A/N: So I wasn't going to post this yet- as technically it's only half a chapter, but then I thought- well, you'd all prefer half a loaf to none, right? I'll post the second part as an individual chapter later, and then maybe combine them after a few days.
Disclaimer: All I want for Christmas is complete control over B/A..
It was quiet when I woke up – a silent, unnatural hush that seemed to dwarf the room. I paused for a moment, wondering why it was so quiet – until I looked out the window and saw all the snow falling. I pulled the covers higher, up over my shoulders and settled back down. His skin was warm under mine, and I wrapped myself around him like he was my own personal heating pad. I felt him wake up when my feet slid between his legs, seeking warmth. "Jesus Alex!" His indrawn breath made his voice sound like a hiss, and I glanced up innocently to see him glaring at me. "How in the hell do you manage to get cold feet at night?"
"Well- you're hot Bobby- so I always end up sticking them out to cool off. And now they're cold." I felt his chuckle and watched as he shook his head slightly. He glanced out the window, smiling at the sight of the large white flakes drifting aimlessly past the window. After a moment though, the smile slid off his face and his eyes darkened as he looked down at me.
"I'm- I'm sorry about last night Alex- it's just- there's things- I never meant to bring it home." He finished softly, and I rolled my eyes slightly in exasperation.
"Where else would you bring it Bobby?" My voice was soft, and I felt him tense up at my words. "I'm not sorry- at all. I'm glad I was here. But I still don't think you're ready to talk about it." My arms tightened around him as I spoke, trying to reassure him that that was alright. His hand drifted across my skin, warming it and coming to rest at the back of my neck.
"I want to." His voice was barely a whisper, and I glanced up at him in surprise, finding him watching me seriously. "I want to tell you everything – and I've never wanted that before- to share that... I just don't know how. I mean – I know how just not where to start."
I swallowed thickly, amazed at how much the simple fact that he wanted to share with me affected me. Burying my head in his neck, I held onto him tightly. "It doesn't matter where you start Bobby. What matters is that you know that no matter what- nothing you say- or do- is going to make me go anywhere, alright?"
He slid a hand under me, lifting me away and pulling me up to where his head rested, turning both our bodies as he did so, so we were facing each other on our sides. Once I was where he wanted me, his hands came up to frame my face, resting just under my jaw as his thumbs stroked along the delicate skin there. "You can't promise that Alex-"
"I can too. I mean, I can't say I'll always be here Bobby- but I can promise not to leave. Nothing you could say could make me leave." I bit my lip, suddenly nervous – my words were strong, both in feeling and meaning and I knew he sensed that. And maybe it was too soon – too early for him to hear it, but I didn't know any other way to convince him. He closed his eyes for a moment, before lifting them to meet mine once more.
"Tell me something." His eyes pleaded with me, and I shivered under the covers, despite the warmth we provided each other. He needed me to start, and I understood that. The need not to go first – like a child in a roomful of strangers, no one wants to be the first to speak.
I frowned, trying to think of what exactly to tell him. My life was depressingly normal – and probably what he least needed to hear about. "I- uh – I dated the same guy all through high school. Steve Fletcher- he was.. he was one of those guys that was so charming, and yet could be such an ass all at once, you know? I must have broken up with him five or six times in three years. But we always came back." I rolled over onto my back, feeling his eyes on me as I spoke.
"Liz mentioned him- at lunch last month. And you.. you got angry." His voice was soft and close to my ear and I felt his hands drifting along my collar bone, tracing it lightly.
"Yeah." I swallowed roughly, staring at the stucco ceiling as if it held my script. "He- he was a prick. But a good looking one. He would cheat- and I would forgive him, because he had this way of making you feel so loved, you know? Like when you were with him, no one else existed. He also had this way of turning me into this person I didn't like. And it made me do things I normally wouldn't. Like give a shit what people thought- and have sex too early, and run for prom queen." I sighed softly, feeling my words drop into the air and sink. "When we were eighteen, he decided we should do something great to celebrate graduation. So a group of us, went up to this place he knew about- it was a camping trip, and we found the perfect spot- it had a waterfall and a clearing, and it was fun. Everyone but me was drinking – even back then I didn't drink much. Anyway Steve was trashed, and he decided it would be a great idea to climb the back of the waterfall and dive. Everyone else encouraged him, and I followed. I thought it was a stupid idea, it was over twenty feet high. We- we argued at the top. I tried to grab him, but he pushed me away- and- he fell. He hit his head- hard. Everyone was screaming, and all I could do was watch from above."
"What happened?" His hand was still tracing along my chest, but it was moving lower, and tracing circles around my heart now. I closed my eyes for a moment, still seeing the blood pool in the water that day, and hearing Laurie's screams that it was my fault- I had pushed him.
"Dave- one of our friends, took the truck down to a pay phone to call for help. He survived- but the hit was too hard- he was brain damaged. No chance of recovery. For the the first six months I visited every three days, and then it was once a week- and then once every few weeks. Until one day his Mom told me to stop. He didn't know I was there and it was killing me to go see him. I was nineteen, and all I felt was guilt. He died three years ago- when I went to the funeral, his Mom said it was really a blessing. And.. there- that's my sad story." I wiped at my eyes, dragging the back of my hands against them so hard I saw red for a moment.
"It wasn't your fault. You know that right?" I turned my head to look at him, smiling softly. I nodded and he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me tightly. My hand was between us, pinned against his chest, but I didn't mind.
"Tell me something.. happy." I felt him tense and glance down at me in surprise. Clearly he had expected his first story to be more difficult- but I knew that just getting him talking was half the battle- and we could always deal with the other things later.
"Alright." His voice was hesitant, as if he didn't quite know how to wrap his tongue around the words. His brow furrowed and he was silent for a moment, and my heart constricted at the thought that he really needed to think hard to find something happy. I felt the pressure build, the heat burning my eyes as I pressed my lips against his shoulder. "When I was small- I loved winter best. It was odd- because most kids loved summer- no school, you could play outside all day- but I always loved winter. My Mom would get so excited when I was a kid- around November, she would start talking about how she could smell the snow, and she would hum Christmas carols. Every year, she would be walking one day with me- taking me to school or to the park- and she would just stop suddenly. And she'd look down at me and say 'Smell that baby? Smells like snow.' She was always right too. She always knew when it first snowed. Sometimes, she would wake up in the middle of the night. Because it was snowing. Not just any snow, but first snow. When I was seven, she woke me up at two in the morning, and made em get dressed so we could walk. We always walked during the first snow- watched as it fell, light and small, or big and thick. And every time she would tell me about how she loved snow – how when she was a kid – her Daddy was a mean man, and one day he left angry and she prayed and prayed for him to never come back. And it snowed- and his car slid- and he never came back. She said snow was God's answer to her prayer- and every year since then, it was just for her. For us. She just- she loved it. And I still walk- every year, even without her." I watched him swallow heavily, and I slid up, wrapping my arms around him as I did so. I didn't know whether to kiss him, or cry about the fact that his happy story didn't turn out that happy at all.
"Thank you." I settled for pulling his head toward me and pressing a kiss to his forehead. Taking a shaky breath as he did, I glanced around. "Why don't we.. get some breakfast, and then go for a walk? We can get the paper, and you can read it cover to cover like usual." I smiled at him as I spoke. "Come on- you can use the gift Mom left for you." I pulled at his arms as I stood and he looked up in surprise.
"She- they didn't have to-"
"Please, my Mom lives to take care of others. You've just been added to the list." I laughed, pushing him out to the living room before ducking into the washroom. When I emerged, I smiled at the sight of him kneeling under the tree, a smile on his face again. My mom had knitted him a scarf and gloves- and she was an expert at what she did. "Good- the Eames staple gift. We get them every year, which is nice. I'm fairly sure Mom must start work on them in February to get them all done."
"She made these?" He asked incredulously and I nodded with a laugh.
"Yup- she always said with five kids and a cop's salary she needed to learn how to knit and sew. She made a lot of our clothes when we were kids." I continued to talk lightly as we made breakfast, telling him about how my brother Seamus had finally informed my parents he was leaving the police force to become a firefighter yesterday. And the ensuing arguments that had occurred. By the time I had finished telling him about how my father had grudgingly accepted it, while my Mom asked if he was sure he wanted to be a firefighter – maybe he could be an accountant or something equally non life threatening?- we were bundled up and walking along the practically deserted streets.
"I don't think I've even seen New York this quiet." Bobby glanced around with a laugh and I smiled in response as we trudged through the snow that was almost knee deep.
"Yeah well, two feet of snow will deter most people." I grinned as I spoke, and he shook his head in amusement.
"Most people- sure. Others get these insane urges to walk around looking for a paper that probably wasn't delivered to new stands this morning." I glared at him for a moment , tossing my head and walking ahead of him with a sniff, only to slip on an icy patch and fall unceremoniously on my ass. His laughter rang around me and I frowned as I stood again, brushing my coat off.
"Not nice Bobby. You're supposed to help me up like a good man, not laugh at me." He merely shook his head, walking over and helping brush the snow off my coat. I frowned up at him, and he smirked. "Hey! There is snow in places other than my ass, you know?" I smacked his arm lightly, my frown dissolving into a smile.
"What? There was a lot of snow there, what can I say?" My lips twitched with laughter as I tried to appear mad. Glancing around I saw that the news stands around us were all closed.
"Alright- so no paper. What now? I don't want to go home yet- it's nice out here." And it really was, it was like being inside a snow globe of New York, with large flakes falling all around us. It was cold- my cheeks were already numb, but I didn't mind the cold- I just readjusted my scarf around my neck and buried my face in it.
"Well- Lewis' place is only five blocks away- it'd take a while, but I haven't seen him since the bar.." I nodded, pulling him along behind me in the general direction he had indicated. "Alex- Alex, we need to go left here." His voice was muffled with laughter and I turned according to his directions, still dragging him behind me.
"You know, for the taller person you sure are a slow walker." I tossed over my shoulder, only to have his arm pulled from my grip. I turned to see where he was when I was grabbed and lifted over his shoulder. I screamed slightly, beating my hands off of his back.
"I'm not slow, I'm adjusting my pace for you pipsqueak." His laughter was cut off by me kicking my feet precariously close to areas he didn't want kicked. "Jesus Alex- no kicking, please?"
"Then drop me flagpole. And don't call me pipsqueak." I muttered as an afterthought, my mutter changing to a squeal as he dropped me in a snow bank. By the time I got up, he had already run, and I chased him – threatening his life with every other breath. By the time we reached Lewis' shop- we were both covered in snow. He was a faster runner than I was, but growing up with three brothers had perfected my snowball aim. "You are so dead Goren- just you wait- once I defrost, I'm kicking your ass."
"You can certainly try Eames- but I somehow doubt it'll happen." His mocking reply floated down the stairs after him, and I paused to glare at his back even though he wasn't looking at me. When I arrived at the top of the stairs, I grabbed his hand to stop him from knocking.
"Is this a good idea- I mean Lewis is a guy who lives alone. He may not be home, or he may not be alone, or he may not want us here-"
"Are you kidding me? I just walked ten blocks in a freaking blizzard, the least he can do is let us in, I don't care if he has a dead body in there." I laughed lightly, releasing his arm and giving him a quick cold kiss.
"Doesn't mean I forgive you, just that you're cute when you talk like a New Yorker." He rolled his eyes and knocked, and I laughed, teasing him about how I was rubbing off on him.
"Well after all that rubbing some things were bound to-" His voice died as Lewis answered the door clad only in his boxers. A smirk spread across his face as Lewis looked from him to me, and turned an odd shade of deep red. "Merry Christmas." Bobby grinned, laughing at Leiws' expression.
"Lewis, who is it?" A voice I recognized floated from the left and I covered my mouth, trying to choke my laughter as Lish walked out from behind him, wrapped in a man's robe with her hair still mussed.
"Merry Christmas indeed." I managed to get out with a straight face before I made the mistake of looking at Bobby and dissolving into laughter. This should be an interesting visit.