A/N: So I sat down to write this and almost hurt myself- this chapter did not want to go the way I wanted it to- but overall I think it turned out alright. Sorry about the long break between chapters- but I hope you all had a great holiday. Chapters will trickle along more quickly now, but not as quickly as before I don't think.

Disclaimer: Didn't get them for Christmas. Dang it.

"I'm going to kill you. Stop laughing I am serious!" Her voice was plaintive and she glared down at me while wrenching the taps and filling the decanter with water. We had left Bobby and Lewis out in the living room, and I for one had no intention of going back out there without the full story. They could just wait. "Alex – it is not funny! There is nothing funny about it!" I fought to stop laughing but it was a difficult thing to do. Not that the situation was funny at all – if Lewis made Lish happy and vice versa I was truly happy for them, but Lish had been so flustered by our appearance and Bobby subsequent not so subtle questioning that it was hard not to laugh.

"I'm sorry- your face- and when he asked you-"

"You're right. I'm not going to kill you, I'm going to kill your boyfriend." She muttered irritably as she measured out the coffee and smacked the button on the machine to start the brewing process.

"Woah there Mustang Sally- I can't let you do that." I spoke in a serious tone, my face dropping into a stern look. She faltered for a moment staring at me in disbelief until she saw the mirth dancing through my eyes. Muttering obscenities at me, she leaned against the counter holding her hands out in a submissive gesture. "Alright fine- seriously- and tactfully since Bobby doesn't appear to know the meaning of the word-" She snorted in response to my statement and I chuckled dryly. 'This was.. unexpected. So what happened?"

"You think it wasn't unexpected for me too? I mean-" her voice lowered and she leaned forward across the counter. "I thought he was a nice guy- cute but mostly I just wanted to prove to myself I could get over Joe if I needed to." She was whispering now, and I stared at her with a sinking feeling. When she looked up at me though her eyes were filled with shame. "I'm such an idiot Alex. I asked him out that night in the bar, you know- it wasn't like I had anything to do on Christmas Eve- and it turns out he didn't either since Bobby was pretty much the only family he has left. I did it to prove something to myself and it all .. got so crazy after that. When we were out alone, I realized that I actually liked him. More than like actually- he made my heart beat really fast and I couldn't stop smiling the whole night. I was nervous and excited and terrified all at once." She paused looking embarrassed for a moment. "I sound like an idiot, I know-"

"No you don't. I know exactly what you mean. We'll skip the first date details and the idiocy within them and get to the good stuff please." She glared at me and I laughed gently, waiting for her to continue.

"Well-" She huffed slightly still pinning me down with her irritation. "I didn't do anything stupid- much- there was one- never mind. Anyway at the end of the night he took me home and kissed me goodnight and that was it, I swear."

"And?"

"And what? I did not sleep with him on the first date!"

"Whatever- how was the kiss? Must have been great if you're here-"

"Shut up! And it was fan-freaking-tastic. You wouldn't know it to look at him but damn the man can kiss, he does this whole thing with his hands and- wait. That's not part of the story." She glared weakly and I frowned in response.

"It's part of the fun story." I muttered and she smacked my arm.

"What like you're not getting enough x-rated material in your life? You have no need to live vicariously through me." I waved a hand airily and she laughed slightly. "Whatever- anyway he took me out again on Christmas Day- well he cooked me a turkey actually- it was great." She grinned slowly, and once she started smiling it seemed like she had a difficult time getting it off her face. "We talked- a lot on both dates. About his childhood and mine, and his business and his goals- he's actually really interesting. And an expert in restoring cars- he can tell make and model just from original tires- plus-"

"Alright- he's great I believe you! Would you get to the dirty parts now please?!"

"You're disgusting." She pointed a finger at me and I laughed.

"Sorry if you wanted a sensitive, 'how did he make you feel?' kind of girlfriend you chose wrong." She rolled her eyes and leaned back slightly.

"So nothing happened Christmas Day either. Today he invited me over- we were going to watch bad Christmas specials and ignore the general cheer around us- since I wasn't able to be home and he doesn't really celebrate Christmas anyway- and we did watch some stuff- but I don't know what happened? One minute we were talking on the sofa and I was thinking how great he smelled- it should be wrong for men to smell that great you know?" She frowned and I giggled slightly.

"Well the sense of smell is a powerful aphrodisiac- all animals operate on it." She stared at me for a moment and I shrugged.

"You're starting to sound like him you know. I'm just saying." She held her hands up and arched a brow at me as I laughed. "How are you guys doing anyway? Was your Christmas good?"

"Good, bad and wonderful all at once." I replied dryly, pouring myself a cup of the now brewed coffee. "Christmas Eve was great- Christmas Day was a little rough, but today's been great so far. Bobby just- he just- he has a hard time sometimes. Plus he visited his Mom and she's sick- it couldn't have been fun for him." I spoke simply, frowning as I took a sip. I took a deep breath, wondering if I should have mentioned that but Lish look unsurprised by the news- so maybe Lewis had told her- theoretically she could know more than me. I was opening my mouth to ask when he appeared by the doorway. I took one look at his face and knew something had happened- he had that super calm face on, the one that meant he didn't want anyone to see how he was really feeling at the moment.

"Are you guys growing your own beans in here? Coffee doesn't normally take this long." Lewis appeared from around the door frame as well and I grinned.

"No but details do." I laughed as I watched Lewis turn a dull shade of red. "All good- no worries." I laughed, covering the sinking feeling I had in the pit of my stomach as I felt Bobby's eye son me. If he had overheard what I said to Lish- shit. Of course he'd think I was just gossiping- but it wasn't like I would talk about it with everyone- despite how things appeared. Lish was one of my best friends- and frankly I needed someone to talk to about it. Because if I couldn't vent my frustration about his complete lack of communication somewhere, I'd vent it at him, and I didn't want that. I sighed soundlessly, watching as Lewis came to stand by Lish and wanting to sigh more deeply when Bobby hovered by the door. I could feel Lish's eye son me and see her slight frown. I could practically see the words written across her face. 'What's wrong?' I shrugged, placing my cup on the counter gently.

"We'll leave you guys alone- you probably weren't counting on things like company or getting dressed today." I smiled slightly, turning and walking past him to pull my still damp coat on. Bobby followed my lead slightly, telling Lewis he would call him, before exiting with me.

Once outside the city seemed even more quiet, but it was less of a magical hush now and more of a strained silence. Proof that your emotional state really did alter your perception, I suppose. I frowned, walking swiftly to keep up with him, not breaking the silence. The walk was done efficiently, none of the laughter we had indulged in on the way- just getting from point A to point B. A half hour later when we entered his apartment I stood, silent and nervous, and wondering if I should even be there.

He removed his coat and shoes in a tense silence, seating himself on the edge of the sofa, and running a hand through his hair roughly. I was still standing there- with my coat and shoes on, still unsure if I should fight or flee. The urges fought within me, one side saying he needed time alone, and the other side arguing that if I gave it to him he would retreat and we might never get here again. Sighing I toed my boots off, shrugging out of my coat and going to sit on the edge of the coffee table, directly in front of him. I was fairly certain by now that he'd heard me talking with Lish- otherwise he wouldn't be like this.

"I'm sorry if you think I shouldn't discuss these things with Lish- but she's my friend and I need to talk to-"

"How long have you known? Who told you?" His voice was harsh and cut through my words like they were brittle paper. I swallowed nervously, unsure if he was angry that I knew or if he was angry that I didn't ask him first. He pressed a fist to his mouth as if to stifle words he didn't want to say and I felt a surge of irrational anger. I pulled his hand down, my eyes challenging him to speak whatever he was trying to hold back. His dark eyes met mine and his gaze sharpened to a glare at my silence. Challenge accepted. He stood abruptly, towering over me in his agitation. "Because- because I didn't tell you Alex. I never told you where I was going or that she was sick- so- so how did you know? Who told you?" I swallowed my rage, attempting to calm myself. It wasn't his words that angered me really- it was what he still wasn't saying. Who told me, because clearly he didn't trust me enough to tell me himself. The fact that he was shocked that I knew at all spoke volumes about what he thought of me-

"You did." My voice was low and I stood as well, unwilling to cower before him. "I'm a cop Bobby- I figure shit out. You're gone ever week- once a week. Every time it's for three or four hours- every time you avoid telling me where you're going. You never talk about it. Add that to the fact that you never talk about your family- At first I thought you were either cheating on me or-" I stopped the flow of words before I could do permanent damage. He stiffened momentarily, before turning and starting to pace. Something that I hated because it broke any contact or connection between us- but he knew that and that's why he did it. I took a deep slow breath trying to calm myself. "I knew it wasn't that- you wouldn't do that. Christmas Eve you mentioned your Mom being sick- and even thought you talked about her like she was dead Bobby- I knew then. It made sense. I didn't ask anyone about it- I didn't find out behind your back- you just dropped enough clues for me to figure it out." His steps seemed to slow and I could see the wheels turning in his head, calculating the problem out and coming to a conclusion.

"You- you figured it out." He spoke slowly, haltingly and I just stood there, unwilling to help him along. "On your own. You figured- Lewis didn't- or-" He sighed roughly, shoving a hand up through his hair as he came to a stop, the other one resting on his hip. "I thought-" He looked over at me, his eyes pleading for help. I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at him mutely, unable, or unwilling to help him. "I'm sorry that I thought you went behind my back- but I'd- I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't talk to anyone about it-" His voice was halting and I frowned slightly.

"Lish knew Bobby – so either Lewis told her or someone else did, I don't know. Seeing as I don't know that much to tell I wouldn't be too worried anyway." My voice was still tight with anger. He swallowed and took a tentative step toward me.

"I want- Alex- I want to tell you- but I've never.. Lewis, he knew because we grew up together-" He came to a stop in front of me and I sighed soundlessly. He still didn't want to tell me. It's his choice Alex. You can't force him to talk and if you do- you could lose him. My chest seemed to tighten at the very thought of it and I blinked rapidly trying to hold back tears. He just couldn't seem to let anyone in, and I closed my eyes tightly, unable to look at him watching me with such pain reflected in his eyes. "Alex- please I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you but I can't- it scares me." His voice was a whisper that stirred the hair by my ear as I felt it tickle the skin there. His hands had found their way to my waist and I felt myself lean against him, allowing his to slide the hands up my back, pulling me closer. "Alex..."

" Relationships are difficult. They're exhausting and draining and sometimes you wonder why you do it. But nothing worth having ever comes easy, Lexie. But as difficult as it gets, those times when you want to give in, and give up. Remember this- remember that moment Lexie. Hold it in your heart and remember why you are fighting. Why you are working so hard." My mother's voice seemed to echo in my head, and I turned my head against his chest, waiting for it. It echoed in my ear resoundingly, the reassuring beat of his heat beneath my head, and I stood silently pulling my hands from my sides and wrapping them around him. He wasn't ready, and I couldn't push because the thought of facing a world without him almost physically hurt me.

"I told you when you were ready Bobby. I meant it." My voice was a small whisper, my head still turned against his chest, listening to the echo of his heartbeat. I knew he heard me though because I felt the tension draining from his body as his arms tightened around me. I leaned back, looking up at him with a small smile. His hands came away from my waist and he cradled my face in them gently, pressing a hard kiss against my skin.

"Soon." It was the only thing he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me once again, and I nodded, knowing it was more than a promise. Soon.