Author's Note: A timely update, how about that? I wanted to get another chapter posted before Christmas, because I don't expect to post again before the new year. Thank you all for the reviews to the last chapter. I have to say that I am extremely thrilled by everyone's response to purple lips. I started watching the show around the time Emily first came on and her friendship with Lucky has always been one of my favorite things. It's heartening to know that others feel the same way. As always breaks are going to look like this -- !BREAK!

His plan not to care wasn't working. Yesterday there had been Emily – not thinking about her, he reminded himself and focused on Elizabeth. She'd pulled him aside after rounds to speak privately. Patrick had been so close to blowing her off. The words had formed in his mind, but then he saw the anxiety in her eyes and how her whole body was tense. He knew then that something was wrong. Really wrong. How could he say no to the woman who reached out to him? The woman who had forced him outside himself when he'd first been exposed.

Was saving himself really more important then being there for Elizabeth? Yesterday after his conversation with Lainey he was more determined then ever to back off of everyone. To pull into himself. He needed to stop caring so much – feeling so much. Looking at her Patrick didn't know how he could tell Elizabeth that. How could he blow her off when she looked so unsettled?

He was damming himself, Patrick knew that the moment he asked Elizabeth what was wrong. All the way. He lived his life on the edge in every other way. He took chances. Some worked and others didn't and he dealt with the consequences.

Patrick wasn't sure what the consequences of friendship would be, but it was time to find out. So he listened while Elizabeth told him that she was pregnant. He picked up on the embarrassment she felt when she said that she wasn't sure who the father was – Lucky or Jason.

She stood there emotionally naked and poured out her heart out to him. "I love my husband Patrick, but there was a time when I was deeply in love with Jason. Our timing was always off. It still is really. We're friends, but if he's the father of my child … I have to think about Cam. Jason's life is dangerous and Lucky," she shook her head sadly, "I can't trust him anymore. He chose drugs and Maxie Jones over our marriage. Over our family. How can I even begin to forgive him when he decided that drugs were more important then being a good father and husband? How can trust his priorities again?"

Though he was baffled that she chose to confided in him he listened to her intently. Not interrupting until she ran out of steam. "So you're saying now that Lucky is clean you can't you forgive him?"

"It would be so easy to write off his behavior to the drugs. To forgive and forget his attitude and suspicions. I want my old life back Patrick," she said with a painful longing. "I want to be happy again in my marriage to the man I've always loved." Her voiced turned hard as she continued obviously speaking the words out loud as she thought them. "But the image of him in bed with Maxie – in OUR home with her. Thinking clearly or not, he knew that was wrong Patrick, and he did it anyhow. I don't know how to forgive that or get over it. If the baby is his I guess I would try. Though if I can't learn to trust Lucky again it won't work and I won't put my children in that situation. I don't want them to ever feel like they weren't enough for their father."

"And if the baby is Jason's? Would you try with him?" Patrick prodded.

"I …" Elizabeth faltered. At one time she had wanted to try with Jason. That time seemed like a lifetime ago, but the connection she felt to Jason was so deep, so important that even after everything they went through it still remained. It was ingrained in her. Jason was there. No matter what she could rely on his friendship.

Friendship. They had stalled there, Elizabeth thought. Unable to move forward because she hadn't been able to handle Jason's life. She wasn't a mother then. She had no responsibilities except to herself and she hadn't been able to accept his life. How could she possibly accept it now? She had to protect Cameron. To keep him safe, and yet, she hadn't been able to manage that with Lucky. Her safe, happy world had crashed in around her.

It hadn't exactly been safe either. Everyday Lucky walked out the door with the possibility of not coming back, the same as Jason. Lucky just happened to be on the right side of the law.

There was a difference there of course, but Jason was more then his job. He was understanding, patient, and supportive. Someone she could always turn to no matter what had happened between them. She loved him for that and had really since that night at Jake's. He stopped her making the biggest mistake of her life that night. He stopped her from reverting back to Lizzie Webber the unhappy girl she'd been when she first arrived in Port Charles. She never wanted to be that girl again, but the appeal of her been great that night. That girl hadn't been loved by Lucky Spencer – been transformed by him. She wouldn't have to feel the grief of his loss, the utter hollowness that engulfed her and threatened to swallow her whole.

Instead of losing herself in Lizzie Webber or in her grief she found Jason, or rather he found her. He reached her when no one else could. Helped her when she thought she'd been beyond it. It was because of Jason that she held onto to who she was and that bonded her to him. It was a permanent tie. One of the most important of her life.

She loved Jason as friend, but at one time she wanted something more. Could she really go back to that? It seemed impossible because Elizabeth didn't know how to stop being in loving Lucky. He was so much apart of her. At times it almost seemed like they weren't complete people without each other. Lucky and Elizabeth, never one without the other. Joined. Connected. A permanent lock.

Tears stung her eyes because as much as she wanted it Elizabeth knew they could never be that way again. The betrayal had been too great … and, yet she loved him still.

Elizabeth realized she was thinking in circles and Patrick was still standing there before her. He was waiting patiently for her answer – a answer she didn't have. So she went with what she knew. "Jason is still in love with Sam and foolishly I'm in love with my husband. I know Jason would support me, but I'm not looking for him to be anything but my friend. If the baby turns out to be his I just want him to be a good father."

Once the words came stumbling out of her mouth she wondered if that was the only way it could be. Patrick, however, wasn't the person who answer that for her.

!BREAK!

"I asked Jason about it, purple lips, that is, this morning," Emily informed Lainey. She had waited towards the end of the session to let the older woman know that she had remembered something. Emily wasn't exactly sure what she filled the first part of the session with. For all knew she had talked nonsense.

She wanted to tell Lainey about the memory, to discuss what it meant, but she hadn't wanted to turn this session into the beginning of actively searching for other memories. With everything going on she needed a few days for things to settle down before moving forward. So she waited and now her session time was ticking down. Needing to share the thoughts that had been swimming in her mind all morning she spoke quickly. "Jason told me that when he got to know me again after his accident that my favorite candy was basically anything grape. Especially pixie sticks. I guess I always liked my sugar," she said sheepishly. "He knew I liked the flavor, but he didn't know about purple lips."

"I thought he would," she continued. "I really thought if anyone would know it would be Jason. It's almost as if," she paused not sure how to explain what she meant. Sighing, Emily gave up trying to put her feelings into words and told Lainey, "I was disappointed that he didn't know."

"No one can know everything about another person Emily," Lainey replied. "We all keep certain things to ourselves. Stuff that is just ours. There isn't anything wrong with that."

"I know. It's just that it's my first memory. I wanted to be able to share it with someone. Someone who knew what it meant. I know it seems silly, but somehow I know that it is special. That it's important," she ended vehemently.

"Have you asked your parents or Elizabeth about it?"

"It doesn't feel like a parent thing," Emily answered, "and Elizabeth … well she has other things on her mind. I get lost in my own little world sometimes Lainey. My focus has been on not remembering and trying to adjust to the world around me. I've been so intent on that you know? So intent that I've forgotten that the other people are living complicated lives themselves. Jason, Elizabeth, Patrick … I don't want to be so caught up in my problems that I'm not there for them … Why are you smiling?" she questioned.

"Am I? Sorry, it's just that you sound so much like her," Lainey replied. "She was always trying to take care of everyone else around her. Too much sometimes. I often wanted to tell her to take a break from it. To concentrate on herself for a few moments. I never did because I knew she wouldn't."

"So this is a karma thing? Not remembering so I have to focus on myself."

"I don't think it works that way," Lainey offered with a laugh. "But if you're ready I liked to use our next session to help you start remembering more."

"I am ready," Emily answered.

"Good. Then I'll see you in two days. Same time work for you?" she asked looking at date book.

"Yep."

"Great. I'll see you then Emily," Lainey said shaking her hand.

"I look forward to it," Emily replied. Grabbing her coat and purse she left Lainey's office to go in search of Elizabeth. It was time to be a friend.

Heading around the corner Emily bumped into a solid wall of man. She felt his hands on her arms bracing her so she wouldn't fall. "Sorry," she said her gaze sliding up to meet a familiar face. "Sonny," she breathed out his name awkwardly.

He smiled down at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she answered stepping back from him quickly. Emily saw hurt flash in his eyes, but he didn't protest or try to stop her. For over a week now he'd respected her request and stayed away; and she appreciated that.

On the spot Emily decided if she was going to look outside herself, maybe she should look at more then just Jason, Elizabeth and Patrick. Sonny had proven that he was worth extending friendship to, plus he had Jason's and Elizabeth's confidence. Before he could sidestep her with a polite goodbye she said, "Thanks for backing off when I asked. I know I wasn't exactly nice about it."

"You're allowed to be whatever you need to be," Sonny said and Emily could tell that he meant it.

"Some people don't get that."

"I know. I'm sorry about that. I could have them handled if you like," he said with a charming smile. There was also a sparkle in his eye and Emily read the twinkle as his way of letting her know that he was only half serious about the offer.

"Thanks," she chuckled, "but no."

"Consider it a standing offer," Sonny replied.

"I think I'm beginning to see why she loved you," Emily remarked with a grin.