Chapter Twelve

Everyone immediately made the transfer from "sympathetic friend" to "business-like warfare leaders", with me still sitting there incredulously, thinking, Hello? What just happened there?

Did I really use to be like this? My emotions so easily stifled for business? I mean, it's efficient, sure, but also so…mechanic.

Someone in the rush of things accidentally bumped my shoulder. How did they do that? How did I do that?

I sighed and got up slowly. Everyone else already took out their wands and was bustling around the room, going over plans, preparing Harry.

I walked slowly over to the edge of the tree, where I could still see the surroundings. I looked over the trees at the darkening sky. The animals of the wood had all cleared out, knowing. Somehow knowing. I closed my eyes, thinking of the coming disaster, as the wizards and witches' noises behind me faded to a buzz.

A hand clapped me firmly on the shoulder.

"It's time, Hermione," said Ron grimly.

I didn't look back at him, but replied quietly; all the while, with one thing on my mind.

Draco.

Barely three hours back, and I'm already moving out in the front line. Right beside Harry and Ron. I used to reflexively say that it was right where I belonged. Now I felt out of place and unbalanced.

Some things just felt really wrong here.

"Hermione, perk up! Be wary of your surroundings!" Harry chided, snapping me out of my reverie.

I realized that I was just looking at the floor as I walked mindlessly. I blinked and mumbled, "Sorry."

He glanced at me as we moved through the wood quietly. "What's happened to you these past months, 'Mione?"

I didn't respond. By then, we had reached the clearing, where Voldemort and his front line were already in place. The Death Eaters were all wearing masks before, but here, at this moment, they were held in their hands. The other hands held wands.

At the sight of us coming out of the forest, all of them raised their wands and dropped their masks to the ground. But their faces were still emotionless. Giving nothing away. Like they were still wearing it.

I looked around Harry at the Light side's fighters. Disturbingly, I saw the same expressions.

I raised my wand. Only to realize, of course, that everyone had already done just that. And in unison, no less. God, I was so out of it.

Harry stepped forward, mirroring Voldemort's actions.

"We meet again, Harry," said Voldemort's raspy voice.

"Can't say it's a pleasure, Tom." Harry stepped up only a bit closer.

Voldemort laughed coarsely. "Oh, Harry, Harry, Harry. The chase has been exciting these few years. Playing cat and mouse."

"Exchanging roles at various times."

His face became serious and his eyes narrowed. "But you're not a child anymore. Oh, no."

He brandished his wand casually. His tone became eerily soft. "I've watched you grow over the years, Harry Potter. I'd say I've felt like almost a…father figure?"

"So that's the real reason you killed my parents then?" asked Harry in the same tone. "So you can be my new father figure? Well, I'm not sure if you know this, but not too many dads try to off their son every chance they get."

"For over twenty- three years now, my life, both our lives, has been…compromised, shall we call it?"

"Cut the crap, Riddle. I'm getting tired of your endless drabble. Your scum followers might endure it, but it doesn't mean I will. Let's end this now. It's you or me this time."

"After you, Potter."

At that, everyone rushed forward. And I mean everyone. They were all rushing past me.

"Oh, fuck," I swore under my breath. "Gotta pick it up again, Hermione."

As I gained on my line, spells were already shooting back and forth. I had to duck and dodge a few before I could even get myself next to Harry and Ron.

"Hermione!" they both said, relieved at my showing up.

I smiled weakly back. However, as I did, a Death Eater shot a spell at me, to which I responded with an undignified shriek and covered my head with my arms. Fortunately, Ron blasted it back.

"Hermione!" he yelled angrily over the noise.

I didn't even have time to shrug my shoulders before another spell was sent to me, hurling me to the floor.

"Hermione!" called out Harry. "You alright!"

That one hurt. Thankfully, it wasn't lethal, but I began coughing up clots of blood. I spit it out to my side. I wiped my mouth as I pulled myself up. But then, another jet of blue light shot me at the side of my face, pushing me down again.

"Hermione"! gasped Ginny, who was nearby and fighting off another.

Once more, I got on my knees, trying to build up the morale to get up. I touched my cheek tenderly. I felt a wand pressed at the back of my head.

"Avada-"

Panic. I immediately whipped around and punched whoever it was right in the private parts.

The Death Eater dropped his wand and clutched himself as he dropped to his knees right in front of me. I clapped my hands to my mouth. What the heck!

"Hermione! Watch out!"

I only turned around halfway when a thick rope of orange light hit me in the chest. Immediately, I thudded to the ground, writhing in pain. I began screaming. This wasn't the Cruciatus Curse, but a new type of torture spell. It felt like there were butcher knives cutting me from the inside. Tiny fire ants seemed to be munching on my organs; claws were scratching at my flesh, making it feel raw and skinless.

Utter agony.

When it finally stopped, I lied there on the dirt, shuddering. My mind was numb; my whole being was numb. I cracked open my eyes. There was moisture on my face. The tears were not only from the agony of the spell, but from something else too.

I was failing.

I was failing myself. I was failing Harry and Ron, already, just when I came back to them. After my last failure toward them. I was failing the Light Side, which included everyone important to me, everyone whose opinion I respected, everyone who used to respect me. Failure, failure…failure.

"Hermione, oh my God...are you alright? Here, let me help you up. Hermione?" Ginny knelt next to me.

My unharmed cheek against the dirt, I shook my head. I didn't take the arm offered to me. I swallowed. I tried to talk, but no sound came out.

"What is it?" she asked sensitively as she lowered her head to hear.

I lifted up my arm to push myself up with the support of the elbow. I was shaky, but I did it.

"I-"

A spell came at us, but Ginny shielded us effortlessly. She patiently waited for me to continue.

"I can't-"

Again, I was interrupted. Ron and Harry stopped next to me.

"What are you doing out there, Hermione!" Ron asked desperately. "You look completely clueless!"

"Ron's right," Harry agreed, looking at me. "What happened to you?"

"You guys! Get a grip! This is what drove her away in the first place," Ginny defended me.

"Well, have you seen her dueling? She punched that guy in the dick!"

"I think that was right smart of her to do so! That bastard had it coming!"

"No one's arguing with that, darling, but-"

"Harry Potter, you did not just call me darling! You and I-"

"You guys!"

Finally I spoke up, which stabbed at my still sore throat. I dropped to a whisper. "I just…I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

I stood up quickly, and before anyone could react, I apparated to the place my instinct first came to.

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I reappeared in Lisa's bedroom, and I immediately collapsed onto the bed. Oh, Merlin, what did I just do? I ran out on everyone again!

And what the hell happened to me! I used to be the cream of the crop! The front line, and the front line only consisted of the absolute best.

I was so distracted the whole entire time. Unbelievable. I clapped my hands to my face.

Oh, disgusting. I wiped some of the blood and dirt off my face before getting to my feet. I was still weak from that curse.

"Hermione!" Lisa gasped as she entered the room. "Oh my God, where did you go tonight! Everyone was waiting for you to sing, and you just vanished! And then Drake- HOLY FUCK, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!"

I must have been a sight. Bloody, bruised, dirty, scratched, and tearstained. I didn't know how to sum up what happened, so I just sighed. What I really needed was to forget about this whole ordeal. I just wasn't cut out for these rapid changes, nor for the old life that I left behind.

"Lisa, it's a horribly long and excruciating story, and I really don't feel up to it tonight. What I really want is a shower and a drink."

"No, wait, Mia! Drake is out looking for you!"

I stopped in my tracks. "What?"

"Yeah, about ten minutes after you left, Drake told us that he was going to go find you, but first had to see an old friend. Which totally didn't make sense at all, because how would that even- hey, where are you going?"