Author:cheekymice.
Rating: Um…PG13-R later chapters will be a higher rating.
Beta: melanie39. Hugs and snogs Melly.
Disclaimer: I don't own The OC, Ryan or Benjamin McKenzie.
Story: As requested Hero! In peril Ryan! Yeay! All in the title really. Set post finale.
Notes: For m3kane because he keeps me so entertained in the mornings at work and it's much appreciated! mwah. And for everyone who reviewed. I love ya.
Heist
Chapter 11
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Seth woke up with a start and looked at his alarm.
"Hey…you awake?" Ryan's head appeared around the corner, illuminated by the hall light.
"Dude, it's like… twelve-thirty. I was asleep."
"Sorry. I thought you might still be up. I'll go."
Seth rubbed his eyes and sat up. He realized two things. The first that he'd been asleep for less than twenty minutes, and as tired as he felt, the second was that Ryan had come to him. Ryan never came to him. And after the episode at dinner it was obvious that Ryan was not dealing as well as they thought.
"I'm awake now. What's up?"
"Nothing. I just couldn't sleep." Ryan shrugged.
"Come in and park your butt." Seth sat up in bed and winced as Ryan turned on the light.
"Whoa dude…. that's harsh. Switch it off." Seth shielded his eyes.
The room went dark again and Seth opened his eyes.
"Can we watch the TV?" Ryan asked but before he could answer the set was on, casting a blue hazy light into the room. Ryan stood in the center of the room flicking through the channels. That in it self was odd, Ryan hated it when he did that. Ryan was a decisive guy. If he saw something he liked he'd stop and not be swayed by the lure that something better may be on elsewhere. Then he said something that was totally left field for Ryan.
"You got any weed left?"
"Huh?" Seth blinked.
"Weed…you got any left?" He put the remote down. The TV was on a Spanish subtitled film that Seth was pretty sure Ryan was not into. He looked antsy, as if he was willing Seth to come through for the sake of his sanity.
"I really need a cigarette. I've been seriously craving ever since the hospital. I need to smoke something or I'm going to climb the walls."
"Now that I can help you with, my friend." Seth got up and scrabbled through his computer desk. He threw a pack of Marlboros over to Ryan. They landed about two feet away from him. There was a good reason he never got picked to play softball.
Ryan bent down and all but kissed the packet. With lightning fast speed the packet was open and one was in his mouth. Seth handed him the lighter. This was a new Ryan. Ryan never usually asked for anything. He definitely never pleaded.
Ryan opened the window wide.
"Do you mind?" he asked, around the cigarette.
"Nope."
Seth watched as Ryan lit and inhaled deeply, holding the smoke in his lungs and tilting his head back. He looked like he was in a complete state of bliss.
"I didn't know you smoked."
Seth got back into bed.
"I don't. They're Summer's…she likes to have one after we…" Seth grinned.
Ryan gave a low chuckle.
"She won't mind," Seth added.
Seth watched as Ryan smoked, his head half out the window. After Ryan had left the table earlier everyone had been worried and mortified that Ryan had felt that way. He wasn't a retard. He functioned well; he could hold an intelligent conversation just like he'd always done. He just had moments when he appeared to be miles away and there were the times when he got confused about the time lines of things. He seemed to think that the whole getting Theresa pregnant thing happened before he came to live with them and other things he said made them realize that things were a little muddled in his head. To anyone who didn't know him he would appear to be one hundred percent normal. It was just Ryan was always so…so…with it. To see him put the milk in the cupboard instead of back in the fridge was wrong and to be quite honest none of them knew how best to treat Ryan's lapses. Was it best to ignore them or make a joke? One thing they all agreed on was that this was not fair. Why did it have to happen to Ryan so soon on the heels of Marissa dying? It wasn't as if he didn't have enough shit already to contend with. Summer had summed it up with one statement. 'The albatross of doom had shat once again on Ryan's head.'
Ryan stubbed out the cigarette on the sill, looked around then put the butt in his pocket.
"You okay after the whole thing earlier?" Seth asked.
"Yeah…I was just tired and kinda frustrated." Ryan sat down on the floor.
"You sure about that? You were pretty angry."
Ryan turned the packet of cigarettes over and over in his hands. Seth was expecting Ryan's stock brush off but he didn't get it. Instead he got a glimpse of the real Ryan, Ryan without the usual impenetrable barriers up. He hadn't even let them down when Marissa had died but here he was being honest. It shocked Seth but it also made him feel validated as a friend.
"To be truthful, Seth… no…I'm not okay." Ryan lit another cigarette. "I just don't know how to handle this. I do feel like a fucking retard. I know what the doctors say…that this will get better but what does that mean? That I'll maybe only repeat myself twice in the future?"
"Dude, you're not a retard. Seriously, it's not so bad; you're way more together than the stoners at school. Shit, they don't know what day of the week it is let alone their own names." Seth paused as Ryan managed a slight smile at that. "And as dad said, it is early days. You always expect too much of yourself."
"But I'm so fucking scared, Seth." Ryan looked down at the floor. "What if it gets worse instead of better?"
Hmm, Ryan admitting he wasn't made of stone. This was strange. Ryan stubbed out the cigarette even though it was half smoked.
"If it gets worse then we'll deal Ryan…simple as that."
"I don't want you or your parents to have to 'deal' with me Seth." Ryan's words were so quiet that Seth barely caught them.
"Hey, don't put words into my mouth…you know that's not what I meant." Seth frowned. "Whatever happens we'll be with you…all for one and one for all."
"Yeah…that's the Three musketeers, Seth…. good analogy. Where exactly do I fit in that picture?"
"Well, my good man, you clearly don't know your Dumas. You would be the daring hero of the piece, D'Artagnan. I'm Porthos clearly, Dad is Athos and that would make Mom Aramis…I'm not sure that works but you get the idea."
Seth watched as Ryan gave a grudging smile. He pulled another cigarette out of the packet and put it between his lips but he didn't light it. He sat flicking the lighter.
"Dude…you're totally the daring hero of the story…good with the ladies and not afraid to fight. Yours truly, Mom, and Dad are your back ups, swords at the ready with a side order of faux French bonhomie thrown in."
Ryan snorted and shook his head. He smiled but then grew serious again.
"That's easily said Seth, but you've known me for how long…three years?"
"Three years…smears. You are one of us now amigo. And we Cohens don't 'deal'. We're a team, D'Artagnan. Plus this tale of Newport/Chino bonding isn't finished yet, although we seriously need to re-cast a Cardinal Richelieu as Grandpa kinda left an opening there."
That comment did draw out a laugh from Ryan.
"And you do know that my parents are totally relying on you for their first grandchild." Seth cringed internally at that one; maybe it was too soon to joke about stuff like that.
Ryan raised his eyebrow.
"I don't intend on having kids for a long time, a very long time." Ryan said, the cigarette dangling between his lips.
"I'm just saying what my 'rent's long term plan is for you. My dad is already buoyant with the thought that your sport genes will be passed on in the family as I am….not so good in that department."
Ryan lit up and stood by the window again. Chain smoking Ryan...that was new too. He stared out and was silent. Seth stayed silent for a couple of minutes letting his words sink in. Seth had never really given it much thought before but now that Ryan was talking it was still clear on his face that he really still doubted his place here. After all they'd been through as a family he'd taken it as a given that Ryan had settled with them.
"Dude, you do know that you're a fully paid up member of this family. You can't still doubt that?"
Ryan stayed silent and stared. Seth thought that the window of opportunity had slammed shut and Ryan's strangely talkative persona tonight had vanished along with the smoke that was drifting out of the window.
What he said next made him rethink.
Ryan flicked the butt out of the window. Seth vaguely wondered if it had landed in the pool. Ryan still looked out of the window but his words slammed into him as if he'd been facing him.
"You said it yourself, Seth. You're the Three Musketeers….I'm D'Artagnan, the outsider that muscles in. I'm always going to be on the outside, no matter what happens. You're the family unit, I'm just along for the ride."
Seth suddenly hated his analogy and he fucking hated that his subconscious chose that crappy French book out of all the books in the world.
"He's not there Sandy. I've looked everywhere!" Kirsten snapped. "His bed hasn't even been slept in. I knew we should have talked to him last night."
"Honey, relax. He's around here somewhere." But he was less confident than he portrayed. "Have you checked the den?"
"Yes, I've checked the den. What do you think I've been doing?"
"We'll find him, okay?" Sandy put his hands on her shoulders. "Have you spoken to Seth yet?"
His wife shook her head.
"Come on."
They both walked upstairs to Seth's room. Sandy opened the door and walked in with Kirsten following. They both stopped in their tracks.
Sandy turned and smiled at his wife. She was busy crinkling her nose at the smell of stale smoke.
Seth was tangled under his covers but Ryan was sound asleep on the floor under the window, his head buried in one of Seth's pillows and a blanket covering his feet.
Kirsten walked over and pulled the blanket up over his body and picked up the almost empty packet of Marlboros that sat next to him. She pursed her lips but Sandy noticed that she put the packet back down and managed to smile.
"Mystery solved." he whispered and crept over to switch the TV off.
Seth sat bolt upright.
"Whaaa." He blinked at them and looked like he did when he was five. "What are you both doing in my room? Thas' minty."
"We're just searching for Ryan, son." Sandy whispered and nodded at the sleeping mass on the floor.
"Oh." Seth said as he looked where Ryan slept and rubbed his eyes. He grew serious. "About that, I think we need to have a parental conference."
Seth got up and grabbed his robe. Sandy had never seen his son get up so quickly. He had a bad feeling about this.
"Right now." Seth ushered them out of his room.
Sandy looked at Kirsten. She looked just as worried. Seth did not usually do the family talk thing willingly especially this early in the morning.
"He still thinks that he doesn't belong here. Don't you get that? No matter what we've done or how much we've told him otherwise, he thinks he's just passing through. And now he thinks we are going to give up on him because he can't remember our names sometimes. And I'm sure he thinks he's on some sort of scholarship with us that hinges on him going to college and now that he's worried that might not happen he thinks he's reneged on his contract or something. How can he still think that? It's messed up but then I started to think…we tell him he's part of this family but do we really show him? No…we don't. We leave him alone when he needs us most because we think that's what he wants. After Marissa died we let him hole up in his room for weeks because we didn't know how to handle him. It was the same when Trey got shot and when Theresa got pregnant you just let him go and be a big man because he said that's what he thought he needed to do. Ryan does these things because he's Ryan and we all let him because it's Ryan. We say that he's one of us but would you have let me go off and support a kid at that age? No! And would you have let me stay in my room with no real outside contact for weeks if it was Summer who had died? No. We do what we think Ryan wants but we push him further away every time we do. I'm surprised that he doesn't hate us as he's constantly trying to chase his tail to please us and we don't do anything for him. I've been thinking about this most of the night. I've been a shit friend and I've only just understood that. We offer so much but…we fuck up all the time. You treat Ryan differently from me and he sees that each and every day and takes that as a sign that he's still the outsider. You didn't see him last night. This is real to him... he really believes that we'll dump him now things have gotten bad. So what are we going to do about this 'cause he's talking about ditching college and moving out so as not to be a burden."
Hearing Seth say those words shook Sandy. Their son being so earnest over this, even though he was rambling, was what made it more shocking. Seth was not known for his great insight into people; he could be self-absorbed to say the least. It was true. They did treat Ryan differently. They certainly didn't read between the lines when it came to Ryan.
When Seth was a kid he could sulk for his country but they didn't let him, they certainly wouldn't have let him stay in his room only to be dragged out for food. Okay so not getting the latest toy of the month was a little different than what Ryan had gone through but even so. Ryan distanced himself from them so many times before they just took it as normal for him. They had given Ryan his space maybe a bit too much on reflection. They should know by now that Ryan was complex and read bad things into everything.
Sandy looked over at Kirsten and saw she was just as crestfallen at Seth's speech.
The question was could they do anything to reverse the damage?
TBC