A/N: Okay, so I lied. My plan went totally wrong, as it always does. No dodgy chapter yet. It's the next one. And the name's changed. But I'll probably change it again, because it was kinda of...Wizard Of Oz inspired...

Still, nvm.

This chapter: Comedy. Next chapter: ...Not comedy.

Chapter 26 – Not Squeamish…Ish

Of course, the Doctor was starting to regret that promise.

He'd seen many strange and wondrous things in all nine-hundred years of his life. All things bright and beautiful. All creatures great and small. All things wise and wonderful. The Lord God made them all. Except, the Lord God hadn't made these babies accidentally one night during a brief but pleasurable sexual confrontation with his beautiful companion whilst drunk on temperamental second-hand spring water.

Stitch that, God.

He was actually sitting in the chair by the bed where Rose lay in pain, utterly paralysed now. He couldn't feel anything. All he could actually think about was Rose…the human…so delicate, fragile. What had he done?

Trouble is, as so nicely put by Jack one night, 'When you get drunk Doc, you generally tend to think with your dick, not your head.'.

Oh how nicely put.

This was the reason why the Doctor found himself sitting next to a screaming Rose in the Infirmary, with Jackie yelling 'push!' every few seconds and the heart rate monitor for Rose going into overdrive.

But he had made his promise. He couldn't leave, despite how nauseous he was beginning to feel. Every few seconds Jackie was giving detailed comments on the baby's progress of being born, and the Doctor really felt it wasn't all that necessary. Okay, comments like 'keep pushing' and 'nearly there' probably were essential, but other comments like 'this is gonna be a tight fit' and 'coo blimey, this is messy' could probably be avoided.

Then came those words.

"Doctor, gimme a hand would ya?"

Far be it from the Doctor to be a little squeamish at watching a baby being born, he pulled away from Rose's side to move over to Jackie, but thankfully Rose instantly grabbed his arm again.

"Don't leave me Doctor!" Rose cried, tears of pain and effort pouring down her face, clinging onto his healthy arm in desperation.

"He's not leavin' sweetie, he's gonna help with the baby. Let go of his arm."

The Doctor didn't say anything as Rose laxed her grip on him, and he moved over to Jackie at the foot of the bed.

"Doctor, I need you pull on the…"

He whimpered, blocking out the last few words before looking at the situation infront of him. He whimpered again, instantly looking away.

"C'mon Doctor!" Jackie moaned, pushing him back around with her blood coated gloves to face it again. He immediately squealed like a little girl and pushed her away from him. "It's not like you haven't seen it before!"

"Yeah," the Doctor started, pulling on the gloves Jackie offered him as slow as he could to waste time. "But last time there wasn't a blooming baby coming out of it!"

"For God's sake Doctor, pull yourself together and grab a towel from the side!"

"Okay, okay, yeesh woman!" He dived to the side and picked up a couple of white towels thoughtfully provided by the TARDIS for just the occasion.

"Nearly there Rose, nearly there!" Jackie shouted over the screams. The Doctor knew he would have to sped the rest of his life in therapy after this experience. "Just a little more! Little more!"

"Doctor…" Rose was whispered, and in an instant he was by her side. "I'm going to kill you for this…" she muttered weakly, smiling slightly at him.

"After this I'll take you to the most relaxing planet in the Universe," he promised, stroking her hair out of her face as she bit her lip to stop herself from screaming. "For as long as you like."

"Mmm, that would be nice…" she said satisfactorily, and closed her eyes as Jackie suddenly gave a whoop of joy.

"Baby boy born 10:45pm 29th November 2006!" she smiled, lifting a small crying baby into view. "Towel please Doctor!" She held out her hand and the Doctor obliged, staring blankly at the baby Jackie was holding in her arms.

"We did it!!!" the Doctor yelled suddenly, breaking out of his shock and jumping up and down as the baby boy was settled into an incubator, where the TARDIS could do her magic. Immediately Jackie started yelling too, cheering and dancing for the born baby boy. The Doctor and Jackie jumped together in a huge hug, both smiling and jumping about.

Then stopped.

"Err…yeah," the Doctor muttered, pulling away from Jackie and going back over to Rose's side, clearing his throat. Jackie did the same, brushing herself down and coughing innocently before returning to the end of the bed.

"Number two coming up," Jackie said. "C'mon Rose do ya stuff sweetheart."

"Err…Jackie…" the Doctor suddenly mumbled, turning to face her while his hand rested on Rose's forehead.

"Not now Doctor…c'mon Rose darling, push!"

"No, Jackie…" the Doctor persisted, but Jackie brushed him off.

"I said not now Doctor! Rose honey, you've gotta push!"

"Jackie!" the Doctor voices was so serious and hard that Jackie instantly looked up at him, seeing a grave face. "Rose has passed out…" he said, moving slightly out the way to let Jackie see her daughter lying unconscious on the bed.

"Oh God…" Jackie whispered, and the Doctor felt his hearts attempting to beat out of his ribs. He cradled Rose in his arms, whispering frantically for her to wake up.

"C'mon Rose…all those things I promised you…all those places I said I'd take you…come back…" he whispered, gently rocking her back and forth.

Suddenly he jerked his head up, looking over at Jackie with slight realisation. "Jackie, it's blood loss isn't it? She's lost a lot of blood."

Jackie glanced over the sheets at the bottom of the bed, before inclining with a nod. The Doctor immediately sprang up from his seat, scrambling over to a nearby table stocked full of medical implements.

"We can't do a caesarean, her outer frame is too hard to cut," he said, ripping open a small packet containing a needle with his teeth. "I've gotta bring her back 'round to push, and the only way to do that is to give her more blood. Now," he continued, fixing a long clear tube to the needle and another needle on the other end. "My body had changed so much with so many blood types it's now an amalgamation of several blood types. I've also evolutionised so much that it has the ability to adapt to the blood in a new situation. So theoretically, I can give Rose blood. It would take an eternity to find the bags of blood in the TARDIS, and we don't have very long."

He slid one of the needles into his arm where a vein could clearly be seen, before sucking on the other end to bring up the blood, groaning slightly as he did so.

"No, Doctor!" Jackie suddenly said, resting a hand on his arm to stop him putting the other end of the tube into Rose's arm. "I can give 'er blood!"

"Jackie, what's your blood type?" he asked casually, watching observantly as she just stood there gawping soundlessly. "Exactly. For all you know Rose could have inherited Pete's blood type, and you could give her blood poisoning. This is the only way Jackie, the only way."

"But Doctor…" she said weakly, not moving her hand off of his arm. "You need your blood, you've lost a lot recently."

"Jackie, if it saves Rose, I don't care," he said seriously, looking down at her hand. "Now, are you going to let go of my arm or not?"

Slowly, Jackie's hand slid off.

"Thank you." He nodded, turning back to Rose to continue his death defying sacrifice of blood. He pierced her vein with the needle in delicate precision, and in an instant his blood was flowing from him to her, and he fell down into the chair to wait for Rose to wake up.