Chapter 1: Memories

November 18th,

It was a cold winters day. The fact that there was a breeze didn't help either. I was at the pond in the woods, by the Phantomhive estate. This also happened to be a cemetery. I liked to come here. It seemed that I felt more relaxed, more content here. As I sat with my back against a gravestone, facing the pond. I found myself drifting into my memories. Memories of a dark past filled with anger, hatred, rage, sadness, and longing. Those are just a few words that can somewhat describe the bitter hatred I had growing inside me each day.

I went back to the day both Ciel's and my own parents were killed. I was out in London seeing if I could find something better than what I had planned to give Ciel for his birthday. After looking around with my maid for a while I decided I could not find a better gift than what I had for Ciel.

"I don't think Ciel will like any of these things! I hope he likes the ring I got for him!" I had said to Arsinoe as I started to head back to where we had parked the carriage. "I'm sure Ciel will love the ring you have picked out for him miss Blackwater." "Are you sure he will!" I had said with a somewhat curious face I suppose. "I am quite positive. Ciel always loves your gifts. You can see it on his face." Arsinoe replied with a smile as she opened the carriage door and helped me in.

All I did the whole way home was smile and look out the carriage window.

That was the last time I remember ever being fully happy and capable of smiling.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sight that would befall me when I returned home. Never in my life have I been so utterly shocked.

As the carriage pulled up to the mansion I noticed that the manor seemed eerily quiet, and…still. This was extremely abnormal and Arsinoe picked up on it too. The look on her face was the most terrified expression I had ever seen her make. This scared me. "Arsinoe… what's wrong? Why aren't mommy and daddy coming out like they always do?" I asked my voice shaking a little.

I heard her whisper something that sounded like "This isn't good." The next instant she threw open the carriage door and started to sprint towards the house. After about five minutes of silence after she ran into the house I decided to go inside myself.

Arsinoe had left the huge doors wide open when she ran into the mansion. I slowly strode up the steps being afraid of what I might see. In the end I was right to be afraid of what I would see. I walked into the house and called out "Mommy! Daddy! Arsinoe! Is anybody here!"

Nothing. Silence. There was no answer not even the sound of breathing except for my own.

Now I was extremely scared. I started to run towards the living room knowing that's where mother and father usually resided. When I ran into the room my heart just stopped. The sight that was before me was so horrible yet I couldn't wrench my eyes from it. Before me my mother and my father were in pieces, their blood all over the walls, body parts strewn across the room. Arsinoe was with them. The only difference was that she merely had her throat slit and looked like she had been stabbed repeatedly. In that moment I let out the loudest most agony filled scream that anyone in London has ever heard. The next second I dropped to the floor and began to weep.

Not even a minute after I screamed I was echoed by another as filled with agony as mine. I live next to the Phantomhives so that scream terrified me even more. The next thing I remember was being taken out of my home and to the hospital.

The nurse asked me if I had anywhere else to go for the time being. I told her "Yes. My best friends house." She asked me who thy were. My reply was "The Phantomhives." Her face instantly dropped to a look of sadness. "W-what's wrong?" I asked noticing the look she gave me. She grabbed my hand and softly said "I'm sorry but the Phantomhives have passed on. There was a fire that burned the whole estate."

That instant I felt dead. All that I loved was dead. Everything gone.

The nurse waited about ten minutes with me just sitting there staring at the wall and repeating "Mommy, Daddy, Mr. and Mrs. Phantomhive, Ciel… Not Ciel. No…." "Did they find Ciel?" Was the first thing that came out of my mouth when I looked back at her. She stayed silent. "I said. Did. They. Find. Ciel." I repeated with emphasis to make sure she answered me.

"No. They never found him." she replied. I slammed my fist on the small tray they had given me earlier for food since I hadn't eaten. The nurse flinched. She then gave me a look of deep concern and asked "Is there anyone else that you can stay with? Any family members or friends?" "Madame Red." "Do you mean Angelina Durless?" "Yes that's her." "I will go and contact her immediately." she said as she got up and quickly left the room.

I loved Madame Red like an older sister. In fact she wanted Ciel, Elizabeth, and I to call her sissy…

About a minute or so later the nurse returned. "She will arrive here shortly. Are you sure you don't want any water or even a snack?"

I simply continued staring at the wall and replied with a simple "No."

Five minutes had gone by and the nurse realized that I was not in the mood to speak with anyone and took the hint to leave.

It took Madame Red a few more minutes after the nurse had left to arrive. As soon as she saw me she ran to me and picked me up in a hug. "Thank the queen you're safe!" She said as she started to cry. My reaction was to simply hug her back.

After five minutes we left and headed for her estate. "I'm sorry about your big sister, sissy. I know you loved her a lot." I said to try and comfort her. She replied with a "Thank you." and a hug.

I remember the weeks of sorrow, and grieving. They were pure agony. Madame Red would sit in her room and cry for hours on end. I would try to comfort her, but I eventually gave up. I spent three days in my room at her house. I sat there and cried for both my family, the Phantomhives, and Ciel. I refused to eat for those three days. On the fourth Madame Red convinced me that starving myself would not bring them back, and that it would only hurt me more.

One day Madame Red didn't return home from work at all. I got worried and stayed in my room with a knife waiting for her to return. That same night I had come across a strange woman. She offered me a chance at revenge against what had happened to my family. But there was a catch. In return for her helping me to achieve revenge I had to offer her my soul in return.

I did not hesitate to agree. She asked me three times if I was sure. Each time I replied with a yes. On the third though I started to get aggravated and yelled "YES WOULD YOU JUST SEAL THE DEAL ALREADY!" From that day fourth she became my loyal servant until I succeeded in gaining revenge.

Just then I felt a hand on my shoulder. Wait… that's not from that memory! I snapped out of my trance and turn to look at who was beside me. It was Ciel.

Damn why did he always look so adorable?

Stop. He has a fiancé!

But he doesn't like her at all!

SHUT UP! It will never happen!

Your loss…

"I see you're out here reminiscing the past again." He said as he sat down next to me. "Well you know me. Always falling into some trance or something." I said with a bit of a laugh. I heard him laugh slightly. "Well that is a very true statement." he said as he turned to face me. I faced him, smiled and said "So what brings you out here Phantomhive?" Ciel has known me so long he knew when I called him Phantomhive that it wasn't out of disrespect, it was out of playfulness.

"Well I just happened to be in the mood to enjoy the view of the lake. And as I approached the lake I saw a spot of bright red and assumed that you were here. Since you tend to come here often. I know I've asked you this before but what is your fascination with the color red! You, Madame Red, and the creeper Grell who is by the way OBSSESSED with Sebastian all seem to have some strange fascination with the color."

I laughed at that. "Well of course I come here a lot! I love it here, you know that! And to answer your question yet again, I like the color red because one it is the color of both anger and passion. Two I have been told that I look smashing in red, particularly this specific shade. Three I find that it describes me. Last but not least I am just drawn to the color itself. Speaking of Grell the creeper, is he STILL stalking Sebastian and trying to get him to run away with him into the sunset?" I replied laughing.

He laughed and replied "Those seem to be very good reasons. Also yes, yes he is still stalking Sebastian. To think we thought Alois was creepy and annoying as hell." With that last comment we both burst out laughing. It's still strange to see Ciel smile and laugh again. But at the same time it's mesmerizing.

STOP! You're doing it again!

Oh just let it go.

No it's not right.

Come on! We all see that he isn't happy with Elizabeth!

So that doesn't make it right.

Whatever…

Just shut up!

"Well since you are out here and it seems to be around time for lunch. Would you like to join me for lunch Katherine?" Ciel asked snapping me out of the conversation I was having with myself in my mind. "I suppose I shall, since I do not have anything planned for today anyway." I replied with a slight smile.

He smiled and called Sebastian to take us to his manor. Always the gentleman although I am perfectly capable of walking.