kissing her forehead. "Hey, it's alright, stupid. I'm right here. I know everything's messed right now, but it's alright."
"Yes, I know you are here. I called you here," Terezi told him, completely missing the point. What a fucking twist. "You are a strange nubby."
He scowled as she proceeded to slap him a couple times. In reply, he cuffed her up the side of the head. "Just don't be scared, Terezi."
"It is not something I can control," Terezi grumbled.
Shit, he didn't want her to be frustrated at all. He had been so glad that maybe she was understanding him, but not at this cost.
"I know, Terezi. Shit, I know what it's like to be scared. I just, I don't want you to be scared of something like that. Shit fucking ass, I don't know what to say to help!" he pressed his forehead against her head, frustrated. "I just want you to fucking be okay with this. Because I really fucking want you to understand."
Fuck, this was annoying. But she was shifting, and gave him a short kiss. His head cleared a little.
"That is why I am trying, stupid. I will fix everything, so don't bother being all nubby about this."
He disliked being turned into a state of being. Karkat felt the familiar scowl deepen on his face, But it did force him to realize he was being a selfish shithead. Gog, just everything was spiraling down.
"Look, just, fucking hell Terezi how can you tolerate me? You're doing more than I deserve. You're the greatest fucking troll ever. Thanks."
"Because I am amazing!" she cheerfully stated. "And you are silly. You worry about stupid things. This is why I tell you to focus on yourself." She reached up and pinched his cheek harshly.
"Damn!" he shouted, rubbing at his cheek. "I worry about lots of fucking things, none of them stupid. And I focus on myself too much half the fucking time, so don't start there."
He went to slap her, but stopped before he actually hit her. She was just damn distracting. He touched her cheek lightly for a moment, letting his hand drop slowly. "Fuck, I really do want to just be with you, Terezi. Gog. Gog fucking hell, just promise me you'll sit with me like this again."
"Just with me?" her voice drifted up.
"...Yeah. Just you. Right now, it's only you. Alright?"
She moved around. "Nubby...that's a dangerous thing."
"I know. It'll change. I'm not going to do something that stupid, and I'm not going to get myself killed over something like that. But right now it's just you and I like this." Her discomfort shifted over to him, and he moved a bit. "I just, you're important to me. The most important. Forever. Got it?"
"Yes. You are the most important. More important than stupid cowbeasts or dead girls or even Spidertrolls."
She reached up, giving him another small kiss. "So be careful."
"I already am," he murmured. He bent down and gave her a kiss on the lips as well. Like fuck she was going to start all of them. "Hey. I'm glad we got all this out. It's a fucking weight off my shoulders."
"I told you, idiot. You worry about stupid things."
Nothing he said was gonna change her mind over that one, so he chose to ignore the comment. "Terezi?"
"Mm?"
Fuck, fucking hell he was being an idiot. "I love you."
There was no reply for a moment as she ran her claw over his arm. Anxiety clutched at him for a minute. "Candy apples are my favourite."
He pressed his face against her hair. He was practically beaming. "Shit. Shit." He paused. Fuck, he almost felt like laughing. "Terezi, seriously, I don't have any words. Fuck."
"That is okay. Just be careful."
"Now you're the one worrying over stupid things."
"That is what you think, yes."
He dug his fingers into her shirt. "You're being unfair. Stupid asshole."
"Close your eyes, Nubby."
Karkat shifted back, biting back a retort about how she wouldn't even know if his eyes were closed. He shut them tightly. "There."
Lips pressed gently against his eye lid. "We will fix this. Do not worry. Just be careful."
It was really hard to be pissed at her for saying that again. His heart was busy skipping whatever fucking beats it felt like. Shit, it was like all the feelings just decided to smash back together.
He fumbled out, grabbing one of her hands in his and giving it a squeeze. "I fucking get it, Terezi. I know we can fix it."
"Yes, you have to think that. It is true, so believe it."
Karkat shifted, needing to move a bit from all the fucking sitting he had been up to. "Yeah, I know. You will make everything work out because you are the most perfect troll ever, right?"
"Yes."
Fuck, why was this so important, anyway? It wasn't like he was doing anything differently than before. He gave a small sigh, still feeling a smile tug at his lips. Shit. He was turning into an idiot all over again for her. She was trying to understand. She hadn't killed him or turned on him or anything.
Fuck, he was happy like this.