This is just all small Diary entry that I wrote so you can understand Alice a little more, since she is a lot different in the county of hearts.
Disclaimer: I don't own HNKNA
Warnings: Sad, emotional…. (why is this a warning?)
Dear Diary,
Date: November 6
Current location: Bedroom
Time: 2:00 a.m.
It is 2 in the morning. I haven't slept at all. Blood Dupree will be arriving in three days. Diary, I have a bad feeling about Blood. The more I hear about him the worst he sounds. I have this huge feeling that he isn't going to like me. He won't accept what I look like, what I wear, how I act. Most people don't except who I am so why should he be any different. Ace says I shouldn't give a damn about what people think of me, people are always going to judge you whether your perfect or not. So I guess I should take my brother's advice and just deal with it.
I can't sleep its impossible. I keep having the dream I always have. The dream always starts out the same. I'm seven years old and playing in the front lawn of my daycare center. All the sudden an old blue car pulls right in front of me, its steam rolling into my face. Then a head peeks out of the car window. It's a man's head. He has curled brown hair and big round glasses on. A crocked smile comes across his face as he looks at me. I hear his husky voice call to me "Don't be afraid little one; I'm just going to give you a ride home."
That's when I wake up in a sudden jolt. I'm always covered in sweat and a few small tears running down my face. Diary, I can't stop dreaming that. I wish I didn't dream. That I would just sleep. Why can't I just see plain blackness as I sleep? Is that so much to ask?
I knew I should have done crunches until I passed out so that I wouldn't have to dream! That's why I am so outrageously fit for a girl. I try to empty my feelings out through hard vigorous workouts. It's how I know I'm strong even if it's only my body that's strong and not my head and heart. I want people to think I am strong. But, some people see right through me. Like, Ace he sees right past the muscles and knows I'm hurting inside. I know he does. He won't talk to me about it. He knows I will not answer.
I won't talk about it. It hurts too much. Truth is I am so afraid. My past still haunts me. No matter how fast I run away from it. No matter how many pushups I can do. It still catches up with me. I believe that if I have muscles of steel I can defend myself, unlike last time. I'm afraid it will happen again. That my dream will become true.
Don't let it become true.
Please.