It had been a few days since he had last seen Terezi. Hell, Karkat kind of felt like an idiot recently, being so damn attached to that troll. Watching a few romcoms hadn't helped any, nor had his bit of training with his sickle.
At least they kept his mind from the fact he should really tell someone about his eyes soon.
Karkat wandered over to his computer. Terezi was online. Fuck, might as well message her. Nothing to lose.
[carcinoGeneticist has begun trolling gallowsCalibrator]
CG: HEY. I MISS YOU.
GC: 1 W4S W41T1NG FOR YOU NUBBY H3H3H3
CG: WAITING FOR ME TO SAY SOMETHING? AM I THAT PREDICTABLE?
GC: Y3S!
CG: OH FUCK OFF. I DO MISS YOU.
GC: H3H3H3
GC: Y3S 1 M1SS C4NDY 4PPL3S TOO
CG: GLAD TO FUCKING KNOW.
CG: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU UP TO?
GC: 1 W4S JUST T4LK1NG W1TH ER1D4N!
CG: THAT SOUNDS BORING.
GC: 3R1D4N'S 4CC3NT 1S FUNNY. WHY DO YOU NOT H4V3 ON3?
CG: WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO MATESPRIT WITH HIM IF YOU LIKE IT SO MUCH?
CG: I'M SURE HE'D WELCOME IT.
GC: H3 1S 3V3N MOR3 H1GH M41NT3NENC3 TH4N YOU! TH4T WOULD B3 4NNOY1NG.
CG: I'M SORRY I HAVE SUCH ISSUES.
GC: 4T L34ST YOU SM3LL L1K3 C4NDY 4PPL3S
GC: H3 ONLY SM3LLS L1K3 GR4P3 F1ZZDR1NK.
CG: ALL YOUR REASONS SOUND REALLY FUCKING STUPID TODAY TEREZI. I FEEL MORE INSULTED THAN USUAL.
CG: AND THAT IS HARD.
GC: TH4T 1S B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 STUP1D TH3Y 4R3 GOOD R34SONS!
CG: YOU'RE JUST SO CHARMING TEREZI. I FEEL FUCKING SWEPT OFF MY FEET.
CG: GOG YOU SHOULD JUST MARRY ACCENTS AND CANDY APPLES.
GC: WHY 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO F4K3 4N 4CC3NT FOR M3?
CG: NO.
CG: THAT WOULD BE JUST PLAIN STUPID.
CG: LIKE YOU.
GC: NUBBY! : /
CG: WHAT? CAN'T TAKE AN INSULT SUDDENLY? BITTER ABOUT SOMETHING? REGRETTING NOT HOOKING UP WITH THE FUCKING FISH?
GC: ...PUP4 4R3 YOU J34LOUS?
CG: JEALOUSY IS STUPID SO NO. I WOULDN'T SAY I AM JEALOUS.
GC: OH? TH3N WHY 4R3 YOU SO 4NGRY? H3H3H3.
CG: SEE IF I TELL YOU, YOU'LL SAY IT'S STUPID. SO LET'S SKIP THAT STEP AND PREEMPTIVELY DECIDE I AM AN IDIOT.
Why had he thought that talk would make him feel better? Karkat smacked his face into his palm. Idiot. Why was he sitting there thinking that he wasn't as good as Eridan of all trolls? Fuck, he just wanted her to like him.
Out of nowhere, hands wrapped around his body. He gave a yelp, twisting enough to see a flash of red glasses and a grin.
Fucking ass blind trolls sneaking into his hive and scaring the shit out of him. He scowled.
"No nubby tell me!" she spoke into his ear. He could hear the laughter just on the edge of her voice. Whatever. It wasn't the most surprising thing and he really should have expected it.
"Fuck! Ass bulged cankers," he started. Swearing always helped him think. "Look, when you say shit like with the accent and stuff I just feel even more inadequate."
"What! Nubby that is silly!" Terezi almost seemed genuinely surprised at that. "It is okay, it is just funny that is all. Or...do you not like my accent?"
That wasn't even a fucking logical conclusion! He just didn't want to be somehow worse than he already was. Gog, she was so stupid sometimes.
"Terezi, there isn't really anything about you I dislike. Trust me. Remember, you are perfect? And I told you, it was a stupid reason."
"Nubby don't worry about things like that! It was only a comment. I think Eridan is kind of stupid anyway."
Good. He was fucking stupid. And he was probably going to be one of the trolls that Karkat knew who wasn't going to be so happy with his blood colour. He gave a sigh.
"You shouldn't be fucking apologizing. I am just a needy wriggler," Karkat muttered. He finally got his shit together and twisted out of her arms, sliding off the chair.
"Nubby, it is okay!" Terezi took a step, feeling his arm for a moment before giving his hand a small squeeze. "I am bad with feelings but I know it is hard."
Fuck, she wasn't that bad. Surely she had to know that. Karkat looked her over for a moment, before giving a small smile. Terezi was the smart one, sure, but she could still be fucking idiotic. Hell, he thinked he liked her more because of that.
Alright, he was an overreacting fuck. But at least he got to hear cheesy shit like that come from her. "You're doing fine. Really. It's more than I could've asked for."
He gave her a brief kiss. Karkat had to admit, it wasn't that awful being nice to her. Or not being always angry. Maybe he just really liked being in a relationship that meant a lot fucking more than his stupid movies.
But Terezi seemed a bit put off. She shook her head, taking a small step back. "Nubby...I want you to be happy though!"
Karkat gave a small exasperated sigh. Was she stupid? "I'm happy being with you and I'm happy when you do stupid shit. I'm happy when you do idiotic things that make me love you. Okay?"
He stepped in close, sliding his arms around her back. "Calm the fuck down."
"I worry."
No, he didn't want her to worry, he wanted her to understand that whatever she did was enough. Fucking hell, she was such an ignorant wriggler climbing from its own puke some days. Might as well get to the heart of the issue.
"What do you worry about? Fuck, Terezi, I do think you're perfect alright? It's okay. "
"I worry about you stupid!" she brought an arm up and cuffed the side of his head.
Karkat supposed he could have retaliated, but he was a bit busy being stunned. "...Oh. Well." He cleared his throat. Fuck, he had the wrong idea of what this conversation was about. "Look Terezi I am just an idiot. But what exactly do you worry about?"
She leaned in. "I don't want you to have bad feelings."
Oh hell, did she just watch his movies and then come here? Was that her plan? Just to litter his mind with these fucking lines like nothing was happening? "Terezi...that's really sweet."
"Is it worrying?"
"No," Karkat said quickly. "I just mean...I guess it's just nice to hear you say that. Thanks."
"But it's true!" Terezi dug her face into him, jabbing him with her glasses and horn. Fuck. "I want you to be happy and have good dreams so you can grow big and strong!"
"I'll try. I promise Terezi. I'll grow big and strong."
Except he was getting older and not much bigger. So maybe he'd just get stronger. He curled his fingers into her shirt. "Fuck, I don't know how to say this but, you're the biggest help for me."
"I will make you strong!"
Karkat shifted her back a bit, looking over her face. "You already have."
He moved in to kiss her, but she smacked his face. He scowled at her, and she grabbed his shirt. "Not enough! As long as I can win it is not good enough!"
"Terezi, look, I know I have you," Karkat sighed, as Terezi clawed at him through his shirt. He didn't even mind. "Besides, I don't think I could beat you if I wanted to."
"You can't be like that nubby! It is dangerous!"
"Terezi, look. I'll get stronger and everything and maybe one day I'll beat you. Don't think I can't protect myself at all."
Karkat wasn't some weak fucking idiot. He could look after himself, sure. But she was probably a bit right. He had no idea if he could take down one of his friends if he had to over his blood colour. Especially if it was someone like Gamzee.
"I worry about that!" Terezi insisted. "You are silly and don't think about these things!"
"I have imagined every worst case scenario. All of them. And I thought I'd have you with me anyway."
"Of course I will be there! But you need to work hard and be strong too."
He gave her an impatient scowl, which of course she couldn't see. He was getting a bit irritated. What, did she just have no fucking faith in him? "I'm not going to sit on my ass."
"I know, I am just a little scared..."
Shit.
If Terezi was scared, it was bad. If she was admitting she was scared, then something was really fucking up and Karkat had better do something. He wrapped his arms around her back again.
"Hey, it's okay. I know it's scary. I'm scared too. But aren't you always saying we'll get through this? We will, Terezi."
"Yes of course we will." She seemed to relax a bit, going back to her usual, completely condescending tone. "I will protect you!"
Terezi leaned back to punch his arm, which Karkat took but didn't enjoy. After a moment of doing fucking nothing, she slowly draped her arms around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.
Within seconds, they were all over each other. Terezi pushed him down, and his head slammed into the floor. He scowled into the kiss, causing Terezi to lean back with laughter. She was stupid. This relationship was assbulged stupid.
It was awesome.
"I love you," Karkat murmured. Fuck, she was crushing him again.
"Candy apples are my favourite," was her reply, before she gave him another kiss. It kind of hurt, as whenever she shifted she crushed a different part of him. But where the hell would he have been without her?
His chest twisted again.
"I'm glad I have you, Terezi. Really."
"Yes, be glad! I will make everything warm and squishy."
"I just..." Karkat trailed off as Terezi played with his shirt. "I really don't know how to say how much I love having you with me Terezi. Fuck."
"Hehehe, yes I am wonderful!" Terezi sat back a bit, grinning her wonderful grin. Karkat wondered if he could convince her to stay over again. Or maybe they could go to her place. Watch some romcoms, plan their attack on everyone else with his eyes, have sloppy makeouts...
When he zoned back in, her face was ridiculously close. "But candy apples are also delicious."
He gave her face a smack, and she pulled back, laughing. What the hell had she been doing so close, anyway? Oh, wait, it was Terezi. That was a reason in and of itself.
"Hey, nubby?"
"Yeah?"
"You said you imagined the worst case situations, correct?"
What kind of question was that, anyway? In fact, why was it a question at all? It seemed to kind of go without fucking saying. Terezi shifted on him, and he gave a grunt. He considered not answering, but Terezi was waiting and she hated waiting. Whatever. He sighed.
"Yeah. How could I not with all the fucking nightmares?"
Again, Terezi moved, crushing his airsacks on her way to kiss his forehead. She kind of missed, hitting his eye more than his skull. He cuffed her up the side of the head and she gave a small laugh.
"This is why you are stupid!" she informed him, sitting back a little.
"How exactly is that a reason for stupidity?" he snapped.
"Because you have to think of every possibility, idiot. Not just the really bad ones. If you don't, you'll make stupid stupid dumb mistakes and we'll all get killed."
That seemed a bit drastic. He scowled, but in reality he was a bit confused. What was she getting at, anyway? "I've thought of good shit too, Terezi. I just don't have to be worried about those."
Yeah, in some perfect world no one would care he had mutant blood, but that wasn't going to happen. Coming clean was one thing, but acceptance was something else entirely.
"What about the things in between?" Terezi pressed, drumming fingers against his chest. "Can you not imagine a neutral situation?"
Yeah, he was officially confused as shit. "What the fuck do you even mean?"
"Maybe neutral was the wrong word. Think of it as a balanced scale. Bad people are on one side, we are on the other. If the scale tips towards them, those are the worst case scenarios. If it tips towards us, those are the best case scenarios." She ceased drumming her fingers, pausing. "But those aren't the only options. What if the scale balances?"
Fuck, how long had she been considering all this?
"You could get stuck with some very difficult choices. That's why you have to consider every possibility, not just the good and the bad as though they are separate. Then, from each outcome you can think of, you have to think of the possibilities that will come of that. Considering only a few of the options is too limiting, Nubby."
His head hurt now too. Great. This wasn't at all helping him think things through, and if anything it made him more agitated. Terezi was just trying to help, but talking like that was just too much.
"I don't really know how you expect me to think of that all the fucking time," Karkat snapped, giving his chest a small rub. "Shit, how do you even have time to consider all those damn things?"
Terezi didn't look pleased. What a twist. "It is all I do."
Karkat ran a hand through his hair. It was helping, probably. He guessed he just wasn't used to it. Maybe he didn't understand at all.
"I'm just a shit. Thanks, Terezi."
"Yes. Thank me."
Oh, she sounded royally pissed at him. Fuck, what the hell had he done wrong, anyway? His eyes widened a bit, but Terezi gave a sigh and a shake of the head. There was a drawn out silence, in which Karkat was about ready to throttle the female troll if she didn't speak up.
"You are welcome," she finally said, sounding significantly less angry but a little forced.
"I just don't understand, Terezi. It's not that I'm not grateful to have you helping or anything."
Terezi grabbed his arm, giving it a squeeze. A bit more painful than comforting. "I know. I don't expect you to understand. It is my job, so I will do it."
Karkat rubbed his eyes for a moment with his free arm. "I'm doing my best. Just, fuck. There's so much to do and I don't know what the hell I am doing half the time."
Gog, he was a useless shit without her.
"Just focus on getting stronger," Terezi instructed. She moved, giving him a short kiss on the lips. "I'll take care of the rest."
Karkat nodded. He would have to work on that, for sure. After all, he couldn't always depend on Terezi, no matter how much he wanted to. There were some things she was dead right about, and needing to be strong was going to be one of them.