Gir: I'm flinging furniture into the basil garden!

avatar: Uh, Gir, that's definitely not basil growing in that garden...I should call the cops... who cares! Gir, say the disclaimer!

Gir: Dance, writer person! (avatar dances badly, and Gir enters Duty Mode) Avatar does not own Invader Zim! He does co-own Kloof, and he owns the R.E.A.P.I.R. (back to 'normal') MELON!

CHAPTER 3

Of R.E.A.P.I.R.s and Reports

Kloof was using his human hologram disguise, making him look like any other Skool-child (except he was a bit tall for someone Dib's age, and his swords were disguised as a funny-looking backpack). "I've got some presents for you. Do you like the first one?"

"What do you mean?" Dib asked. "I haven't seen either one yet."

Kloof smiled. "Look down, Dib."

"I'm casting shadows. So what?" Dib said as he obeyed "Wait a minute… I'm casting 3 shadows. There are only two light sources in the room: my computer monitor, and my desk lamp. What kind of shadow is that?"

"Why, Dib, he's your new lovely assistant."

The shadow began to change shape. Then it rose out of the ground until it was standing straight up.

"This is the SIR unit I stole for you… isn't it?"

"Not anymore." The first thing that was obviously different from most SIR units was that this one was painted black, and it was really black. It made Dib's hair and jacket seem grey in comparison. The SIR unit's head was different, too: The antenna was on the left side instead of centered, and instead of a flat top, the head curved into backward-facing spikes. It also had shoulder armor with short spikes. It was a bit taller than most SIR units. Finally, it opened its eyes, and it lit up a bit. The eyes were lime green, and two matching green lines led downward diagonally from the eyes, crossing where the mouth would be. The chest also lit up green with an emblem: a capital 'R' – for Resisty – above a pair of crossed swords below. Together, they formed Kloof's insignia. The modified 'bot bowed politely to Dib.

"Meet the Resisty Engineered Armed Prototype Information Retrieval Unit," Kloof said proudly, "or R.E.A.P.I.R. Unit for short. This is the first of a whole line for Resisty soldiers to use against the Irken military. It can fight quite well in the open, but its camouflage makes it best for spying and psychological warfare. YOU can borrow it until Zim and his new Pak upgrade have been stopped. The other surprise is on the roof."

Dib followed Kloof back onto the roof. "Wow! You repaired Tak's ship for me!"

"Even better. I got a newer version of the ship Tak's is based on, and I had it modified in the same ways Tak modified hers. It should be even better than Tak's was."

"Sweeeeeeeeeeet!" Dib noticed that Reapir followed them. "So you said 'psychological warfare". Do you think scare tactics will work on Zim?"

"Absolutely. 'Let them see what isn't there and feel what doesn't touch them. When they no longer trust their senses, that is the time to strike'," Kloof quoted.

"Where'd you learn that?" Dib asked, curious.

"Irken invader training." Kloof began laughing maniacally. Dib felt uncomfortable.

Zim let go of the weight-training machine. Power #1 had just activated, but it was merely an upper-body strength increase. It didn't actually allow him to do anything insane like Power #12, so it bored him. Still, 3,710 times his own weight was pretty impressive. "Computer!"

"What is it now, Zim?"

"Establish video contact with my Tallest! I wish to share the OW!... mostly positive results with them." His Pak was still causing periodic electric shocks and occasionally restarting with no warning, which worried him a bit. However, Zim believed his leaders would never give him a harmful product for field-testing, so he was mostly still ecstatic about the honor of being the first to have his Pak upgraded.

After being on hold for nearly two hours (during which time he barely blinked), he finally contacted the Almighty Tallest. "Zim?" Red asked. "This time, we actually have things to do. Sooo, make it quick. 'Kay?"

"Yes, my Tallest. The Pak 2.0 is giving me powers I've never dreamed of! I can surely crush the PATHETIC humans single-handedly with this! I'm only worried that…"

"Worried with what?" Purple asked through his toaster pastry.

"I'm worried it might kill me before I'm finished with Earth. Something's wrong, my Pak… my Tallest, it shocks me often and painfully. And sometimes it crashes totally. So far, it restarts immediately, but I'm worried it might NOT one day soon." Zim screamed as another jolt of electricity lit up his body like a Christmas tree, and he fell to his knees. Red doubled over in silent laughter. "It is okay, my Tallest," Zim continued, climbing back to his feet. "You do not need to FEEL my PAIN. I will go now."

"Uh, okay, Zim. Don't worry about dying, and stuff. We'll handle it," Purple said as he ended the transmission. "Like hell we will." They laughed and ordered more toaster pastries. Another 'INCOMIING TRANSMISSION' signal interrupted their snack-based glory.

"Let it through," Red said resignedly.

A familiar, female Irken face appeared on screen. Her purple eyes were narrowed; she seemed to have been thinking of something she hated, heart and soul. "My TALLEST!" she shouted. "I wanted to tell you that I'm going to destroy Earth. My personal investigation shows that that betrayer Kloof is there, and he must be destroyed! Zim will also be destroyed, but I'm sure you'll agree it's for the good of the Irken Empire. Tak, signing off."

"Actually, Zim is doing something useful for us for the first-" but it was too late, she was gone. "…Time… ever," Purple finished, rather unused to Irkens who didn't listen to his every word.

"Tak would be our best Invader," Red began quietly, "…if she would EVER LISTEN!"

END OF CHAPTER

Blowing up the Earth? We can't have that, now, can we? If you weren't hooked yet, I bet this chapter pushed you over the edge, didn't it? Find out what happens in the next exciting chapter! YAY!