We walked back to the school in silence. I could tell Darien was deep in thought over Beryl, Jarod no doubt was still stewing over my date with Raye, and the rest of the guys were simply smart enough to keep their mouths shut. I sighed, knowing I had to fix this rift before one of my closest friends stopped talking to me all together.
There was an uncomfortable quiet when Jarod and I got back to our room. He busied himself with picking up the mess of clothes he had left behind, while I stood in the middle of the room and stared at him expectantly. Finally, when he could take no more, he turned around and frowned at me.
"What?" He snarled.
"You're mad at me," I stated flatly.
"I am not. Why would I be?"
I raised my eyebrows. "You like Raye, don't you?" I asked, skipping right to the point.
"What?" He exclaimed, totally surprised. "I do not!"
"Then why are you so pissed at me?" I wondered.
He sighed, completely frustrated. "I already told you, I'm not mad at you!" He insisted.
I rolled my eyes. This was going nowhere! "Look," I began, "I don't like her, okay? She was just doing me a favour… You know, trying to make me feel more comfortable in a place I've never been before? I mean, that's what you did, right?"
He scoffed, running a hand through his blonde hair. "Yeah, you really needed my help!" He said sarcastically.
"Look, I already told you, I don't like her!" I growled. "But I want to help you out, because it's totally obvious you do!"
"I do not!" He insisted, but I saw the blush creep into his cheeks before he turned away. I smiled.
"Look, don't play stupid with me. Do you want my help or not? I'm really good at this sort of thing, and trust me, she only asked me to go as a friend," I persisted.
He stared at me mistrustfully. "Yeah, right. Raye would never go out with me…"
"So you do like her!" I exclaimed, laughing.
He shrugged, completely embarrassed. "Sure I like her. She's sweet, funny, and beautiful. And she'll never go for me…" He sighed. "Look, I'm sorry I got jealous, but I haven't been able to get her attention for three years." He looked away. "I guess it hurt to see that you had gotten it in three hours. Hell, you even did it in a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt!"
I smiled at him. "You know, it has nothing to do with clothes. You treat her like a friend, so that's how she sees you. You're a good-looking guy, and you are really funny, but you have to let her know how you feel."
He shook his head. "Naw, I can't do that."
I sighed heavily and raised my fingers to my temples. "Look, I'm not talking about a huge profession of love! I just want you to flirt with her a little bit, tell her she looks beautiful every once in a while, treat her like a lady instead of a friend."
"But I thought that's what girls wanted, a friend."
"They do," I quickly reassured him. "But they also want a guy who's going to desire them more than a friend. You're not giving Raye the feeling that you're interested because you're acting like her buddy. How is she supposed to know how you feel if you never compliment her and do armpit farts in her presence?"
He blushed. "I guess I never looked at it that way."
I smiled. "Well, why do you think I want to help you? I mean, that's what friends are for, right?"
Jarod chuckled softly. "Yeah, I guess."
"Look, I know it seems hard to do, but you can consider me as your model. I'll show you how it's done, and along the way I'll drop her lots of hints," I promised solemnly.
"You'd really do that for me?"
I laughed. "Of course I would! You're the first friend I made here, and you're my roommate. The last thing I need to do is piss you off!"
He laughed too, and shook his head. "You really think you can do this?"
I grinned wickedly. "Trust me."
Jarod fell asleep quickly, but unconsciousness eluded me. I couldn't get the image of Darien and Beryl out of my head! How could I possibly compete with her? She was gorgeous, sophisticated, and most importantly, he knew she was a girl… I sighed. When I started this thing, I didn't even consider the possibility of him being in love with someone else. I was beginning to wonder what I was still doing here.
Knowing I wasn't going to get any sleep with all this on my mind, I got up and left the room. The hallway was dark, but I started down it anyway, determined to at least walk out my confused emotions. Suddenly, I collided with a hard body and nearly fell to the floor, when two strong arms lashed out of the blackness and encircled my waist. My rescuer pulled me up, gasping harshly.
"Are you okay?" He asked, releasing me from his tight grip. "I didn't see you there."
"Darien? Is that you?" I asked the shadow in front of me.
"Ren? You scared the crap out of me!" He chuckled softly. "Can't sleep?"
I shook my head. "No, I've got a lot on my mind."
The shadow in front of me nodded. "Me too." He paused, as if wondering if he should say something, then pressed on. "Listen, I was just heading up to the roof to do some thinking. You want to come with me?"
I hesitated. I had a feeling he wanted to discuss Beryl, and I didn't know if I could take him praising her at the moment. Still, from the sound of his voice I could tell he needed to talk.
"Sure," I finally answered.
"Thanks," he breathed. "I really need to talk to someone right now." He turned around and I saw him motion for me to follow. "The stairs are over here, be quiet though, I don't want to wake anyone."
"Okay," I whispered, staying right on his heels.
Darien led me to a large oak door at the end of the hall. After fumbling through his pockets, he produced a key that gleamed silver from the moonlight shining through the window next to us. He unlocked the door quickly and winced as it squeaked open. Pulling a finger to his lips, he signalled me to be quiet, and we headed through the door and up the stairs behind it. A moment later we reached a dusty attic that was dimly lit by soft light streaming through the windows. Darien moved towards the centre of the room, and with practised ease, lifted his arm and pushed at a small door in the roof. Suddenly, his features were illuminated with moonlight, and my breath caught. He looked beautiful, and so ethereal… He was like a dream.
"Are you coming?" he whispered, and I snapped out of it.
"Yeah," I murmured, trying to quiet my pounding heart.
"I'll need to give you a boost," he said softly, as I reached his side.
He cupped his hands and motioned for me to step into them. I did, and he gently lifted me up, pushing me through the opening above. I braced myself on the wood around me and pulled myself the rest of the way. As soon as I had cleared the trap door, Darien leapt from the floor below and caught himself the sides of the opening. With catlike grace his pulled himself the rest of the way and joined me on the rooftop. We sat for a moment in silence, staring at the night sky stretching endlessly above us, and then Darien closed the trap door. He turned and smiled at me.
"Great place, huh?"
I laid back until my shoulders touched the rough wood underneath me. I raised my eyes to the glowing, gentle white of the moon surrounded by a pale ring of light. "It's beautiful," I whispered.
Darien followed my eyes and smiled. "It is," he agreed. "I come up here a lot to think, especially at night. I don't usually sleep very well, and this puts me at peace."
We were silent again, taking in the soft quiet of the night, but Darien finally broke it.
"So what did you think of Beryl?"
I looked away, suddenly wishing I hadn't agreed to come up here. "I don't know," I answered softly. "I didn't really get a chance to talk to her. She seems to think a lot of you though…" I said bitterly.
He smiled grimly. "I guess." He sighed. "I never know what she's thinking anymore. Every year it's a different: a different situation, a different person, or a different guy"
"Why do you stay with her?" I asked.
"Don't ask me. My friends hate her, my sister hates her; everyone's always telling me to forget about her…" He trailed off, and looked me right in the eye. "It's like she's got some sort of spell on me whenever I'm around her. She's usually my world until she's out of sight, but something changed at the bonfire."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't know… I guess tonight was the first time I saw her for what she really was. I mean, she's beautiful and all, but that's really all she is." He exhaled slowly, and cast his eyes downward. "My eyes were suddenly opened, and I realized I didn't want her anymore. I finally understood the girl I loved was gone, and she wasn't going to come back."
I stared at him, knowing he was telling me the truth, and I struggled to keep myself from smiling.
"Really?" I whispered hopefully. "Yeah," He murmured, raising his eyes to mine. "And you know something?"
"What?"
"You had something to do with it." He paused, searching for the right words. "I remember watching you talk to Raye, seeing your eyes, and suddenly realizing Beryl wasn't what I wanted anymore. Pretty crazy, huh?" He asked.
"Yeah," I murmured. "Crazy."
"I dunno, I guess I'm glad I ran into you downstairs. You were the one I really wanted to talk to. I don't know, I almost want to thank you or something." He laughed gently, and I smiled back.
"Thanks for showing me this place," I said.
He grinned. "It's the best view on campus!"
"Yeah," I whispered, and laid back again.
The air was a little chilly, and a gentle wind suddenly blew over me, making my skin break out in gooseflesh. I shivered a little, and sat up only to notice clouds approaching in the distance.
"Looks like it's going to rain tomorrow," I said softly.
"How do you know? Those could be just clouds," Darien pointed out.
I glanced at the soft white ring around the moon. "There's a fairy-ring tonight. Trust me, it'll rain tomorrow."
He sat up and smiled at me, but then his expression turned strange. I frowned.
"What? What is it?" I wondered.
He shook his head, and looked away. "Nothing, you just looked different for a second there."
My eyes widened and my heart skipped a beat. "What do you mean?"
"It's nothing," he said dismissively. "It must have been the shadows, that's all."
"Oh," I said with relief. "I must have looked pretty scary, huh?"
"Naw," he said, chuckling a little. "Actually, you kind of looked like a girl."
I felt my stomach drop into my knees, and tried to keep my breathing normal. What do I say to that? What do I do?
Finally, I laughed. "Okay… Very funny!" I said sarcastically, hoping to keep the fear from my voice.
Darien laughed too. "Hey, I said it was the shadows!"
The wind suddenly picked up again, and our awkward moment was broken as we both gasped and started shivering. "We better go back inside," I suggested, my teeth chattering.
"Yeah, I'm tired anyway." He lifted the latch of the trapdoor, but before slipping through, he looked back at me. "Thanks for coming up here with me, Ren."
I smiled. "Anytime."
He grinned back and lowered himself into the darkness below. While I waited for him to hit the ground, I breathed a sigh of relief. My cover had nearly been blown, but the night had ended pretty well… Jarod wasn't mad at me, Darien was over Beryl, and for a brief moment, he had even seen me as a girl. It seemed as if all hope wasn't lost, but I knew I was going to have a rough couple of weeks ahead of me.
The next two weeks went by very quickly, but they were probably the most stressful of my entire life. Haruna had given us a massive research assignment due the Friday before the dance, and even laid-back Mr. Bowman joined in on the homework trend. I had reluctantly started his paper on The Catcher in the Rye first, but Haruna's assignment kept drawing me away from it. Defining women's sexuality throughout the ages was a fascinating assignment, and consequently took up a lot of my writing time.
In between all of this, I was getting fitted for a tux--a horrifying ordeal if you're trying to hide your sexuality--as well as planning the details for the dance. It was sort of fun… Raye called me everyday, I was getting to have a little "girl time," and I was dropping her hints about Jarod while I was at it.
I had started with the first weekend. Most of the time had been spent pointing out Jarod's clothes, or telling her nice things he had said about her, or mentioning several times how he was a handsome, single guy in search of a nice girl. Strangely enough, however, she didn't seem to be picking up on them… My attempts at pointing out his blossoming style had produced less reaction than I had originally hoped. I figured I was being too subtle, and had tried the more obvious approach that he was an awesome guy in search of a great girl…
This, however, had only given her the idea that she should set him up with a friend. It was a little bit frustrating, but I figured she just had self-esteem issues, or she still saw him as only a friend. All I needed was a little more time, and a bit more persuasion. Too bad it was getting harder to explain that to Jarod. He was beginning to think Raye was getting feelings for the wrong guy--which was completely ridiculous!
On top of all this, I found out Darien wasn't going to be there. Wanting to be true to what he had told me on the roof that night, he had called Beryl the next day and cancelled their date for the dance. I should have been thrilled, but I was a little sad. I wanted to see him dressed up, but at the same time, I couldn't look a gift horse in the mouth.
All this stuff was fun, but pretty taxing, so the Thursday before the dance found me completely exhausted. I had finished Haruna's assignment, but had barely started Bowman's. I was going to have to pull my third all-nighter in a row, and I definitely wasn't looking forward to it.
"Hey Ren, there's someone on the phone for you!" Nate called from the other end of the room. "I think it's Raye!"
I raised my head reluctantly and nodded. "Coming," I muttered drowsily.
"Hurry up, man!" Jarod called from the other end of the hall, his face tightly controlled. "Molly's supposed to call me soon to let me know what I'm supposed to wear."
I frowned, immediately bristling at his attitude. He was going to the dance with his friend Molly, but he didn't seem too excited about it. Lately he had been really mistrustful, and it was getting really old. Raye was my date to the dance, but I was also in the process of wooing her in his name. He could at least seem grateful! I shook my head, determined to ignore his grim expression, and picked up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Ren! It's Raye," came a cheery voice from the other end.
"Hey, what's up?" I yawned.
"Not much, I just wanted to see how you were, and how your tux was coming along."
"I was fitted yesterday," I answered, shuddering at the memory of the tailor's pushy fingers. "I got the red vest you wanted."
"Awesome!" She exclaimed, and I had to smile. I may have been tired, but I was pretty excited too. "I bet it'll match perfectly with my dress!"
"What does it look like?" I asked curiously.
"Oh no," she warned. "I'm not going to tell you anything about it, except that it's red. It's really pretty though. I had to special order it to make sure nobody bought the same one!" She giggled.
"I'm sure you'll look beautiful," I assured her, grinning to myself. "You look great no matter what you wear."
"Thanks, Ren…" she whispered softly. "That really means a lot to me."
My face heated up quickly and I realized my mistake. Compliments from a girl were usually strictly platonic, but Raye thought I was a boy, and what I just said could mean a multitude of things. Oh God!
"Ren? Ren, are you there?" She asked, and I snapped out of it.
"H-Hey, I really have to go," I sputtered. "I have this huge project to do, and--"
"It's okay!" She interrupted. "I actually have to go to, but I'll see you tomorrow. I…I'm really looking forward to it," she said shyly.
I closed my eyes tightly, and grimaced. "Yeah, me too."
"I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Wouldn't miss it!" I said nervously.
"Okay," she laughed. "Bye!"
"Bye."
I hung up the phone feeling a little queasy. If I didn't know any better, I would say Raye had a crush on me! Maybe Jarod was right… She had sounded so strange on the phone… No! I shook my head, and banished those thoughts. We're just friends, I told myself silently. We're going to the dance together, and she likes Jarod.
I gulped. At least, that's what I hoped was going on.
A little short, but I promise more soon!
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