Terezi leaned against Karkat's back as he slowly painted the numbers back on her communication device. After a few years of FLARPing, the characters had worn off and she had been left with a blank and utterly useless keyboard. When Karkat had offhandedly offered to come over and paint them back on ("Maybe then you'll fucking reply to my messages once in a while!"), she seized the opportunity.
"Thank you, Nubby," she said, grinning. She had somehow convinced him to paint the numbers candy apple. Then again, she was a master debater. "I am grateful."
"Yeah, you will need like hours of fucking sloppy makeouts to even begin to make up for this," he grunted. "And you fucking better be. Gog. You're so fucking useless without me."
"So useless, hehehe. I need our strong leadertroll to teach me the ways of the internet!" Terezi wasn't sure if he was aware of the layer of sarcasm presented. She still hadn't perfected the necessary tone, and by still hadn't she meant not at all. The coolkid was still trying to teach her, but it was rather hard to explain over Trollian text alone. "Hmm," she added. "Wait. That sounds more like someone else."
"No it sounds like me," Karkat said quickly. He wasn't going to let her steer him down that road today, it seemed. She wouldn't give up without a fight, though. That just wasn't her style.
"Are you sure?" she protested happily. "Hmmm?"
"Quite sure. Gog damn, Terezi. I am a master of everything." Terezi felt him shift behind her, dipping the musclebeast spine brush back in the canister of paint. It smelled delicious. She cuddled against him, fully aware that the pointed tips of her horns were very close to the skin on his face.
"Smarty smartass Nubby! Hehehe."
"Thank you. Finally fucking get it, huh?" She heard the satisfaction in his voice. Well, that couldn't be left alone!
"Hehehe, yes!" she said. "Nubby, smartest grub of them all!"
"I'm not a grub," he snapped. "I am the greatest shithead leader ever."
"Can't argue there!" But she was in a good mood today. "The best smelling leadertroll too."
"Yeah, candy apples flow from me," he grumbled.
"Yes it is amazing! You'll never get rid of me now."
"I'm not sure if that's good or bad."
"Good for me, bad for you!" she replied. It was true for so many reasons. "Hehehe."
"Are you sure? I think it's half and half."
"Oh really?"
Karkat stiffened, voice suddenly crackling with anger. "Fuck off. Don't start with me. Just. Fucking don't mention these things."
His sudden moodswing took Terezi by surprise. She blinked sightlessly and turned to him. "What did I say?"
"Nevermind," he mumbled.
"You okay Nubby?" She grinned broadly. "Does pupa need a hug?"
"I'm fine, you shitfuck."
"Are you suuuure?" she teased, knocking her head against his.
"I am fine, you idiot. Look. If you'll shut up, then I'll take a hug."
Terezi reached over and grasped him around the waist, giving him a rib-crackingly tight squeeze. "Hehehe. Good Nubby. I will hug all the scaredy scared feelings away."
"You don't even know what you're talking about, fuckface." At least he had calmed down! She rested her cheek against his shoulder.
"Does it matter? I can guess." She shrugged. Terezi really only came off as silly; inside, she was Sherlock Troll, master of deduction and reason. And like Sherlock Troll, she often only paid attention to the things that were important to her. Everything else, she ignored completely. She may be easily distracted, but it never lasted long. Her mind was a trap of irrelevancy, but deep down she knew exactly what she was doing. Always.
"You're stupid," he growled. "Thanks."
"Hmm, but I am not the Nubbynuts in the conversation here!" she replied. Pausing, she said, "Hey, Nubby?"
"What's up?" He moved to set the phone on the floor. She wondered how long it would take for the new numbers to wear off. Maybe she'd be able to trick him into coming over to paint them again!
"I was talking to the windy boy the other day…" she began slowly, choosing her words carefully. It always seemed to annoy Karkat that she still kept in contact with the humans, though she knew he did the same. So she just ignored his threats and complaints and went on with messaging them anyway.
"Oh fuck. Why were you talking to John. What the shit were you doing?"
Terezi twirled a stray lock of hair between her fingers absently. "Nubby, have you talked to him about human feelings? He said some confusing things."
It took a moment for Karkat to respond. "…Maybe. Wait, what the fuck were you talking about?"
"Nothing, it is super secret!" she said, making sure to keep her promise. Human promises were silly, but she would be nice to the windy boy. She had become a little fond of him after all he had done for their session.
"Uh…Fuck. Fuck fuck. Shit. Why are we talking about this. Why are you bringing this up?"
"But do you understood human 'love'? I thought with your stupid movies, you might know!" Having never concerned herself with feelings seriously before, it was beginning to irk her that she couldn't grasp the concepts of such a stupidly simple thing as "love." After all, humans only had one quadrant! And she at least she had a basic understanding of the four quadrants.
But it wasn't the troll quadrants she was having trouble with.
"Look. Shit. What do you want to know? I am no fucking expert, but Egbert's made me watch some shit and he's explained shit…fuck."
"Because I am confused! I thought our smarty leadertroll could explain it to me," she said crossly, mouth stretching into an annoyed grimace.
"…This is kind of a stupid topic. Why the fuck do you want to know?"
"It's not stupid! And I want to know everything! I want to understand it all!" Why was Karkat having such difficulty? He was obstructing her investigation!
"Tell me why you want to know."
"It's really important so you have to tell me! That's why!" Why should she have to explain herself? Wasn't it obvious? Sometimes she wondered how stupid Nubby really was. She was going to all this effort to understand his stupid mutant feelings and he wasn't even going to explain it to her. How much clearer did he want her to be?
"I'm not even fucking sure what you're asking. Shit. Look I don't really get it, can't you be more specific?"
"Because I need to understand and I am not the feeling expert!" She knocked back against him sharply. "The windy boy asked me if trolls can love. Can we? I do not know because I do not understand." She narrowed her eyes behind her candy glasses. It had been bothering her for a while, really. Terezi was always right—she was the seer of mind. She knew things that other trolls couldn't even begin to understand. Yet, when faced with something that had become so important, something she knew very little about…
It pissed her off.
"….Terezi, I…fuck. Fuck. Is that what this is about?"
"I don't know! It is just something I must know!"
"Fuck. Shit, Terezi, I don't know how to answer that! What do you even want me to say here?" Karkat sounded just as confused as she felt. Was he lying? He didn't smell insincere.
"I don't know! Just explain and I will be able to understand! I don't get it at all and I am starting to get really mad!" She reached back and twisted her fingers into his shirt, clawing at his side.
"Fuck calm down, okay? Shit, Terezi let me get my head together."
"Fine! Just hurry, my beatpump is acting funny and it feels bad." Terezi squeezed her eyes shut, trying to make the bizarre feeling disappear. Was she ill? No, she rarely got sick. Her blood was too high a caste to fall ill so easily. So what was this? It was infuriating.
"Look. Shit. I don't know. I don't have all the fucking gogdamn answers here Terezi! If we can do stupid human things like have friends maybe we can fall in love! I don't know if that's what I'm feeling or what, or why it matters or any of this shit, so just...fuck. Fuck what am I even saying?"
She rested her forehead against his arm, tired. This fight wasn't fun. "I think I feel the same."
"You…what?"
"But I don't know unless you explain it to me!" She gripped his arm tightly, gritting her teeth.
"Terezi…"
Terezi felt him run his fingers through her hair and she shifted. Was her hair really that fun? She had never seen it as particularly amusing, but he played with it so often it made her wonder.
"Terezi, fuck. I don't really understand human love. It's weird. And it's slow, and you don't really realize it at first…but you kind of also know it's there and shit. John told me it just mad you want to be with someone forever."
Cotton candy filled the room and she instinctively pressed closer to him. It made her head spin. "That is…also a little hard to understand." She relaxed her grip on his arm. "Is that not a normal thing?"
"I don't know anymore, Terezi. It might be normal, but with love shit is just…different than we're used to. Fuck, I am probably just not helping."
"I thought it was pity, but the windy boy disagrees. I am starting to think that way, also."
"Look, Terezi, I'm pretty sure we can love, alright? I don't get it, I won't pretend to completely get it, but, fuck. I just want to be with you."
She traced the seam of his sleeve with her claw absently. "If the feelings expert says it, I will believe you." Terezi bit her lip apprehensively. "Does this mean we cannot be matesprits?" She wasn't so sure she wanted to go looking for someone else. She had been quite happy with Nubby filling that quadrant for her.
"We are forever fucking matesprits. You aren't wriggling your way out of that one, Terezi." Karkat moved and she grasped him tighter.
"I'm not the one that's going to run away." Between the two of them, she was positive he'd be the first to abscond—but for different reasons.
It wasn't something she'd allow.
"Give me some credit, Terezi." Another wave of dizzying cotton candy. "I know I'm a fucking idiot, but come on."
Terezi wasn't so sure. If he was outed as a mutant blood, there were an infinite number of reasons she could be culled, too; her blood was high, but not that high. Karkat was dumb, but he wasn't dumb enough not to have considered the possibility. He was, however, stupid enough to run away if he thought it would protect her.
Which it wouldn't. Hence his stupidity.
"I can protect myself. Worry about your own stupid nubby head," she muttered.
He held her tight. "Shut up." The cotton candy fumes enticed her to bite, but she refrained.
"Why is love not fun?" she mumbled. "The other quadrants are fun. Love is weird. It feels kind of bad."
"Yeah, it feels really fucking weird. I know. Like someone's punched your organs out and replaced it with shit. But…I'm pretty fucking okay with it. I'm…shit. I'm happy, alright?" She could hear his voice become more strained.
"I'm scared," she replied at length. Was this the bad feeling? Terezi was never scared. Even in their session she had been having a nonstop Fruity Rumpus Factory of fun. But this was different.
He leaned in to her and she blinked at him. She felt his mouth pads press against her forehead. She stared in sightless confusion. "Hey, it's alright, stupid," he was saying. "I'm right here. I know everything's messed up right now, but it's alright."
"Yes, I know you are here. I called you here," Terezi replied. "You are a strange Nubby." Why was he stating the obvious? She reached up and nicely slapped him a few times on the cheek.
"Just don't be scared, Terezi," he said, giving her a brief smack.
She grit her teeth. "It is not something I can control." Terezi may not have cared about who played leadertroll, but she was a control freak when it came to herself. Having something such unruly feelings was not only infuriating—it was terrifying.
"I know, Terezi. Shit, I know what it's like to be scared. I just, I don't want you to be scared of something like that. Shit fucking ass, I don't know what to say to help!" He knocked his head against hers and she wobbled, stunned. "I just want you to fucking be okay with this. Because I really fucking want you to understand." Nubby seemed to be having his own little breakdown! It made her feel better. Who better to be mutant with than a mutant? She grinned, then reached up to kiss him.
"That is why I am trying, stupid," she said, sitting down again. "I will fix everything, so don't bother being all Nubby about this."
"Look, just, fucking hell, Terezi, how can you tolerate me? You're doing more than I deserve. You're the greatest fucking troll ever. Thanks."
"Because I am amazing!" she replied. Really, he should have learned this by now. "And you are silly. You worry about stupid things. This is why I tell you to focus on yourself." She pinched him sharply on the cheek.
"Damn! I worry about lots of fucking things, none of them stupid. And I focus on myself too much half the fucking time, so don't start there."
Why did that matter? Terezi focused on herself almost 100% of the time. It was one of the many reasons why she was so awesome.
"Fuck," he continued, "I really do want to just be with you, Terezi. Gog. Gog fucking hell, just promise me you'll sit with me like this again."
Her nose twitched. Just with her? Like without any other quadrants? She touched her chest briefly. She was willing to do a lot for Nubby, but that would result in guaranteed culling. She didn't want to give up other romances, either. They were pretty important. "Just with me?"
"…Yeah. Just you. Right now, it's only you. Alright?"
She shifted uncomfortably, grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "Nubby…that's a dangerous thing."
"I know. It'll change. I'm not going to do something that stupid, and I'm not going to get myself killed over something like that. But right now it's just you and I like this. I just, you're important to me. The most important. Forever. Got it?"
"Yes. You are the most important. More important than stupid cowbeasts or dead girls or even Spidertrolls." She pressed her lips to his. "So be careful."
"I already am." Now he was kissing her. "Hey. I'm glad we got all this out. It's a fucking weight off my shoulders."
"I told you, idiot. You worry about stupid things."
"Terezi?"
For once, Terezi couldn't be bothered to make up a new name for him. "Mm?"
"I love you."
She ran her finger up and down his sleeve for a moment. "Candy apples are my favourite."
Suddenly, his face was buried in her hair and she was left crushed against his chest. "Shit. Shit. Terezi, seriously, I don't have any words. Fuck."
"That is okay," she replied. "Just be careful."
"Now you're the one worrying over stupid things."
"That is what you think, yes."
"You're being unfair. Stupid asshole."
Stupid as ever. "Close your eyes, Nubby," she instructed.
"There."
She leaned in and pressed her lips to his left eyelid. "We will fix this. Do not worry. Just be careful." It would be so much easier if he just walked out and stared at the sun, as she had. Sure, blindness took getting used to, but it would have been the perfect disguise. His eyes would just be apples lost in a sea of apples, then.
She sighed. There were problems with that solution, though. Their lusii were different. Karkat's couldn't teach him the same way Terezi's had taught her. Terezi wasn't sure how well she could explain it, herself. It'd be like explaining colour to a blind person! It almost made her laugh.
But Terezi had seen colour and she knew colours and teaching sight through smell and taste would be infinitely harder. She just didn't have a psychic link with him.
"I fucking get it, Terezi. I know we can fix it."
When had he started holding her hand? "Yes, you have to think that. It is true, so believe it."
"Yeah, I know. You will make everything work out because you are the most perfect troll ever, right?"
"Yes." Good. As long as he understood, he might not freak out when he finally realized it.
Because to Terezi's nose, the candy apples had begun to show through the cotton candy.