Note: Again, with the too long chapter. Sorry about that. Remember breaks are gonna look like this – !BREAK!

He could read the uncertainty in her dark eyes. "Yes," he answered sitting down on the chair beside her bed. The television was off now and he had her full attention. Once again he felt the weight of her questing gaze.

"I've seen my reflection," she told him. "We don't look anything alike."

How much to tell her? he wondered. "I could explain that if you want."

Emily recalled how she accepted his touch. How it had felt vaguely familiar. "That's okay," she replied. "You're my brother," she said coming to terms with what that meant. "I guess that explains the whole killing mood you're in." At its mention she saw his eyes flash with anger. He really wanted the guy who hurt her, whoever he was, to pay. "You're over protective right?"

"So you've complained on occasion."

That caused her to smile. It was such a brother thing to say. Still she could see how uncomfortable he was sitting there. And it was more then just being in the hospital. Something else, beyond his anger, was bothering him. "You're taking this kind of personal. I mean, yeah, I'm like your sister but this – the memory loss, it's more then just because of a family bond. Right?"

It went way beyond the fact that Emily was his sister. He could all but feel old resentments and frustration building up. The fear of not knowing anyone. The pressure to act the way people expected. But most of all the anger – at the situation, at himself and at Quartermaines. Jason hated the thought of Emily facing all of that. It was such a lonely, desperate place to be in. If he could spare her that he would. "It is personal," he finally answered. "A little over ten years ago I was in a car accident. According to the doctors I suffered serve brain damage and permanent memory loss."

He could see her mind working as she connected this new piece of information with everything she'd learned so far. Jason could also feel empathy coming off of her in waves. "I guess that explains the family."

"They didn't handle things well. I cut ties with them and I know they're scared that the same thing could happen with you now."

"What they don't learn from their mistakes?" she inquired.

"Not really, no."

"Do I learn – no, I don't want to know," she said with a shake of her head. "I rather figure that one out for myself," she explained. "But could you tell me, if you cut yourself off from the family why are you here?"

"We still talked after I left the family. You didn't expect to me to act like Jason Quartermaine would have. You were willing to let me be who I was. So few people were and I was grateful to have you in my life. But Emily, I won't lie to you. What you're facing right now – not knowing and dealing with everyone's expectations it's not going to be easy."

"You'll help me though right?" she asked sounding so very Emily to him.

"In anyway I can," he promised her.

"Good. Great actually," she paused and looked him over. Her brother. It was still an odd thought, but one she welcomed because Jason was different from the other people claiming to be her family. He ached like they did, but he wasn't pushing her. She got the sense that she could be any damn thing she wanted and it would be all right with him, and that was something she – not this phantom Emily Quartermaine – needed. "You do get that means no killing anyone."

"If that's what you want."

!BREAK!

There were worse places to be then rehab. Lucky knew that but at the moment he couldn't name one. He felt trapped here in the clinic and he knew if Nikolas hadn't pulled every string he had and used Emily's name like a weapon he'd be in jail detoxing. He couldn't help but think that jail would be easier. The darkness he'd find there appealed to him. After all, he single-handedly ruin his life, his career and his marriage. And, to top it all off, he put his oldest and dearest friend in a coma. All for the pills and high he still craved.

Two weeks in rehab, and his own stupid behavior, hadn't stopped him from wanting the pills. He just knew better now. The pills hadn't helped him, but hurt him. Had hurt his family – Elizabeth – and his friends. The guilt he felt was only matched by his desperation. His needed to get his life back … to get Elizabeth back. He had to make things right and be the man he was before the pills. The man everyone loved and relied on. His biggest fear was that man was gone, and even if he managed to find some part of him, Lucky knew that the desire for the pills would always be there. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to fight that thirst forever and if slipped again – if he hurt someone else he cared about again, he wasn't sure he could live with himself.

"Lucky." His brother's voice broke through his revere. Turning from the frames on his dresser he faced Nikolas. "What?" he asked feeling surly.

His brother ignored his attitude related the news – both good and bad – that he'd come to tell him. Emily was finally awake but she had no memory. "Maybe," he said after he had a moment to let it sink in, "maybe that's a good thing."

"A good thing?" Nikolas questioned disbelief written clearly on his aristocratic face. "How can you say something like that Lucky?"

"How can I not," he fired back. "Think about Nikolas. Really think," he insisted. "All the things Emily has had to deal with … her mother dying, the Quartermaines, her cancer, Zander, your Grandmother's crazy antics, CONNOR! They never happened for her. She doesn't have to remember the pain."

"Like you?" Nikolas questioned, rage burning in his dark eyes. "You have to stand there and remember how YOU screwed up your life Lucky. How you hurt Elizabeth and Emily, not to mention our sister and Cameron. I'm so sick of you feeling sorry for yourself. So what if you have to remember that? At least you remember WHO you are. Emily, our friend, doesn't have that luxury. You remember that girl who came to us for help. The woman who was able to WALK back into our lives. The woman I loved – the one that married me," he continued his voice cracking with emotion.. "She's gone Lucky. Gone. Please, try and tell me again how that is a good thing!"

Stunned by Nikolas' words Lucky blinked. "Gone," he whispered. Hot tears he struggled to contain stung his eyes. "I never … I didn't mean to—"

"To what?" Nikolas cut him off. "To hurt Emily? To lie your friends? To cheat on your wife? To ruin your life?"

His shattered answer was a simple one, "Yeah." It hit him then. Rock bottom. Lucky thought he experienced it that night two weeks ago. The night he saw Emily laid out on the street bleeding because of him. And later facing the anger and disappointment in everyone's eyes. In Elizabeth's eyes. But, no, this was rock bottom. Standing in his room at rehab envying his friend because she could do the one thing he couldn't – forget.