The entire room silenced and it seemed all of its occupants were struggling desperately to remain completely still. Even Bosco, who was obviously angry at my sudden appearance and just dying to give me a piece of his mind, was dead quiet at the revelation. I couldn't say he was entirely shocked, though.

Judging by the expression Sully's and Ty's faces; neither were they. Somewhat surprised by the actual reality of it, I suppose, but not completely shocked. Me? I was going through a scene of déjà vu.

And torn between opposing feelings.

I knew she'd assisted Bosco in his recent attempt to achieve justice for me. I didn't know why she'd done it; I just knew that she had. I was angry with Bosco for getting her involved to begin with. I didn't want to feel as if I owed her, or as if I needed her. I didn't need Maritza Cruz for shit, and I certainly didn't need her thinking we needed her. At the time though, I was thankful for, well, somewhat…having a bit of peace of mind, and so I hadn't given Bos a hard time.

I thought in her own twisted way of screwing Bosco over as she'd done in the past, that she'd find some way to plead Innocent Victim, and tell the feds she'd been coerced or threatened into aiding. That she was involuntarily an accomplice and had assisted only because she feared for her life. I could just picture her sweet little lips convincing some naïve detective that she hadn't done it out of her own free will. That she really hadn't driven so far out of her own precinct, in her car, as Bosco had told me. Or that there were bigger fish waiting for them to collar if they'd just…just let her walk.

During last year's incident, we'd made it clear we weren't friends; that we were anything but. And she'd made it quite clear as well that she hadn't done it to help me out, but had rather formed some paradigm to live by where she didn't "rat out cops". It seemed like a pretty lame excuse at the time, for the shit she probably went through at Rikers. But whatever the real reason had been, I knew for certain it hadn't come from the kindness of her heart. That just wasn't her, which made me so much angrier when she put on some sickening sweet façade.

I knew this time wasn't different. Directly, or indirectly, she would benefit. And having her arrested would certainly not put the odds on Bosco's side, or mine for that matter – having known about everything – but just the though of seeing her in handcuffs made the sweet feeling of revenge sear through my blood.

I guess that's why I couldn't manage to stifle a laugh as the detectives announced the grounds for their presence.

It also may have had something to do with the fact that I was exhausted, delirious and shifting between moods faster than a racecar. My mind was disconnected, and I was in no shape to be at work; I knew this myself. But, I was too terrified to spend another eight or more hours alone. I needed to see other people, be with other people. Join civilization again.

I snapped out of my own thoughts as I heard Lieu's authoritative voice crackling the silence. He stopped mid-sentence and shot me a glare, as if hinting for me to regain my composure.

I don't highly recommend laughing in such a situation. Bad idea on my part.

"As I'm sure you….officials, know, Maritza Cruz is a Sergeant," Swersky stressed. He was obviously offended by the feds' ignorant entrance and failure to even acknowledge him as Lieutenant. He swept his hand across the air, motioning to us. "So she does not attend roll call with our uniforms."

Clearly angered by Lieu's attempt to undermine their knowledge, they cleared their throats and turned to the door. "You can expect us back by the end of the third shift…." The younger one seemed to be squinting at Lieu's badge. "Swersky…"

"That's Lieutenant Swersky," Lieu gruffly corrected.

Nodding reluctantly, the men finally left.

I peered up at Lieu. Having known him for so long, I could read his face like a book. Almost as well as I could read Bosco's, which was beyond noteworthy. (Not Bosco's expression, but my ability to read it.)

Anyway, Lieu's appearance was staid and he looked as still as could be. It was his trademark look of anger – his jaw was set, teeth clenched. It was really only humorous to us veterans. It scared rookies stiff.

Intrigued, I listened as he spoke once more. You could almost here his jaw creaking as he shifted his mouth open.

"Bosco," he croaked. "You have anything to say about this?"

Looking appalled at the accusation, he shook his head and started to speak, but I quickly cut him off, too overcome by my own defensive anger.

"Wha—what?" I exclaimed, leaning forward in my chair and letting out a bitter, incredulous laugh. Things were just getting better and better. "Why would Bosco have anything to do with Cruz being arrested, boss?"

"Why don't we let Bosco speak for himself, Faith," Lieu said, his words slow and calculated. He was obviously annoyed, but I didn't care. I was tired of people linking Bosco to Cruz and vice versa. Bosco had been done with her two years ago, yet everyone seemed to still think he was still somehow entangled in all of her disasters.

I had more to say about the matter, but for Lieu's heart's sake, I kept my mouth shut and just nodded. His face was stress-ridden and I could tell he didn't need my two cents. Not today, anyway.

Bosco was still silent, his mouth slightly agape. It was the very first time I actually had trouble deciphering it. I couldn't tell if he was still angry that Lieu was playing Bosco-Cruz-Dominos, or if he was worried everyone was getting closer to the truth.

Normally, I'd find some way to will the right words out of his mouth. But at that moment I really had no idea what he was supposed to say. I just couldn't ignore the knowing look in Lieu's eyes as he and Bosco locked gazes.

There was obviously more to the situation than I could see.

-------------------------------------------------------- //

I sat frozen, my hands folded in my lap and fidgeting occasionally. What was going on? How was I supposed to answer this? Lieu knew what had happened, he knew what I'd done. So what was this, some veneer? Some façade to throw everyone off?

I was completely torn, and any attempt by Faith to get me out of this one had been overruled. I eyed Lieu intensely, keeping my cold stare on him and hinting questionably. He either didn't catch the clue, or he ignored it. Either way, he stood, still looking at me expectantly.

Finally, I shrugged. "I dunno what the fuck she did, boss, but I didn't have anything to do with it. Remember I told you, I don't wanna get involved in any of her shit?"

I heard Faith mutter "Amen" as we waited for Swersky to answer.

He paused for a second, before taking and breath, telling everyone to be safe and then ushering them all out the door.

"Bosco? Faith? Stay."

We looked at each other intently and obediently stayed put, watching our fellow officers as they stood up and left. Sully and Ty wandered out last, shooting us both concerned, sympathetic expressions. I turned to Faith again, just as she was turning her own head away to avoid their solemn miens. I swear I could see a small tear glistening in the corner of her eye, as if the pitiful gaze they'd given her had reminded her of what had happened.

What the hell was she doing back so soon? And in uniform no less?

Before I could begin to interrogate, Lieu stepped toward us. "Sorry, Bosco."

I glanced up at him and shook my head. "What the hell, Lieu?"

He sighed. "Bosco, nearly the whole third shift knows Walker. They also know how tight you and Cruz used to be, the shit you two got into, and that you always seem to be tied together when something goes wrong. If you think they overlook that, you're very wrong. Very. I played stupid, for you. But I won't do it again."

I shook my head while processing his words. "You think it doesn't raise a red flag to pick me out? You think they overlook that?"

"Yeah, actually," he said, nodding. He raised a finger and pointed it at me. "A helluva lot more than they would me saying nothing. No suspicion? That would raise red flags, Bosco."

Again I shook my head. Never in my entire career did I think I'd come face to face with Lieu, who had found some way – even after all the shit I'd put him through – to find some justification in what I had done.

"Look Bosco," he continued, backing toward the door. "We both know why you did what you did. I get it." He nodded his head toward Faith, who had her face buried in her hands, her blonde hair falling limply around her shoulders. "And I'm sure it was worth it. But it's done. Now, something's gonna happen, Bosco. And you're gonna answer to it. This thing with Cruz, it's not gonna work. It's gonna fall through, and you're gonna have to answer to it."

"Then I will, boss," I declared, keeping my eyes on Faith. She didn't look up. "It's worth it."

"Fine." He replied, shrugging. With that, he reached the door and exited, letting it whisk shut in his wake.

The moment he was gone, Faith lifted her head, revealing the tears she had kept concealed during his presence. With one finger, she wiped them away from under her eye, sniffling slightly. Guilt washed over me, like had done every previous day after the incident. I felt responsible for what had happened to her; although everyone had made it clear it was in no way, shape or form my fault. Still, I couldn't help but feel I should've been with her – protected her.

I wanted to take her in arms and reassure her, but my anger got the best of me, as it often did. The whole situation wasn't making sense. I wanted answers.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, my commiserative gaze turning to a cold, blank stare. "And in your uniform? What the hell, Faith?"

"What?" she looked up at me, her eyes wide.

"You heard me," I said, softening my tone a bit. "It's only been a few days, Faith. You're not ready to come back."

She shook her head. "Lieu said he was short uniforms, so he's putting me on the street for a few days. Plus I figure it'll be better for me to be out there, you know? Doing something. Detective… its 70 percent paperwork…I need to…be doing something."

I realized the logic in her finding something take her mind off the whole ordeal, but wasn't there something besides work? She had hardly recovered; I could still see the pain in her eyes, and the fear. It was an unspeakable magnitude. She just wasn't stable. A shift was out of the question.

"Go home." I stated quietly, my teeth gritted. "You're not working today."

"What?" she asked, her voice high. She sounded surprised at my order, but not entirely defensive. Yet.

"I said to go home."

"No." she stated, crossing her arms. I knew it would only take me repeating my command once before she refused to abide. I wasn't shocked. In fact, I'd of called the medics if she had up and obliged right away. That just wasn't her.

"Faith, I said to go home," I instructed again, raising my voice. "I wasn't asking you!"

"Bosco, you can't make me leave. I'm working today. And I'll be fine." She said her words slowly, as if trying her best to make them sound confident, but her sentence crackled with despair.

I stood up and knelt in front of her, watching as she completely lost composure. "Look," I said quietly, smiling as best I could. "Just go back to my place. Fred has the kids 'til next weekend, right?"

She nodded, squinting her eyes in a futile attempt to hold back escaping tears.

"Okay, so go back to my place," I repeated gently. "That way you won't be alone tonight. And you can call me whenever you need to. I'll have my cell on. Okay?"

I placed two fingers on her chin, raising her head so her eyes met mine. "Okay?"

She shook her head quickly. "Will you come with me? Take today off?"

I hesitated for a second before nodding. "Yeah," I smiled. "Yeah, I'll come."

We emerged from the locker room once more, and I walked toward Lieu's desk. He looked up at us, a confounded expression becoming his features when he saw us in plain clothes.

"I'm takin' today off, boss," I told him matter-of-factly, my voice not wavering in the least.

"Bosco," he told me, in his usual tone of warning. "That's not gonna look good when they come back for Cruz tonight. You know it."

"No it won't."

"Bosco?"

"They're lookin' for Cruz, boss, not me, right?"

"But Bosco—"

"Look," I declared, swiping a hand through the air. "They need to talk to me, then they know where to find me."

"I would seriously reconsider this, Bosco," Lieu continued. He stepped as far as he could to the corner of his desk, holding a stack of papers haphazardly in his hands. I was already almost to the door, Faith not far behind. "If Cruz…."

"Screw her!" I shouted, before yanking the door open for Faith and following her out.

We made our way across the parking lot to my Mustang in complete silence. Her head was down and she slid into the passenger seat still without saying a word. She was clutching a sweater in one hand, and the blood had drained from her knuckles as she gripped it nervously, making them a strained white. Her jaw was set and she looked angry.

"Okay, what?!" I barked, slipping the key into the ignition and turning the engine over. There was no denying she had something to say about me and Lieu. But probably just about me.

"What?" she asked quietly, lifting her head so our eyes met. "What are you talking about?"

"You," I shouted, flailing my hands. "You want to say something, Faith. I can see it on your face. So go ahead and say it. Tell me how I didn't handle things right in there! Go for it, I'm listening. I'm used to being corrected!"

She shook her head slowly and let out a bitter laugh. "Okay, Bosco," she said, forming her words slowly. She kept her eyes locked on mine. "You do this whenever there's hell, you go off on everyone and anyone, but most of all the people who are trying to help you! You don't listen to what they say, you don't take their advice, you just tell everyone to screw themselves, and then you walk away from the problem!"

She looked at me expectantly, as if waiting for me to say something in my favor. When I simply stared back blankly, she sucked in a breath and continued. "You think—you think it'll solve itself, but it won't, Bosco, it won't! Problems don't just go away because you ignore them. It doesn't work that way!"

"So what do you want me to do, Faith," I inquired finally. I could feel my temper flaring at her accusation. What was I supposed to have done? Nothing, it seemed, was ever good enough. "You want me to take Lieu's advice? Fine. Then I'll stay the shift through, and when they come back for Cruz, I'll walk right by and give her the opportunity to say 'Hey, there's the real killer, and by the way, I have the murder weapon with his prints on it!'."

I paused, watching as she lowered her head, and tried to gauge her reaction. She said nothing. "Is that what you want, Faith? Is that what you want me to do?" I softened my voice, seeing how she'd turned away at my tone. "I thought you wanted me to come with you."

She shook her head slowly. "I-I," she stammered. "I do. I mean, I don't wanna be alone, Boz, but…"

"But what?" I prompted.

God. This sucks, I thought. Everything sucks. Every good thing in my life…ruined, preyed on…killed. Mikey…I'd never been able to trust him. Rely on him. Or take his word. And he died, knowing that. Scratch that. Murdered. Thinking he was a screw up. But it was me – I was the real screw up. I'd seen so much shit in my life, I didn't have the good will or the faith to think anyone could change. And Faith? I'd kept her from death that night at Mercy, but I couldn't keep some…some….fucking rapist away from her. I could dive before the bullets, but I couldn't – I couldn't stop him in time. I couldn't keep Walker away from her. I couldn't keep one of our own from hurting her.

I was powerless.

I'd killed him, but I still felt powerless. Perhaps, even more powerless than before.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ //

Ivrolled down my window, letting the cool, yet thick air whisk by my gaunt face. I tapped the door lightly with her fingers, silently wishing for some tune to hum along to. Torpidly, I stared straight ahead.

"I want you to swing by 82nd after we go 10-63," I ordered my partner, who was perched handsomely behind the wheel. "Need to talk to Yokas."

Manny furrowed his brow at my words. I knew what he was thinking - Yokas and I were a hair short of mortal enemies, but I wanted to stop and talk to her? Confounded, he opened his mouth to speak.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Sarge," he told me, his voice full of concern. "An' Bosco's place is on 82nd, isn't it?"

I shifted my head a bit, but hardly into an acknowledgeable nod. I was still peering half-way out the open window, watching the New York blacktop flash by. "She's been staying at Bosco's place since…..since…"

Manny nodded quickly. "Word travels fast, Sarge."

I shrugged .

"But like I said," he continued. "Doesn't sound like a good idea to me. You two aren't really friends, now, so-"

"I didn't ask for your opinion, Manny," I warned, taking my eyes off the outside to meet his gaze with my trademark steely glare. "We get some food, then you bring me to Bosco's. He's at work, so I won't get into anything with him. It's just Yokas that I need to talk to. If you want nothing to do with it, drive your ass back to the House and I'll get my own damn car. Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Manny abided, sighing. He probably wasn't sure why he even tried to sway my opinion, as he glanced over at to see if I was still staring him down. But I'd turned my head back toward her window, the wind whipping at my hair. My eyes had no target as I stared straight ahead, deep in thought.

----------------------------------------------------------- //

I sped around the corner of 82nd, navigating my Mustang parallel between several other cars parked outside the complex. Faith hadn't answered me when I'd asked her to elaborate on what she thought I should do. She'd just turned away and said "Nevermind", her voice unsteady and overruled by tears. I had torn away from the parking lot, silent the whole way home. If there was anything else she had to say, I figured she'd say it soon enough.

After killing the engine, I yanked the parking brake up as far as it would go. It was just a protective precaution I took with my baby, not as if she was on a hill or anything. Just some sort of habit I'd developed. I stared over at Faith, who was already escaping from her seatbelt and gripping the handle of the door. Her eyes glistened from the slickness of tears that had, up until now, been present.

Sighing, she finally spoke. Her voice was still weak. "If you don't beat this, Bosco," she started, barely able to finish. "I mean...I knew about it. I basically..."

"Faith," I said incredulously. "Half the fucking department knows. Sully…Ty…. Hell, Lieu knows for God's sake!"

"No," she interrupted, hearing my words but not listening. "Cruz isn't going to keep her face shut. Since when has she ever?"

"Faith, stop," I ordered, not liking the direction the discussion was taking. I felt that same anger rising inside me again. Lately, I'd found it was almost always there…waiting for words, or some event to bring it to the surface. "If I go to jail, that's my cross to bear—"

I opened my mouth slowly, trying to think of something else to say. By the time I was able to speak, however, she'd turned and started for the apartment, disappearing inside before long. I quickly pushed open my own door, emerging from the driver's side and briskly walking after her. I noticed a recognizable vehicle out of the corner of my eye as I rounded my car and stepped onto the sidewalk. It was jet black, an older model unmarked Crown Vic, and anti-crime was written all over it.

The car had turned the corner not far from the end of my street and was rolling slowly in my direction, the sun streaking into its windows, and casting a spotlight on the familiar occupants.